I was putting Kitty in her crib tonight when I realized that I have been wishing all these wishes. I wish my mother could see how much Kitty has grown the past ten months. I wish my mother could adore my lil Kitty when she gives Vel (her teddy bear) hugs and kisses every ten minutes or so, macam kan lama nor tak jumpa. I never had a soft toy when I was a lil girl. I still don’t! Huh, I should get one lah tomorrow. IKEA ada satu bear ni besor for only CAD$19.99. Echeh!
I wish my mother could know how blessed I am to have Kitreena in my life, and blessed have I been to have a good mother. Cik Nan was right, to have a daughter is to reconnect with our Mom…to have a legacy, a warranty of some sort. That, that deep-seated soul has found a home. Hmmm I’m sure my Mom knows. I should just keep counting my blessings, I suppose. God will take care of the rest.
I wish, more than anything though, to go home to my mother. To claim and reclaim her sweet, warm embrace. And to make up for all these years. Years when there were thousands of miles between us. And years when she was too busy taking care of the whole family. It must have been hard. No! I know it was hard. I was there, I saw it all.
Eight children was a houseful. Mind you, we survived living in a tiny house with only one bedroom. Satu bilik, which didn’t even have a door, and five children. Hah, bayangkan lah tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. The room was so tiny that it only fit one queen-size bed and a gobok. The katil had both end-boards rrrrrright to the walls! The only space left was for us to stand in front of the gobok to use the mirror. Sikat rambut, sapu bedak, cabut uban and other hairs applicable. Heee hee.
Then we moved to a bigger house. Two bedrooms. And I remember it was then that Dad bought Mom a washing machine. Semi-automatic. What made it fully automatic was the machine called Mom. Automatically, every morning it ran and we all had clean bajus to wear. (I still moaned and groaned when Mom wouldn’t allow me to put my kasut sekolah in the machine! Oh why me? Why me? Why? Grrrr!)
It wasn’t long before we moved again to the army quarters. Eight months, to be exact. But those eight months ada kisah tersendiri, I tell ya. Kisah cinta lah, apa lagi? My first love, woohoo! Speaking of whom, last night came into my slumber. I wasn’t really thinking about him during the day or anything. Well, it’s not like I have control of who comes into my dreams or who doesn’t, eh?
The army quarters, sambung balik, was even bigger. Three bedrooms. But only two were utilized. I remember moving my single army-style bed to the un-utilized room when I wanted some space for maself. I have always been a semi-introvert, actually. I do need my own quiet corner to recharge. Mom saw that right through me. But it was Dad who would chase me back to the girls’ room, to learn to share. Space then became a luxury for me. Not anymore a necessity.
Could that be why I left, I wonder. To have my own ‘space’, to have some distance between us. To go, to wonder, and to then come home. I’ve never tried to reason my choice to anyone. Not even to maself. I take it as a flow, so I go. Anyway, the bottom line is, I am wishing on a distant star tonight…that Mom is doing well, missing me, and be well kept from the secret that I am coming home soon. I just want to show up at her door and give her my biggest hug ever.
La mia Mama è la mia casa .
Questa è Enida 
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