It is amazing how we keep discovering and rediscovering ourselves as we age.
At 53 I just realized that life is not about what I want and what I need. These days it is actually less about what I need and more about what I don’t need. What is more amazing is that I just learned this from my daughter! That tough cookie of mine sometimes outsmarts me in ways that I least expect.
Mandak FaceTimed me this morning (GMT+8) while having her ME time at an ice-cream joint (GMT-6) one hill and a half away from home. Apparently there was an incident she wanted to tell me about, a situation between her and a supposedly-mature housemate the night before. The housemate was being silly, licking a phone holder with suction cup and throwing it to the TV and tossing it around and what-not. It landed in Mandak’s bowl of tofu she was having for dinner in front of the TV.
She got upset, of course. Air liur tu orang sudah masuk dalam mangkuk dia. Mommy dia yang mendengar cerita pun rasa macam nak hayun jak tu mangkuk! But to cut the story short, the housemate got defensive when Mandak was upset. Dia bilang, oh dia felt sorry for Mandak’s narrow-mindedness, itu pun mau upset. Dia main-main jak, kenapa lah ndak pandai have fun, siiikit-sikit mau marah.
Eh!
But my Mandak did not need the negative and childish statement thrown at her. Coincidentally, her brother and another housemate were around, didn’t know the whole story but playfully pressing it on her that she could not take jokes and teases. She retreated to wash the bowl, and withdrew to her room and then went out bicycling for a few miles.
I felt her. The whole retreat and the decision to withdraw was a statement of, “I don’t need this.” It was such a relief knowing that my Mandak realized it, and made a wise and mature decision to not confront immature acts and words from people around her. Bagus! Memanglah hati masih sakit. But what is more sakit is the mentality of people who think their saliva masuk dalam makanan orang is funny.
People say things whether they mean it (for you to think and consider later) or they are just trying to be mean for the moment. But to either let it get to us, or let it go is solely our choice. It hurts when people judge and label us negatively. Just know this, though; people see things not the way things are. They see things the way they are.
Aren’t we all learning? Just because Mandak did not find it laughable when a licked phone holder landed in her food doesn’t mean she is no fun or she is narrow-minded. Hold our tongue, and if we need to speak, speak well. Speak gently. There’s nothing stronger than a gentle word. And in my case, just because in the past I made some poor decisions does not mean I need to be judged at present or in the future. I am learning my lessons from my mistakes.
And I own my mistakes. All of them.
“Yes, I messed up. Tomorrow it will be another day, next year will be another year. It was my mistake, not yours. You have your own.” Thank you Salma Hayek.
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