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Some Times

When I heard the story about a tardy ruler from someone who had to wait for him, I was skeptical. But when thirty minutes dragged on to three hours, and the same tardiness seemed to be fashionable as it happened in three occasions within just two to three days… my heart bled blue. Oh how I wish the stories were not true.

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For days on end the stories disappointed me. Hearing more stories about the same ruler who is actually well known to have made people wait, somehow hurt the very core of my soul. I don’t understand why, and for some reason I was in denial. So much so that I went looking for the hukum of tardiness. Oh how I wish the rules were above the ruler.

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And then I remember Ustazah Khadijah who used to wait for my whole class to come back from the science lab to attend her Agama period at the end of the afternoon session. I, for one, used to drag my feet to her class until one gloomy late afternoon when she had enough of our tardiness and told us that God would be fair to those who make others wait.

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No matter how well we have served God and how kind we have been to people in this life, there is something about time that many will be denied heaven for, she reminded us. And that is if we are tardy. For punctuality is a promise. A trust. And one who breaks his or her promises of time purposely will be denied the best of the hereafter.

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“Tuhan dah janji dah. Tak tepati masa kat dunia ni, kat akhirat satni hangpa tunggu lah pulak sampai Dia redha kat hangpa baghu buleh masuk syurga. Tak keigha lah hang sapa kat dunia ni, hatta seorang raja.”

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Heart

I simply heart you, love.

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Heard

Which of your hurtful stories have I not heard?
And which of your stories that I heard have I not hurt from?

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I am done listening to people demanding me to be a little less of myself, belittling my stories, denying my past. My root of a rose bush shall never grow into a forest of weeping willows.

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But mark my words. Thank me later.

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Eventually…

I was ready to go for a nap when Captain Ana and I took Monchies out to see ‘Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Road Chip’ at TGV Sunway Putra a couple weeks ago. It is obvious I am not a fan of Alvin, although it was playing on repeat for many many months in my house when the first Alvin movie came out. I almost thought the kids have grown out of Alvin. Boy! I was wrong.

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And then I was wrong about another thing…
That was when I started to tear up hearing a line from Miles, “Dads are overrated. You’ll get over him leaving, eventually.”

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I found myself looking for a reaction from Kitreena. She looked at me, puckered her lips, shrugged her shoulders, smiled, looked away and then continued watching. It was then that my tears started rolling. And it was then that I knew for sure, I was raising a strong little lady.

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Se-Mentara

Kalau nak sangat sedih,
biar sedih betul-betul.
Sedih habis-habis.
Sebab sedih itu,
dalam sakit dan perih-payahnya,
sementara.

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Kalau nak sangat menangis,
biar menangis betul-betul.
Menangis habis-habis.
Sebab menangis itu,
dalam pedih dan bengkak-bengkilnya,
membasuh jiwa.

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Sedih lah. Menangis lah.
Penat sedih, penat menangis nanti, kita berhenti.
Letih sedih, letih menangis nanti, kita berdiri.

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Tak mati.IMG_5194
Ada masa lagi.

 

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*Enida
Mesra Terrace
15 Disember 2015

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This Is All You

Ocean deep...

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I have suspicions
that this is all you.

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And just as you are,
striking to the core of the heart
with merciless sweetness.

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I can no longer fault
the legions of men
who have been brought
to their knees by you.
With a voice such as this
yet harrowing haunting words,
you both sail ships
as well as sink them.

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Thank you for this.
It is beautiful.
I am ever captive.

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*This Is All You

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Go Bag To Basic

Go Bag 1

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This is my handbag. Manja name or code name: GO-BAG. And this is one of the main reasons why I left the Wanita Niaga Group on Facebook someone added me to. I do not use a proper handbag. I have not been using a normal handbag like many other normal women do, for many years now. Yes, I am not normal and I am far from proper. And I don’t care if I am neither normal nor proper. So when many posts on Wanita Niaga Group were of handbags, I got turned off. Not interested.

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Go Bag 2

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This RM145.00 Go-Bag I bought from a craft boutique at Plaza Mont Kiara has served me well for almost 3 years now. The Japanese lady owner of Bulan Craft Boutique told me that this is a product of Cambodia or Vietnam – I can’t remember. Or maybe it is from Myanmar or Thailand, or whatever, really. I don’t care about that either. Just like I don’t care about Coach or LV handbags because not only that those handbags are not my priority… but because they don’t have this kind of practicality.

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You see, I have very little time and a very long to-do list on a daily basis. Looking for something in an expensive handbag does not save any more of my time. So I keep it simple. And I keep it inexpensive. In along with keeping it organized. I actually like the idea of Handy Manny’s tool box. But other than that, I must mention the attention I get ‘wearing’ this Go-Bag wherever I go. I get questions and statements like…

  • “Oh, that is so cute! Is that your handbag?”
  • “Is that a hamster box?”
  • “Is there a snake in there?”
  • “Is that like a tool box or something?”
  • “That’s a great idea. It suits all occasions.”
  • “Eh mana you beli ni? Bagus lah. Senang nak cari barang.”

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But more often than not, I get the ‘eh-ya-lah-bagus-juga-bag-macam-tu’ look of surprise and admiration. So why would I care about LV or Coach bags that can hang on some people’s credit card until 2025 lah kan. JPO or non.

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