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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

When Love Beckons

A while has it been since I really looked at love and knew what it was. And when the one I loved stomped on love like it was a finished cigar butt, love lost its light. And I… I lost its meaning. But then again, it was I who was looking at the wrong places, wrong faces.

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Now, love is when…

  • he runs to the kitchen to look at what I am cooking.
  • she takes time to say, “Smellin’ good Mom!” on her way to the phone, and even when she is on the phone.
  • he says, “Good night sweet Mommy!”
  • she looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, “I will never ever stop loving you, Mom.”
  • he thinks no one can ever smell better than me in the morning, at noon and night. Even at bedtime.
  • she knows every pair of earrings I have and where I got them.
  • he thinks I am the best Greensleeves singer in the universe.
  • she draws, sketches and composes songs about no one else but me.
  • he never misses the “I love you Mom! See you at 2 o’clock!” when I drop him off at school.
  • she leaves the home-made cards of “I miss you loads and toads, Mommy” when I have to be away.
  • he hands me a Kleenex when I sneeze, cry, sob and chop some onions.
  • she reminds me about the morning hugs before we get in the car.
  • they are the reason I wake up every day and sleep every night.

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The whole world can go tumbling down with its Jack and Jill.
I am at the top of the hill.

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Unhurt Me

If I could ever ask anything from you… all I would ask is for you to take back all the hurtful things you said when love you had was no more for me. Only then would I ask Him to erase my memory of all the hurtful things you said when love you had was for someone else.

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And only then would I ask Him to restore my faith in love.

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Love?

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Whatever love is.

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Ask. You shall be granted. But you shall be tested.”

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Hilang Berganti

Aku sayang padamu
dengan caraku.

Terlebih
tapi tak cukup.

Termampu
tapi tak sanggup.

Luka lama
kubawa berlari.

Sejauh ini
sejauh hati.

Patah tumbuh
hilang berganti.

Ganti.

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Terdiam

And the pain comes from the depth of my understanding…
bahawa aku hanya mampu menjadi diriku.

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Tak Ada

Yang akan menjadi duri dalam hati saya nanti ialah ketidakupayaan saya untuk percaya… bahawa cinta itu ada. Bahawa hati saya ini nanti akan ada sandarannya bila letih berlari dari yang mungkir janji.

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Kerana yang telah menjadi duri dalam hati saya kini adalah cinta itu sendiri.

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Lalu biarlah tak ada.

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Over and Out

Love has been a game played upon me and around me. If you think I am not aware of it, you obviously have taken me for a fool. Just like all the fools you’ve taken… for a price, for a ride or for free. You have said love to me and everybody else as though you knew what it meant.

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Your game is over. And so is the party. It is time to put on the red shoes and dance the blues. But I am waltzing it far away from you… where love is the music, not the lyrics. It’s over and I’m out.

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Ketagih

 

Apa silapku
hingga kau menyalahkan.

Apa hakmu
hingga kau membatilkan.

Kesetiaan ini
bagimu hanya duri.

Kesihatan yang kau ubat dengan sakit
adalah kewarasan yang gila.

Pilihlah yang halal
selamat jalan atau selamat tinggal.

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*Enida
September 24, 1997
Bangi Lama

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Usah

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Usah


Jikalau senja membawa cerita
kisah kita yang penuh rahsianya
aku dan engkau akan tertanya
inikah bahgia

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Jikalau malam membisu selalu
sempat kumengenali cintamu
langit terbentang ilham berjuta
kan cukup untuk kita

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Oho usah kau berjanji
dalam tapi tak bertepi
Oho usah kau ragukan
daku bagai dulu
tinggal saja kuberduka

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Jikalau ada melodi cintaku
kunyanyikan untukmu selalu
ribuan puji tersusun kata
abadi dan bermesra

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All Out

Entah apa yang saya tunggu dari lewat malam ke awal pagi. Entah apa yang saya nanti. Malam sudah lama berlalu. Pagi yang sekejap lagi akan terang tak dapat juga melelapkan mata mengantuk saya ini. Saya berjaga seolah-olah menjaga waktu. Takut tertidur dan terlepas waktu untuk entah apa. Mahu berangkat ke mana kah saya ini?

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I don’t know what I have been waiting for from last night to this early hour. I am not sure what awaits me. The night is done. The first light of day will break and still has it not pushed me to fall. Asleep. I am staying up as though I was keeping time. Afraid that sleep would leave me behind and I would miss the journey. Am I even going somewhere?

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I finished watching Hope Floats for the 39th time hours ago. After going on to Oprah Podcast, distracting me from my own thoughts and hopes, I went back to listening to From Russia With Love and When I Look At You. The next thing I knew, the clock struck three. And I am back to this, telling you things I cannot say.

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I am trying to reach out to you if you can feel it within my painful silence. I am trying to tell you everything by not saying anything anymore. It has been so long and I have said too much. I’m out of words. And I’m all out of love. Whatever love is.

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Mendua Cinta

“Janganlah kau bertanya tentang jarak setia. Cintaku ini buktinya, kasih.”

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Sampai gugur rambutku mengenang dikau, dan terpaksa ku beralih kepada formula Rambut Gugur Rejoice 3-dalam-1 baru. Dan sampai gatal hidungku menghidu bau hamis Nasi Kambing di Restoran Musafir. Kerana dikau lah itu. Dan juga sampai ku tertidur berendam airmata hingga ke pagi mendakap Bolster, bantal gulingku, mengenang dikau. Rindu.

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Oh Kitreena Enida Johnson, monchyku!

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Whatever Cinta Is…

This is my all-time favorite love poem:

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Sonnet 17

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I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

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I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

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I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

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in which there is no ‘I’ or ‘You’;
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand
so close that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close.

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by Pablo Neruda

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