The phone rang at 5.23 this morning. I was in bed, but of course. My heart raced like mesin jahit tengah laju gitu, I tell ya. Ever since that pukul-3-pagi call from my sister with the news about my Mom kemalangan June this year, it’s just hard for me to bring myself to the phone anymore. Not between midnight and 6 am, at least. Well, the call was from Mom. Her voice sent floods of thoughts of Dad to my mind. I was ready. At this age, I know I am vulnerable. The only thing I don’t know is…how much that vulnerability could prepare me.
“Is everyone okay?” was my very first question.
Yeah, everyone was okay. But Mom said, they had a guest who wanted to speak with me. Huh? At 5.30am? 7.30pm Malaysia time masa tu. That guest had better be a VIP, I murmured. Mom chuckled. Anyway, remember my first love that I mentioned in the
last entry? The one yang datang dalam mimpi the other night. Uh, no…it wasn’t him. The guest was his brother! Now, you would ask “Apa mimpi?” too, if it happened to you. Wouldn’t you?
After all these years, six altogether, I am still remembered rupanya. And missed. The last time I saw him, he was still in Tingkatan Lima, SPM year. I was down, miserable, and old. Hah. At that tender age, he was there for me ever so caring, listening to my sob stories. Though he knew, antara his big bro and me there was no more possible titik temu, he was there. Godsent.
I promised to come and visit him again the week after that, six years ago. But that was a promise I could not keep. I offered him neither an explanation, nor apologies until this morning. Eight thousand miles and six years later. I had been thinking of him, of his family off and on. How can I not? Every so often ada je mimpi yang datang. And I am not the kind yang percaya mimpi either.
The point is, I had been thinking and remembering. Cards every year. Some ‘tembak’ calls sekali-sekala. Ahak ahak.(Cik Nan has been calling me a “stalker” ever since I told her about this darkest secret of mine!) Naughty me! But I have not been brave enough to face his family’s frustration about the whole jodoh issue. He is happy now, I heard. I asked. So am I. I couldn’t ask for more. Baru je semalam terkenang lagu lama:
Kepentingan sendiri
tidak diingini
bahgia kekasih
saja yang diharapi
There are stories waiting to be told sebenarnya. Between Ijai and me. Selasa depan I will call. Now, that’s a promise I intend to keep. Come hell or high water.
Questa è Enida 
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