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Archive for October, 2003

Antara

Posted in Uncategorized on October 19, 2003| Leave a Comment »

Betapa pun jauh pandangan mata
Betapa pun bebas kaki melangkah
Namun terasa diri terpenjara
Oleh suatu ikatan yang tidak ketara


Walau kau cuba menjauhkan diri
Walau kadangkala aku membenci
Namun setiap kali terpandangmu
Kehangatan dihatiku dingin bagai salju

Antara kasih dan kasihan
Antara jemu dan harapan
Biarkanlah di sini
Aku terus begini
Sendiri

Tak mungkin ada yang dapat mengerti
Gelisah yang datang melanda diri
Masihkah ada rasa cinta
Ataukah sekadar ku berpura-pura

Lagu lama…lagi.
You must be wondering apasal yang asek teringat lagu lama je lately kan? Well, I tell ya. That’s just a few cents of what you have to pay living thousands of miles away from home. I don’t know apa lagu popular this year, let alone lah this week. No clue. Clueless. But I have never forgotten all those songs yang kena-mengena with events in my life. Song remembers when.

Anyway, I once saw a theatre show at DBKL. There was one particular line that really stuck in my head. “Kalau kau dan aku satu, kenapa di antara kita mesti ada antara?” Pehh! Dalam maksud nya tu kan? If I am not mistaken, it was Hatta Azad Khan’s script. Can’t remember the whole story. But I remember why I went to see the performance. It was a choice.

Like a lot of things in our life, it’s about making choices. Semua orang nak hidup bahagia, of course. (So, logically it is not really a choice lah kan? It’s a goal.) Plus, bahagia is not the thing that awaits you at the end of the road. It’s the road itself. The road taken and the road that is not…bak kata

Robert Frost. It is rather a process than a result. Or perhaps both. A process that results in a subsequent process, and a result that processes an antecedent result.


How about that?

Like a lot of things in life…it is your choice to believe me. Or to not believe me. It was YOUR own choice to read MY journal. Was it not?

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Feels Like Home To Me

Posted in Uncategorized on October 14, 2003| Leave a Comment »

This is probably my very last time in Be’s office. We are finally going back to Oman next Tuesday. Finally! Can you imagine yourself living in a hotel and driving a rental car for 16 months? Well, okay. It’s not all that bad. Really. That is if you know when exactly you are going home. But imagine you are dragged month after month, delayed from going to the place you call home. Mr. McGee pun would get angry, (you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry) I tell ya.


And tonight we had our definitely last supper at Restoran Indonesia here in Calgary. Did I ever tell you about the restaurant, by the way? I probably did when I wrote about some cultural performance I got to see some time ago. So, I had Ikan Lombok Kechap (Ikan Masak Kicap ler tu), and Sawi Tumis tonight. Hmmmm. Not that I can’t cook all that, but we are in the process of mengosongkan peti es. Echeh! Alasan.

I bet you know the feeling when you are just sooooo tired of your own cooking. I was on the phone with Cik Nan couple days ago and she was feeling the same way. So, we tortured ourselves talking about Mee Bandung, Mee Rebus and Mee Hailam. Boleh buat sendiri. Anytime. Especially me, here in Calgary. Supermarket T&T cik main complete lagi. Segala maknenek ada. Sajer je memorbidkan diri. Ahak.

So we are going home. Hmmm. Sometimes I don’t even know what that really means. I have been “away” for far too long, that I am not quite sure where I belong anymore. People say, home is where the heart is. Well, that too is in the grey area now. I am somewhat floating. And so is my hope. I guess.

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