Kitreena hasn’t been well. She was constantly fighting the high fever for at least three days, Sunday through Tuesday. At the scorching heat between 39 and 41 degrees Celcius, she was trying to act normal. Playing shiau shiau like usual, watching Pocahontas 12 time a day like always. She was acting so normal that I almost didn’t believe my new infra-red Dotory Dubai-mari thermometer at first. I kept on switching back and forth to the old kepit bawah ketiak type, and kept on taking my own temperature to see if both thermometers were working properly. My baby was burning hot!
Her fever seemed to go away yesterday. So did my worry. Especially because it was also the day Be came home from his desert-shift. He’s my back-to-back, my sidekick. It’s not easy not having him around two weeks at a time. It’s like sitting on a chair that has no back. Kosi yang tak de tempat sandor, gitu. You can’t just get up and leave, yet you can’t sit back and relax either. Yes there’s Bibik, but she can’t do much if there’s an emergency situation. Anyway….
Kitreena wasn’t feverish today, but she sure slept a lot. I could tell that she wasn’t being herself especially when she didn’t even touch her favorite Spaghetti con Pomodoro e Basilico I made especially for her. Trying not to be too dramatic about her not eating for the fifth day now, we took her shopping at Mothercare for some new outfit. Then off to The Sultan Center for groceries. She wasn’t a happy camper. Uh, maybe that is an understatement. Be sure thought so. For the first time Kitreena put her teeth to a mis-use and gigit her Daddy’s shoulder! She can go berserk when she’s angry, I tell you. But she never bites. Today she did.
We came home and she went from angry to berserk to hysterical! And it was no laughing matter. I thought of pompoming her. That usually cools her down. Then there it was. Red spots! There was red spots all over her body! Red alert, red alert! Measles came to mind, but I tepis the thought with all my might. It can’t be measles, it just can’t be! She had her inoculation for measles. Be grabbed the phone for the talian Hayat. Hayat Clinic, here I come. Half an hour and gazillions of mental pictures successfully tepised later, Kitreena was back into Dr. Samuel’s room.
It was a severe respiratory infection. So severe that I could see some black spots near her anak tekak area. The only word I could think of (the way I felt) at that moment is luluh. I don’t know why, and I don’t really know how to explain it. Luluh – I was heaved by guilt and regret for not taking her in much earlier. I thought it was just a fever. Darn! I should’ve known better! A fever is not just a fever. It is an indication that the body is fighting against something else. Why was I so careless? Why did I ignore my instinct?
It wasn’t even a month since Kitreena saw Dr. Gracy Samuel last. My Kitty had been caughing like a sick cat for weeks back then and was given Fenistil. She was allergic to baby (talcum) powder. Bibik seemed to think Kitreena looked tak lengkap without, especially after pompoms. I never thought so much of it. Yeah, I wouldn’t leave home without a puff or two myself. But now, come to think of it…I never put anything on Kitreena right from day one, until Bibik came along. How did I change? Why did I?
Within less than a month, Kitreena had lost one and a half kilos. Correction; within a week actually. She was 14.5 kg on December 19 – coughing or no coughing, she found it fun jumping up and down the scale. She was allright. Tonight she was just beside herself in a misunderstood anger and an unimaginable hunger too, I suppose. Nothing has gone in and out of that little body but liquid. Today, on January 13th…she’s down to 13 kg. Now, how did I miss the signs?
I found an old song the other day – Butterfly Kisses, sung by Bob Carlisle. A song I used to imagine myself about…had I a Dad like so. I don’t. But that doesn’t stop me from keeping on counting my blessings. For my baby girl. For having a Dad as loving as my Be.
There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven
and she’s Daddy’s little girl….
…In all that I’ve done wrong I know
I must have done something right
to deserve a hug every morning
and butterfly kisses at night….
Questa è Enida 
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