Questa è Enida

So much has happened, so much is going on that when I read what I just wrote two weeks ago…I shook my head in disbelief. Did I really write that? Was I really thinking that? Ho mal di pensiero, veramente! Tu belum lagi rereading what I wrote two years ago! Do I dare? Hee heee heee. If I must tell you, I have been hiding myself. Just losing the ‘self’ quietly in my own thoughts lately. Or probably in your words, I have been hiding my thoughts in my ‘self’. Whatever!

I have been thinking, indeed. And quietly in my thoughts, I came to realize that I have become a quiet person. Ya know, keeping myself to myself kinda person. Believing that, “…in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.” I have come to fear of how limited words and their meaning can be.

Sometimes it feels very lonely to think too much and not say a word. Like a bird who knows how to fly, but questions himself if it is safe to just stay and not fly. But I admit, in losing myself in my own thoughts, I do feel alive. I do see me as a self. A soul. A person.

Anyway…
I just came back from kampung after helping a bit here and there mengemas after my brother’s wedding. Things went not too bad. Biasalah, kenduri. Things like relatives who come overnight or two nights sleeping pillowlessly tu is so lah bound to happen. What do people expect kan. But one thing I did expect was a big meeting to assign this si polan and that si polan to do this and that. Now that didn’t happen. Do you think I know why? Don’t!

So there was a hiccup on the day. The very same thing that happened on my sister’s wedding close to two years earlier. Do you think we have learned from it? Obviously we haven’t. Nanti lah. It is a long story because you have to understand the root of it all. The base of it all. You have to know and understand my parents, and how well they communicate with each other (not). Nanti lah. Let me dwell on the pekung before I open it for all to read.

Nanti lah.
In the meantime, you can dwell on this…

TALKING

And then a scholar said, “Speak of Talking.”
And he answered, saying: You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts; and when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime. And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.

There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone. The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape. And there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand. And there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words.

In the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence.

When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the marketplace, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue. Let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear; for his soul will keep the truth of your heart as the taste of the wine is remembered. When the color is forgotten and the vessel is no more.