Monchies were having a conversation about their Bahasa teacher and kept referring to her as “The Bahasa Teacher”. So I asked Kitreena what this Bahasa teacher’s name was.
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Kitreena: I don’t know, Mom.
Mommy: How come? You took Bahasa last year. What did you call her then?
Kitreena: I asked, but she just wanted us to call her cekgu.
Mommy: Cekgu? You mean cikgu?
Kitreena: No! Cekgu. *emphasizes on the sound: check-goo instead of chick-goo*
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My KaCher and I exchanged that ‘oooohhh-so-classic-lah-your-bahasa-pronunciation’ look and I must admit, I had Cekgu Markonah in my mind.
We were just taking it easy on a cool summer morning, him working on the anger management of his red birds and me listening to the Country Road Take Me Home post on Facebook. I was lying on my back feeling a little miserable entertaining my imagination when…
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Edrick: Mommy, I can hear my imagination on my left ear.
Mommy: Oh?
Edrick: But not on the right ear.
Mommy: Oh?
Edrick: I really can, it’s pretty clear on the left ear.
Mommy: Your imagination?
Edrick: Yeah, I can hear it on one ear but not the other.
Mommy: Your ears are not talking to each other huh?
Edrick: Apparently not, Mom. And it’s a catastrophe.
Mommy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
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It really is a catastrophe when one ear is not talking to the other, I thought. Just like when I am not talking to you. The balance is just not there.
She had been a bit emotional lately and anything could trigger her to snap. This time it was her violin teacher. I was called in and we had a little talk. Mr. Rudy has been very gentle and understanding with this favorite student of his. But it was her who needed some extra TLC.
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So I just went in and held her as long as she wanted to be in my arms. And I let her cry without asking why she had to cry. I know, sometimes we just have to.
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“Sweetheart, you know what. We are all humans. And we feel. You’ve seen me cry a river, haven’t you. And you know what, the good news is… it’s perfectly fine. It’s perfectly healthy. But we have to learn to know when to do it. Okay?”
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She just nodded her head that was hidden somewhere on my tummy and in my arms. I felt her and I felt for her.
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Today when I feel like crying another river, you’re not here.
For the fear of forgetting, I am documenting this now, in the midst of the extreme busy-ness of my business.
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This afternoon, Edrick came to me downstairs for his afternoon hugs. But then his feet all of a sudden got too ‘tired’ to go back upstairs. Well, that has been his way of hinting actually… whenever he wants to be carried up the stairs.
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So I did.
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I carried him upstairs. Because I could. And because I could never know when his feet would one day stop being tired to go back upstairs. I could never know when he would stop hinting for that little TLC. And because I knew my feet were fine. I could manage 28.7kg and 22 steps up. And so I did. And I will continue doing so until I can’t.
The birds outside the school compound seemed to chirp a little louder than usual that quieter-than-usual Wednesday morning. Loud enough for Monchies to hear them from inside the closed-window CRaVy. There was one bird calling that sounded very familiar to my ears but all I could think of was the ‘taptibau puyuh padang’ pantoum (pantun).
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Edrick: What kind of bird is it Mom?
Mom: I’m not sure, sweetheart.
Kitreena: You can find it out on the internet, Mommy.
Mom: Well, I need to know what the bird looks like, at least.
Edrick: Oh! I know! I know! We can catch de bird. Den we put him in a clear plastic bag. And den we plug him in to de computer. And den, and den… de bird will make a sound. And den de computer can tell us what kind of bird he is.
Kitreena and Mom: *have a five-second silence and…* Hahahahahahaha!
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Kitreena and I are still wondering to this day why the bird had to be put in a clear plastic bag. We asked Edrick, but he was not going to answer us any more because of our ‘ Hahahahahahaha!’
The conversation took place at my late Mom’s place between myself and Kitreena, me Monchie Lady, as I was pulling my shirt up to draw my pants’ string tighter. And in the process, I unintentionally exposed my belly.
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Kitreena: Mom, your tummy is flat but why is your belly button big?
Mommy: Because I was meant to be married to someone from a far-away land.
Kitreena: Huh? What do you mean?
Mommy: Well, that’s what my Mom would have said. Girls with a big and deep belly button will marry someone from far away.
Kitreena: I don’t understand.
Mommy: Don’t worry. Nobody ever does. And in my case, my belly button is big because you stayed in my tummy for nine months. Edrick too. You didn’t just stay there, you grew there. You can’t expect my belly button to stay small, can you?
Kitreena: Sorry Mom.
Mommy: Oh don’t be sorry. I love my belly button. Big, deep and holy.
Okay. The water bottle was in my room, two doors away from the kids’ room. And in between, is the guest room – unoccupied, no lights on. So when Edrick could not bring himself to cross the outside of the dark room to get the water bottle from my room, Kitreena kindly volunteered. Edrick, however, got really upset because the sister’s ‘kindness’ somehow made him look like a bad guy.
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It strangely spiraled up from just a little teary whining to a serious ugly cry and this, “Mommy, you blew all my chances in my life! You ruined my personality!”
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Huh? Oh yes, I did ask him what he meant. But Edrick was so caught up in his ‘chances in his life’ that I just blew, that I could not calm him down no matter what I said or did. And oh yes, I did ask him if he missed Daddy. He gets very emotional when he does. But there was no answer if he missed Daddy. When I made a supersilly joke that maybe he could help me hunt for a new daddy, he said, “When I have a new daddy, I will make sure he stays away from you because you don’t matter anymore!”
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At this point, my heart was ripped into 2,571 million pieces. So I quietly gave him a back rub. He was sobbing, face down on his pillow. My little big man burried himself and all the chances in his life under his quilt. But with all my strength and all my love, I picked him up, pulled him into my arms and craddled him like a baby. We were locked in each other’s embrace for the longest time.
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“Mommy could I please sleep with you tonight?”
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I didn’t blow all my chances in my life. My chances are right beside me now. Burried under my quilt.
Disclaimer:
Enida owns no pet although she is the woman of her Mesra house. On some bad-mood days, she does wish for a pet-man, if there is such a pet to get at Pets Wonderland, Great Eastern Mall Jalan Ampang. Otherwise she is just happy scooping up after no one.
Questa è Enida 