There is no momok in the heart-shaped pendant I used to wear, like I thought there was. The antu is not in the pendant. It’s in my mind. I found that out last night. When yet again there was another mimpi. Mimpi about Anak Raja Sorang Tu – the love of my THEN life. No, I wasn’t thinking of him at all, really. Ah well, bak kata proverb…dream is the game of your sleep – directly translated from, mimpi itu mainan tidur lah tu, apo laeii?
Maybe my subconscious is playing peek-a-boo or aum-chak with me, minding my ghosts. Afterall, I am going back to the old setting – my pre-expatriate life. I can’t help but having the what-if-I ran-into-those-I-don’t-really-want-to-run-into thoughts. Yesterday evening Be and I were joking about our ‘pick-up lines’ masa muda-muda dolu. Mine, among many, was…”It’s not the size, it’s the move babeh!” Terbeliak bijik mata Cik Abang!
He didn’t know I was that wild.
I wasn’t.
I was wild with words, yeah. But all talks one meh, no walks loh. And seeing Will Smith and Eva Mendez last weekend in Hitch really brought back some memories. Well, again…I wasn’t like pisang goreng panas or anything. But, heck! I was in the market lah once. Like you, and like everyone else of course. Pickup-memickup tu resam dunia. Be’s a bit worried now if we are going to run into numerous Enida’s exes. Menjelesi diriku.
I am sure Be meant it as a joke. I found it funny at first. But I know, I am a bit nervous myself. No! Not about running into axed exes. I am happily married as a married woman can be – and more. I am not worried about Be being surrounded by gorgeous brown skins or brown tudungs either. Frankly speaking, there is a lot for me to re-learn. I had it easy back then. Sheltered, protected, everything-provided, ignorant…you name it.
This time around, I have a family on my back. I need good contacts, reliable sources and trusted friends to be able to get by. As much as I thought I knew about my own tanahair kucintai, there’s just so much to know. In the midst of all the worries, this morning I woke up to a little brown bear and a sunflower clock (battery’s conked out and all). These are the good luck charms Ka Cher gave me years ago.
And that was my today’s “Aha! Moment”.
Aha! I have a loving family to fall back on.
And that will make all the difference.
Questa è Enida 
Tu lah nyer, I am not that bothered. Just curious apasal lah the antu in my mind keeps going back to the haunted ground. Maybe sebab the relationship went on for a long time, it just ceases to RIP. Exes actually tak lah seramai kasot Imelda Marcos. Ahak! But shoes are shoes, you count one as a pair. Hai meh? Before you know it, they double the trouble. But you’re right, I should count my comforters, uh I mean…blessings – now that I have reached my comfort zone.
Well, you’ve reach the ‘comfort zone’ where you won’t be THAT bothered by the ghosts of the exes.Perhaps, kalau status single-mingle tu ader gak releven nyer menjadi separuh mereng.But I always believe that ‘kalau tak buat salah, apsal nak takot?’, unless..hehe..kite yang kaki tukar boifren cam tukar kasot lah.Yeah, I belong in the ‘wild with words’ too…well, more or less, I am after all a Libran,so I put the good and bad into balance (oh, ini macam ah, buku bahu kirikanan pun boley pening!)