Questa è Enida

I noticed that some friends whom I have re-connected with would ask a lot of questions. Ah well, that’s just the way it is. But many would not answer their own questions or voluntarily offer information. Most would just summarize years of absence in one word to answer my “How have you been?” question. Okay. They are okay. Okay? Just okay? Okay lah. Okay then. That’s it. And usually there will be the question, “You kat mana sekarang?” as to either korek about workplace or whereabouts (residence). But sayangnya not many would sound happy and proud that they are where they are.

Why ah?

If I am happy with what I am, how I am and where I am, and I am happy to tell you that I am…am I arrogant?
If you are not excited to tell me about what you are, how you are and where you are…are you just being humble?

Desiderata, desiderata.

I really felt like writing after reading a few of my previous posts. Phew! I sure ‘sounded’ sombong bongkak and berlagak tak tentu pasal for no apparent reasons. I shouldn’t have vented it out at that moment when the whole thing still menggelegak I guess. But hey, I thought that’s what blogs are for, tak ke? I’d be in a big dodo if that pan yau of mine baca my blog (and of course akan menyebarkan berita kepada kengkawan sekelian yang ada as that what she usually does anyway). And mind ya, rotten news spreads like wild fire. Oh so much bigger and badder than Sumatra’s forest fire, I tell you.

If ngo pan yau were smart, and if she knew I was talking about tak lain dan tak bukan cik puan who-else…she wouldn’t say boo to anyone. Afterall, I didn’t mention any names. But if she weren’t, I guess there would be some other friends who would have read the posts by now. Ah well, biasalah manusia. Some have more noodles than others. Many just refuse to do the noodle dance. They just let the thing between their ears just sit there to gather dust and more dust. Jerebu or jerubu also can lah, the hazier the better.

Oh by the way, my brother-in-law is budak Jelebu.

Enough of the mukadimah. I actually have two people/stories to compare. The underlying issue is attitude, seperti biasa. The stories, nevertheless, are pretty simple. Okay, some background: when I first got married, I was quite content that children were to be left out of the picture. Two years into the marriage, I was still quite content to remain a DINKy couple. (Double Income No Kids-y that is.) So when friends started asking, my answer was just that. I was quite content. Plus, I had a few years before getting to that dreadful number 35. (You’d be amazed to know that many women think that if you get pregnant after your 35th birthday, you WILL have a child with Down Syndrome. My mom carried three children after her 35th birthday – and her final when she was 42. God’s willing, elok je belaka-laka.)

Anyway, when Be and I decided to get a new picture…bringing a child into it, we sure had to work hard! We never asked for one until then. After many months of the menghitung hari di calendar sessions and a few packs of ‘Clear Blue’ going down the drain, fruit of the labor came true. Bakti disemai, bukti dituai lah katakan. Echeh! So, I broke the good news to kengkawan handai taulan, including Person X and Person Y (nama samaran) – both had been aware of my earlier contentment and both didn’t know we had changed our mind and had been trying to conceive.

Person X’s response:
That is great news Enida! Anak tu rezeki. Maybe you felt that you weren’t ready before kot. Tak pe lah. God doesn’t give you what He knows you cannot take. It’s good that you shifted gear. Boleh le anak saya main dengan anak awak kan? And lepas ni boleh le kita tukor citer mak-mak. Muahahahaa!

Person Y’s response:
Hoi! What happened? Accident ka? Ha ha ha ha! Tu lah cakap besor tak nak anak sampai umur 35 konon. Nah kau!

There!
Does one need a psychologist to tell which person has a positive attitude and which doesn’t? I didn’t. So I steered away from Person Y for a long time. She sure made it sound like a child was a musibah that was cursed unto me. Well, I am certain she didn’t mean it that way as she had a few kids herself at that time. But choice of words nyer mak ai, menusuk jantung kalbu. Tak de ke vocabulary kudakulari yang memolek sikit?

Tu lah kan…some people simply have no good things to say. You tell them your sad stories, they will say…I told you so or it’s all our own doings, self-fulfilling prophecy. You share with them happy news, they will find ways to bring you down, make you feel bad or guilty for being fortunate. Like you don’t deserve to be happy no matter how good you’ve been. To the point that you just can’t help but wondering either why they are so negative, or what have you done that they cannot just be happy for you.

My theory is that, negative people have so much to envy other people about because they are never happy with what they have. And my attitude in MY own blog is that, I am having so much fun feeding the fire by being that pompuan belagak kaya that I am – not. Muahahaha! Besides, it feels great to know that many of my berlagak stories have made a round to quite a few friends who, until only recently, didn’t even know what blogging was. Oh haa, another thing…negative people not only always believe everything they read, but they spread it like butter on hot toast!

Good news:
I have everything that makes me happy, and I am happy with everything I have. Not much, but enough. That includes this blog.

Bad news:
So if you are not happy with my being happy with my blog, get your own and see if I care.

I found them! Kengkawan lama. Barang yang lepas yang saya kenang-kenang. A part of the puzzle that made me ME. The Enida, la Enida. Come questa, come quella…si. Yesterday, I spoke with Ell whom I had not heard from since graduation. I did hear about him from some friends who suspected that Ell was ‘badly involved’ in the storm yang melanda Kota Marudu years ago. We all thought he didn’t make it, we all sent silent prayers. I prayed the hardest. My prayers were answered when he said “Hello!” yesterday.

Then this morning, I found Rozie. My search finally came to an end – puzzle solved. She’s seventeen days into her confinement period. Confined, but alive, kicking and laughing! Oh how I missed her and her forever-positive outlooks on life. I am looking forward to spending time with old pals now.

I am making another call now to the Head of HR of the MMC Oil & Gas Engineering located at the PNB Building, seen right across from my second bedroom. The kepala of HR there is one of my satu-kepala friends back in uni. Wish me luck though I don’t think I need any. Heee heee. I am smiling ear to ear.

For some reason, this old song came to mind:

Antara Benci dan Rindu

Yang…hujan turun lagi
Di bawah payung hitam kuberlindung
Yang…ingatkah kau padaku
Di jalan ini dulu kita berdua

Basah tubuh ini
Basah rambut ini
Kau hapus dengan sapu tanganmu

Yang…rindukah kau padaku
Tak inginkah kau duduk di sampingku
Kita bercerita tentang laut biru
Di sana harapan dan impian

Benci benci benci tapi rindu jua
Memandang wajah dan senyummu sayang
Rindu rindu rindu tapi benci jua
Bila ingat kau sakiti hatiku
Antara benci dan rindu di sini
Membuat mataku menangis

Mimpi lagi.
And this afternoon reading and deleting old SMSs, found this piece in archive, unsent:

Sampai nanti,
langit hilang birunya,
samudera hilang gelora,
dan antara kita,
tak lagi
ada puisi;
baru hilang sesalku…
tak mengucup tanganmu.

June 1st, 2004,
Cherating.

Tiba-tiba terasa sayu.

SMS Bibik all the way from Jakarta yesterday berbunyik begini:
“Bu, saya sudah sampai di pt. Tapi apa benar di potong gaji 4 bulan. Dan gajinya katanya 420 ringgit.”

Oh dear Bibik! She risau already, of which the kerisauan I down-calmed with this reply:
“Tak benar lah Bik. Itu kalau pembantu baru. Saya bayar kamu sama spt di Oman.”

For humanity’s sake, I have no intention to potong her gaji at all. Sending her back to Indramayu from Oman before her 2-year contract was up was our choice. Not hers. We chose and were chosen for this posting to Koala Lampa. And I knew about her financial plan – to save for her daughters’ (Dewi and Ita) school fees – they are bright kids. I couldn’t live with myself if I let my choice screw her plans. So I bekal her with over two-months salary for the wait in between Oman and Malaysia. And a bit extra for her to get a SIM card in Indonesia (I gave Be’s old Nokia phone to her, FOC maa).

Last week I went to Philimore Agency in PJ to kick off the paperwork process even though it might take another month before I can provide all the documents needed. Paid over 2 grands for the deposit (the remaining RM1500 is to be paid upon approval). (Just about a month ago, a friend was telling me, the Indonesian embassy changed the rules. She used to lodge the application personally to these embassies to sponsor a maid. But now, everyone has to go through an agent to do so.)

I didn’t know about this potong gaji deal until just two days ago when they kecoh-kecoh about employers not paying the maids for the first few months. That is despicable! It’s just beyond my comprehension. How can an employer ‘penalize’ her employee for taking up the employment? Like, okay…if you apply for a job, the remuneration is a potong-gaji for the first 4 months. Would YOU say “Great! What an opportunity! Take me! Take me!”

Of course you give your maid food and shelter. But how shallow if you think that’s all they need. If you CAN need a maid just because you think you are ‘entitled’ to one, then give them that 4 months gaji lah. What’s so unfair about that? Cakap kasar nye is, engkau yang sebok nak bermaid, ko tanggung lah dia. Kalau tak mampu, toksah berangan ler ada orang gaji. Eh…ku di dalam emosi ini pulak.

Negative people and their negativity sure can bring you down, I tell you. I know I sound arrogant. But if you know me the way I know meself, you would say what I would say too. Like, isy baik nyer that lady kan? I say “thanks a lot” a lot. I smile a lot more than I should. Can’t help it, I have that smiley jaw as oppose to the chebik jaw. Original jaw, no cutting-cutting.

Got the tyres replaced today. The tyre guy was really trying to sell his scary stories – to get us to change the other two still-good tyres. But hey, a person doesn’t have to drive half a globe to know how far a half decent tyre can actually go before it explodes. Just because I am a woman driver doesn’t mean I can be taken for a ride. Piiiraaah! After the two hours wait for the I-don’t-know-why-they-had-to-specially-order-the-Michelin tyres, I was on the road again…to KLCC for lunch.

That was where I was touched by a kind gesture from a stranger. I sent my tai-lo’s to get some food for Kitty and me. The drinks came and of course Kitty HAD to spill. Tai-lo’s were still away and I couldn’t leave her at the table alone. When I was finally brave enough do so, there was no serviettes around! A lady from the table next to us handed a couple of Kleenexes. Awww…thanks a lot! I meant it. That was enough to make my day.

You see? It doesn’t take much to lift a person’s spirit. A simple touch of kindness. That’s all. I wish, instead of the nyenyenye SMS, my friend would have written: “U R pregnant? Oh, good news! Happy 4U! Congrats!” Tu lah dia, the negativity that brings you down. Well, mind ya…it was the same person who chebik her lips telling everybody that I bought my house cash. (She asked which bank had I gotten my loan with. My answer was, there was no loan. There! Twisties come in many shapes and forms, didn’t I say?)

I have more ways to be sarcastic and bitchy than I can count my hair. Oh yes I do. Some people just have nothing nice to say, and some are downright pokey. Well, maybe I chose to feel poked this time. But as bitchy as I want to be, I still lah have to say that they just are pokey. The problem is they think their pokingness is their way of showing closeness, their terms of endearment of some sort.

The story morning glory is…I received an SMS from an old pan yau the other day. A bitchy one. I mean the SMS, not the person. She was in her ever menyindir mood, complaining that I hadn’t cared enough to call her since my so-grand-lah-konon arrival. I did, actually, to her old number. How was I supposed to know people’s updated cellphone numbers in this country, by the way?

Anyway, Poke #1…she nyenyenye about it in a sentence or two and gave no name at the end of it. To my cellphone, it was a new number – unrecognized. I kinda knew who it was because there was another piece of info after the nyenyenye that gave me a clue. So I asked if it was her, and sure enough it was. Within a day or two SMS’s went flying back and forth.

She asked me how I was doing and I said, ok despite my morning sickness and house-hunting blah blah blah. She said, huh? Pregnant again? Poke #2…like is this my eighth pregnancy or what? No congrats, nothin’! Just “gd, thn”. Pehhh, some people. And then she asked where I was stationed. It took me 24 hours to feel like replying. Even then, I just gave the info asked for.

Poke #3…she wasn’t happy as to how long it took me to respond to her SMS, and how one question led to only one answer. I wasn’t being creative lately, she accused. Fine, whatever. I don’t think creativity has anything to do with my answers. It’s priority. The last eight years I was home almost every year on holidays. Of course I had time to berhoyeh and to nyenyenye tanpa batasan.

But I am here to stay for at least four years, I have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. So, my priorities now are a place to call home, my Kitty and my incinta. I haven’t even picked an obstetrician yet. If I am not creative in my SMS replies (especially to the nyenyenye ones), then stuff them somewhere else lah please.

My CRV has two tyres to be replaced, I have an appointment to look at Anjung Damai and Ukay Heights properties this afternoon, and I am berlagak kaya, I am pregnant and I am bitchily cranky. That’s why I haven’t felt like replying to her SMS’s. Most things, not just some, are better left written on the blogs, not SMS’s.

I thought I have told myself enough that there were so many things to re-learn. One thing I didn’t do was to tell myself that there were as many things to un-learn. Malaysia is not the Malaysia I used to know, or what I selectively wanted to remember. Na’ah. She has changed. And so have I. My expectations back then were different probably because I didn’t know any better. My expectations these recent years were different again perhaps because I thought it WAS going to be better here. Some things are, many…not so.

I had forgotten how a customer could be passed around like a bottle of kicap tamin at a dining table that didn’t have much. Or like a pinggan of nasik tambah at a table that did have lots. Customer service? What’s that? Mistakes at any scale are expensive here. You kiss you pay, they kiss you pay, no kiss also you pay what? Malas nak citer the details. If you are here, or when you are…you know lah what I’m talking roundabout.

On a happier note, we got a car now. Too bad for Be since KLCC is just a stroll away from our apartment – it doesn’t pay to drive. I went for a melaunching session yesterday sambil getting some chores done. Off to Bukit Permai, Cheras Baru to take a look at BHE yang tersobek in the auto crash last Saturday (Be escaped unhurt). Then off to Section 15 Shah Alam, and then lunch at C & R 24 Bangi for an authentic Pahang’s Masak Lemak Tempoyak Ikan Siakap. Pehhh! That was beyond sedap.

Today, I let Key drive. My nauseousness was the worst yet. Even a can of Cream Soda couldn’t really keep it down. But got a lot done. Took a look at another house in Taman TAR and we are making an offer for rent tomorrow. So, I guess this might be it for the coming year. The house is nice. I can see myself living in it for a year, I guess. Be and I are on an agreement that houses in Malaysia are unrealistically expensive. People are basing on sole speculation to make money on real estate.

We have looked at new houses…five years old and less. But I must admit, the ‘older’ houses were better built structure-wise and finish-wise. Berlagak tak berlagak, I cannot stand looking at walls with uneven plaster surface, or tiles senget-benget. No, not me. They can have it lah. Call us fussy, but a home is where you land your body and spirit. Even for a while, details count for something.

Reality bites, and this time around it bites harder than either what it used to or what I remember.

I am guilty as charged by Cik Nan. In fact, I had gotten no sympathy from hubby deary when I mengadu that Cik Nan called me puntilanak, kurang hajor, sial, celaka, sondal, pompuan jalang, pompuan tak guna and all the terms I don’t even dare use on World’s Champion Janda Malas of Royal Oak.

I didn’t call my sahabat qoribun. She called me. And that was today, thirteen days after landing dengan selamatnya at KUL airport. I have not been good at keeping friends updated with my news. To not call or email my own qoribun is despicable. I blamed it on the stress of looking for a home and a decent vehicle back here in Kuala Lumpur, though. I just re-realized that my berangan taik kucing has turned into berangan boiled-eggs-tootoot or section-seventeen-Shah Alam-medan-on-a-hot-sunny-day kinda smell. Your nose won’t look for the source.

Reality is I am a far cry from a jutawati, and or even the thoughts of being one. With close to a RM1 plus the six zeros, I can only afford a semi-D house in Beverly Heights, Ukay. I thought I could build a mansion. Well, I suppose I could…if I had a land in Ulu Banat and if I had two years to wait. But I so lah don’t. Plus, the self-chosen pain is: we sengaja cari rumah for investment since konon to avoid renting. At the end of our three or four years here, the house will be ours.

Wishful thinking.

Anyway, I am dengan selamatnya in KUL…pregnant and all.

If I were given a penny for my thoughts, I would be a zillionaire dah by now. Over a month today without any access to my OWN computer and internet. Over a month dah pun being homeless. At the very moment, we are in Calgary. Been here since May 1st, got over jetlag, spent a week and a half on Vancouver Island, yada yada yada…and tinggal seminggu before landing at KLIA. Am I excited or what!

Yepper! Arriving on June 10th, jangan buat-buat terperanjat badak air lah pulak okay. Flight MH 5 pukul 6.40 subuh supi’e. I am so lah looking forward to singgah kat Hentian Nilai Utara lepas belok ke Hi-way E1 makan nasik lemak bungkus for sarapan that morning. I don’t know if my puak gerabak are coming to memeriahkan suasana di pagi hening di KLIA or not. They don’t have to sebab we will be greeted by Shell relocation personnel. But if my puak comes, berebut ler sikit makan nasik lemak Nilai.

I am getting a little antsy now staying with makbonda in Calgary ni. Well, understandable lah. 5 weeks is way too long to have guests. I am sure we are taking quite a bit of her space. I mean TOO MUCH of her space I guess, that she is getting antsy just like meself. Ader jer yang tak kena lately ni. Dari Kitreena tak reti nak sit up at the table like an angle at meal times, to me getting in her way to her make-up session in her bathroom in the morning. Hey, I gotta to pot the hasil somewhere too!

Anyway, adat lah orang menompang. What is keeping me sane these days are the thoughts of fun times in Malaysia for the next four years with mia famiglia, cucur udang cecah Thai chili sauce, Taiping Char Kuey Tiaw and Nasik Lemak Nilai. Muaaahhh! Tanto gusto!

p.s. Will change the clock time to KUL time once me unpacks me PC in Kuala Lampa, y’all.