I do have a chapter to write. But at the moment, the very reason for writing the whole book is being written on my page of life. I am gone reading at a hospital ward called Kenanga. Shhhhh…
Posts Tagged ‘Mom’
Kenanga Without an End
Posted in Write On, tagged Mom on September 27, 2009| 3 Comments »
Heavenly Heavy
Posted in Write On, tagged Mom on September 24, 2009| 1 Comment »
I woke up yesterday morning with a heavy feeling. So heavy, that I went straight downstairs, washed my hands, lit a candle for my Mom, grabbed whatever leftovers I could grab for Kitreena’s lunchbox and pretended that it was going to be another great day. It was for sure a great day for Kitreena – Daddy walked her to school, cool! Of course she went on her two wheels, helmet on and all, looking more and more like a sophomore than a lil kindy, that angel babygirl of mine.
Just when I thought what heaved me was the feelings of me mommy-ing me Monchies who are growing as fast as they could say “Bye Mom!” I was suddenly reminded of the strange dreams I had the night before. Of my Mommy! The dreams that kept taking me back to the tiny house by which I remember my Mom the most. So tiny was the house that we always had to run into each other like little kittens in a roofed-box! We could not run, nor could we hide from one another in that ‘745-U’ little box. (I don’t suppose this explains my peculiar habit of hiding in a gobok everytime I run away from stressful confrontations, does it? Isyyy!)
It wasn’t until I started Skyping with KaCher that the onerousness became nothing but the opposite of dream. It was all real and touchable. That my Mom is… departing. And it is now and here that I started wishing that the whole world were as tiny as that little roofed-box where Mom raised me to be nothing less than her little angel.
I am not hiding. I am so far from everything and everyone… that if I hide, nobody comes looking for me. So I am now running home to Mom before she spreads her wings.
Spread your wings and fly
No kiss and no goodbye
In the thoughts that never die
Your name is a song of cry.
~ Enida
April 1997
Bangi Lama
Lucky Lucky Me
Posted in Write On, tagged Mom on August 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
She kissed the corners of my mouth, rocked me in her arms stroking my shoulders and held me so close to her chest, that it was hard to believe she wasn’t the one bringing me to this world. And it wasn’t until when she said, “It is good to have you, dear” that I let that little child in me cry the longing cry for a mother.
At half past three in the morning she left me at the door and for the first time in my life I realized how my mother never left me. It was I who left her time and time again. And she has never asked me to come home, as though she knew I would always carry her in my heart. She knows I do.
This other mother of mine had once asked me to come home to her when her son lost his way home to me. And this other mother of mine looked me in the teary eyes at half past three in the morning and wished me luck as she knew all I need now is just that. Luck. She knows what I am out of.
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Questa è Enida 