Questa è Enida

We were just about home from Seoul Garden (formerly Seoul Bulgogi) when the car USB got to In My Daughter’s Eyes by Martina McBride again. Kitreena was just happy singing along through the first and second part. But towards half of the song, she went awkwardly quiet. I turned to look at her. She was covering her face with both hands, her body was shaking from trying so hard to contain herself from crying.

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When I stretched my left arm to touch her right knee gently, she broke down. She was all in tears. I knew exactly what she was going to say. I just saw it three weeks ago. So I said exactly what I said three weeks ago. That it is okay to miss Daddy and that I am sure Daddy feels the same way. And that I would skip to the next song if the song upset her. And as exactly expected, she denied that it was the song that made her feel sad.

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What’s not exactly like what happened three weeks ago was what she said tonight.

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It’s not the song Mom! It’s Daddy!

What do you mean?

If Daddy doesn’t know when he’s coming back, I keep thinking he’s going to be there [in Russia] forever!

No, sweetie. He is coming back in October for a few days. I told you that.

But you don’t know when!

True. But he is coming back.

Does the airport know when Daddy’s airplane is landing here Mom?

I don’t think so, monch.

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A long silence.

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Mommy, does Daddy want to come back?

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A longer silence.

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I was just holding my breath wishing for some numbness. We got to the gate, Kitreena sat up and said, “Mommy, I keep thinking Daddy is going to be there forever.” While waiting for the gate to open, I looked at her and smiled, “No monchy, Daddy has a home here. He can’t stay there forever, can he?” Kitreena looked at me and smiled – convinced.

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But I lied.

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Kitreena, held by Daddy, when she was just six days old.
She’s turning six on November 10, this year.

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