The silence has caused by this email I received a few hours ago from my husband:
“Enida,
I see you were trying to call – my phone is off or it was poor coverage.
We are in Spain at the moment and having a great time.
Eda, we are finished – I am convinced Ms. X is my soul mate. And I am looking at not now but comparing against what you and I had in our first years AND she is simply the right woman for me… I can see her and me growing old together and her fussing over me in her special way.
But this is NOT a contest, even though you seemed to be communicating that in our last conversation.
I had already made the decision to be with Ms. X or I wouldn’t even be here now.
Her and I have discussed that we will get transfers to ABC in the coming months as our roles come to a close on OPF… and we will live together in ABC until we can get married.
We have also discussed many other things, including the following which need you to make some decisions:
1) On transfer I might be able to convince The Company to move you to XYZ if you want to immigrate once and for all
2) Depending on 1) you might want to make an immediate application for PR visa to XYZ
3) Depending on 1) you might want to put up the house for sale and get the money out of it right away so you can buy a place in XYZ
4) Start considering if Kitreena is having so many problems with being apart from me, Ms. X and I would be happy to take her with us to ABC
5) With Edrick the same applies but I don’t think he can be apart from you – he really needs his mom at this point in his life.
So I won’t be sending my return flight or time – I will get a place to stay in and call you to meet at a neutral place so we have our discussions first and then I will come to collect the kids to have time with them each day I am in KL.
Talk to you soon.”
My heart just could not bleed any more than when Kitreena said, “I believed in Daddy, Mom.”
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Dear Enida,
How are you keeping?
“what makes anyone think that a man who leaves his wife can take care of his kids with another woman who leaves her husband just to be with somebody else’s husband?”
For him to even suggest that your daughter stay with him and Ms. X is beyond me.
What baffles me more is
“what kind of husband who was left by his cheating wife, is willing to take care of a bastard child from another man?”
You and Ms. X’s Ex-husband deserve to be with someone who respects you guys and not be treated like dirt. In your case, your husband may have cut ties with Ms. X for the sake of his children most likely.. but for Ms. X, her husband is a sucker to still go back to her even though she’s most likely to be carrying your husband’s child.
I have no respect for people who doesn’t respect the marriage institution, who can hurt their spouses and another person’s spouse deliberately. how often have we heard them say that “things just happened?” nothing just happens. it happens because we WANT them to happen, because we ALLOW them to happen.
Ms. X isn’t a horrible person by nature.. and i’m guessing, neither is your husband.. but what they did together makes them very cruel people. now what? they think they can slide back into your lives and “try to make up for it?”.. even a lifetime or two lived, it will never erase what you and Ms. X’s Ex-husband had to go through.
I hope things will be better for you some day.
Dear Jeda:
Yes, I have accepted the fact that life goes on. So plans have to be re-adjusted and re-strategized (big word, cik main!) And what you said is so very true; that hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. I’ll keep reminding myself that. Thank you.
Dearest Aniza:
Thank you for letting me talk your ears off the other day. More often than not, the lending of one’s ear is the best help one can offer. Yes, rough journey it is and will it be for a while. But I see rough, plus fun, plus adventure, plus growth…with Kitreena and Edrick. Yay!
Tay Dear:
I agree totally with your take on ‘how we rise from our disappointments’. Knowing that it is finished between him and I is information. And information is power. I sure feel the wind beneath my wings now. I have learned that the only mistake is him. And I don’t make him. He just is.
My Dear Wiz:
Macam mana tak sampai ke hati? Hati nya pun dah ntah ke mana. Orang nak buat tahi, mana pakai hati, idok?
No, I’m not going to let anyone break my family up any further. Kitreena and Edrick belong together. Besides, what makes anyone think that a man who leaves his wife can take care of his kids with another woman who leaves her husband just to be with somebody else’s husband? What moral values do these people think they so strongly possess to teach my children anything about life? I don’t believe God would break two marriages to get two people together in the name of love. Pogedid!
And no, I am not going anywhere. I don’t leave. That’s my husband’s job.
PP Dear:
I wasn’t being very clear about many things before. I hinted and I nudged. I never really came out and said it. But then, I thought…if I wanted my life to be private, why blogged? I am learning a lot by writing my thoughts out here. Comments and responses that I have received have been very much constructive as well. Thank you for reading. And thank you for your prayers. Kitreena is my guardian angel holding my right hand and Edrick is the other holding my left. Why should I consent to creep now when I know I can soar, hai meh?
oh dear Enida….now only i got it! oh i am so sorry…to hear.
I can only pray that God will shine you with his blessings and guardian angels will be with you.
God bless…
pp
For this post Enida, one has to cakap Melayu to really punctuate the points. So here goes..
Enida, Ya Allah. Sampai hati dia buat you macam ni.Don’t let him take any of the kids away please. They are rightfully yours and not him anymore coz he decided to leave. That is the rights he risked for leaving you guys. Tell je Kitrena that her Daddy dah jumpa orang lain. She would choose to be with you. I am angered right now and you apatah lagi. I’m so so so sorry Enida. I will pray for you and the kids k. There’s a blessing in disguise in all this.Believe in that. And please don’t move out from this country Enida dear. Your friends are here, your family too. Stay…please.
Dear Kak Enida,
I’m so sorry for what you have to go through now but be strong because what makes us strong is how we rise from out disspointments. Just treat him as a bad memory. You’ll forget him, I’m sure and you’ll find someone who is 1000x better than he is.
Tay
I got tears in my eyes reading the letter… One can never say one understands how you feel, but I really feel for you. Be brave for this rough journey. For your sake, and for the children’s sake…
Salam,
Enida Dear,
Heartbreaking huh? Stay strong dear and u must accept the fact that life goes on and so must u. “Some of us think holding on makes us strong’ but sometimes it is letting go”.
Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable, hugs n kisses for your sunshines.
love,
Jeda