Posted in Hurt on December 25, 2010| 1 Comment »
Serasa saya musim dingin di Bukit Pokrovsky itu sejuknya sampai ke Jalan Duta. Dinginnya sampai tak ada please. Tak ada sorry. Dan tak ada thank you. Malah penat lelah saya menulis kad, saya sendiri yang memungutnya di beg sampah. Begitulah kalau sudah tak ada cinta. Barangkali kalau saya ini sekeping sampul surat, sudah lama saya berada di dasar tong sampah hijau di luar pintu itu. Koyak.
.
Posted in Hurt on December 11, 2010| 2 Comments »
Nothing hides tears better than laughter.
.
So I have bounced back. Many times higher. Yes, again. And I find it amazing that the very thing that breaks my heart, mends my soul. Thank you for your prayers and faith in me. Thank you for your soothing words and warm shoulders. Thank you for the distractions as well.
.
I am all patched up.
Yes, again.
.
Posted in Hurt on December 7, 2010| 10 Comments »
Just when I thought I could not break any more, I received this today…
.
My response was…
.
Babe, I don’t like the way you write to me. As though I have no feelings. You have forgotten the first years of our marriage when I cleaned our place top to bottom, made you breakfast on your way out to work and loved you with all my heart. Give yourself and Elena 5 years before you write to me again.
.
How dare you compare! What you wrote is just like what you did about Ms X. When a new person comes along, nothing about me is ever good anymore.
.
I take you the way you are. Good and bad. Even if this was the end of us together, I would never compare you to the next man in my life. It is very immature and cruel.
.
Let’s just focus on Kitreena and Edrick. I have no interests in who treats you right or whom you treat right.
.
Ms. You-know-me
.
I thought I would break a little more today. But I didn’t. For God has made me from water. With tears in my eyes, I now just flow. Away.
.
Oh… lest I forget, please remind me that my future is already with me. Me Monchies. My sun and my moon who make me nothing less than the brightest star.
.
.
I have found my true north. I am home.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Posted in Hurt on November 27, 2010| Leave a Comment »
If I sound like I am trying to tell you something I can’t tell but you are supposed to know, I probably am. If I look like I am trying to show you something I am not supposed to show but you are supposed to see, I probably am. And if I act like I am trying to do whatever it takes to push you away, I probably am. I am not easy to come close to anymore. I am deaf. I am blind. And I am heartless.
.
I will hold your hands and touch your face. But do not want me.
.
Posted in Hurt on November 9, 2010| 11 Comments »
Tak kuat juga saya ini sudahnya. Tak kuat menahan marah pada yang memandang pengorbanan saya seperti memandang sampah. Bukan kecil luka di hati saya. Bukan mudah berdepan dengan kecurangan. Bukan sekali saya dikhianati. Bukan sekejap saya bertahan. Bukan senang memaafkan. Bukan sekelip mata mampu melupakan.
.
Saya buat semuanya. Melawan semua yang bukan-bukan. Tapi sudahnya tak kuat juga saya ini. Lalu saya bawa semuanya pergi. Biarlah saya jauh di mata dan tak tinggal di jiwa. Bukan dia tempat saya bersandar hati.
.
Bukan lagi.
.
Posted in Hurt on November 4, 2010| 2 Comments »
There are no more words. Not even one. I am sent to nothing – to you – so I will be empty enough to be everything – to me. Tomorrow.
.
I am tired of listening.
.
Posted in Hurt, tagged Life on October 24, 2010| Leave a Comment »
Have you ever drunk that perfect hot lemon tea when the heat is just perfect, and the tang is just perfect, and the life you’re drinking the lemon tea to is just perfectly painful you feel like drinking your whole life into nothingness as you empty that perfect teacup?
.
It would not have been a perfect tea without some water boiled, some lemons sliced, some tea leaves plucked, and some clay burned.
.
And for me to think all these when I was sipping on my perfect Hot Lemon Earl Grey Tea at Delicious @ Dua Residence on a beautiful sunny morning when everything was (supposedly) going well? Not good, Enida. Not good at all. Be grateful.
.
Posted in Hurt on October 23, 2010| Leave a Comment »
Only when the song ended could I hear that sad cry in the middle of a soundless night. It was so sad… I could not bring myself to stop her. I just cried with her. And I prayed that someday, someone could love her for the rest of her life. Honest and true.
.
Honest and true.
.
Posted in Hurt, tagged Trust on October 20, 2010| 4 Comments »
I don’t pretend to be the superwoman many struggle to be. I don’t know what ‘super’ is. And so I won’t say I am okay when my face is burried six pillows deep, and my tears is enough to fill a waterbed. I feel. And I am not running away from feeling it the way I always did.
.
I doubt.
.
As much as I want to trust, I doubt. The way I dislike this feeling of falling, I doubt. Just as much as I want to fall for you, I doubt. And as much as I let myself believe you, I doubt.
.
I have been hurt and I doubt I will ever love the way I loved… again.
.
Trust me.
.
But then again, teach me to trust.
I’ll learn.
.
Posted in Hurt on October 19, 2010| Leave a Comment »
I wish I could write sweet words that you would take with… when you go.
But just like you, words have left me.
.
This letter can’t profess my love. Nor can it show my sorrow.
So if you can’t love my words, love me.
.
Silently.
.
The way you left me.
.
https://www.w3counter.com/tracker.js?id=151113
Questa è Enida 