I’ve just read some of my old emails yang saya tulis and saved dalam laptop ni over a year ago. Masa tu menunggu Cicero dalam sea freight. Nak mengomail tak boleh sebab Internet Explorer laptop ni was version 3.1. Still is. Today I’m back to this laptop sebab Cicero has been sent away for a make-over. Kena penyakit ler, what else. Ni yang maleh ni. There’s no immunization langsung. You’d think by installing Norton 2003 and running automatic Live Update every week…you’d be protected. Hampa belaka.
So, I am again terputus hubungan dengan dunia di luar sana. The last time I turned this laptop on was about a year ago. Hah, lama tak lama. Masa menulis ni tak de lah internet connection nya whatsoever. Even with Cicero pun, the virus had somehow reconfigured the broadband TCP/IP setting. And almost every program that I tried to open would give me either system error notification, or cannot read memory. Kaputs!
Hmmm malam ni tadi lots came to mind. I was looking at the stuff we sent for framing. They turned out great. And then I put the three frames dalam gobok – standard tempat simpan barang merapu. Bila nak tutup je pintu gobok, mata terpandang pulak satu kotak yang I had forgotten apa isinya. Bukak-bukak, sure enough there were like half a hundred of different items. Kebanyakan nya accessories rambut. Irony nya…I just had a hair cut two days ago! Selama hari ni dok beli-beli segala coteh motehs, pehtu simpan. Now I have no hair to go with those accessories.
Dari satu benda ke satu benda. Towards the end, bukak jewelery box and jumpa cincin, gelang, rantai lama. Yang paling nostalgic nya cincin lah, of course. Terpandang cincin tunang tak jadi dengan anak raja sorang tu. The cincin, I thought, is so Melayu. A stone terletak kemas on a bunga tanjung. One of my personal favorites. Cincin yang tak pernah buat hal. I am a bit superstitious when it comes to rings. I guess I can call myself The Lordesswati of The Rings.
And then there was the ring from the first ikatan. The most troubled and troublesome ring. Seingat saya paling lama all the stones stayed in tact at a time was a week. Lepas satu-satu tergogok. At one time, sampai tiga stones nya ghaib. The last thing I did with the ring was to leave it with one stone rompong. The whole ikatan went rompong as well, at the end. Painful, but I came out stronger, wiser and kinder. A relationship lesson-packed.
Be so far has given me the most rings. The one I’m wearing is the ‘Number 1/Greek’ style, saya pakai to replace my wedding ring yang dah ketat since prego dulu. More friendly too since it’s a cut-out type. My skin can ‘breathe’. There’s the Dolphin, the V, and of course the ‘leather pattern’ wedding ring and the diamond engagement ring. With that many rings, if I am not the Lordesswati of The Rings, I’d be nothing.
Ada satu Tweety Bird ring yang saya simpan sampai lah sekarang. One of the Niks gave it to me. Sweety tweety. Oh yeah, toe rings. They are rings too. Ada lah satu dua, pun given by one of the Niks. The sunflower toe ring tu definitely from Nikki. Oh mekja, kawe dok jupo doh mano subang hok kaler biru kechek owk beghi. Gelang tange nyo ado mmolek. Sayei. Dok ingak mano kawe sipe.
Necklacewise…baru malam ni, after 10 years, saya bukak loket bentuk hati tu. Now pakai ‘The Embrace’ Be got me in 1999. Loket bentuk hati saya pakai 10 tahun. Given by the anak raja sorang tu jugak. Tak tau kenapa saya pakai segitu lama. Perhaps because I like tiny pendants. Tak minat yang besor nor. Berat. Perhaps I never really let go. Ye ke? Ah well, there are certain things in life you hold on tightly to your chest. And certain things that you keep getting dreams about every so often. Kalau anak raja tak seru semangat saya, mungkin pendant bentuk hati tu lah yang berantu gamaknya! I kinda like the hantu though.
Masa membelek-belek barang merapu tu saya terfikir pasal lelaki Melayu. Sebab hari ni tadi saya teringat seorang lelaki Melayu whose path crossed with mine satu masa dulu. Asmo Haros Mizan. Now, who can forget such a name. The whole family has the Asmo Haros part. His identity in the family is simply Mizan, really. And these Asmo Haros’s come with a ring each pulak tu. They have a family ring…a tradition. I liked that idea. Still do.
I have been thinking about lelaki Melayu sejati. Sejati not because they are Melayu. But because I liked them. Or rather the image of them. Note my word LIKED in past tense. That is because at present, I don’t know if I still like them. They must have changed. I must have too. But that’s not the point. I liked them the way they were when I liked them. Sejati, again, not because they are Malay. But because there was something about each of them yang membuatkan saya rasa sungguh sejati Melayu. Whatever that means. I guess, the thoughts of them bring out the Melayu in me.
I like the Melayu things. The cara, the culture, the sentiment…when it has nothing to do with religion. I used to feel sexy in batik sarong. Especially on the hips part. I even felt sexy everytime duduk bersimpuh regardless whether in batik sarong or not. Pendek kata, I think Melayu style is sexy. The pandang-pandang jeling-jeling practice, for one, is very lah mendebarkan. I used to get sesak nafas just main jeling-jeling with anak raja. The malu-malu feelings pun felt sexy to my veins.
And about these lelaki Melayu sejati…there is something nostalgic agaknya about them. Quiet moments can send vibration when you are with them. Have you ever felt that way? I don’t really know how to explain it. And I can’t really put my fingers in it, but lelaki Melayu CAN sweep you off your feet when you least expect it sebenornyer. Especially those yang tak banyak cakap (read: macho). Some of them are quite good with words. Many not so. But then again, I am writing about Lelaki Melayu Sejati. Yang tak sejati bersepah. Right next to you there’s probably one (million).
So, who are they? They are those lelaki Melayu yang saya ingat only in parts. The good parts only, that is. Those that I had good memories of or with. Not necessarily yang connected to me sentimentally aka serious relationship or anything. Like Asmo Haros Mizan. He was a very close friend at one point. No feeling feeling lah. He was in a healthy relationship and I was ending an unhealthy one. So he sent some good aura over to keep me strong. There was tempation of course for being close. But we were minds over matters. Otherwise he wouldn’t have made it to my list of Lelaki Melayu Sejati lah kan. D’uh!
And then, there was The Anak Raja. Physically, setakat ni tak de saper lah lagi yang dapat menandingi. He is always the most handsome man in my memory. He stays handsome in my mental picture even though I know for sure he has changed a lot more than what he would like it himself. I have changed too, to be fair. And I am sure kalau betul lah dia seru nama saya every week, he would probably have the very same perception of my look jugak in his mind. Selective memory at its best. Sometimes it’s NICE to dwell in the past every now and again.
Anyway, apart from being sexy, I think of the Melayu style or culture as very calm and calming. I associate Melayu with being peaceful. Like I associate Japanese culture with politeness, for instance. Sekejap-sekejap bow, sekejap-sekejap tunduk. Tanya soalan pun with no eye contact, out of respect. Their berlari-lari anak kinda berlari tu macam sopan se’sangat in my view. Similarly, whenever I think of African (or African-American), I think of the people being musical. You see it everyday on National Geographic or the likes, even CNN’s “Inside Africa”. Tak pernah tak ada bab menyanyi or drums beating.
So, when I think of the Malay culture, I think of the contented people. Laid back – not lazy. Redha might be the word, if that explains the people better. Not all, apparently. Malays are becoming more and more competitive in the modern world. I am not writing about Malays today pun. I am stuck in the era before the 50’s. I still have a crush on P.Ramlee, if you must know. I think he was attractive, creative, innovative, sensitive, hmm suggestive, uh smartive, and uh sexitive. So, P.Ramlee made it big time to my list of Lelaki Melayu Sejati. Positive!
The irony of it all is, I just dicovered that my Mom is a Chinese descendant, my Dad is Indian and I am now married to a lelaki bukan Melayu. Happily.
My friend, Eza, sent me a giggle this morning. This picture. The best part was the subject: “The Making of Gerak Khas The Movie 3”. Thanks, Eza. She had no idea that she actually opened the flood gate of memories of my grandma. And tetiber rasa rindu. And I just realized, she is the ONLY grandparent I have left! My grandma, that is. Not Eza. Syeeeessshh, read carefully. 
Questa è Enida 