Of late, this is the face I have been wearing…
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One tired face, one cold body, the day after the 2010 Mother’s Day, gallivanting in Stockholm for the second time this year, two days away from what was supposed to be Mom & Dad’s 39th Anniversary.
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Not many have seen this almost topless picture I took of myself on April 27. But if you are wondering where this post is going, other than me trying to exhibit the exhibitionist side of me that has been hidden for so long… just scroll down, will ya?
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The picture below was taken on January 21st, 2009. I remember visiting Mom at the hospital late that afternoon. And I remember telling Mom how I was changing for the better me. For me. And I remember how proud Mom was of me. She knew I was going to bounce back. I didn’t.
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And the next picture was taken on December 3rd 2008, when I went to Singapore just to see the Yasmin Ahmad’s movie that was (then) banned in Malaysia. I had a good walk. I had a great time. And I had one of the best laughters ever.
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Just two months before I went for the Great Gallivant Project in Singapore, I was going through a rough patch in my relationship. Though the next picture is a poor representation of that rough patch, I am getting to my point really soon. Scroll down, people!
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June 2008, when this next picture was taken, on my way home from Bangkok…
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I was pretty round and rounded woman at 73kg.
And that ain’t all that pretty to me.
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Okay! My point is: Yes. It is possible. Losing weight is undeniably challenging. But it really is do-able. I was lucky, all it took for me to lose the first 10 kilograms was just a heartache and a broken heart. Some people went through a series of heart attack before they finally learn that if we take more than what we need, something has got to give. I’m glad all I have to give up are my pounds.
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For me, weight has been a battle since… errr, birth perhaps. I know how REAL it is and I know how damaged and ‘injured’ my self-esteem was for many many years, to be an overweight child.
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I remember how embarassing it was when I could not do the lompat katak (frog leap) fun sports event when I was in grade two. It was supposed to be fun. But my Mom had to ask my class teacher to ‘excuse’ me from the sports day. It was not fun. Not for me anyway, to be excused and excluded. The only fun if I had stayed on and gone leaping was for people to see how a fat frog leaped.
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Losing weight, I know now, is not about appetite. It took me years to believe it. But I can tell you straight to the face now that losing weight is about attitude. I still crave for a thousand million things. Sometimes, all at once! But I no longer ignore it when my stomach tells me it has had enough.
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I honestly have run out of excuses to stay overweight. That said, I am still working on my final 5kg to my ideal weight, though. So bear with my work in progress! At last, halfway between my 30’s and 50’s, I am making sense of everything I have read about health all my life!
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Other than changing my attitude about appetite, food and eating, I have taken up running. Nothing serious. No marathon yet for this leapfrog, no. I try to run 20-25 kilometers per week. 5 kilometers at a time. Maybe 10, with good music and good pictures. You know what I mean? Hehehehe.
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I find that it is not the first 20 minutes of the run that is always the most excruciating. It is the putting on the pair of runners and getting on the treadmill that is murderous! The other day I spent 13 hours and probably 8 kilometers of walking AROUND the house, AWAY from my shoes and the treadmill. I am not always motivated, but by the time I get into my 3rd kilometer, it gets easier. I can go far and long, I swear I can Forrest-Gump it!
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Well, you can call this a show-off entry. Go ahead. It is, by the way. And if you have been battling your weight all your life, like me, and are winning, like me… I am inviting you to count our blessings in every step we take when we run. Run baby… run to me!
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Questa è Enida 
