Questa è Enida

On this eighteenth day of the third month I woke up determined to take a different look at the whole world. I still bite. But this rainy morning I was just happy to be silly, shaking my body to my Abang Ramlee’s Kwek Mambo and that “Wife you jugak cemburu jadi what will you do?” song. Kitreena didn’t join me shaking the body silly-ly. She just shook her head, rolled her eyes and (I think) wished for a different mom. She smiled, said nothing and pretended not to see me. But (I think) she was just happy I wasn’t roaring at her with the spelling practice I do with her every morning on the way to school. I had a good morning, mind you.

Funny how things work with our mind eh, and how we can turn things around without touching or breaking anything. Just the other night I was driving Mom to Lil Sis’ place feeling so lost as Mom just sat there saying nothing for 47km. That’s the way she has been. She doesn’t say anything anymore. She answers questions, yes. Sometimes with whatever word or thought that crosses her mind. And I…I just don’t see her anymore. It’s simply killing me to bring myself to look at Mom. My mind is not able to turn my head around to look or see, it closes my eyes instead.

But today I forgave myself for all the days I wasn’t able to retract my claws. And forgave myself for all that my mind wasn’t able to turn around. It took a lot to cross that border of a state called denial. After the Kwek Mambo and that “Wife you jugak cemburu jadi what will you do?” song, a rye bagel and cheddar, plus coffee and biscotti breakfast…I realized I am not a lion. I am just a purring kitty with a mind of her own.

Roarrrrrrrr!