Questa è Enida

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Totally did not anticipate that it could hit me this hard, this jetlag. After all, it is only a 4-hour difference between Pokrovsky Boulevard and Jalan Duta. I have been having troubles waking up before noon. And it has taken this nyonya 8 good days to bangun pagi siram pokok bunga! Only today that my air pasang pagi surut pukul 0545 when Edrick came to our room with his bugil bottom. Apparently he had gone to the bafwoom himself and wasn’t successful with the attempt to put the pants back on. Oh tedah!

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When I went back to bed just a little before 0600, I was actually glad that I was wide awake. My mind, for one reason or the other, immediately went wandering to Jalan Ampang where I had been earlier. It’s very easy for me to blame Dr Ananda for being the agenda of the day, but it wasn’t him. It was his assisstant, Nurul, who had her self-portrait up on the clinic’s reception wall. It all reminded me of my talented dear friend Nikki in Toronto. How’s that?

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I have been thinking about Nikki. I have been thinking of what not to say to her and what best ways to swallow the condolences like one would the bitterest painkillers. And I have been thinking of how to apologize to her for my not facing her sorrow of losing someone so dear… as dear as a little sister. I still do not know what to say, but I have run out of excuses for not calling Nikki to at least say that nothingness.

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To say that I am not good with words would be setting my own pants on fire, I know. So, I am not going to say I am not good with words. Not to Nikki, not to the sweet little angel singing in heaven for her early return to The Maker. Words have been good to me. But this time, the profound understanding that I have for the weight of losing a sister has failed me through and through. And this profoundness of my understanding comes with no words.

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So as the sun is rising at my end and setting at yours, forgive me Nikki as I pray yet again… wordlessly.

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