Walaupun batuk sampai sakit kepala, sakit dada, sakit hati, sakit jiwa… saya ada. Menulis, memadam, membetulkan, menulis lagi, mengkritik diri. Ada. Tak ke mana. Walaupun mendapat tawaran kerja di Temasek yang membuat saya teruja, saya masih di sini. Dekat-dekat sini. Semuanya sedang saya pertimbangkan. Kalau saya ke sana, siapakah di sini yang akan ke sana demi saya? Kalau saya di sana, siapakah di sana yang akan menemankan saya pulang ke sini sesekali? Walaupun saya tiada jawapan dan walaupun jawapannya ialah tiada, saya ada. Di sini. Walaupun…
Archive for the ‘Inside Enida’ Category
Walaupun
Posted in Inside Enida, Write On on March 28, 2011| Leave a Comment »
My Choice
Posted in Inside Enida on March 9, 2011| Leave a Comment »
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Ha’ah, saya penat dengan dunia.
And yes, it is all my fault.
Tak. Tak salahkan siapa-siapa.
My choice. Semua-muanya.
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Of Silence
Posted in Inside Enida, tagged Rindu on February 26, 2011| 1 Comment »
Entirely You
Posted in Inside Enida on February 22, 2011| Leave a Comment »
The entire 11.2 kilometers drive this morning, I was grappling for distraction. The entire 11.2 kilometers, yes. I didn’t want to tune in to Sinar FM or 89.9 BFM. They would just make me forget what I was trying hard not to remember. You.
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And then the entire 11.2 kilometers driving home, you came to my undistracted mind. The entire 11.2 kilometers, yes. And I realized that all I needed wasn’t distraction. I needed some direction. And just as I was going to give the steering wheel to you, you held my hands instead.
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Thank you for driving me home.
Hanya cintaMu yang terbaik untukku.
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The Faraway Skies
Posted in Inside Enida, Reading on February 22, 2011| Leave a Comment »
My love…
I am going to bed with Robert Greene tonight to figure out a little more about his Seduction and how artistic it can get. But I am hoping to wake up with Cecelia Ahern. After all, it is all about The Book of Tomorrow. So if you feel like I am being unfaithful to you tonight, what can I say. I am letting you go. For her name is Reality. She deserves you.
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And I…
I am just a book
you have not read.
My words are stars
in the faraway skies
you have not reached.
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Goodnight my love.
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Come True
Posted in Hurt, Inside Enida on February 7, 2011| 5 Comments »
When I write, I don’t usually think or write about my writing. More often than not, I would just tell you my side of stories. The way I see them, the way I feel them and the way I live them, being me. Being this Enida.
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And perhaps the last thing I would be thinking about when I write is… whether I am writing what I’m writing from the heart, or from the mind. I don’t really know where it comes from. It is challenging enough as it is, to write from my memory.
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So the other day when someone, I can’t even remember who it was now, said, “Enida I can feel that you write from the heart,” I didn’t know how to respond. For someone who kind of almost always has the last say, I didn’t. I didn’t know what to say.
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I came home here – to my writing – and started reading some of the ‘Hurt’ entries to see if I sounded like I was writing from my heart. To be honest with you, I couldn’t tell. I still can’t. But I do have a question for you.
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When you tell the truth, can you tell if it comes from the heart?
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For the longest time, I thought I had a broken heart. Too broken to write from.
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Touch-n-Never-Let-Go
Posted in Inside Enida on February 1, 2011| Leave a Comment »
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Do you know how it feels when you can’t hold what you touch?
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Can you imagine touching someone’s hand and not being able to wrap your fingers around hers?
Meskipun Hanya
Posted in Inside Enida, Sense on January 31, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Masih kedengaran di telinga gue apa yang dibilangin Bibik saat kami lagi ngobrol di meja dapur sore kemaren. Gue akhirnya nekad ngabarin ama Bibik bahwa gue lagi dilanda emosi, meskipun gue kira dari semula Bibik bisa nebak hati gue yang bening ini. Ntar gue seneng, ntar bete, ntar ngayal, ntar nangis melulu. Ntar malah gila.
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Gue: Aku toh ga mengarapkan papa dari belio, Bi. Nawarin papa juga ngga.
Bibik: Yah, saya ngarti Bu. Punyaan orang sih emang harus begitu.
Gue: Tapi belakangan ini aku malah benci pada diriku bila mulut dan hatiku ga mau setuju. Gemes sih bila aku harus cemburu!
Bibik: Naaahhh kalo cemburu itu Bu, tandanya sayang.
Gue: Yach, barangkali bener Bi aku sayang meski aku ga pernah curhat. Aku tau belio tau. Dan akhirnya tadi siang belio bilangin sayang itu terang-terangan padaku dalam satu ayat.
Bibik: Barangkali belio jadi kasian sama Ibu.
Gue: Kasian?
Bibik: Yach, dikira mungkin Ibu toh nungguin cuman yang itu. Dibilangin sayang itu. Ya lalu diucap, ya udah.
Gue: Kasian?
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Gue jadi terbangun dari mimpi.
Sebel ama diri gue sendiri.
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Does It Matter?
Posted in Inside Enida, Songs on January 26, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Keraguan Ini
Posted in Inside Enida, Songs on January 26, 2011| Leave a Comment »
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