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Archive for the ‘Inside Enida’ Category

安静

March 25, 2017:
One thing I noticed about strong-minded people is that… even in times when they feel the most helpless, they often end up helping others instead. And that even in times when they desperately need someone to talk to, they usually end up being the one listening.

Silence

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February 16, 2018:
Almost a year later, I noticed that there is a big bottle in each of these strong-minded people, filled with their own words. The bottle stuffed. Capped. The words left unsaid.

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By All Means

IMG_1953February 22, 2017:
I was going to say it’s way past my bedtime. But the truth is, I’m not sure when exactly my bedtime is. It has been shambolically at sixes and sevens these last few… years. Yes, it has been years since this kampung girl first ran around selling t-shirts for a mere hundred dollars.

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Five years, to be exact.

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There have been so many sleepless nights and sleepful days that in all honesty, I am beginning to miss me. Kids are growing up and growing fast. Our Mesra home has been without Bibik since 2015 and us three have grown remarkably unsusceptible to the dust on the corners of the staircase.

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As an abnormal family (as labeled by Kitreena), we are doing not too bad. Edrick has grown moustache and Kitreena has embraced vegetarianism. I still fit in many of my outfits from 1997 but they are mainly towels and baggy sweaters. I have more grey hair than brown, that’s for sure. To be able to visit my salon as often as I need to, I save hard. And I have found an inexpensive hairdresser in Ampang, although I still don’t go as often as I need to.

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But most importantly, with a moustached 11-year old son and a vegetarian daughter whose hair has grown straight,  we have grown to love and embrace our abnormality.

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February 16, 2018:
I just read Syed Azmi’s post about a family in Melaka struggling to make ends meet. It was what the husband said about his little family that made me think about mine. My life without a husband, and my little family abnormal and all, I am happy to repeat after him… “Kami mungkin susah, tapi kami bahagia.”

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Susah is, by all means, subjective.

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IMG_1642.
The funny thing about random writing is yes, I do it from the heart. It is usually about things I don’t have the heart to say outright. And not to the person I mean it for, at least. And then I would leave it for a while. Long enough for me to forget whom I write it for.
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This is one of them. And it is over a year old.
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I rediscovered it at Borders when I was copying important information from my 2017 Notebook to my 2018. Written way near the back page, it was probably my rambling early in the year, last year. Tapi itu lah… tak ingat untuk siapa.
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Now…
The good thing about random writing like this is that, it can end up being a reminder to your good old self. Perhaps my mantra this year should be, “Enida, sekali-sekala engkau perlu berhenti melayan dunia.”
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Friday, the nineteenth day of May, 0800H.
I was at Shell Hartamas. Isi minyak and had no other intentions, supposedly. But then, ternampak pulak this new-looking cafe at Shell. I thought, okaylah. Singgahlah sekejap breakfast. (Alasan biasa to have my morning ‘Enida Time’.).

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IMG_2258

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It was indeed a new, and nice-looking cafe. Well lit. Macam IKEA. I took my food, got to the cashier, said my bubbly ‘good morning’…

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Hi, Ms Enida.

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Hah?
I touched my chest for a reality-check. I haven’t worn my name-tag since my last training session at Markas Udara, TLDM. Bagus betul cashier ni, I thought. Siap sebut nama. But I didn’t have my silver-shining EC name-tag on.

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Saya Siti, last time dekat McDonald’s Pandan Mewah. Saya pernah ikut training Puan.

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Oh!
I was all smiles dan hati berbunga-bunga ungu macam bunga ‘Thankful’ on Facebook. And as I was sitting having breakfast this morning, there was a song playing on repeat in my head.

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Sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows your name.
And they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see
the troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

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Sering

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Yang sering hilang di antara mata pena dan kegilaanku adalah waktu.

Handwriting

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Se-Mentara

Kalau nak sangat sedih,
biar sedih betul-betul.
Sedih habis-habis.
Sebab sedih itu,
dalam sakit dan perih-payahnya,
sementara.

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Kalau nak sangat menangis,
biar menangis betul-betul.
Menangis habis-habis.
Sebab menangis itu,
dalam pedih dan bengkak-bengkilnya,
membasuh jiwa.

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Sedih lah. Menangis lah.
Penat sedih, penat menangis nanti, kita berhenti.
Letih sedih, letih menangis nanti, kita berdiri.

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Tak mati.IMG_5194
Ada masa lagi.

 

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*Enida
Mesra Terrace
15 Disember 2015

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Tulis lah…

Selamat Hari Bapa, Guruku...

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