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Archive for the ‘Hope’ Category

This Far

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I wasn’t overly sure what exactly the highlight of the wedding I attended today was. The food at the reception at Sahara Tent, Shah Alam, was one of the most delicious of Arabic meals I have had ever since the feast in the tent at Al Bustan Palace, Muscat in 2005, maybe? I ate. Oi! For eating’s sake, I ate! It is my third week of no-carb diet. But today was the big cheat day, I’d say.

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When Delynne said it was going to be a small wedding, I knew it was going to be beautiful, nonetheless. But I didn’t expect ME to be so emotional. I was in tears whenever I saw the bride and groom. And on the way home, Kitreena said something that made me come to my senses. The feeling was so intense and beautiful in the same time, I vowed to live long to see Monchies’ turn.

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The other highlight was the ‘gift boxes’ everyone received. Each contains candies and a piece of paper with a printed quote. All thoughtfully numbered (always trust Delynne to come up with something as mindful as that). I loved the idea so much, I told Kitreena and Edrick to start collecting their favorite quotes from now!

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To Delynne and Syazwan…
Have a wonderful journey together full of adventure, laughter, lessons and above all, love. There will be times when you stumble or even fall, and feel as though you were going nowhere. And there will be times when you feel that you are alone in your togetherness. Reach out and hold each other’s hand then, embrace the growing pain and know it is all worth it. You two have come this far.

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And as I was writing the previous paragraph, I realized why I have always loved small weddings. Mine, in Auckland on June 19th seventeen years ago… was one.

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I Thought I Saw

We seldom go shopping for clothes, Monchies and I. Whatever we have that we can wear, we wear them ’til they wear out. And even when they are all worn out, some clothes that we really love are worn out ’til they are torn up. I’m still having a tough time trying to justify why I am in the clothing business, considering how much I do not like shopping for new clothes.

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But the kids are tired of wearing Airwings Merchandise tops, I can tell. So, after Christmas I took them shopping. Kitreena was in dire needs for some ‘girls’ stuff. It was the best time to shop for clothes when everybody else had already spent their mulah prior to Christmas. Malls were quiet and everything was on sale sale sale!

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We had a great time shopping, Monchies and I. So great and so rare, that we were still talking about it a week after. When I picked them up at school one sunny afternoon, Kitreena wished we could go do it again.

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Mommy: But you got everything you wanted, didn’t you?
Kitreena: Not everything.
Mommy: What else did you want?
Kitreena: I wanted Daddy.
Mommy: Huh? Uh… sorry sayang, I can’t help you.
Kitreena: Hehehe…
Mommy: Not for sale. Not on sale.
Edrick: But wait, Mom! I thought I saw him on the shelves.
Mommy: Saw what?
Edrick: Daddy! At RM58.99.
Kitreena: *silent*
Mommy: *silent*
Edrick: *all smiles*

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When I finally got the joke, I broke out in a ROAR of laughter that made Edrick laugh…

Edrick: I haven’t made you laugh this big for a long time, Mom!
Mommy: I know! I just didn’t see it coming!
Kitreena: *tries not to laugh*
Mommy: But why RM58.99 and not RM60.00.
Edrick: That’s after discount.
Mommy: *roars some more*

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Kitreena went quiet in the back seat, and I let her take it easy and take what Edrick said as a joke to lighten up our day. But I did tell her that sunny afternoon, no matter how much we had, some things were just unattainable by money. Some things that were supposedly easy and ready… were the very same things that were not meant to be.

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IMG_0328

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Sprint Chicken

I would like to think that Kitreena is actually a long-distance runner like her Mom, not a sprinter that she would like to believe she is. And on Wednesday when she finished last in the sports practice at the stadium, I expected to pick up a sourpuss at school.

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“I finished last for the 1000 meter run, Mom.”
“But you finished. That’s all that matters.”
“Yeah, but I thought I was fast enough to not finish last.”
“Maybe all you need is more practice and a bit of energy booster.”
“My Shamrock teacher didn’t even look at me because I finished last, Mom.”

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There was a smile on her face and a little giggle when I thought she would be in tears. I was amazed at how un-sour her attitude was even though she said she was embarrassed beyond repair.

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“Ah well, I’ll practise more after this. But Mom… I think I need a pair of Nike runners like Edrick’s.”

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Now, that struck so fast from a non-sprinter, I. Did. Not. See. It. Coming.

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Cukupan Azimat

Cukuplah dulu.
Kalau nak difikir tentang apa yang saya tak ada, uiii… banyak. Tapi bila difikir tentang apa yang saya dah ada, uiii… lagi banyak! Sebab itu tak sanggup nak merungut banyak-banyak sangat. Takut nanti kalau Tuhan tarik balik kesenangan, walaupun satu, akan terasa susahnya. Ibaratnya kalau Tuhan tarik keupayaan saya melihat, walaupun hanya sebelah mata… menangis bertahun juga saya rasa. Insaf.

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Rumah… cukuplah dulu dengan apa yang ada. Bukan setakat ada, malah barangkali lebih baik daripada kebanyakan orang lain. Ada, mesra, selesa dan tiada bebanan hutang. Cukuplah dulu walaupun bila terdesak bukan boleh saya jual pun pintu atau daun tingkapnya di Ca$h ¢onverter. Dan bila ada masanya saya ralat dengan mutu binaan Mesra, saya redha di sini lah tempat saya dan anak-anak membina kenangan. Jauh dari bergelandangan. Syukur.

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Kereta… cukuplah dulu dengan apa yang ada. Elok sifatnya, malah molek sikapnya. Tak banyak ragam walaupun banyak parutnya. Cukuplah dulu saya lenjan dan belasah yang itu buat mencari rezeki dan menghantar menjemput anak-anak ke sekolah, berteduh di jalan dari panas dan hujan. Malah anak-anak ada hati nak mengajak saya menjelajah ke Ulaanbaatar dengan hanya memandu ke sana. Sama gila anak-anak dengan Mommy nya. Tapi, itulah, syukur saya berkereta.

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Saya… cukuplah dulu dengan apa yang ada. Pada diri. Walaupun masih banyak ilmu dan keredhaan yang saya cari, untunglah saya masih ada waktu, hidup dan bernafas hari ini. Nikmat yang Tuhan beri untuk saya; sihat, kuat, cergas walaupun saya mengaku ada masanya malas… saya bercukup-cukupan dengan apa yang ada. (Bukan berkucup-kucupan, okay.)

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Cukuplah dulu.
Saya nak pergi meng-Google gambar-gambar Ulaanbaatar dan berangan-angan sejauh 6792.4km…

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Ulaanbaatar: The Genghis Khan Statue

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Breathing In…

Moga ada syurga sewangi rambutmu…

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Bagai mencium olehku bau nya syurga...

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Akhir Disember Ini…

Seven years was not short. But when he called the wedding off just a week before the big date – and it was supposed to be the biggest present ever on Christmas… she died. Convinced that she was destined to the seventh hell, her soul, her heart, and her core died with her will, almost taking her being with her.

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Two years later she was still dead.

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Until…
Her Daddy finally said, “It was God who put the love in your heart. And it was Him who took it away. But He can put a new one. It’s just that… you have to be alive to receive it. Just as alive as you were nine years ago.”

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She’s getting married at the end of December this year on her very first birthday of her second life.

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Congratulations, luv!

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