Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Encik: Baju tu guna kain apa?Pelikat
Enida: Baju tu guna kain pelikat buruk bapak saya.
Encik: Hah?
Enida: Kalau tak selesa kami guna kain lap pinggan.
[Jawapan dalam hati hanya nampak di status FB.]


.Photo credit: kealambarzakh.wordpress.com



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I Thought I Saw

We seldom go shopping for clothes, Monchies and I. Whatever we have that we can wear, we wear them ’til they wear out. And even when they are all worn out, some clothes that we really love are worn out ’til they are torn up. I’m still having a tough time trying to justify why I am in the clothing business, considering how much I do not like shopping for new clothes.


But the kids are tired of wearing Airwings Merchandise tops, I can tell. So, after Christmas I took them shopping. Kitreena was in dire needs for some ‘girls’ stuff. It was the best time to shop for clothes when everybody else had already spent their mulah prior to Christmas. Malls were quiet and everything was on sale sale sale!


We had a great time shopping, Monchies and I. So great and so rare, that we were still talking about it a week after. When I picked them up at school one sunny afternoon, Kitreena wished we could go do it again.


Mommy: But you got everything you wanted, didn’t you?
Kitreena: Not everything.
Mommy: What else did you want?
Kitreena: I wanted Daddy.
Mommy: Huh? Uh… sorry sayang, I can’t help you.
Kitreena: Hehehe…
Mommy: Not for sale. Not on sale.
Edrick: But wait, Mom! I thought I saw him on the shelves.
Mommy: Saw what?
Edrick: Daddy! At RM58.99.
Kitreena: *silent*
Mommy: *silent*
Edrick: *all smiles*


When I finally got the joke, I broke out in a ROAR of laughter that made Edrick laugh…

Edrick: I haven’t made you laugh this big for a long time, Mom!
Mommy: I know! I just didn’t see it coming!
Kitreena: *tries not to laugh*
Mommy: But why RM58.99 and not RM60.00.
Edrick: That’s after discount.
Mommy: *roars some more*


Kitreena went quiet in the back seat, and I let her take it easy and take what Edrick said as a joke to lighten up our day. But I did tell her that sunny afternoon, no matter how much we had, some things were just unattainable by money. Some things that were supposedly easy and ready… were the very same things that were not meant to be.





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You buat apa tu, sayang?

Baru lepas goreng ikan.

Goreng ikan?

Ha’ah. Kita makan ikan keli hari ni okay kan?

Bukan setakat ikan keli. Malah lebih daripada tu pun I okay je makan.

Hah? Lebih daripada ikan keli, ikan apa?

Ailavyu...Ikan yu lah.

Ikan I?

Ha’ah ikan yu.

Errr… you ni buat lawak double meaning ke apa ni?

Apa pulak double meaning nya?

Mana I tau.

Betul lah ikan you. Sebab you yang rajin masak ikan, kan?

Habis, ikan I bukan ikan you jugak?

Bukan. I makan ikan you, sebab I tak ada ikan I.

I tak faham lah lawak semenanjung you ni, sayang. I kan orang Sabah.

Sabah lagi lah best. Dah lama I tak makan Sinagol Ikan Yu you tu.

Dah lah. Sejak bila I, I, you, you, ikan I, ikan you ni? Jam berapa balik?

Ini soalan memancing ikan I ke ni sayang?

Mengada lah. You lambat, I tak nak buat air asam.

Uishhh! Okay, okay! Ugutan you ni ganas macam ikan yu lah.

Baik. Kalau tak nak ganas, pergi cari sotong.

Jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng! Sayang tau lagu tema cerita JAWS kan?

Tau. Bye!

Eh, eh! Bolayan lettewww.



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I makan spaghetti petang tadi, ingat you. I makan sandwich malam semalam, ingat you. I makan keropok losong Pak Ngah lepas makan spaghetti dua suap ni pun, ingat you. Apatah lagi bila I makan asam pedas ikan kembung yang you cadangkan I masak esok tu, dah tentu lah I ingat you.


I sampai tak pergi makan angin, ingat you. Dan bila you tak ada, I makan hati… ingat you. .


Maka makannya....

I tau lah you sentiasa ada dalam hati I. Tapi you kat mana? You… you kat mana?



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Tau Kotahi

The kids and I got into an excitement of a conversation on the way to Pak Ngah Studio last night. It went from one topic to another; from immortality to vampires. Even my pronunciation of ‘draculas’ got corrected by both Kitreena and Edrick simultaneously in the heat of the conversation. Haha malunya!


We then moved on to the word in Māori that I learned today from my fellow trainer. The word is ‘tahi’, which means ‘one’ – yeah, the number.


To Tatou Wahine


Mommy: Did you know that in Māori, the word for number one is ‘tahi‘?

Kitreena: Haaaa? Hahahahahaha!

Mommy: Do you know what tahi means in Bahasa, Edrick?

Edrick: Nooo…

Kitreena: It’s poop lah Edrick! Hahahaha.

Edrick: Uhhh… I kinda thought of it. But what’s Māori?

Mommy: The Māori are the native people of New Zealand.

Edrick: Hmmm…


At this point, it just came naturally to me to do the Haka Dance for Edrick to associate Māori with Haka and the All Blacks, of course. And I did! I did the Haka Dance. Driving and all. Good thing we were at the traffic lights.


There I was… wearing my pinkish red baju batik with my usual white skirt doing the ugliest Haka Dance with the ugliest Haka warrior face ever while driving my two Canadian kids to their Malay Dance training session! I made up the words to sound like Māori and I exaggerated the dance… like real.


The kids looked at me with their expressionless face, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry.


Kitreena: Okay Mom, that’s good. I think Edrick knows what Haka Dance is now.

Mommy: Hehehe if there was a handsome man who wanted to marry me saw me doing that, I bet he’d change his mind.

Edrick: I officially agree with you, Mom. *pats Mommy’s left shoulder*

Mommy: Ouch! That officially hurts my feeling.

Edrick: I am sorry Mom.

Mommy: Naaahhh, no worries, Edrick.

Kitreena: But why handsome man, Mom?

Mommy: Well, I was just saying it. I don’t mind marrying a not-so-handsome man too, ya know. I don’t want to berebut with other ladies to get him.

Kitreena: So, are you saying you want the opposite now?

Edrick: Opposite of what? *tries really hard to follow the conversation*

Kitreena: Opposite of handsome, Edrick.

Mommy: Well, I don’t really care how he looks like as long as he is not grumpy.

Kitreena: What about bald?

Mommy: I don’t mind bald, I just mind grumpy. I was with a bald and grumpy one for 12 years. Tak nak dah!

Kitreena: Hahahaha!

Mommy: Why are we even talking about me marrying the opposite of a handsome man?

Haka FaceKitreena: You started it, Mommm!

Mommy: I did? Hehehe malunya!

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Silly Angsa

The drive down to Singapore started with the Drive-Thru McDonald’s lunch just before the Sg. Besi toll. I hadn’t even had breakfast at that point, but I ordered Fillet-o-Fish set anyway and was determined to eat-n-drive.

Edrick: Mom, are you going to eat that Fillet-o-Fish?

Mommy: Yeah, I suppose…

Kitreena: Oh Mom, Mom! Give Edrick a silly answer please! You haven’t given him silly answers for a loooong time!

Edrick: Hahahaha! Yeah Mom. Give me a silly answer.

Mommy: Hehehe okay okay. Ask me again, Edrick.

Edrick: Mom, are you going to eat that Fillet-o-Fish?

Mommy: No, Edrick. I’m going to throw it off the bridge when we are crossing the border because I can’t eat a Malaysian burger in Singapore.

Kitreena: Hahahaha!

Edrick: Hahahaha! Mommy that’s so silly.

Mommy: Well… you asked for it. Hahahaha!.


Filly silly!.

I never got to eat-n-drive anyway. And the Malaysian Fillet-o-Fish ended up in the Singaporean garbage bin 24 hours after crossing the border anyway.


Silly me!



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Banyak Minyak

Sayang, Abang dah lama tak bagi sayang teka-teki kan?

*terus buat-buat pengsan*

Alah sayang ni, tak boleh betul dengar perkataan teka-teki.

Memang tak boleh. Menyampah tau. Hari-hari Ida berdoa Abang tak bagi teka-teki.

Amboi! Sampai berdoa? Alaaaa satu je. Pleeeeeease…

*jeling maut*

Okay Abang bagi je, nanti kalau sayang tak dapat jawap, Abang jawap sendiri.

*ketawa tapi nak nangis*

Okay, sayang… kenapa suami suka pakai minyak wangi?


Ye lah, I mean… lelaki lah in general. Kenapa lelaki suka pakai minyak wangi?

Hmmmm… sebaaaabbb kalau dia pakai minyak masak, alamatnya kena goreng lah dengan isteri dia.

Pisang goreng (katanama), goreng pisang (katakerja).


Dah lah, Ida nak ke dapur goreng pisang yang Mak bawak tu.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha I like your answer, sayang! Nak Abang tolong kupas pisang?

Nak sangat! Yes please.



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It was late, and we were still talking about the Mayans and the 21122012-belief on the way home from picking up Bibik at the airport on December 21st, last year.


Edrick: Mom, are  you sure today’s not the doom’s day?

Enida: Ohhh it’s pretty late now for this world to end. It’s almost midnight.

Edrick: And what’s gonna happen tomorrow if today is not the doom’s day?

Enida: I will have to do laundry tomorrow. And you have to help.

Edrick: Arrrggghhh pickles!


Penawar luka di hati Mommy... Kitreena looked at me and I looked at Kitreena. Kitreena rolled her eyes to Edrick’s old curse word. And I knew even if the world came to an end that night, I had my angels with me.




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Getaran Jiwang

Kawan: Oittt! Pepagi lagi dah berFacebook?

Enida: Hehehe biasalah. Menghibur hati sendiri.

Kawan: Eh, beb… ngko ni tengah bercinta ke apa?

Enida: Aku memang sentiasa bercinta. Mana pernah tak bercinta.

Kawan: Ishhh, seriously! Ngko ada orang baru eh?

Enida: Hah? Orang baru? Pehhh! Dasyatnya aku!

Kawan: Dah tu, asek letak status jiwang jer.

Enida: Status jiwang? Jiwang ke?

Kawan: Dengan pantun cintan-cintun lah, dengan lirik lagu jiwang lah. Mesti ada apa-apa ni.

Enida: Laaa aku kan bekas pemantun kebangsaan. La femme de jogette pulak tu. Biasa lah.

Kawan: Yang gambor telefon pagi tadi tu… telefon boyfriend duduk jauh ke?

Enida: Eh itu telefon kat katil aku lah.

Kawan: Ye lah, itu bukan ngko berkias nak bagitau boyfriend duduk jauh eh?

Enida: Ha’ah aku telefon boyfriend aku dari dalam selimut. Hangat siottt.

Kawan: Ngko ni! Kalau bercinta cakap je lah. Apasal nak sorok-sorok, berkias-kias?

Enida: Sebab aku lahir-lahir memang dah macam ni. Suka berkias. Cinta ke tak cinta ke, aku berkias jugak.

Kawan: So bila nak kahwin?

Enida: Weekend ni.

Kawan: Oiii! Biar betul ngko ni!

Enida: Kalau dia tak kerja… kalau aku free, nanti aku ajak dia kahwin. Ngko free tak nak tengok aku kawin? Aku tak buat nasik minyak okay. Aku beli karipap IKEA aja jamu orang datang. Minum 100Plus botol besar.

Kawan: Hahaha sudah lah ngko ni! Nyampah aku.

Enida: Hahaha beb. Dalam menyampah-nyampah, ngko sibuk gak nak tau skandal aku kan?

Kawan: Hahaha tu yang aku tak paham tu. Hahaha.




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Koi tok gheti nok maeng geing. Pandei lalu. Toksoh sughoh lah mende geing pon. Kecoli Tumblebug sebak keje diyer melutu ke mende bulat hok bebagheih masuk lubang kluwor lubang te haje. Lepeh lutu, lutu. Lepeh lutu, lutu.


Keiknye biler becakak pasei lutu ni, koi tingek ke MokDe koi. Oghangnya paleh tinggi. Sudoh lah tinggi, besor pulok te. Sudoh lah besor, garang diyer… koooos semangek. Ibaratnya tuanku soltan te penyudohnye mintok ampun ke MokDe koi. “Ampun MokDe beghibu-ghibu ampun, semboh beta haghak diampun.” Kabor ke. Punye ke takot baginda ke kegarangei MokDe Semoh. Ah yer, doh namer nye cekgu besor, yak.


Puloknye, gone ke tok chengei? Adik-beradik 15 oghang. Iyerrr limer beleh. Fifteen. Satu limer. 15. Diyer hok nomboi tiger. KokNgoh diyer lagi loh pulok chengei melampaa. Bukei tuanku soltan je mintok ampun penyudohnye. Yang dipertuei agong karang kot ngikut mintok ampun belaka. Sudoh la dah.


Mok koi citer dulu, KokNgoh diyer te yang mele diyer maser mok ayoh diyer pegi aji. Mengkala adik-adik tok mboh dengor kater je, diyer cakor muker! Kuku panjang super antu. Sape babei, diyer tok meri nasik. Hah, belapor lah awok sampei mok awok balik aji, kabor ke.


Oh cokoiiittt! Laaaaa… koi ni tadi benornye nok citer pasei maeng geing. Ilang keisoh yak! Haiiii tak mende lah pepagi ni melaghat meghaban. Lepeh te koi konoan nok citer pasei perkataei ‘lutu’ hok MokDe koi rajeing nyebut dulu te. Sebak diyer rajeing melutu keghebaa. Datang dekat sikek je, dilutu dengei puntung kayu api. Menciput laghi keghebaa te, sampei bertabur taik.


Koi teghase lah pulok nok pegi nabur bende hok boleh tabur. Hishhh! Pantang nyebut yak. Pleboit sangek koi te.




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