Questa è Enida

You know how it works with the mind, don’t you? That when we want something so much, so badly… we tell ourselves that we need it. And even after finding out that it isn’t really what we want or need, we tell ourselves we need to ‘finish’ it. We search for reasons. We make excuses.

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At the end of it all, we want to avoid saying, “We didn’t try.” So we keep pushing for the next level. Up or down. We keep hanging on. We keep climbing, saying it is the climb that matters. For whatever it is, we have this profound need in finding proof that it’s worth it. Worth finding. Worth trying. Worth keeping. Or worth letting go.

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And then we make up stories to tell none other than our gullible little self that we need to hurt in order to heal. Some of us hurt others. The rest of us hurt ourselves. We contain that pain as deeply as we want to contain joy. And we list down all the choices we made that have led us to the final chosen pain.

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More often than not we play the blame game. We lose, we lose. We win, we  still lose. We’ll never put back the clock. Nor will we ever walk backwards pretending that we haven’t gone through what we have gone through.

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At the end of the day, it is the climb – and its hurdles, and its steepness, and the height, and the challenges, and the tears, and the sweat, and the blood. And everything else in between finding it and quitting it. Whatever it is.

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And whatever it is I look for… I actually find it everyday. It’s just a matter of keeping it.

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The faith.

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