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Archive for the ‘Sense’ Category

The Nippon Heart

Posted in Sense on March 17, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I was watching the news the other night and was sent back to December 26, 2004 watching Aceh, Andaman, Sri Lanka and a part of Thailand rolled into one mess of calamity. I was watching the news with both hands covering my mouth trying so hard to contain a very sad cry.

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All I could think to say was, “Kuatnya hati orang Nippon ni, kuatnya hati orang Nippon ni, kuatnya hati orang Nippon ni!” I was just watching it and my heart, my entire resilience and my whole sanity were rolled into one mess of calamity.

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And I was just watching it.

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My Journey

Posted in Hurt, Sense on March 10, 2011| Leave a Comment »

There was something else on my mind when I started out this whole journey. But I guess, as I later found out,  it wasn’t just up to my mind to control how it started, let alone how it ended. I wanted my space and I wanted my time. So I asked. But by the time I asked, I had already been tired for a long time. So tired, I wasn’t just dragging my feet. I was dragging my entire sanity to comprehend how a relationship could go so very wrong. And if sanity ever had its entirety, we were supposed to be starting over in a new place in the first place. Together.

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So things went wrong. As wrong as tainting one’s home, where the second-chance was supposed to take place, with one’s incapability of being faithful for the nth time. And so things went more wrong when it wasn’t supposed to be found out but it was. And when things went even more wrong, one could blame the carpet where it was all supposed to be swept under. That something else I had on my mind when I started out this whole journey was nothing else but cleaning out what was under the carpet. Unfortunately there was no carpet. It was all a pile of dirt. All.

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I wasn’t granted time, nor was I space.
This whole new journey is God’s grace.

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My All

Posted in Monchies, Sense, tagged on March 7, 2011| 2 Comments »

Kitreena: Mom, when we go to Atuk’s house this weekend I wanna give him money.

Mommy: Huh? Why do you wanna give him money?

Kitreena: So Atuk can get more food and stuff.

Mommy: Oh okay. But I think Atuk has enough food and stuff, Monch.

Kitreena: Yeah but there’s gonna be a lot of people at Atuk’s house this weekend. Maybe he won’t have enough money to buy food and stuff for everybody.

Mommy: Oookaaay. So… how much are you gonna give Atuk?

Kitreena: I found 50 cents by the pool the other day and I have one ringgit from the Tooth Fairy. One ringgit and fifty cents altogether.

Mommy: Oh… what a precious thought you have, sweetheart!

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There are times when I have soooo much more than RM1.50 and feel like it is never enough, let alone feeling like giving. With this girl, though… I must have done something right somewhere. For, to her, it is better to have little and give all, than to have much and give none at all.
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Thank you, Lord.

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Practical Principle

Posted in Sense, Write On on March 1, 2011| 2 Comments »

Everyone in my family wears their watch on the right wrist. But the only lefthanded one is Edrick. It was just a matter of preference, at first. And when we realized that many of us have been doing so, all of us somewhat decided to make it sort of a ‘family thing’ kind of thing. Like, yeah! Let’s all wear our watch on our right hand, Supian Clan!

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It once became a discussion between myself and Brother Jay who looked at it from the practicality point of view. Well, I do understand why a watch has to be worn on the left wrist if one is righthanded, and vice versa. Nice and practical, yes. But all I go by is comfort. I like wearing my watch on the right wrist and I don’t know why. I don’t have to know why. And since my siblings, my dad and mom felt the same way, we just did it and now keep on doing it just because.  We don’t have to have a reason. Or do we?

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I guess being a practical person like Brother Jay, everything has to adhere to a principle as well. As practical as not getting one’s watch shaken too much by the superior hand, one shall wear the watch on the subordinate hand. Fine and dandy. And that’s the way it should be, eh?

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Hmmm… patutlah!

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Jodoh Mampir

Posted in Sense on February 27, 2011| 1 Comment »

Bibik and I talk about anything, everything. Yep, including what is ‘down there’. So I bet you can imagine how much we share about jodoh. There are times when I lose my faith not just in jodoh, but in cinta as well. And those are the times when Bibik convinces me that those tombol-tombol pintu in my life are nothing but my Jodoh Mampir.
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Saya pun tersenyum kembali.
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Love, Clarity and Conviction

Posted in Sense on February 23, 2011| 2 Comments »

Acts of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant
Daily Meditations for People of Color
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Speak your truth and speak it quick!
—Michael Cornelius

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Saying what you really think, feel or believe is often difficult. Usually you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. Even when they infuriate you, you don’t want to make someone mad.

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The real truth of the matter is, somewhere deep down inside, you don’t believe your feelings are “right” or that you have the “right” to feel the way you do.

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When you hold on to the feelings you become angry, fearful and confused. When you don’t say what is on your mind you will be prone to gossip, rebel or commit acts of betrayal against yourself and others.

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The only way to free yourself from the stress of not saying what you think is to speak the truth with love, clarity and conviction. And to speak it quickly with a conscious tongue.

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I speak my truth from my heart.

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Men-Ding

Posted in Sense, Write On on February 9, 2011| 3 Comments »

Us, the Mesra bunch, were going through the possible menu for the school lunchbox at bedtime last night. Monchies refuse to have the rice lunch provided by the school these days. And I, almost apologetically, must admit that these rascals are not rice mice. Having rice everyday at mealtimes for Kitreena and Edrick is like us truly Asians having bread for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner and at snack time 5 days a week. Boleh?

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So I bet you could imagine how overly displeased I was when Bibik told me we were out of bread. At 8.15pm Tuesday night! But oh well, if we’re out, we’re out, ya know. How else can it be? Monchies went to bed and so did Bibik, at 8.30pm. But I, the Questa è Enida, had to make a run to Cold Storage Mont Kiara for some bread. And while I was at it, I actually got some bagels, sausages, cumin Gouda cheese and some Coons, some choy sum, kyuri, cherry tomatoes, snow peas, yogurt, Korean strawberries and bananas. And oh! Yeah I got bread too!

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A lot of things needed mending at home, and I thought while I was still at it, I might as well look for the replacement for these…

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It took me a while at the lightbulb section to find the right one as this was the light for the Electrolux kitchen hood. I wasn’t all that hopeful to see any at Cold Storage. But I looked anyway. And I caught myself staring at, and then staring through the lighbulb boxes for a few long minutes, thinking that it was never my ‘department’ to look at lightbulbs before. It used to be a man thing in my house. There used to be a man in my house too. 🙂

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The right lightbulb was not available. But the blinking thought I was having while looking, certainly switched a lightbulb on in my head. I actually had an ‘Oprah’s Aha! Moment’ there and then!

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I moved on to the battery section nevertheless, thinking that at some point in time, I must have been the brightest light in someone’s eyes. And at some point in time, I must have been that energetic pink bunny rabbit ready to toy around with any possibilities life had in store. But then, life happened. And just like a burned-out lightbulb and a drained-out battery, I have been replaced. Out of sight, out of mind.

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I drove home with neither a new lightbulb, nor a new battery. But I must have taken the longest route home. For it sure felt like I was driving 260km long thinking about finding a replacement. Maybe the next time around I should look for one that is bright enough to light up the whole kitchen – not just the stove, the one that has a lifetime warranty, and for a battery that is rechargeable for ever and ever. And ever after.

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Maybe I need a heart replacement. Banyak sangat roti and not enough nasi.

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Posted in Sense, Write On on February 3, 2011| Leave a Comment »

, ?

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Meskipun Hanya

Posted in Inside Enida, Sense on January 31, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Masih kedengaran di telinga gue apa yang dibilangin Bibik saat kami lagi ngobrol di meja dapur sore kemaren. Gue akhirnya nekad ngabarin ama Bibik bahwa gue lagi dilanda emosi, meskipun gue kira dari semula Bibik bisa nebak hati gue yang bening ini. Ntar gue seneng, ntar bete, ntar ngayal, ntar nangis melulu.  Ntar malah gila.

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Gue: Aku toh ga mengarapkan papa dari belio, Bi. Nawarin papa juga ngga.

Bibik: Yah, saya ngarti Bu. Punyaan orang sih emang harus begitu.

Gue: Tapi belakangan ini aku malah benci pada diriku bila mulut dan hatiku ga mau setuju. Gemes sih bila aku harus cemburu!

Bibik: Naaahhh kalo cemburu itu Bu, tandanya sayang.

Gue: Yach, barangkali bener Bi aku sayang meski aku ga pernah curhat. Aku tau belio tau. Dan akhirnya tadi siang belio bilangin sayang itu terang-terangan padaku dalam satu ayat.

Bibik: Barangkali belio jadi kasian sama Ibu.

Gue: Kasian?

Bibik: Yach, dikira mungkin Ibu toh nungguin cuman yang itu. Dibilangin sayang itu. Ya lalu diucap, ya udah.

Gue: Kasian?

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Gue jadi terbangun dari mimpi.
Sebel ama diri gue sendiri.

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Well Fed Up

Posted in Sense on January 28, 2011| Leave a Comment »

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My life has been dry, but hot and fulfilling. And I am not complaining.

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