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Kasi Kasihan

Cakap kasarnya, encik boleh simpan sahaja lah simpati encik dalam kocek seluar encik yang kosong itu. Saya percaya ramai lagi wanita single, konon-single dan single-again di luar sana berminat dengan harta kekayaan yang encik warwarkan. Simpati itu, kalau encik nak bagi makan ayam belakang rumah pun bagus juga. Macam dedak. Saya tak berminat dengan kasihan-kasihan encik.

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Cakap kasarnya, walaupun nampak lembut, saya ini berhati batu. Berumah pun dalam Mukim Batu, sebelah Mukim Segambut. Jadi kalau encik nak ketuk, pastikan dulu tukul encik tu tak lembik macam alasan encik nak menolong saya sambil mintak saya belanja beli baju sukan encik yang tiga ratus tu, padahal saya baru bayar upah encik tiga ribu. Itu pun harga kawan-nak-tolong-kawan konon.

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Cakap kasarnya, saya ni tak bodoh. Sebab tu encik dapat apa yang encik berhak sahaja. Upah yang saya bagi encik tu pun kira mewah lah. Konon upah kawan-kawan. Kawan yang ikhlas tak macam encik. Tangan kanan menolong, tangan kiri hulur invoice. Kerja belum selesai dah mintak bonus. Encik ingat saya ni Kementerian Kebajikan Masyarakat ye? Saya tulus ikhlas nak berurusniaga dengan encik dan terus bayar upah encik walaupun kerja belum mula. Itupun tak ada Terima Kasih. Malah…

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Cakap kasarnya, encik itu cakap tak serupa bikin. Dalam pada encik nasihatkan saya bahawa, “Dalam sepuluh lelaki, sembilan adalah penyamun.” rupanya encik lah bapak kepada kesembilan-sembilan penyamun itu tadi. Hanya kerana saya tak dapat tolong belikan ganti telefon encik yang hilang kerana saya kesempitan wang, encik lari dengan RM300 saya yang encik mintak pinjam nak beli baju sukan encik itu tadi ya! Hina nya sifat dan sikap encik yang kononnya arkitek hebat itu.

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Tapi cakap kasarnya, saya ini tak kudis pun dengan RM300 yang encik hutang saya tu. Kegiatan mari mewarna bulanan saya di Okairi Great Eastern Mall pun dah RM380. Tak apa lah encik. Saya halal beghalal sajalah RM300 untuk orang seperti encik. Sudahlah tahu saya ini a single-mom  anak dua yang tiada pendapatan tetap. Lagi nak mintak saya dahulu kan tiga ribu ringgit buat mengganti telefon encik yang hilang. Saya ni business mengajar bahasa je encik, bukan potong emas berlian. Encik Habib pun tak setuju kalau dia tau.

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Dan cakap kasarnya, bila encik tidak lagi menghubungi saya sebagai rakan niaga, saya pun lega. Rupanya encik ini begitu orangnya. Saya sangka kita boleh memperpanjangkan rezeki berniaga masing-masing dengan kejujuran dan keikhlasan. Rupanya encik cuma hendak mempergunakan sikap pemurah saya untuk kepentingan peribadi encik. Bila saya bolayan permintaan encik, putus hubungan niaga kita. Begitu ya?

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Semoga Tuhan lindungi saya dari Pirate of The Seremban seperti encik. Biarlah saya berniaga dengan Encik Merong Mahawangsa pula besok lusa walaupun beliau suka benar berlenggeng begitu. Mungkin bila saya sudah tak tahan melihat beliau tak berbaju begitu akan saya belikan beliau baju Nike. Itu pun kalau encik bayar hutang encik yang RM300 itu lah. Kalau tidak, encik lelaki, beliau pun lelaki, pandai-pandai lah cari baju.

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berlenggeng = topless

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I Am His

God gives what is His, and God takes only what is His.

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We can only love.

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The Nippon Heart

I was watching the news the other night and was sent back to December 26, 2004 watching Aceh, Andaman, Sri Lanka and a part of Thailand rolled into one mess of calamity. I was watching the news with both hands covering my mouth trying so hard to contain a very sad cry.

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All I could think to say was, “Kuatnya hati orang Nippon ni, kuatnya hati orang Nippon ni, kuatnya hati orang Nippon ni!” I was just watching it and my heart, my entire resilience and my whole sanity were rolled into one mess of calamity.

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And I was just watching it.

Vel Done!

This is Vel, Kitreena’s teddy. The name came from the word velvet for one very obvious reason, if you ever wonder. If Vel is successful in keeping his existence in Kitreena’s life for another four years… her relationship with this gentle creature would be one of the most loyal I know. No, I mean… their relationship would be the only truehearted one I have ever known.

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Yeah, I am very cutting. I know. So cutting, I might as well just marry a teddy bear once I am out of this one. And when I find one, I am going to name him Val. Yeah, Kilmer.

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Apa Salahku

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Apa salahku
Kau buat begini
Kau tarik ulur hatiku
Hingga sakit yang ku rasa


Apa memang ini yang kamu inginkan
Tak ada sedikit pun niat ‘tuk serius kepadaku
Katakan yang sebenarnya
Jangan mau tak mau seperti ini

*
Akhirnya kini aku mengerti
Apa yang ada dipikiranmu selama ini
Kau hanya ingin permainkan perasaanku
Tak ada hati tak ada cinta
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Apa memang ini yang kamu inginkan
Tak ada sedikit pun niat ‘tuk serius kepadaku
Katakan yang sebenarnya
Jangan mau tak mau seperti ini

*
Akhirnya kini aku mengerti
Apa yang ada dipikiranmu selama ini
Kau hanya ingin permainkan perasaanku
Tak ada hati tak ada cinta

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Edrick: Mommy! Mommy! Let’s go to that BBQ King shop!

Mommy: Na’ah… I am not shopping for anything there.

Edrick: But Mommy, they have that table soccer thingy there. I wanna play, I wanna play!

Mommy: No Monch, Kitreena will be out any minute from now. We have to pick her up.

Edrick: Of you keep on saying no…

Mommy: Not of Edrick, if.

Edrick: Iffff you keep on saying no, I’m never gonna call you Sweetie Pie everyday ever again!

Mommy: Huh? You don’t call me Sweetie Pie everyday anyway. I can live with it. So, I’ll keep on saying no then.

Edrick: Oh fooweyyy! *pouts, merajuks, and moves away from Mommy*

Mommy: *takes pictures, slides over and kisses the boy on the neck* This neck sure tastes better than a sweet pie!

Edrick: Ha ha ha ha ha!

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My Journey

There was something else on my mind when I started out this whole journey. But I guess, as I later found out,  it wasn’t just up to my mind to control how it started, let alone how it ended. I wanted my space and I wanted my time. So I asked. But by the time I asked, I had already been tired for a long time. So tired, I wasn’t just dragging my feet. I was dragging my entire sanity to comprehend how a relationship could go so very wrong. And if sanity ever had its entirety, we were supposed to be starting over in a new place in the first place. Together.

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So things went wrong. As wrong as tainting one’s home, where the second-chance was supposed to take place, with one’s incapability of being faithful for the nth time. And so things went more wrong when it wasn’t supposed to be found out but it was. And when things went even more wrong, one could blame the carpet where it was all supposed to be swept under. That something else I had on my mind when I started out this whole journey was nothing else but cleaning out what was under the carpet. Unfortunately there was no carpet. It was all a pile of dirt. All.

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I wasn’t granted time, nor was I space.
This whole new journey is God’s grace.

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My Choice

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Ha’ah, saya penat dengan dunia.
And yes, it is all my fault.
Tak. Tak salahkan siapa-siapa.
My choice. Semua-muanya.

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My All

Kitreena: Mom, when we go to Atuk’s house this weekend I wanna give him money.

Mommy: Huh? Why do you wanna give him money?

Kitreena: So Atuk can get more food and stuff.

Mommy: Oh okay. But I think Atuk has enough food and stuff, Monch.

Kitreena: Yeah but there’s gonna be a lot of people at Atuk’s house this weekend. Maybe he won’t have enough money to buy food and stuff for everybody.

Mommy: Oookaaay. So… how much are you gonna give Atuk?

Kitreena: I found 50 cents by the pool the other day and I have one ringgit from the Tooth Fairy. One ringgit and fifty cents altogether.

Mommy: Oh… what a precious thought you have, sweetheart!

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There are times when I have soooo much more than RM1.50 and feel like it is never enough, let alone feeling like giving. With this girl, though… I must have done something right somewhere. For, to her, it is better to have little and give all, than to have much and give none at all.
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Thank you, Lord.

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His Sis


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Kitreena: Mom, yesterday Edrick said I was the worst sister in the whole world!

Mom: Oh yeah? Do you believe him?

Kitreena: Huh?

Mom: Do you think it’s true? Are you the worst sister in the whole world?

Kitreena: No! He just said that because he was angry at me.

Mom: Uhuh. Angry people say things they will regret.

Kitreena: Yeah! Like beep does!

Mom: Well! But you know, you become what you believe.

Kitreena: I know already. You told me.

Mom: *believes she is the best mom in her own world*

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