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Truest Colors

March 23, 2009 by Enida

I am supposed to pretend that what is fun for my kids would be fun for me too. Or am I? Since pretending is what I do worst, I made my decision long ago to just quit it. So, when my daughter bugged me to take her to the Family Fun Day at school, I told her the truth. That I would rather take her to the beach or to Kizsports, Kidz Zone, Jungle Gym or whatever substitute for playing masak-masak dalam pondok using the lid of a Milo can as a griddle over the pelita ayam flame like what Mommy and her KaCher used to play with other kids on the block (Kampung Jana Baru mana ada block daaa?)

Logic is: the daughter is six and has only lost three baby teeth. The mom is not telling her age on her blog and has all her permanent teeth in tact. Conclusion is: mom bites rules! So I took her and her biggest-fan brother to Kidz Zone. Letting them loose from 1100 to 1500hrs was not such a bad idea after all. I got the chance to let Enida loose in time and in Times Bookstore for at least an hour and a half myself. Boy, did I ever lose it! For the sheer love of books, I almost sold my teeth and bought over the whole franchise, not just the Hartamas branch!

It was a win-win windy day and we came home smiling. The daughter’s biggest-fan brother came home snoring…as pretty much expected.

The day didn’t end with a smile, though.

After supper, as we were sitting at the kitchen island, scribbling and sketching some nothings, my daughter attacked me with a request. “Could you please draw something Mom?” And you guessed it right, we were under art attack for the next artful hour and a half drawing a PIZZA! The last four pictures below are of Kitreena’s artwork. I was not just impressed with the resemblance, I was attacked with the realization that I have been putting my focus on her right wrong side of the brain. Kitreena might not have much resemblance of her mom, thank God! But judging from her true colors, she is her mom’s daughter. Thank God!

The day did not end with a smile, it ended with me counting my blessings…though I am never good with numbers. Enam, tujuh, lapan. Lapan lagi! And for Kitreena, the day ended of course with her counting sheep.

Goodnight my rainbow.

Posted in Monchies | Leave a Comment »

My Kinda Girl

March 22, 2009 by Enida

If I were to be something like ‘The-Bond-Girls’ kinda girl, I have no doubt I would be ‘The-Ramlee-Girls’ kinda girl. Ramlee as in P.Ramlee, of course. Not Ramli Burger, excuse me!

I have had this never-ending crush on P.Ramlee that is greener than evergreen kinda green will ever be. The legendary man has stayed young in my mind as I still daydream of calling him Abang Ramlee when we would go for a date by the lake, sitting on the pangkin that is coincidentally there for us to memadu asmara, of looking but not looking at his sweet kumis tipis hiasan smiles, of singing with him the Saat Yang Bahagia Datang Sekejap Saja song while hanging sexily from the low branch of that Beringin tree in the park under the glowing moon.

When I write to my Abang Ramlee, my love letter would start with…

Kehadapan Abang Ramlee yang dinda kasehi lagi dinda cintai. Berat rasanya hati dinda mencoret tinta kaseh ini buat Abang Ramlee kerna hati dinda berat juga oleh rindu pada kanda. Walaupun demikian, wahai Abang Ramlee yang dinda puja… dinda doakan semoga Abang Ramlee gumbira tiada duka nestapa.

pramlee2By now my tears would be rolling down my cheeks heaved with this rindu for a man as charming and as gentle as my Abang Ramlee. Forget about talent, a man does not have to be talented to be charming and gentle. He just has to have a loving heart. Talent is like my Abang Ramlee’s moustache. He had had it shaven clean, but it never wiped his irresistable smiles off of his face. And now thinking of my Abang Ramlee’s smiles at 3 o’clock in the morning, I wish he could be singing to me the part of the Pukul Tiga Pagi song that goes… ‘Besok petang kanda pulang, kita sembang panjang-panjang, dinda jangan bimbang…’

Oh Abang Ramlee! Sedih rasanya hati di dalam.

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My Kinda Girl

March 22, 2009 by Enida

If I were to be something like ‘The-Bond-Girls’ kinda girl, I have no doubt I would be ‘The-Ramlee-Girls’ kinda girl. Ramlee as in P.Ramlee, of course. Not Ramli Burger, excuse me!

I have had this never-ending crush on P.Ramlee that is greener than evergreen kinda green will ever be. The legendary man has stayed young in my mind as I still daydream of calling him Abang Ramlee when we would go for a date by the lake, sitting on the pangkin that is coincidentally there for us to memadu asmara, of looking but not looking at his sweet kumis tipis hiasan smiles, of singing with him the Saat Yang Bahagia Datang Sekejap Saja song while hanging sexily from the low branch of that Beringin tree in the park under the glowing moon.

When I write to my Abang Ramlee, my love letter would start with…

Kehadapan Abang Ramlee yang dinda kasehi lagi dinda cintai. Berat rasanya hati dinda mencoret tinta kaseh ini buat Abang Ramlee kerna hati dinda berat juga oleh rindu pada kanda. Walaupun demikian, wahai Abang Ramlee yang dinda puja… dinda doakan semoga Abang Ramlee gumbira tiada duka nestapa.

By now my tears would be rolling down my cheeks heaved with this rindu for a man as charming and as gentle as my Abang Ramlee. Forget about talent, a man does not have to be talented to be charming and gentle. He just has to have a loving heart. Talent is like my Abang Ramlee’s moustache. He had had it shaven clean, but it never wiped his irresistable smiles off of his face. And now thinking of my Abang Ramlee’s smiles at 3 o’clock in the morning, I wish he could be singing to me the part of the Pukul Tiga Pagi song that goes… ‘Besok petang kanda pulang, kita sembang panjang-panjang, dinda jangan bimbang…‘

Oh Abang Ramlee! Sedih rasanya hati di dalam.

Posted in Sense | 6 Comments »

This Mind of Mine

March 18, 2009 by Enida

img_3397

On this eighteenth day of the third month I woke up determined to take a different look at the whole world. I still bite. But this rainy morning I was just happy to be silly, shaking my body to my Abang Ramlee’s Kwek Mambo and that “Wife you jugak cemburu jadi what will you do?” song. Kitreena didn’t join me shaking the body silly-ly. She just shook her head, rolled her eyes and (I think) wished for a different mom. She smiled, said nothing and pretended not to see me. But (I think) she was just happy I wasn’t roaring at her with the spelling practice I do with her every morning on the way to school. I had a good morning, mind you.

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Funny how things work with our mind eh, and how we can turn things around without touching or breaking anything. Just the other night I was driving Mom to Lil Sis’ place feeling so lost as Mom just sat there saying nothing for 47km. That’s the way she has been. She doesn’t say anything anymore. She answers questions, yes. Sometimes with whatever word or thought that crosses her mind. Aimg_3409nd I…I just don’t see her anymore. It’s simply killing me to bring myself to look at Mom. My mind is not able to turn my head around to look or see, it closes my eyes instead.

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But today I forgave myself for all the days I wasn’t able to retract my claws. And forgave myself for all that my mind wasn’t able to turn around. It took a lot to cross that border of a state called denial. After the Kwek Mambo and that “Wife you jugak cemburu jadi what will you do?” song, a rye bagel and cheddar, plus coffee and biscotti breakfast… I realized I am not a lion. I am just a purring kitty with a mind of her own.
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Roarrrrrrrr!
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Posted in Sense | 1 Comment »

This Mind Of Mine

March 18, 2009 by Enida

On this eighteenth day of the third month I woke up determined to take a different look at the whole world. I still bite. But this rainy morning I was just happy to be silly, shaking my body to my Abang Ramlee’s Kwek Mambo and that “Wife you jugak cemburu jadi what will you do?” song. Kitreena didn’t join me shaking the body silly-ly. She just shook her head, rolled her eyes and (I think) wished for a different mom. She smiled, said nothing and pretended not to see me. But (I think) she was just happy I wasn’t roaring at her with the spelling practice I do with her every morning on the way to school. I had a good morning, mind you.

Funny how things work with our mind eh, and how we can turn things around without touching or breaking anything. Just the other night I was driving Mom to Lil Sis’ place feeling so lost as Mom just sat there saying nothing for 47km. That’s the way she has been. She doesn’t say anything anymore. She answers questions, yes. Sometimes with whatever word or thought that crosses her mind. And I…I just don’t see her anymore. It’s simply killing me to bring myself to look at Mom. My mind is not able to turn my head around to look or see, it closes my eyes instead.

But today I forgave myself for all the days I wasn’t able to retract my claws. And forgave myself for all that my mind wasn’t able to turn around. It took a lot to cross that border of a state called denial. After the Kwek Mambo and that “Wife you jugak cemburu jadi what will you do?” song, a rye bagel and cheddar, plus coffee and biscotti breakfast…I realized I am not a lion. I am just a purring kitty with a mind of her own.

Roarrrrrrrr!

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So You Think You Think?

March 17, 2009 by Enida

thinkPeople think I think too much.
No, let me re-wordpress myself. People don’t think it. I do. I mean, I do think I think too much. The moment I open my eyes every morning and stop dreaming, I start thinking. But then, I honestly think that thinking too much is still way better than not thinking at all. Like most people, I think, do. Or don’t?

Today in particular, I had thoughts all the way…right from the the moment I stepped out to take Kitreena to school, through breakfast with Chin at Nasi Lemak Antarabangsat Bangsar, grocery shopping at Carrefour Alamanda, lunch with KaCher at Danau Golf Club, pick up Kitreena at school, off to the promised mall for an Art Attack with my art-attacker girl, order 1901 New York anjing panas supper for the kids and Bibik, and then share Jalan Kuching with half a million city-swellers (yes, swellers – not dwellers) at 20kmph taking me over an hour from Jalan Ampang to Segambut roundabout homebound.

If my thoughts  could be bluetoothed directly into a Word Document and then be printed out…you would see a book published fresh from my anterior naris by sunrise tomorrow. Good night thinking people, whoever you think you are.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

So You Think You Think?

March 17, 2009 by Enida

People think I think too much. No, let me re-wordpress myself. People don’t think it. I do. I mean, I do think I think too much. The moment I open my eyes every morning and stop dreaming, I start thinking. But then, I honestly think that thinking too much is still way better than not thinking at all. Like most people, I think, do. Or don’t?

 

 

Today in particular, I had thoughts all the way…right from the moment I stepped out to take Kitreena to school, through breakfast with Chin at Nasi Lemak Antarabangsat Bangsar, grocery shopping at Carrefour Alamanda, lunch with KaCher at Danau Golf Club, pick up Kitreena at school, off to the promised mall for an Art Attack with my art-attacker girl, order 1901 New York anjing panas supper for the kids and Bibik, and then share Jalan Kuching with half a million city-swellers (yes, swellers – not dwellers) at 20kmph taking me over an hour from Jalan Ampang to Segambut roundabout homebound.

 

 

If my thoughts could be bluetoothed directly into a Word Document and then be printed out…you would see a book published fresh from my anterior naris by sunrise tomorrow. Good night thinking people, whoever you think you are.

Posted in Sense | 3 Comments »

Losing Phase

March 17, 2009 by Enida

Dear Linda,
With heavy heart I read your email to Yahoo Group. With heavier heart I have been reading our friends’ notes to you. My inner voice yearns to reach out to you and say something wise to soothe you or to make your grieving for your father’s passing halfway easier. The thing is, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could go on and on saying something by not saying it. I don’t think I have to tell you to be strong either. You already are.

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And the truth is, my sister and I are now preparing ourselves to face a similar loss to what you just experienced. Our mother is slipping away, atrociously consumed by cancer of the blood. All I can tell myself is that…when the time comes, I hope I can be brave enough to say, “I am happy for Mom, for she has gone to a better place. “

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By the looks of it, you have been very brave.

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Heaved,
Enida

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Posted in Mom, Sense | Leave a Comment »

Oh Bother!

March 16, 2009 by Enida

Oh Tuhanku mengapakah manusia begitu?

regret

 

Bagai disayat-sayat rasanya hati bila mengenang cakap-cakap orang yang tak kenal pun siapa saya in real life. Yes, I write my mind to free my caged thoughts – not to please readers who don’t even understand what they read.

 

If I am that goodfornothingbottomdwellerscumbag you loathe so much, why are you so bothered by what I write? Or is it your incapacitated mind you are so stressed out about and you wish no one had noticed? Innocence is not something you defend when not threatened. Over-defensiveness is a sign of concealed guilt.

 

Oh you poor fish you!

 

 

Posted in Write On | 2 Comments »

Ku Mohon

March 15, 2009 by Enida

Kalaulah tidur itu umpama jahitan yang terbertas,
patik ini selembar persalinan tuanku yang besar reraknya.
Mohon patik masuk beradu, tuanku.

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