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Although it was so brilliantly fine—the blue sky powdered with gold and great spots of light like white wine splashed over the Jardins Publiques—Miss Brill was glad that she had decided on her fur. The air was motionless, but when you opened your mouth there was just a faint chill, like a chill from a glass of iced water before you sip, and now and again a leaf came drifting—from nowhere, from the sky. Miss Brill put up her hand and touched her fur. Dear little thing! It was nice to feel it again. She had taken it out of its box that afternoon, shaken out the moth-powder, given it a good brush, and rubbed the life back into the dim little eyes. “What has been happening to me?” said the sad little eyes. Oh, how sweet it was to see them snap at her again from the red eiderdown!… But the nose, which was of some black composition, wasn’t at all firm. It must have had a knock, somehow. Never mind—a little dab of black sealing-wax when the time came—when it was absolutely necessary… Little rogue! Yes, she really felt like that about it. Little rogue biting its tail just by her left ear. She could have taken it off and laid it on her lap and stroked it. She felt a tingling in her hands and arms, but that came from walking, she supposed. And when she breathed, something light and sad—no, not sad, exactly—something gentle seemed to move in her bosom.

There were a number of people out this afternoon, far more than last Sunday. And the band sounded louder and gayer. That was because the Season had begun. For although the band played all the year round on Sundays, out of season it was never the same. It was like some one playing with only the family to listen; it didn’t care how it played if there weren’t any strangers present. Wasn’t the conductor wearing a new coat, too? She was sure it was new. He scraped with his foot and flapped his arms like a rooster about to crow, and the bandsmen sitting in the green rotunda blew out their cheeks and glared at the music. Now there came a little “flutey” bit—very pretty!—a little chain of bright drops. She was sure it would be repeated. It was; she lifted her head and smiled.

Only two people shared her “special” seat: a fine old man in a velvet coat, his hands clasped over a huge carved walking-stick, and a big old woman, sitting upright, with a roll of knitting on her embroidered apron. They did not speak. This was disappointing, for Miss Brill always looked forward to the conversation. She had become really quite expert, she thought, at listening as though she didn’t listen, at sitting in other people’s lives just for a minute while they talked round her.

She glanced, sideways, at the old couple. Perhaps they would go soon. Last Sunday, too, hadn’t been as interesting as usual. An Englishman and his wife, he wearing a dreadful Panama hat and she button boots. And she’d gone on the whole time about how she ought to wear spectacles; she knew she needed them; but that it was no good getting any; they’d be sure to break and they’d never keep on. And he’d been so patient. He’d suggested everything—gold rims, the kind that curved round your ears, little pads inside the bridge. No, nothing would please her. “They’ll always be sliding down my nose!” Miss Brill had wanted to shake her.

The old people sat on the bench, still as statues. Never mind, there was always the crowd to watch. To and fro, in front of the flower-beds and the band rotunda, the couples and groups paraded, stopped to talk, to greet, to buy a handful of flowers from the old beggar who had his tray fixed to the railings. Little children ran among them, swooping and laughing; little boys with big white silk bows under their chins, little girls, little French dolls, dressed up in velvet and lace. And sometimes a tiny staggerer came suddenly rocking into the open from under the trees, stopped, stared, as suddenly sat down “flop,” until its small high-stepping mother, like a young hen, rushed scolding to its rescue. Other people sat on the benches and green chairs, but they were nearly always the same, Sunday after Sunday, and—Miss Brill had often noticed—there was something funny about nearly all of them. They were odd, silent, nearly all old, and from the way they stared they looked as though they’d just come from dark little rooms or even—even cupboards!

Behind the rotunda the slender trees with yellow leaves down drooping, and through them just a line of sea, and beyond the blue sky with gold-veined clouds.

Tum-tum-tum tiddle-um! tiddle-um! tum tiddley-um tum ta! blew the band.

Two young girls in red came by and two young soldiers in blue met them, and they laughed and paired and went off arm-in-arm. Two peasant women with funny straw hats passed, gravely, leading beautiful smoke-coloured donkeys. A cold, pale nun hurried by. A beautiful woman came along and dropped her bunch of violets, and a little boy ran after to hand them to her, and she took them and threw them away as if they’d been poisoned. Dear me! Miss Brill didn’t know whether to admire that or not! And now an ermine toque and a gentleman in grey met just in front of her. He was tall, stiff, dignified, and she was wearing the ermine toque she’d bought when her hair was yellow. Now everything, her hair, her face, even her eyes, was the same colour as the shabby ermine, and her hand, in its cleaned glove, lifted to dab her lips, was a tiny yellowish paw. Oh, she was so pleased to see him—delighted! She rather thought they were going to meet that afternoon. She described where she’d been—everywhere, here, there, along by the sea. The day was so charming—didn’t he agree? And wouldn’t he, perhaps?… But he shook his head, lighted a cigarette, slowly breathed a great deep puff into her face, and even while she was still talking and laughing, flicked the match away and walked on. The ermine toque was alone; she smiled more brightly than ever. But even the band seemed to know what she was feeling and played more softly, played tenderly, and the drum beat, “The Brute! The Brute!” over and over. What would she do? What was going to happen now? But as Miss Brill wondered, the ermine toque turned, raised her hand as though she’d seen some one else, much nicer, just over there, and pattered away. And the band changed again and played more quickly, more gayly than ever, and the old couple on Miss Brill’s seat got up and marched away, and such a funny old man with long whiskers hobbled along in time to the music and was nearly knocked over by four girls walking abreast.

Oh, how fascinating it was! How she enjoyed it! How she loved sitting here, watching it all! It was like a play. It was exactly like a play. Who could believe the sky at the back wasn’t painted? But it wasn’t till a little brown dog trotted on solemn and then slowly trotted off, like a little “theatre” dog, a little dog that had been drugged, that Miss Brill discovered what it was that made it so exciting. They were all on the stage. They weren’t only the audience, not only looking on; they were acting. Even she had a part and came every Sunday. No doubt somebody would have noticed if she hadn’t been there; she was part of the performance after all. How strange she’d never thought of it like that before! And yet it explained why she made such a point of starting from home at just the same time each week—so as not to be late for the performance—and it also explained why she had quite a queer, shy feeling at telling her English pupils how she spent her Sunday afternoons. No wonder! Miss Brill nearly laughed out loud. She was on the stage. She thought of the old invalid gentleman to whom she read the newspaper four afternoons a week while he slept in the garden. She had got quite used to the frail head on the cotton pillow, the hollowed eyes, the open mouth and the high pinched nose. If he’d been dead she mightn’t have noticed for weeks; she wouldn’t have minded. But suddenly he knew he was having the paper read to him by an actress! “An actress!” The old head lifted; two points of light quivered in the old eyes. “An actress—are ye?” And Miss Brill smoothed the newspaper as though it were the manuscript of her part and said gently; “Yes, I have been an actress for a long time.”

The band had been having a rest. Now they started again. And what they played was warm, sunny, yet there was just a faint chill—a something, what was it?—not sadness—no, not sadness—a something that made you want to sing. The tune lifted, lifted, the light shone; and it seemed to Miss Brill that in another moment all of them, all the whole company, would begin singing. The young ones, the laughing ones who were moving together, they would begin, and the men’s voices, very resolute and brave, would join them. And then she too, she too, and the others on the benches—they would come in with a kind of accompaniment—something low, that scarcely rose or fell, something so beautiful—moving… And Miss Brill’s eyes filled with tears and she looked smiling at all the other members of the company. Yes, we understand, we understand, she thought—though what they understood she didn’t know.

Just at that moment a boy and girl came and sat down where the old couple had been. They were beautifully dressed; they were in love. The hero and heroine, of course, just arrived from his father’s yacht. And still soundlessly singing, still with that trembling smile, Miss Brill prepared to listen.

“No, not now,” said the girl. “Not here, I can’t.”

“But why? Because of that stupid old thing at the end there?” asked the boy. “Why does she come here at all—who wants her? Why doesn’t she keep her silly old mug at home?”

“It’s her fu-ur which is so funny,” giggled the girl. “It’s exactly like a fried whiting.”

“Ah, be off with you!” said the boy in an angry whisper. Then: “Tell me, ma petite chere—”

“No, not here,” said the girl. “Not yet.”

On her way home she usually bought a slice of honey-cake at the baker’s. It was her Sunday treat. Sometimes there was an almond in her slice, sometimes not. It made a great difference. If there was an almond it was like carrying home a tiny present—a surprise—something that might very well not have been there. She hurried on the almond Sundays and struck the match for the kettle in quite a dashing way. But to-day she passed the baker’s by, climbed the stairs, went into the little dark room—her room like a cupboard—and sat down on the red eiderdown. She sat there for a long time. The box that the fur came out of was on the bed. She unclasped the necklet quickly; quickly, without looking, laid it inside. But when she put the lid on she thought she heard something crying.

Manja Lara?

I once wrote about how many friends I had – and that was not many. It has remained the same over the years. As a matter of preference, I keep the number very small, very minimum. What’s with my macam-hebat grunting and grumbling about grammar and all…my pop-vote is not looking like a sunshiny day. Not that I am a pop-seeker who has to be liked no matter what anyway. I’ve been a loner.

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So I am a loner.
The good thing about being a loner is, I figured out throughout the university years, I don’t spend much time waiting for anyone, nor wasting time gossiping about anyone with anyone. I could disappear into thin air, deep water or thick bricks better than Harry Houdini and Harry Potter put together. (Would really be nice to be put together with Harry Connick Jr. or uh…Harri-son Ford.)

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The thing is, I wasn’t born a loner. I am a self-made loner. A loner by choice. And a loner by pain. All thanks to someone who called herself a friend who cared darn much about me back in 1991. For blogging purposes, let’s call her Miss Brill, shall we? You can name her Amy Winehouse or Sharifah Aini if your heart so desires. But write your own post on your own blog please!

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The story unfolded when one afternoon coming back from my matriculation classes, Miss Brill came into my room and wanted to talk to me about what she heard from her friends who were my friends as well. Well…supposedly. Us TESL people stuck together like melted rubber bands on a hot rod back then, ya know.

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And so Miss Brill told me that not many people liked me because I was always too cheerful to be true. Imagine that! I was always too cheerful to be true. Always having too positive of an outlook on everything to the point that I annoyed people. And oh, plus…I had a too manja personality that girls just hated me not only to the very follicle of my hair – no, no! It wasn’t skin-deep or facial-pores hatred. But they disliked me to the bone marrow, for bone’s sake!

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Since I wasn’t born a genius, nor was I born gifted…I swallowed what Miss Brill said like a poison. And I died alive! I was dead for many years throughout campus life with only some brain cells in tact, just enough to finish my studies. If self-esteem could be measured, mine of negative 365 would be self-explanatory, wouldn’t it? I died alone and so I roamed the world of the alive a loner.

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“People are saying that you ni jenis perempuan penggoda, suka buat-buat manja. Orang just meluat kat you, you know?” [Loosely translated as: “People are saying that you are such a flirtatious girl, prentending to be cute/adorable/manja. People just despise you, you know?” – There’s just no direct translation to our Bahasa’s term of manja, yau aah?]

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Yes, I took it to heart, too hard. What Miss Brill said became my silent tagline of what not to be, what not to do. Though I wasn’t very successful in turning events and issues all into negative energy, I was no longer that excessively happy girl. I didn’t want to look comfortably happy for quite a few years though I kept my distance from Miss Brill and everyone else. I did, nonetheless, find comfort in singing with the university band for at least six years after.

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I lost a lot back then. Motivation per se. But I learned a lot more. To know that us TESL people stuck together like rubber bands on a hot rod…was a very nice illusion. Well, I guess back then we really did. Some of us did. But some people like Miss Brill were not rubber bands. They were the hot rod that did not only melt us, they burned us with their misery. And oh did I ever learn about friendship!

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All said and done, no matter how trivial it seems, and that it has taken me eighteen silly years to write about this now – I forgave that silly Enida for swallowing Miss Brill’s words without thinking. I have let go of the grunting and grumbling for my inability to ask one burning question back then. The question that I have found itching my behind for eighteen years.

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In the process of forgiving, trying very hard not to scratch the itch…I forgave Miss Brill for her excessive needs to be my friend back then and to tell me her truth in all her well-intent honesty. My gumption is telling me lately that I should in fact thank her for the poison she gave me back in 1991. Much to her dismay probably, it has turned into a potent potion. I am still a loner. But guess what? I am enjoying it! I have enjoyed my life doing so many things way better than gossiping. And oh, I at least know how to write in paragraphs! No PhD required.

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Well, to Miss Brill – thank you. As I once quoted to you, I am quoting this again today: God does not give you what He knows you cannot take. I took your poison back then. I died and came back to life. But you…you just never lived. And to all the girls whose boyfriend or boyfriends I had flirted with: I was just too sexy for their brain. (Or was it yours? Didn’t think you have any.)

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I lost a lot back then, perhaps. But I have kept my faith. I have kept my smile. And I am deadly alive!

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lara = suffer

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Porta La Distancia?

I was.
I was actually going to say something smart and beautiful after typing that expected ‘Congratulations!’ in my comment to a friend who just tied the knot last weekend. But I didn’t. Not that I think that wedding or marriage as not a smart or a beautiful decision. No, I am not bitter about holy matrimonies just because mine was rocky. Heavens no! In fact, I think my marriage has become smarter and more beautiful because it was rocky. Was.

But if I were to share a smart and a beautiful lesson I treasure most in my imperfect marriage, I would say: that through all the fights with words, be gentle…and through all the fights with silence, hold each other’s hands.

I must admit, it was the gentleness we felt in each other throughout the years that brought us back together. The memories of how natural it has been, reaching out for each other’s hand everytime after we lock the door behind us, or when we get off the car, or cross the streets, or even when we are driving (his hand would tuck right under my thigh), so naturally, and so for lack of better word… automatically.

We…
We made the promise on the land of fjords. Drove half of the downunder island, crossing the tropics of Capricorn and back. Strolled across the sunflower fields throughout the pizza-n-pasta land. Ran across the Alps, down on the autobahn through those countries and on to the Viking mounds. Warmed each other’s lips on Eiffel on windy Christmas eve. Pushed hard on two labor beds, raising monchies in three continents. Hand in hand.

So, if one thinks a three-week rendezvous in Spain complete with its Spanish drama would beat a palisade that has endured forty seasons…one must have just been born yesterday. Or one must have been spending one’s whole whale life looking for love in a ditch. Or a garbage can, for that matter. I am glad I didn’t try to say anything smart or beautiful.

Esa mujer de la ballena sigue siendo una basura.

Hair Curly Cheeks Chubby

It was ironic I was interviewed by Dzulfitri Yusop from Astro Awani today on the topic: Fat Kids – Obesity & Healthy Lifestyle Starts At Home. Ironic, because I actually was a fat kid. And that was some 30-40 years ago when fat kids were rare, unlike today. So you can imagine how lonely and fat I felt back then when other kids sang me the Pak Gemok Dang Dang song. Yes, the one that goes:

Pak gemok dang dang
pak gemok jual udang
tak laku sekupang

balik rumah kena tendang

I was hurt. Very very hurt.
So I promised myself in the later years – when I started to lose some kilos and started to have the itch about boys and marriage – that I shall never have fat kids. With all the information I now have on Food Pyramid, Healthy Diet, Different Blood Type and Different Diet…I have no excuse. I have to make sure my kids eat healthily, have the awareness of what junk food does to the different parts of their body and follow certain eating rules. I am not my parents who, in the 60’s and 70’s, had no information at their fingertips. I had to eat what they ate, and be thankful.

So now, with my own kids in the later and supposedly better millenium…other than making certain that the fridge is stuffed with more white meat than red, more wholemeal this-n-that than white, more vegies that are red, orange and green than in the tins, my rules now are simple.

I decide:

  1. what they eat
  2. when they eat

My kids decide:

  1. how much they eat

Plus some treats:
Friday is the POPCORN day.
Sunday is the ICE CREAM day.

My husband, however, has made some modification to it. Now Friday is also the MILK SHAKE day, alternately (with POPCORN).

No, Kitreena and Edrick are far from perfect or ideal kids. They still pout, frown, whine, complain, kick, scream and go on strike when they are made to down their vegetables. And yes, they can survive on popcorn and ice-cream alone seven days a week, three hundred sixty five days a year if I let them. But they are in MY house, so they can starve themselves if they don’t want to eat my spinach or kailan or pucuk labu (pumpkin/squash vine). Fine with me. See if I care.

Though not the ’roundest’ in their class, Kitreena and Edrick still get teased at school (Kitreena, for having curly hair, Edrick for his chubby cheeks). I can’t stop other kids from being kids. For all I know, my kids tease other kids too. Kitreena and Edrick were not born angels (nor geniuses). But at least I know what my kids are. They are what they eat.

The only trick to my rules is, I try to feed these kids healthy food only. And my definition of healthy is: as little deep-fried food as possible, no overcooked vegetables, as much milk as their bones and teeth desire, one glass of juice per day, water water water, no pops. And definitely, the ‘size-of-their-fist’ rule applies. I observe this as much as I can at home. I try not to eat out as much. Kitreena tapau lunch from home. I scared her with…”You never know where the canteen ladies’ index fingers have been.”

Footnote:

  • Yes. I did say this is my definition of healthy eating habits.
  • No. Water-it-down syrup or cordial is NOT juice.
  • Of course I don’t only eat spinach, kailan and pucuk labu. I eat pucuk paku oso.
  • The popcorn, milk shake and ice cream is only their afternoon snack once a week, so as not to deprive them of what other kids get. It’s not the whole-day-meal deal.
  • And ‘size-of-MY-fist’ is the portion you get on your face if you are reading this only to roll your eyes at my konon-bagus effort to feed my kids. Go feed your own ego.
  • If you were not a fat kid, you might not understand the fuss.

    Of What A Fool Is Full Of

    I found myself in a difficult sitch yesterday. No, I am not going to use the word difficult. And I am not going to use the word sitch either, it’s so Kim Possible. So, here: I found myself in a challengingly awkward situation yesterday. If spending an afternoon with parents of Kitreena’s classmates was not awkward enough, try this…a mom made a statement that sent me speechless and almost thankful that my daughter is NOT the smartest kid in her class.

    .

    It got me thinking, nevertheless, of how brutally competitive parents can be when it comes to what they themselves have failed to achieve in school. It is not about letting children develop at their own pace anymore, is it? And if your kid happens to be one who can read at the speed of light, oi! God forbids if you don’t make it known.

    .

    But really, how do you respond to statements like:

    • “Oh, my son is the best reader in the class! I send him to Kumon. Why don’t you send yours to Kumon or Smart Reader, etc. to improve her reading ability?”

      (You believe in ‘Ain’t no matter where they begin, matters where they end’ kinda philosophy. And no, you don’t mind if your kid ends up reading price barcodes with an infra-red reader at Wal-Mart either…as long as she knows how to earn a living.)

     

    • “My son has the most “Spot-On’s” in the class now! 12 altogether.”

     

    (Your daughter just got her 15th Spot-On. Yes, you are proud of your daughter, and would love to smirk off the other mom’s crowing. But you know those Spot-On’s are not a ticket to Harvard. Puhleeeassse!)

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    If school and life have taught me anything at all, the very least I know is that the highest valued achievements are immeasureable. One can be the richest man standing, measured by hundreds of billion dollars in his pocket. But if he is full of nothing but himself, he is full of nothing.

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    “When we’re little, most of us assume our parents are good at the job. Unless they’re really dreadful, it doesn’t occur to us that they don’t always know what they’re doing. As we got older, we notice that our friends’ parents do things a bit differently. Maybe we’re envious, maybe we think we’re the lucky ones. Probably a bit of both. As we get older still, it may start to dawn on us that our parents are getting some bits really wrong.

    .

    That’s what happened to me. Quite early on I realized that my father was seriously bucking the trend by not actually being there at all. Before long I realized that my mother was in very different ways similarly hopeless, and she struggled to cope or to show any affection to us.

    .

    Now, in my case, things were sufficiently bad that I had to face up to them. Either I spent my life bitterly blaming my parents for all my problems, or I moved on. I chose to recognize that my mother was just not even slightly cut out to be a parent, and that for someone like her, being a single parent to six children was too big a task. If I were airlifted into another life where I was required to manage a football team, or an oil rig, or a classroom full of 30 troubled kids, I would perform similarly badly. All of us have things we just can’t do. Maybe my mother only realized too late that being a parent wasn’t her thing.

    .

    So I forgave her, and got on with my life. It saved me from becoming bitter and twisted, and it enabled me to put right the damage in a positive frame of mind. If you really feel that someone has ruined the first 20 years of your life, the only sensible thing to do is to make sure they don’t ruin the next 50 or so as well.

    .

    Funnily enough, it’s often the people with the best parents who find it hardest to stop blaming them from the odd shortcoming. If your parents are basically pretty good at the job, it’s somehow tempting to blame them for not being absolutely perfect. But why should they be perfect? And, indeed, how can anyone be expected not to put a foot wrong in 18 years?

    .

    Your parents are only human, and it’s very likely that somewhere along the way they did a few things that caused you real upset or difficulties. That’s what happens when people with no training spend 18 years in the job. The odd thing goes wrong. They were only doing their best, and they couldn’t help it. But you can help it: you can choose to stop blaming them and to forgive them. In fact, what’s even to forgive? They weren’t getting it wrong on purpose, they just made a few mistakes.

    .

    It’s too late to put things right by blaming your parents. But it’s not too late to let it go, recognize that their hearts were in the right place, and quietly sort out any residual damage yourself.”

    .

    How can anyone be expected
    not to put a foot wrong in 18 years?

    Rule 74
    Richard Templar
    The Rules of Love

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    Kitreena brought home a book on Ladybugs today and we did our daily reading together. But the voice in my head was busy singing this song (from a TV commercial many many many many many years ago). Ladybird wasn’t just a publisher, it was also a children’s attire company. They were the higher-end brand back then.
    But then, I grew out of my childhood never having the luxury of wearing a Ladybird label on my neck. Ah well…I never had to go bugil and begging on the street either.

    Kanak-kanak Isnin manis manja
    Kanak-kanak Selasa lembut caranya
    Dan kanak-kanak Ladybird yang dipuja

    Kanak-kanak Rabu ragu selalu
    Kanak-kanak Khamis perlu maju
    Dan kanak-kanak Ladybird bergaya baru

    Kanak-kanak Jumaat murah hatinya
    Kanak-kanak Sabtu rajin bekerja
    Dan kanak-kanak Ladybird…sungguh bergaya.

    Do you have any recollection of this song/TV commercial? Anyone?

    Annoy-nymous List

    Just to get my thoughts a little organized, I am going to post an entry about what annoy me bit by bit. Yes, what annoy me – not what annoys me. Apparently I have many. Yeah yeah, go ahead, judge me and call me a negative thinker all you want. What I was about to say is that…what do not make it to this Annoy-nymous List are the things I tolerate well, or those I am (easily) impressed with.

    Annoyance #1:
    Judgementality
    What you do does not tell everything about what you are. Yes, what you do does reflect some of your capability and credibility. But to call a person a slut just because she uses the word horny on her blog is… hello? So insecure! As if.

    Annoyance#2:
    Noises
    Dragging a chair noisily across a room, chewing noisily (and I mean not when eating something crispy or crunchy), honking for more than 2 seconds, talking on the phone max-volume like it’s the whole world punya business! This one really cannot tahan, especially when it happens in a hospital ward. Note my usage of WHEN, and not IF it happens. Because it happens everyday.

    Until Annoyance#3, be gone and be good. Don’t you try to annoy me now.

    Between My Legs

    On a cool rainy morning, nothing beats the pleasure of going back to the two fluffs I just had a short affair with last night. Nothing, I thought. And I was flirting with the idea of crawling back to bed to be with the fluffs – one in my arms, the other between my legs! Oooh divine.

    Divine were the thoughts…until the phone rang and it was my best friend on the other end. Two and a half hours later I knew, nothing beats the pleasure of going back to bed on a cool rainy morning but being on the phone with the best of friend ever, talking about life in the past, present and future – all tenses in one phone call. Nothing but!

    I would take the call from Cik Nan any day. Rainy, sunny, or horny.

    p.s. Last year, I saw this tag thing on Facebook. If you are tagged, think of a movie or TV show title and finish it with the phrase ‘between my legs’.

    Example:

    Seven Pounds between my legs
    Lord of The Rings between my legs
    Pretty Woman between my legs
    Sepet between my legs
    Matinya Seorang Patriot between my legs
    Desperate Housewives between my legs

    Now, please feel free to tag yourself…ahaks, between your legs.

    Pohon Berangan

    Kepangkuan Abang Ramlee yang dinda kasehi…
    Rindu dendam di-jiwa dinda kini lebih dari semalam, kemaren, kemaren dulu, minggu lepas, tahun lepas, malah lebih dari tahun 1948. Yakinlah Abang Ramlee, bahawa kaseh sayang dinda jauh lebih hebat dari chinta sekalian bloggers yang ada di ini zaman. Apa pun yang terjadi, dinda tetap mendoakan semoga Abang Ramlee baik-baik sahaja hendaknya. Abang Ramlee…kalau dinda nak tanya Abang Ramlee satu soalan, Abang Ramlee jangan marah ya? Siapa marah nanti kena jual. Kalau Abang Ramlee nak marah jugak, dinda nak merajuk. Tapi sebelum dinda merajuk, dinda nak gigit Abang Ramlee dulu. Ah Abang Ramlee ni. Nakal!

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    Begini soalan dinda…
    Abang Ramlee, Abang Ramlee…kalau dinda terbawak-bawak daydreaming kan Abang Ramlee sampai ke lewat malam, apa bolehkah dinda di-sebut sebagai daydreaming lagi Abang Ramlee? Padahal sang suria sudah lama sembunyi di-telapak kaki langit. Dan bulan sudah pun di-pagar bintang. Mau saja rasanya dinda menchipta istilah baharu angan-angan dinda sampai larut malam begini sebagai nightdreaming. Alaaaaa Abang Ramlee ni, janganlah ketawakan dinda begitu!

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    Tetapi memang benar bagai di-kata, hati dinda langsung tidak dapat melupakan wajah Abang Ramlee yang datang menyamar dalam versi orang putih yang dinda jadikan suami hampir satu abad yang sudah. Dinda mohon berbanyak-banyak ampun dan maaf dari Abang Ramlee bukan kerna dinda memuja-muja akan diri Abang Ramlee. Tetapi kerna dinda benar-benar tidak pasti akan maksud ‘abad’ itu berapa tahun sebenarnya. Samakah ia dengan ‘dekad’ atau ‘kurun’ ya Abang Ramlee? Maklum sajalah Ilmu Hisab dinda tak khatam belajar dari Che’gu Murni.

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    Oh Abang Ramlee, penawar rindu dinda hanyalah pada Abang Ramlee saorang. Kalaulah rindu dinda ini pohon yang rendang, sudah tentu tuan direktor filem Ikan Kaloi tak dapat menggantung buaian ‘laju-laju buaiku laju lepas masak jangan lupa cari kayu’ itu untuk filem beliau kan Abang Ramlee.

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    Umpama pohon beringin yang dinda angan-angankan sejak lama:

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    Pohon rendang di-mana tunduknya,
    Kalau bukan di-taman dewa,
    Mohon sayang di-mana duduknya,
    Kalau bukan di-dalam jiwa.

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    Abang Ramlee… aku chinta padamu.

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    *Surat chinta ini hendaklah dibaca dengan penuh rasa kaseh sayang terhadap Abang Ramlee, seraya mata sedari seakan terpejam-pejam celik di-luar batasan, dan sekali-sekala menjeling manja ke arah screen laptop atau PC sedari-sedari sekalian. Sudah tentulah di-ujung perenggan pertama tadi sedari musti mencholek pipi Abang Ramlee dengan penuh berahi getik menyebut perkataan “Nakal!” tersebut. Tak lupa juga hendaklah tertunduk dan tersipu-sipu malu dihiasi senyum simpul Nona Baju Kebaya dengan sanggul dua yang terasa chukup lawa. Enough Enida!

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