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All The Way Back

November 23, 2008 by Enida

Kitreena was missing Daddy more than usual this morning.
She drew Daddy with some whiskers because it was Sunday.
Sunday is Daddy’s take-it-easy day – no shaving, no worries.
Daddy came home on November 4th after being away for four months.
Kitreena and Edrick are now counting sleeps until Daddy’s home again – for good, and the best.
Kitreena was busy drawing this afternoon when Mommy wrote this.

Dear Mom,
Your son has come home to his daughter and his son. My husband has returned to your daughter-in-law. Your youngest child and I had the longest talk ever in Bali where we let ourselves out and just be. Through and through, the more we got talking about the years of us not talking, the more we realized that love actually had always had us enwrapped in silence. No matter what happened and what was done in either anger or desperation, love was the arms that pulled us back together. And your love…has been the finger we wrap our hands around – for better or for worse – learning from our imperfections.

Mom,
Thank you for asking me to come home to you. All my life, no one had ever asked me to ‘come home’, but you. I wept like a child when you wept with me through the wire, thousands of miles away…that one rainy morning. And I wept for that child in me who could not thank God enough for that mother she never had in her own. That child is blessed nevertheless with two mothers. And mom, thank you for leaving your door always opened just in case I need a home to run back to.

But for now I think it is my home that has instead run back to me. So I’ll stay.

Posted in Sense | 3 Comments »

Wish We Had Our Dad Day

November 19, 2008 by Enida

Hi Daddy,
Mommy took us to the newly opened McDonald’s restaurant in Bandar Baru Bangi yesterday. It was a surprise – she made us go to bed earlier than usual the night before because she said she didn’t want me to be late for school. When I went downstairs in the morning to have breakfast, Mom said we had no time for breakfast. I had to put on my shoes quickly or I would be late for the bus.

Mom drove past the bus pick-up point. So I thought Mom was going to take me to school. But instead she took me, Edrick and Bibik to a new McDonald’s! The restaurant looked so much like the restaurant I thought I had been to before. After all, they all look alike to me! There were not many people yesterday morning despite it being a 24-hour outlet.

I got even more excited when I saw the big Play Area! But Mom did not let me play because I had to go to school right after breaky. I wasn’t happy, but Mom’s the boss!

Nevertheless, it was good to have McDonald’s breakfast yesterday. Instead of the usual McMuffin with Egg, I asked for the Hotcakes, Dad! I cleaned up both the two pieces – with Maple Syrup. Slurp! (But your pancakes are still the bestest, Daddy! I was just hungry.) When you come home, if you are too tired or too lazy to make pancakes, Mom said she will take you to McDonald’s for Hotcakes or Big Breakfast.

Edrick woke up early for the surprise breakfast as well. Lucky boy, he didn’t have to go to school right after – because he is already on school holidays that started last week. He sat up nicely at breakfast and tagged along with me even to the washroom at McDonald’s when I had to go wash my hands. After breakfast, Mom drove me to school. Edrick and Bibik came with. Even Aunty Mas came with. But they just stayed in the car while Mom took me to my Home Room.

It was a good day yesterday, Daddy.
But I know it would have been even better if you were with us and if I didn’t have to miss you.

Well, 24 more sleeps before you are home. I think I need a big calendar so I can cross some boxes and so I can stop bugging Mommy every time I lose count of the sleeps. She says she’s not counting. She doesn’t lose count of the sleeps either. She just loses sleeps. You know Mom!

Okay Dad, I hope you enjoy looking at these pictures. I sure loved the McDonald’s breakfast yesterday. But not as much as I love you! I asked Mom if she could send you hugs and kisses as attachment with this email. Mom said, of course. I hope you can open all these attachments on your Blackberry and they are not too big. My hugs are sure big, Daddy. Edrick’s too. One hundred million Gigabytes, Mom counted.

Love you Daddy.

Your Maple Syrup Daughter,
Kitreena

Posted in Sense | 4 Comments »

What Hearts Are Made Of

November 17, 2008 by Enida

The stories have happened.
They are just not yet written.
Here, at least.
And so, the door has been opened.
Just that…I am still standing here,
watching and guarding it,
ever so ready tu jump
and either close that door on love,
or walk out on my own strength.

My heart is not made of steel.

p.s. Wait a while with and for me. It is a long story, to tell you the truth. For the truth is always a longer story, if one is to tell all.

Posted in Sense | 3 Comments »

Homefully Yours

November 15, 2008 by Enida

I finally took time…

  • away
  • to talk
  • to walk
  • to weep for that Enida I left behind
  • to come back to my senses
  • to have and to hold
  • to let me be
  • to be
  • back.

I’m glad to Be home.
Again.

Posted in Sense | 2 Comments »

Man-i-Cured

October 22, 2008 by Enida

Quoting an advice from a good friend:

“A cure for a man is another.”

Oh men! Should I hush, rush, or crush ’em?
Mein kya karoon? Jawab kya hoga?

Posted in Sense | 1 Comment »

Just Be-Cause

October 21, 2008 by Enida

I remember being asked by Kitreena the other day as to why I liked blue – the color. And I remember telling her that when you like something you don’t need a reason. That’s the principle I have held on to for as long as I can remember. But today, at Cafe Kazema HUKM – which to us has been Cafe Aczema – Ka Cher and I unintentionally dived into the subject. We never intend to dive into any subject any day anyway. We just dive. And we always have a good swim.

.

After reading As Zewt As It Gets some time ago, Ka Cher got the impression that Zewt believes at some point, one should have the need to reason why one loves the way one does. One needs to be able to fill in the blank to complete this statement:

.

“I love you because __________.”

.

I suppose, logically speaking…when you have your reason why you do, it makes it easier to reason why you don’t when you don’t. Then, your logic can tell your heart to finish this statement:

.

“I don’t love you (anymore) because __________.”

.

As soon as we made that plunge, I sank myself for a little while longer than usual. Just enough to come back to the surface and not drown. While I was in there, I hit my rock bottom. I realized, for reasons known only to him, Be never loved me. He just let himself drift away along those ten years with me. And when he drifted apart from me, he just let it be. And I…I was just too busy hanging on to love. I thought it was love that was keeping us alive. Together.

.

I surfaced.

.

And beyond any logic or needs to reason, I left both statements with each blank unfilled. For reasons known only to me, I love(d) him unreasonably.

.

Posted in Sense | 1 Comment »

Hush Crush

October 21, 2008 by Enida

Ka Cher and I were talking about you at the HUKM Cafe Bacteria [spelled: Bestaceria – thanks to Lil Sis’ deciphermentability] when it suddenly occured to me that what I have is probably just a crush. But then, isn’t crush only for the young and the restless? I mean, we are no teenagers. Neither we are old-timers. Hello life! And while I am pretty content and contented, at times I can be just as restless as you are. For all you know, restlessness is seasonal. Is it not?

Oh hush! Even if it is just a crush…hurry hurry lover come to me! I can be restlessly devoted to the thoughts of you. Muah! Wink wink. Yes, we were talking about you. Yeah, you.

Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

Like You Did Before

October 20, 2008 by Enida

I tried to write....

But I am exhausted. I just want to go to bed, wishing I could cuddle up with a man who would love me gently with my terms and who would just take me by the hands, pull me into his arms, look me in the eyes, admire my imperfect face, play with my hair a little, say nothing, touch my chin, take my lips with his, consume my thoughts, breathe me in, feel my pain, and silently make me love..

Again.

.

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It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing

October 18, 2008 by Enida

Hope life’s been good to you since you’ve been gone
I’m doin’ fine now – I’ve finally moved on
It’s not so bad – I’m not that sad

I’m not suprised just how well I’ve survived
I’m over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can’t complain – I’m free again

And it only hurts when I’m breathing
My heart only breaks when it’s beating
My dreams only die when I’m dreaming
So, I hold my breath – to forget

Don’t think I’m lyin’ ’round cryin’ at night
There’s no need to worry, I’m really all right
I’ve never looked back – as a matter of fact

And it only hurts when I’m breathing
My heart only breaks when it’s beating
My dreams only die when I’m dreaming
So, I hold my breath – to forget

It only hurts when I breathe

~Shania Twain

.

.

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Philosophically Speaking

October 16, 2008 by Enida

What you do teaches some, but what you are teaches most.

Just like…

What you say tells some, but what you do tells all.

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