I’m neither here nor there.
Could you come find me and wait for me…nevertheless?
Please?
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I was at the kitchen counter when Ka Cher came in with the IKEA stool in one hand reporting, “I found your son climbing on this stool, shoes on and all, trying to get out of the house through the window!” I didn’t know whether to laugh at Edrick’s desperation to get out, to applaud at his ala MacGuyver’s smartness, or to cry at the thought that he was trying to run away from home!
.
Of course he was upset with Aunty Mas for failing his attempt to jump out the window. When I went to console my upset son, I somehow felt a rush of strange connection to the past. My past. And Ka Cher was there to share and connect them all: me, my son, my past and running away from home. I did, nonetheless, had a good laugh. Both at my son and myself, my past included.
.
I couldn’t blame Edrick for wanting to get out of the house in dire straits (probably not so much for running away – I did advise him to at least bring some change of clothes, food and umbrella if he were to run away! Or at least get fed beforehand, like I was by Ka Cher who fed me Bubur Kacang that one fateful evening back in 1979!)
.
It had been raining all morning. And we were all donned up in Raya clothes ready to cheer the world up. Anybody would have felt stranded given the situation, wouldn’t they? Well, we ended up not going anywhere anyway. I, for one, didn’t need to. All (except one) that I want, and all that fill my heart are right under my roof.
.
I’ll keep the stool out my son’s sight for now… and for the next 18 years.
.
.
.
.
Posted in Sense | 3 Comments »
In this short but long journey of life
you swing you sway
you lose your way.
In this long but short trip of love
I strain I stray
yet I choose to stay.
Come sit by me
we swing the day
away.
* Enida
December 8, 2008
CH Kajang
December 8, 2008
CH Kajang
Posted in Sense | 1 Comment »
Read this article forwarded by a member of Yasmin Ahmad’s Muallaf on Facebook today – to which my comment would just be, “Go make your own movie, Mr. Highandmighty.” I am not defending Yasmin Ahmad, nor am I in total disagreement with what’s written by Kamil Maslih and Arif Nizam Abdullah. But it is day and night between criticising constructively and finding faults endlessly. A critical mind is one that is able to come up with solutions prior to laying out flaws.
These journalists think that the movie had failed to portray the beauty of Islam. But they made no suggestions whatsoever on how THEY would do it or how it should’ve been done. I mean, if you have never seen a rose, you can’t expect it to look like a tulip, can you? And to reshape a rose to look like a tulip just because YOU can’t appreciate a rose…is downright bigoted.
Having said that, the beauty of God or faith is not to be portrayed and drummed about. It is to be shared as it is to be sought. What you can share and what you can find is very personal – between you and Him. If you can’t appreciate or share, and if you don’t like what others can, keep your opinion to yourself. Why bother sharing?
And since when did the Malaysian Muslim community appoint Kamil Maslih and Arif Nizam Abdullah to be their representatives who decide what movies are offensive and what not? And oh, hear this:
Barangkali bagi penonton di sana, tarikan utama Muallaf adalah kerana hampir keseluruhan dialog dalam filem itu menggunakan bahasa Inggeris.
My jaw dropped to the floor when I read this statement! If this was a joke, it wasn’t funny and these two reporters have just succeeded in making themselves the top two most un-funny clowns of the town!
What do you make out of this notion? That Singaporeans are so deprived of movies in English? That Singaporeans would not understand this movie if it was in full Malay/Chinese/Indian? That Singaporeans wouldn’t understand the English subtitles if it was in full Malay/Chinese/Indian? That Singaporeans don’t really care what Muallaf was all about – but because it is mostly in English, they watched it anyway?
You see why I read these newspapers once in two or three months at the very most? Because their reporters/journalists are so funny I am afraid I will be over-entertained and cannot stop laughing – not only at statements similar to above, but at their state of mind. Sorry state!
Posted in Sense | Tagged Yasmin Ahmad | 1 Comment »
I so lah am going to blog about this okay. But I so lah damp damn exhausted also. How lah ever, I tell lah you…the poster in the photo is so lah not in Malaysia. And the movie in the poster is so lah not going to make it to our viewers at home. Never lah the less, it is so lah a good show, I am so lah going to ask Kak Yasmin if she can ship like 10 copies of the DVD to me once I berumahtangga in Mocsow and berjiran-tetanggakan agen-agen KGB serta Russian mafia. I bet you they so lah don’t mind who my God is and how I worship Him.
Mind my language. I should’ve just gone to bed.
Posted in Sense | 2 Comments »
Hey ya Daddy,It’s MY birthday today. I didn’t realize it was going to be a special day because Mommy got up late like she did yesterday. She must have gone to bed late again (the other night she had to cook a second supper for guests that arrived later than MY bedtime!). I tried not to storm into her room this morning, so I went downstairs and bugged Bibik instead.
When I opened the fridge to get some ideas on what to eat for breakfast (I usually know what I want now and I make sure I say ‘please’ to Bibik when I ask for my choice breakfast), I saw some marinated fish Mommy must’ve prepared the night before. Just before Mommy took me to the barber for my haircut later this morning, the fishy but yummy smell from the oven had filled the whole house.
I don’t really want to talk about my haircut, Daddy. I didn’t enjoy it one little bit! I kept on saying, “All done! All done!” right from the start to the end – it took the barber ten minutes to make me handsome again. It took Mommy all her talent to calm me down, but that ten minutes sure felt like ten slow hours! I didn’t enjoy the haircut one little bit, but I sure do like the way I look now. Life is not fair!
After the haircut, Mommy drove us (Kitreena and Uncle Flick came with) to a secret place. She was whispering all the time to my sister, and I didn’t really give a care because Mom and Kakak always do that. Must be the girls thing – secret this, secret that! But when Mommy came out from that secret place with two red boxes in a big red paper bag, I knew she didn’t just get the secret recipes. She got the Secret Recipe Cakes! Then, I remembered it was my birthday – after all, Mommy made me sing the famous Happy Birthday song when I was on the barber chair to distract me. She even made me imagine counting and blowing the candles. The thoughts of my birthday really got me through the trying and difficult time (such as during the ten minute haircut!)
I was so extremely excited when I saw the Vienna Brownie and the Banana Chocolate cake that I fell asleep on the way home! But of course the birthday lunch could not start without the birthday boy. That’s me me me! So Mom woke me up. We were joined by Grandma, Atok, Aunty Reen, Uncle Shahril and both my cousins – Afiq and Mariessa. Uncle Lam and Uncle Flick were there too. I have a list of wishes today, Daddy. But the top few hundreds are the wishes that could only come true if you were here. I hope you will give me a phone call tonight so I can tell you what I can remember from today.
Lunch was followed by the cake ‘ceremony’, of course. It was neat to see that I didn’t get three candles on my cake. There was only one candle in the shape of the number 3. But for some reason it took me one to two good minutes to blow just one candle! You will have to watch the video clip from Mom’s camera to know what I am talking about, Dad. It was awesome, nevertheless, that I also got to cut the cake myself this year. I am pretty sure I get to do so much more next year!
Oh Dad, thank you for the card and the present! I love those numbers and I am now learning to count and match the pictures with the correct numbers. I got two birthday presents this year – the one from you, Mom and Kitreena (the numbers), and a set of play dough from Bibik. Thank you Daddy, Mommy, Kakak. Thank you Bibik.
So, the day went really well despite me thinking about you most of the time. Mommy thought it would have been really nice if you were around because you take better pictures than she does. Kakak was just busy eating, playing with Afiq and helping me open the gift, she forgot all about HER camera. Duh!
And oh, another thing…I overheard Mommy telling Kakak today about us moving to Moscow. Is that true Daddy? Do we get to be in the same house again? 
And it sounds like we are going to speak Russian with each other. Kakak thought we were going to change our citizenship and we were going to be in Russia forever. How many years is forever, Daddy? Because I don’t believe it when Kakak said it’s going to be a long long long long long time. Did Kakak just make that up?
Okay, I’d better go and enjoy the rest of my special-but-would-be-more-special-with-you day. I hope you enjoy looking at these pictures – although I know you enjoy ‘taking’ more than looking at pictures. Maybe my birthday next year when we are in Moscow, eh. Mmm…I imagine my cake would not say ‘Happy Birthday’. It will have something that says С ДНЁМ РОЖДЕНИЯ or something.
By the way, I saved some cakes, nuggets, corn-on-the-cobs and hugs for you, Dad. Mom said I can tuck them under the Christmas tree. Spasiba Mommy!
Your Russian Roulette Son,
Edrick
Posted in Write On | Tagged Birthday | 5 Comments »
After taking quite a bit of time drafting, deleting, writing and righting the thoughts of making an announcement…I decided to just say it as it is:
Lessons learned, changes needed and phases passed. We are leaving the country, moving to a bigger, more crowded and not necessarily better place – for the better future. Life was easy until we had to learn to handle crises. Hurt, we did and we were. But hurt was also the mistake we vowed not to make again. Effective communication, we found out, is the one-size-fits-all kinda solution. So we are wearing it now and forever more.
God is good.
Posted in Sense | 2 Comments »
Kitreena was missing Daddy more than usual this morning.She drew Daddy with some whiskers because it was Sunday.
Sunday is Daddy’s take-it-easy day – no shaving, no worries.
Daddy came home on November 4th after being away for four months.
Kitreena and Edrick are now counting sleeps until Daddy’s home again – for good, and the best.
Kitreena was busy drawing this afternoon when Mommy wrote this.
Dear Mom,
Your son has come home to his daughter and his son. My husband has returned to your daughter-in-law. Your youngest child and I had the longest talk ever in Bali where we let ourselves out and just be. Through and through, the more we got talking about the years of us not talking, the more we realized that love actually had always had us enwrapped in silence. No matter what happened and what was done in either anger or desperation, love was the arms that pulled us back together. And your love…has been the finger we wrap our hands around – for better or for worse – learning from our imperfections.
Your son has come home to his daughter and his son. My husband has returned to your daughter-in-law. Your youngest child and I had the longest talk ever in Bali where we let ourselves out and just be. Through and through, the more we got talking about the years of us not talking, the more we realized that love actually had always had us enwrapped in silence. No matter what happened and what was done in either anger or desperation, love was the arms that pulled us back together. And your love…has been the finger we wrap our hands around – for better or for worse – learning from our imperfections.
Mom,
Thank you for asking me to come home to you. All my life, no one had ever asked me to ‘come home’, but you. I wept like a child when you wept with me through the wire, thousands of miles away…that one rainy morning. And I wept for that child in me who could not thank God enough for that mother she never had in her own. That child is blessed nevertheless with two mothers. And mom, thank you for leaving your door always opened just in case I need a home to run back to.
But for now I think it is my home that has instead run back to me. So I’ll stay.
Posted in Sense | 3 Comments »
Hi Daddy,
Mommy took us to the newly opened McDonald’s restaurant in Bandar Baru Bangi yesterday. It was a surprise – she made us go to bed earlier than usual the night before because she said she didn’t want me to be late for school. When I went downstairs in the morning to have breakfast, Mom said we had no time for breakfast. I had to put on my shoes quickly or I would be late for the bus.
Mommy took us to the newly opened McDonald’s restaurant in Bandar Baru Bangi yesterday. It was a surprise – she made us go to bed earlier than usual the night before because she said she didn’t want me to be late for school. When I went downstairs in the morning to have breakfast, Mom said we had no time for breakfast. I had to put on my shoes quickly or I would be late for the bus.
Mom drove past the bus pick-up point. So I thought Mom was going to take me to school. But instead she took me, Edrick and Bibik to a new McDonald’s! The restaurant looked so much like the restaurant I thought I had been to before. After all, they all look alike to me! There were not many people yesterday morning despite it being a 24-hour outlet.
I got even more excited when I saw the big Play Area! But Mom did not let me play because I had to go to school right after breaky. I wasn’t happy, but Mom’s the boss!
Nevertheless, it was good to have McDonald’s breakfast yesterday. Instead of the usual McMuffin with Egg, I asked for the Hotcakes, Dad! I cleaned up both the two pieces – with Maple Syrup. Slurp! (But your pancakes are still the bestest, Daddy! I was just hungry.) When you come home, if you are too tired or too lazy to make pancakes, Mom said she will take you to McDonald’s for Hotcakes or Big Breakfast.
Edrick woke up early for the surprise breakfast as well. Lucky boy, he didn’t have to go to school right after – because he is already on school holidays that started last week. He sat up nicely at breakfast and tagged along with me even to the washroom at McDonald’s when I had to go wash my hands. After breakfast, Mom drove me to school. Edrick and Bibik came with. Even Aunty Mas came with. But they just stayed in the car while Mom took me to my Home Room.
It was a good day yesterday, Daddy.
But I know it would have been even better if you were with us and if I didn’t have to miss you.
Well, 24 more sleeps before you are home. I think I need a big calendar so I can cross some boxes and so I can stop bugging Mommy every time I lose count of the sleeps. She says she’s not counting. She doesn’t lose count of the sleeps either. She just loses sleeps. You know Mom!
Okay Dad, I hope you enjoy looking at these pictures. I sure loved the McDonald’s breakfast yesterday. 
But not as much as I love you! I asked Mom if she could send you hugs and kisses as attachment with this email. Mom said, of course. I hope you can open all these attachments on your Blackberry and they are not too big. My hugs are sure big, Daddy. Edrick’s too. One hundred million Gigabytes, Mom counted.
Love you Daddy.
Your Maple Syrup Daughter,
Kitreena
Posted in Sense | 4 Comments »
The stories have happened.
They are just not yet written.
Here, at least.
And so, the door has been opened.
Just that…I am still standing here,
watching and guarding it,
ever so ready tu jump
and either close that door on love,
or walk out on my own strength.
My heart is not made of steel.
p.s. Wait a while with and for me. It is a long story, to tell you the truth. For the truth is always a longer story, if one is to tell all.
Posted in Sense | 3 Comments »
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