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Tak Bertempat

April 23, 2011 by Enida

Lauk-pauk semuanya cukup. Bukan setakat cukup, malah sedap-sedap, hebat-hebat belaka. Dari yang semudah-mudahnya nak dimasak, sampailah yang senarai bahan-bahan nak membuatnya sampai tiga mukasurat kertas A4. Sebut je, dah siap semua.

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Nak ulam, ada. Yang mentah, yang celur, yang rebus, yang dikerabu. Ada belaka. Nak sambal, banyak. Yang masam, yang masin, yang manis, yang busuk. Lebih dari ada. Nak pencuci mulut, pilih antara sago gula melaka, pengat pisang, bubur pulut hitam dan lompat tikam. Buah-buahan dah siap kupas, siap potong.

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Lepas tu, kalau dahaga, sebut je nak minum apa. Sirap bandung, laici cincau, teh o ais limau, kedondong calamansi, lemonade, cafe latte, earl gray, Milo Volcano, Horlicks Dinosaur. Yang tak ada pun boleh diadakan. Inikan pulak Nescafé Gold 3-in-1 dalam balang kat tepi tingkap tu.

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Tapi bila Ida merajuk Abang tak pujuk, Ida makan nasik kosong dua suap. Bila Abang kata Ida merajuk tak bertempat, Ida minum air suam je. Sebab dahaga Ida dah hilang. Minum airmata.

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Dahlah. Ida nak cari tempat sesuai nak merajuk. Kalau Abang cari Ida tak jumpa, Abang jangan tanya Mak. Mak tak tau. 😦

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Posted in Abang, Humor | Leave a Comment »

Chances Are

April 22, 2011 by Enida

Okay. The water bottle was in my room, two doors away from the kids’ room. And in between, is the guest room – unoccupied, no lights on. So when Edrick could not bring himself to cross the outside of the dark room to get the water bottle from my room, Kitreena kindly volunteered. Edrick, however, got really upset because the sister’s ‘kindness’ somehow made him look like a bad guy.

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It strangely spiraled up from just a little teary whining to a serious ugly cry and this, “Mommy, you blew all my chances in my life! You ruined my personality!”

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Huh? Oh yes, I did ask him what he meant. But Edrick was so caught up in his ‘chances in his life’ that I just blew, that I could not calm him down no matter what I said or did. And oh yes, I did ask him if he missed Daddy. He gets very emotional when he does. But there was no answer if he missed Daddy. When I made a supersilly joke that maybe he could help me hunt for a new daddy, he said, “When I have a new daddy, I will make sure he stays away from you because you don’t matter anymore!”

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At this point, my heart was ripped into 2,571 million pieces. So I quietly gave him a back rub. He was sobbing, face down on his pillow. My little big man burried himself and all the chances in his life under his quilt. But with all my strength and all my love, I picked him up, pulled him into my arms and craddled him like a baby. We were locked in each other’s embrace for the longest time.

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“Mommy could I please sleep with you tonight?”

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I didn’t blow all my chances in my life. My chances are right beside me now. Burried under my quilt.

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Posted in Hurt, Monchies | Tagged | 4 Comments »

Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XXVI

April 21, 2011 by Enida

Mommy: Okay everyone. Go wipe your face, let’s get ready. We’re going to KLCC in half an hour.

Edrick: Okay Mom. I’m gonna get going here. Because I gotta do what a man ‘s gotta do.

Mommy: Pardon me? You gotta do what, Monch?

Edrick: I gotta do what a man’s gotta do, Mom.

Mommy: Oh wow! Good! And what is that?

Edrick: A man’s gotta do what the woman tells him to do as a pet owner.

Mommy: As a what, pardon me?

Edrick: A pet owwwwwnerrrr!

Mommy: I’m sorry but I don’t get it.

Edrick: Responscelebrities, Mom. Responscelebritiiieeesss!

Mommy: Ohhhhh! You’re my man!

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Disclaimer:
Enida owns no pet although she is the woman of her Mesra house. On some bad-mood days, she does wish for a pet-man, if there is such a pet to get at Pets Wonderland, Great Eastern Mall Jalan Ampang. Otherwise she is just happy scooping up after no one.

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 1 Comment »

My Life My Lies

April 20, 2011 by Enida

I consciously lied to you lately. Remember I used to tell you that I don’t say love lots? I lied. I did. I do say love. Lots. Even when you are no longer there to say love to. I say it lots just in case my life is short. And when I am no longer there to say love… I want you to know I have nothing else for you but that.

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Lots of that.

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Posted in Inside Enida | Leave a Comment »

You’re There

April 19, 2011 by Enida

I wish you were there with me when I could not find parking at that huge hospital. It was Mom’s second home for over a year before her passing, you know. If you were there, we would be walking hand in hand on the sidewalk from the Soccer Stadium right up to the lobby. It wasn’t hot – so you would be making fun of my silly umbrella. It was, humidity-wise, a beautiful morning. And we could be talking about your perfect ideas of what a sidewalk should be, while I would be challenging every little idea of yours just for the fun of it. And for the fun of walking hand in hand with you on that imperfect sidewalk. I would be thankful for not finding a parking spot on a beautiful morning like yesterday morning. And I would let you know that you could borrow my right hand anytime on any sidewalk. To hold on.

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I wish you were there with me when all I could say to my KaCher was that everything was going to be all right with her and her condition. That Monchies and I were here and we would take care of her. We. Monchies, you, me. We. You would pull us both in your arms and we would have a group hug for a while. People in that medicine-smelling corridor would turn and stare, for all we care. I would be there for her as surely as you would be there for me. And KaCher could count on us for a group hug any day, whether it was a bad-hair day or a get-out-of-my-hair day. I would let her know that she would have an extra shoulder. Yours. To cry on.

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I wish you were there with me when I had to take that long walk back to the car on the same imperfect sidewalk. You would still take my sweaty right hand on that scorching hot afternoon while making wishes for some Banana Split. You wouldn’t be making fun of my silly umbrella anymore by then. Neither would I, of your perfect ideas of what a sidewalk should be. By the time we would get back to the car, you and your Banana-Split wishes would have melted. Just like my heart would, when you would open the door for me. I would tell you then, that your wishes for five Banana Splits would never be too much. To carry through.

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I wish you were there when I shifted to another medical center later in the afternoon to see the dermatologist. A visit for Kitreena and her recurring little bumps on the left arm. She could use a little cheerleader team behind her – you and me – and our little pom-pom dance, perhaps. With your hip-grinding, bum-wiggling, hand-shaking classic move. I could imagine her chuckles. And when it was my turn to get the liquid nitrogen sprayed on my ‘third booby’ skin-tag growing under my left arm, I could use some silly aging jokes from you too. If you were there. To cheer on.

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I wish you were there, yesterday, when things got too much to bear at the end of the day as I hit the home button. There to see that things got done though half as fast. There to see that the face to put on was only the brave and the smiley. There to see that the place to cry was just in the shower. There to pull me out. There to wipe my tears. There for me. There if you dare.

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Whoever you are.

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Posted in Hurt, Inside Enida | 3 Comments »

Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XXV

April 19, 2011 by Enida

Bedtime at yee mou (Aunty) Mas last night was a bit settled than the night before. And Edrick was just rolling in the seven or eight pillows, on a stack of four or five comforters, until he found one pillow that he fancied.

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Edrick: Oh Mom! This pillow is sooo fluffy I can feel the glory!

Mommy: You can feel the what, pardon me?

Edrick: The glory!

Mommy: And what does glory feel like? I am curious now.

Edrick: Glory feels like the fluffiness of this pillow.

Mommy: Mmmmmmhhh how did I guess.

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I should have known better. Some pleasures are simply indescribable.

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

My Truth?

April 19, 2011 by Enida

I was hit the most by what is on page March 19 of the book:

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TRUTH

Are you living your truth? Is it based on your belief, in the deepest part of your heart? It is that thing you want to be, to do and have, about which you rarely speak to anyone. It is that sacred place in your spirit that lets you know no matter what, that you are really okay.

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Are you living your truth? Are you doing what brings you peace and joy? Are you smiling to yourself in the face of adversity, believing you are a divine creation through a loving father and mother? Are you beautiful and strong? Powerful and humble? Understanding and merciful? Intelligent and faithful? Protected and prayerful?

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Is your truth simply clear and simplistic? Does it bring you the understanding that all is well without, when all is well within? Are you living your truth all day, every day, when others tell you it is impossible, impractical, irrelevant and dumb? Is the truth of your being and expression of God?

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If not, are you really living?

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~ Iyanla Vanzant in her Acts of Faith

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Posted in Reading, Sense | Leave a Comment »

Like Her Like Her Letter

April 18, 2011 by Enida

In my praying hours, all I chant for is kindness. May I love, whatever love is, the love that has no pride. May I count my blessings, and not minutes of attention I shall be paid. May my last word be that voiceless goodbye but with love written in the end. Just before the comma. Like a letter.

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And I will seal it with a date and a signature.

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I am home.

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In rememberance of my Mom and the last letter she wrote.

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Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

A Rerun: Tales From The Dark Side

April 18, 2011 by Enida

Tales From The Dark Side I let out a sigh saying, “Awwwhhh it’s getting dark now,” to Edrick who came to me at my corner to give Mommy an afternoon hug.

“Why is it getting dark, Mom?”

“Because it’s four o’clock and it’s winter.”

“Then we need to pick up the sun and put it back up over there, Mom!” Edrick pointed at the space between the two blocks of townhouses seen from our dining room window. I could not hold back a chuckle.

“I am serious, Mom!” I chuckle … Read More

via Questa è Enida

Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

A Rerun: Unbecoming Enida

April 18, 2011 by Enida

Unbecoming Enida If I could find a picture to manifest the way I feel right now, I would. It would be easier. But I don’t feel like looking for a picture now. No. Not this morning. If I could say it in words, I would type a thousand words more, I assure you I would do that too. But isn’t that what I have been doing?

It doesn’t get any easier if you choose to read my words with your thoughts, giving them your meanings. Dare you call me a liar when all I write is … Read More

via Questa è Enida

Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

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