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Posts Tagged ‘Single-Parenting’

Go To Yell

Posted in Monchies, Sense, Write On, tagged on July 14, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Luka di tangan nampak berdarah...

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It just wasn’t her day. Kitreena forgot to bring her violin to school, and so she went straight to the music room just like what she had been doing the whole of last week, to wait for me to bring the violin. When she called me from the music teacher’s phone, I gave her a hard time for not setting it out by the door like usual. But I came back to school anyway, with her violin.

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Her class teacher came to the music room after Kitreena called me (as I was told later that Friday) and scolded her for being ‘blur’. Kitreena was ‘supposed’ to be in her class – although it had been okay for her to be practicing her orchestra on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (and not having to be in her homeroom). She felt embarrassed and offended, to say the least, being yelled and shouted at by Ms. S in front of everyone in her orchestra. I have heard stories of her being yelled at in her classroom, but this time it wasn’t in front of her other friends who are used to being yelled at.

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And on top of all that… Kitreena fell during recess. Though much of the pain is self chosen, I knew the pain on her knees and elbows was nothing compared to being humiliated by her own teacher for something very trivial. And what was with the name-calling and scolding students for being ‘blur’? Is it not a teacher’s job to clarify rules to the children and to remind them when they forget? I was not going to defend my child for her tendency for being confused. But the yelling and shouting was beyond me.

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I am going to school this Thursday for the parent-teacher meeting. And someone who has been yelling and humiliating not only my child but many other eleven-year-old children, damaging their self-esteem in the process, is so going to have a professional slap on the wrist from me. And from the Principal. I do not send my kids to an international school to be yelled at and embarrassed by an incompetent English teacher who pronounces the word silhouette as sil-how-tea. Na’ah!

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Watch me.

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My Rhythm and Blues

Posted in Monchies, Songs, Write On, tagged on July 9, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Kitreena has been learning to play ‘Getaran Jiwa’ on her violin these two weeks without the musical notes from Mr. Rudy. I actually like that method, as it encourages Kitreena to play by ear. And Mr. Rudy is only giving out two lines per week. My violinist, who is not overly familiar with the song, has not been able to play the whole song every time she practices it.

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So I took the liberty to jot down the notes by slowly ‘pecking’ it on the keyboard. And after not playing any instrument for many many years, last night Kitreena and I spent over an hour duetting on Getaran Jiwa.

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I thank God for music and for the violinist and the pianist in my house who have made it all worth it. All.

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What Do We Do?

Posted in Inside Enida, Sense, tagged on June 23, 2014| Leave a Comment »

The story needs no introduction. I started seeing his pictures the morning of June 21st. I started reading and looking for more news on him on the very same day. But it wasn’t until the midnight of June 22nd that I cried my heart out when I saw a video on how he was found… abandoned.

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My very first thought was on what I could do to help the poor child. And my second thought was that there must have been a reason for the abandonment. The third thought was, I wasn’t there when whatever happened, happened. I didn’t help. I didn’t know. I didn’t care for what I didn’t know. So I shut my mouth up and kept on weeping.

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Now that I know there are people who do need help, what do I do? What do I want to do? I dare not tell Monchies this heart-wrenching story yet, for I have no answer if they asked, “What do we do, Mom?”

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For all single-mothers out there, may God grant us the wisdom to know what to do and the strength to do it.

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"Every child has feelings." ~ Genius Aulad

“Every child has feelings. ”
~ Genius Aulad.

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Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XLVI

Posted in Monchies, tagged on June 17, 2014| 1 Comment »

On the way home from school on a Monday afternoon, after waiting for Kitreena’s orchestra practice…

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Edrick: Mom, we have to have goals in our life.

Mommy: That’s right. You’re not talking about soccer, are you?

Edrick: No, that’s a different kind of goal. I mean… you have to have goals for yourself.

Mommy: Yes you do, and what are your goals, Edrick?

Edrick: I have two goals, Mom. Goal number one is to go to heaven when I die. And goal number two is to have a good job in this life. I want to have a job that can give me at least ten thousand dollars a month.

Mommy: Oh wow! I like your goals, Monch! *starts to look at her own goals now*

Edrick: Oh Mom, and I mean ten thousand dollars okay. Not ringgit.

Mommy: Okay, sure. And that is Canadian dollars eh?

Edrick: Yeah. Or maybe I can win a competition or a contest that gives me ten thousand dollars.

Mommy: But why do you want to win a contest? You don’t know if you are going to be lucky.

Edrick: No, I mean for my age now. That’s all I can do. I can’t get a job yet. I am only 8 and a half.

Mommy: Okay Edrick. All the best! But maybe you should focus on your job now, and that is to do well at school.

Edrick: I am, Mom.

Mommy: But I like your goal number one too, you know.

Edrick: I know.

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I peeked at his reflection on the rear-view mirror, and I could see him smiling.

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Happy Father’s Day, Enida.

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Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven...

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Lest We Ever Forget

Posted in Hurt, Monchies, Sense, tagged on May 21, 2014| 1 Comment »

There was a leak in the ceiling of the kids’ bedroom that left Kitreena’s pillow soaked in rainwater. The gutter on the roof was acting up again. So I moved Monchies to the guest bedroom. Yes, both of them. Edrick is nowhere near the stage of sleeping alone in a room, yet.

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A little later than their usual 7:30pm bedtime, and a new sleeping arrangement… Monchies wanted me to stay a while with them in the high queen-size bed. So I stayed for a while, answering all the ‘Mom-do-you-remember’ questions from Edrick.

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Then, Kitreena requested, “Mom, could you sing us the Greensleeves song, please? You haven’t sung us to sleep for soooo long!”

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And I sang…

Alas, my love, you do me wrong
to cast me off discourteously
and I have loved you oh so long
delighting in your company

Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight
Greensleeves was my heart of gold
and who but My Lady Greensleeves

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Kitreena: Mom… what happened to Lady Greensleeves in the end?

Mommy: She went to bed and fell asleep immediately. Or otherwise she would do her Mommy wrong.

Kitreena: Hahaha Mommmmmm! *giggles giggles*

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I went to her side of the bed for a big hug. And when she held on to me a little too tightly, longer than usual… I knew I had to keep her in my arms longer than usual too. Then, as expected, came the “I-miss-Daddy” part. I cupped her face and looked her in the eyes. Her face was lit by the courtyard light through the balcony.

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Kitreena: But Daddy did you wrong!

Mommy: No he didn’t, sweetheart. Whatever Daddy did, he actually let ME do the right thing for myself.

Kitreena: How is that?

Mommy: It was good that I knew what he did, you know. Otherwise I would be staying with a man who doesn’t love me enough… for the rest of my life.

Kitreena: But what Daddy did was not nice.

Mommy: Let’s just hope he is happy doing what he is doing, shall we?

Kitreena: But how can he forget you so easily?

Mommy: Ohhh don’t worry about me. I am sure there are many who will remember me.

Kitreena: I love you, Mommy. I promise, I will never do you wrong.

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Love takes time, lest we doubt.
And hurt heals, lest we forget.

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Lest we leave... [Picture by Effa Mas]

Lest we leave…

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Poor-In Rain

Posted in Monchies, Sense, tagged , , on April 12, 2014| Leave a Comment »

In the pouring rain on my way to Pak Ngah Studio to pick up Monchies the other night, I got a call from Edrick. He asked for my permission to get a drink at Pak Ngah Café. One for kaka Kitreena, and one for himself. I asked him if they had enough money for the drinks, as I don’t usually give them pocket money. They go to their classes at Pak Ngah after supper at home and they have their water bottle. So no pocket money for dinner or snack is necessary.

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But that particular evening, the kids only had cream of mushroom soup with garlic toast and steamed broccoli for supper and wanted nothing else. So I told Edrick that it was okay if they got themselves some Keropok Lekor. Edrick, in his innocent question to Kitreena that I overheard on the phone, asked, “Kitreena, do we have enough money for some krupuk?” There was only two ringgits left.

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It was when Edrick, in his innocent voice, asked, “Mom, what can two ringgits get us if it’s not enough for krupuk?” … that I suddenly felt sad.

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Sad in a way; that I don’t give Monchies enough money to buy what they need when they need it. Although I tried really hard to not pity myself after we hung up, what Edrick said in all his innocence broke my heart. They climbed up into the car that night, half-drenched by the rain and told me that Kaka Rina at Pak Ngah Cafe was so kind to only take one ringgit for the drinks. And that she gave them a big bag of Keropok Lekor for their two ringgits. I quietly burst in tears.

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I felt so ‘poor’ until later that night when I saw this saying…

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Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.
~Robert A. Heinlein

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I knew then as I thought I have always known it… that being ‘poor’ is sometimes a blessing. And so, I started counting.

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Coat Of Many Colors

Back through the years as I go wonderin’ once again
Back through the seasons of my youth
I recall a box of rags someone gave us
And how my Momma put the rags to use

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There were rags of many colors and every piece was small
And I didn’t have a coat and it was way down in the fall
Momma sewed the rags together sewin’ every piece with love
She made my coat of many colors that I was so proud of

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As she sewed she told a story from the bible she had read
About a coat of many colors Joseph wore and then she said
Perhaps this coat will bring you good luck and happiness
And I just couldn’t wait to wear it and Momma blessed it with a kiss

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And my coat of many colors that my Momma made for me
Made only from rags but I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors my Momma made for me

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So with patches on my britches and holes in both my shoes
In my coat of many colors I hurried off to school
Just to find the others laughin’ and makin’ fun of me
In my coat of many colors my Momma made for me

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I just couldn’t understand it for I felt I was rich
And I told them all the love my Momma sewed in every stitch
And I told ’em all the stories Momma told me while she sewed
And how my coat of many colors was worth more than all their clothes

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But they didn’t understand it and I tried to make them see
That one is only poor only if they choose to be
And I know we had no money I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors my Momma made for me
Made just for me.

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Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XLV

Posted in Monchies, tagged on April 4, 2014| 2 Comments »

Lately… Ethan doesn’t seem to be interested in playing with Edrick anymore. It breaks my heart to see Edrick handling rejection, but I don’t really want to interfere. Friendship is something only ‘friends’ have to go through to figure it out. Mothers have to step back. It is a learning process.

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But they do chat on the intercom phone almost every day like any other BFF’s do. Sometimes for almost half an hour. After one of those calls the other day, and with tears welling in his eyes, Edrick was ready to talk…

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Edrick: Ethan doesn’t want me to go over to his house, Mom. *sobs sobs*

Mom: Oh okay, why don’t you ask him to come over to our place?

Edrick: He doesn’t wanna do that either.

Mom: Oh okay, maybe you guys could go out to the pool.

Edrick: He can’t. He’s grounded.

Mom: Ohhhh okay. That explains.

Edrick: Ethan’s grounded for playing too much iPad.

Mom: Playing too much iPad? How much is that?

Edrick: I don’t know. He’s grounded for two weeks!

Mom: That is long, man! But that’s what happens when you break the rules.

Edrick: But there are no rules in Ethan’s house, Mom. He can play with his iPad whenever he wants.

Mom: If there are no rules, then what is there for him to break?

Edrick: I don’t know. Ethan doesn’t know about the rules either.

Mom: Hmmm… that’s pretty tricky, eh?

Edrick: Yeah, how can you know what is right if you don’t know what is wrong?

Mom: Oh boy! You’re absolutely right.

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I knew I was talking to my Little Big Man.
But I didn’t realize he was that big already.

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My Not So Little Big Man.

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Maybe Not

Posted in Hurt, Monchies, tagged on March 30, 2014| Leave a Comment »

The X-Ray image showed Kitreena’s spine developing scoliosis and Dr. Boden immediately put her on the 24 physiotherapy sessions with Leah. And that… was yesterday, March 26th, 2014. Tonight, after Pak Ngah last joget class, she asked me if I had told Daddy about her scoliosis. Yes, her scoliosis. She had a condition this time.

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Kitreena: Mom, have you told Daddy about my scoliosis?

Mommy: Yes, I have. I emailed Daddy last night.

Kitreena: So what did he say?

Mommy: He hasn’t said anything yet.

Kitreena: What do you mean he hasn’t said anything yet? Has he read your email?

Mommy: I don’t know sayang. I can’t tell until he responds to my email.

Kitreena: Maybe he doesn’t care.

Mommy: Nah, I think he hasn’t checked his emails.

Kitreena: Maybe he just doesn’t know what to say.

Mommy: Maybe he hasn’t read my email yet.

Kitreena: Maybe he thinks you told him because you wanted him to pay for the treatment.

Mommy: Nah, it’s not even an issue. I was just telling him about your condition.

Kitreena: So… yeah, maybe he doesn’t care.

Mommy: Maybe there’s something wrong with his email.

Kitreena: Maybe he just wants to keep quiet.

Mommy: Maybe he’s writing a reply right about now.

Kitreena: Mom… stop it! *looks away*

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I am running out of excuses and I have no more defenses. Let’s just watch Hope Floats for the 932nd time, shall we?

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Perhaps love...

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Siri Bercakap Dedek-Kaka VI

Posted in Monchies, Sense, tagged on January 20, 2014| 2 Comments »

His head looked heavy. With his right hand supporting the head on one side, Edrick was in deep thought… left hand holding the spoon, feeding himself supper, super slowly.

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Edrick: Mom… I’ve been thinking a lot.

Mommy: I can see that. What have you been thinking about Monch?

Edrick: I’ve been thinking… every time I have arguments with Kitreena, I think I have a feery.

Mommy: A fear, you mean?

Edrick: No, a feery.

Mommy: A fairy?

Edrick: No! A feeeeery.

Kitreena: A theory, Mom.

Mommy: Ohhh! A theory. Okay, you have a theory…

Edrick: My theory is, every time me and Kitreena have an argument, she would say something to make it sound like she is always better than me.

Kitreena: No! I never said that!

Edrick: Yeah, but you always want me to feel that way.

Kitreena: But I never said anything to make it look like I am better than you.

Mommy: Not everything is said in words, Kitreena. It’s in the body language. It’s in the attitude.

Peas in The Singapore Pod...

Kitreena: Yeah, but I didn’t mean what I said.

Mommy: So Kitreena, your lesson is… only say what you mean, and mean what you say. And you, Edrick… people can say anything. But don’t let it get to you. If you think you are good, you are good. You don’t even have to say it. Greatness speaks for itself. Anybody can be good. But not everybody can be kind. So be kind. End of story.

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We carried on with supper quietly, trying to clean up Bibik Sun’s uncrunchy kangkung tumis leftovers while I was busy trying to come up with a feery why my throat felt like it had been sliced by a ceramic knife.

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You Make Me Feel

Posted in Monchies, tagged on January 10, 2014| Leave a Comment »

It was nine in the evening and the house was very quiet after Kitreena was done talking on the phone with Paola. She was supposed to be in bed at eight just like Edrick but needed help from her best friend who was not available until about nine. Oh well… sometimes I just have to trust these little women.

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I waited for her upstairs and was eating late dinner quietly when she came up to the kitchen and asked me this question in the tone of voice that reminded me of my mother.

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Kitreena: Do you do this every night?

Mommy: Do what?

Kitreena’s question somehow made me nervous!

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Kitreena: Do you eat dinner late like this every night, when we are in bed?

Mommy: No, I don’t! I didn’t eat dinner at all last night.

And this question made me feel defensive and curious if she was going to preach me about healthy eating habit.

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Kitreena: Mom, when I see you eating on your own like that, it looks so… uh, so… lonely.

Mommy: *smiles* It is lonely. But it’s okay, Monch. I’m okay.

Kitreena: I always feel that way when I see somebody eating all by themselves. I feel like sitting with them and just be there so they won’t be so lonely.

Mommy: Come sit by me, then…

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Sandaran jiwa Enida...

We sat at the kitchen table for a while, saying nothing much, before I chased her to bed.

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It was the most un-lonely moment in my life.

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