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Things You Do

May 17, 2011 by Enida

For the fear of forgetting, I am documenting this now, in the midst of the extreme busy-ness of my business.

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This afternoon, Edrick came to me downstairs for his afternoon hugs. But then his feet all of a sudden got too ‘tired’ to go back upstairs. Well, that has been his way of hinting actually… whenever he wants to be carried up the stairs.

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So I did.

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I carried him upstairs. Because I could. And because I could never know when his feet would one day stop being tired to go back upstairs. I could never know when he would stop hinting for that little TLC. And because I knew my feet were fine. I could manage 28.7kg and 22 steps up. And so I did. And I will continue doing so until I can’t.

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Oh… the things you do for love, eh?

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 3 Comments »

Things You Keep

May 15, 2011 by Enida

Tidurlah Intan

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Sometimes when you keep filling an empty space with the things you keep on giving and not getting… when you leave, the space is emptier than empty.

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I have learned to embrace myself.
And tonight, I have a song.

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I am okay.

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Posted in Inside Enida | 1 Comment »

When The Whole World Waits…

May 14, 2011 by Enida

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Monchies and I are almost always drawn to comot cats. I don’t know what it is. When beauty strikes, I believe the opposite of beauty slashes. Even harder, stronger and deeper. So when we saw this on our way to the bicycle shop on Wednesday, the whole world had to wait. The bicycle shop included.

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Kitreena noticed that Ms A-beauty was pregnant. And Edrick immediately wanted to name her. I ended up making Ms A-beauty a street model. It wasn’t easy to get a shot of her half-black-half-gold face. Though we didn’t really want to disturb her supper, she looked like she wasn’t overly hungry either.

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I did wish, however, that Encik Mamak had put the fish on a banana leaf at the very least. For hygiene-purposes. Oh the path with good intentions…

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Posted in Sense | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Tanda Soal

May 14, 2011 by Enida

Saat kau kucup bibirku
di basement parking itu
semua kereta bertukar
menjadi kuntum-kuntum tulip
di padang jarak padang tekukur.

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Apakah aku jatuh cinta
atau sekadar tersungkur?

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*Enida
12 May 2011
Solaris Dutamas

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Posted in Poetry | 2 Comments »

Siri Bercakap Dedek-Kaka IV

May 14, 2011 by Enida

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The birds outside the school compound seemed to chirp a little louder than usual that quieter-than-usual Wednesday morning. Loud enough for Monchies to hear them from inside the closed-window CRaVy. There was one bird calling that sounded very familiar to my ears but all I could think of was the ‘taptibau puyuh padang’ pantoum (pantun).

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Edrick: What kind of bird is it Mom?

Mom: I’m not sure, sweetheart.

Kitreena: You can find it out on the internet, Mommy.

Mom: Well, I need to know what the bird looks like, at least.

Edrick: Oh! I know! I know! We can catch de bird. Den we put him in a clear plastic bag. And den we plug him in to de computer. And den, and den… de bird will make a sound. And den de computer can tell us what kind of bird he is.

Kitreena and Mom: *have a five-second silence and…* Hahahahahahaha!

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Kitreena and I are still wondering to this day why the bird had to be put in a clear plastic bag. We asked Edrick, but he was not going to answer us any more because of our ‘ Hahahahahahaha!’

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De boy turned into an Angry Bird – Unplugged.

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 1 Comment »

Write Here

May 11, 2011 by Enida

Writing has kept me on the ground. If I had not known how to write my sorrows away, I would have been under ground by my 36th birthday. Dead and dying some more, mourning not my death, but my dying life. When life didn’t come to me, I got up and looked for it. I looked for it and I found it. I found it and I took it back. I came home.

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Just that, at the moment… I am taking a deep breath.

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Posted in Inside Enida, Write On | 1 Comment »

Simfoni Hitam

May 9, 2011 by Enida

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Malam sunyi ku impikanmu
Ku lukiskan kita bersama
Namun s’lalu aku bertanya
Adakah aku di mimpimu

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Di hatiku terukir namamu
Cinta rindu beradu satu
Namun s’lalu aku bertanya
Adakah aku di hatimu

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T’lah ku nyanyikan alunan-alunan senduku
T’lah ku bisikkan cerita-cerita gelapku
T’lah ku abaikan mimpi-mimpi dan ambisiku
Tapi mengapa ku takkan bisa sentuh hatimu

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Bila saja kau di sisiku
Kan ku beri kau segalanya
Namun tak henti aku bertanya
Adakah aku di rindumu

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T’lah ku nyanyikan alunan-alunan senduku
T’lah ku bisikkan cerita-cerita gelapku
T’lah ku abaikan mimpi-mimpi dan ambisiku
Tapi mengapa ku takkan bisa sentuh hatimu

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Tak bisakah kau
Sedikit saja dengar aku
Dengar simfoniku
Simfoni hanya untukmu

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T’lah ku nyanyikan alunan-alunan senduku
T’lah ku bisikkan cerita-cerita gelapku
T’lah ku abaikan mimpi-mimpi dan ambisiku
Tapi mengapa ku takkan bisa sentuh hatimu

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Posted in Songs | Leave a Comment »

Bella Belly

May 2, 2011 by Enida

The conversation took place at my late Mom’s place between myself and Kitreena, me Monchie Lady, as I was pulling my shirt up to draw my pants’ string tighter. And in the process, I unintentionally exposed my belly.

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Kitreena: Mom, your tummy is flat but why is your belly button big?

Mommy: Because I was meant to be married to someone from a far-away land.

Kitreena: Huh? What do you mean?

Mommy: Well, that’s what my Mom would have said. Girls with a big and deep belly button will marry someone from far away.

Kitreena: I don’t understand.

Mommy: Don’t worry. Nobody ever does. And in my case, my belly button is big because you stayed in my tummy for nine months. Edrick too. You didn’t just stay there, you grew there. You can’t expect my belly button to stay small, can you?

Kitreena: Sorry Mom.

Mommy: Oh don’t be sorry. I love my belly button. Big, deep and holy.

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Posted in Mom, Monchies | Tagged | 2 Comments »

Still There

May 1, 2011 by Enida

After the trainers’ meeting the other day, Suen and Mollie, my new-found sisters, and I sat for almost three hours talking about life. And when Suen mentioned Mollie’s struggle to come to terms with the loss of her Mom, I saw tears in Mollie’s eyes. My heart wept for my own.

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I thought I was over it. Well, I am. I can light candles every Wednesday now, feeling happy for my Mom and where she is now. I can write about her every now and again, feeling a relief that she is resting in peace, waiting for us. I can look at her pictures and smile back at her, feeling the contentment that I was given 36 years to be with a great woman.

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But what do I do with myself when I long for a mother’s touch? It’s like I have been sitting on a chair that has no back. I can’t sit back. There’s nothing to lean against. Let alone to lean on. And I’m not able to get up. To move on. I can light 7 candles every Wednesday for the next 36 years if I live that long. But this last few years of not having my Mom… is taking away the life in me.

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But when I got the emergency news this morning concerning the father of someone who has grown close to me – I was awaken from my slow death. And like a train that had been on a wrong track, I shifted directions. While that someone is taking care of his beloved father, I shall be gone to love mine. And when I kiss my dad’s hand tonight, I should apologize for being too dead to see. He’s still there for me.

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Posted in Inside Enida | Leave a Comment »

In Her Shoes

April 29, 2011 by Enida

“Orang macam Enida tu mana ada masalah. Kalau dia kata dia susah, itu susah yang dia sengaja cari. Takkanlah orang senang macam dia mengadu itu tak cukup, ini tak ada. Kalau dia mengeluh, itu tandanya dia tak bersyukur. Tuhan dah bagi kesenangan, serba-serbi melimpah ruah, lagi tak berterima kasih.

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Orang senang macam Enida mana boleh susah. Dia boleh tanggung semuanya sendiri. Tak payahlah susah-susah kerana dia. Buang masa saja. Pandai-pandailah dia nanti.”

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Posted in Inside Enida, Sense | 1 Comment »

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