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Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XXIV

April 3, 2011 by Enida

This is fresh from the oven! I am still frowning and my brain is still hurting from squeezing the juice trying to figure out what is going on in that handsome little head.

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Edrick just had his morning shower. And on his way down he stopped on the landing to ask me this…

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Edrick: Mommy, when you marry another husband and get a baby girl or a baby boy, could you please get me another bunk bed so I can have the top bed?

Mommy: *looks at Bibik, looks at Edrick, looks back at Bibik’s wide open mouth, and has troubles finding  words to respond to this sudden attack*

Edrick: Mommy, please?

Mommy: But why do I have to marry another husband and get a baby to get another bunk bed? You can just switch with Kitreena if you want the top bed.

Edrick: Yeah, but what if Kitreena wants the top bed, and I want the top bed? If you get another bunk bed, the baby can sleep on the bottom bed of my bunk bed so it won’t be empty.

Mommy: *is shocked but has to say this anyway* Wow! That is very advanced thinking Monch. But I think I can skip the husband and the baby part. It’s much easier to just go get another bunk bed.

Edrick: So can I have my own bunk bed now?

Mommy: Go deal with your sister. *is going online-shopping for a husband bunk bed*

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 9 Comments »

Relung Hatimu

April 3, 2011 by Enida

Beb,
I dah lama nak tanya you ni sebenarnya. Tapi I malu. Dalam pandai kononnya bercakap sana bercakap sini, I ni sebenarnya reti malu. Tapi dalam malu I nak tanya jugak.

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Tapi sebab malu, kita cakap berkias lah ye. Ni, I nak tanya you, kalau lah dalam hati you tu ada dua ribu lima ratus tujuh puluh satu relung sawah padi kan beb… you rasa-rasa you ada tak serelung untuk I?

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Okay la, okay la, kalau tak boleh serelung, cincai la bagi I setengah relung ke, suku relung ke dah la. I tak tamak and I tak nak menaruh harapan seribu relung setinggi gunung. So, ada tak suku relung untuk I ni?

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Hahhh? You tanya I suku relung nak buat apa? Aiii, relung padi untuk I bertanam  padi lah beb. Takkan tanam tebu pulak. Kalau nak tanam tebu, nun di pinggir bibir nun. Tu pun you nak tanya dengan penuh syak wasangka ke?

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Come on lah beb, you ada lebih daripada dua ribu setengah relung. And I mintak setengah relung. Bukan seribu setengah. Bukan setengah ribu. Opocots! Tadi I kata I nak berapa relung? Suku je kan? Haa suku relung tu I nak tolong tanamkan padi baik untuk you. Itu je.

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Tak ada niat tersirat dalam hati I ni. Percayalah beb. I cuma nak diberi peluang untuk membuktikan pada you, suku relung padi baka baik I tu nanti akan mendatangkan manfaat kepada tidak lain dan tidak bukan, you jugak. You, you dan you!

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I tau suku relung tu sangatlah cenonet. Kalau you guna Google Map ke, Latitude ke, Bing ke, tengok in the hybrid mode… suku relung yang I mintak tu ibaratnya satu noktah sahaja pada laptop screen you yang besar tu tau.

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You still tak paham macam mana suku relung boleh memanfaatkan you? Laaa iye lah, I nak tanam padi. Kan ke jauh lebih baik daripada you yang ada dua ribu tujuh ratus lima puluh dan tiga suku relung semuanya, tapi bertanam lalang?

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Posted in Humor, Write On | 1 Comment »

Like A Child Girl

April 3, 2011 by Enida

The IKEA counters were not overly busy last Saturday afternoon and when I got to the cashier it was hard not to notice a family hanging around taking their sweet time licking ice-creams. Grandpa and Grandma were helping the grandson. Dad was a bit occupied with the shopping bags.

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In just a few seconds, Mother came into the scene with Girl – in a rush. An angry rush. She must have done something wrong that got Mother so upset. In fact, from the way she was poking on Girl on the shoulder and prodding her on the head, Mother was not just upset. She was furious!

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Girl, who looked about Kitreena’s age but many many sizes larger was crying embarassedly quietly. You know, that silent ‘hiccupy’ kind of crying when you can’t look anywhere else but down. That kind of crying you do when you can’t lift your face, your head and your spirit up. That was the saddest cry I had ever seen and would probably be the saddest cry I could ever recall. My heart wept.

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Grandma looked concerned, but in a split second seemed to ‘join’ Mother in madness. She then escalated the flaming anger and blurted it out in a voice so demeaning when she said to the grandaughter, “Sudah lah GEMOK!” My eyes were as wide open as my mouth. And then when Grandma saw me looking and noticing what was going on, she gave a huge friendly smile. No trace of guilt on her lips.

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For what had to be the first time ever in my life not smiling back… I, the Questa è Enida, was burned in anger! I felt like grabbing that poor little big girl, taking her home and giving her what every child deserves. Respect!

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Posted in Sense | Tagged | 5 Comments »

Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XXIII

April 1, 2011 by Enida

Edrick: Mommy why do you have that pretty blue thing on your forehead?

Mommy: Pretty blue thing?

Edrick: Yeah, that pretty blue thing on your forehead.

Mommy: Ohhhh! You mean this bindi?

Edrick: Yeah, that pretty blue bindi thing. Does it make you pretty?

Mommy: What do you think? Does it make me pretty?

Edrick: But you’re already pretty, Mom.

Mommy: Oh you think so, hah?

Edrick: Yeah. But I think it makes you prettier, Mom.

Mommy: *feels like the world’s prettiest Mommy with that pretty blue bindi thing on her forehead and thinks her son would make a good United Nations Diplomat soon*

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 2 Comments »

Holiday Out

April 1, 2011 by Enida

Sayaaang.

Malas jawab.

Aikkk! Apasal pulak?

Ida tau Abang nak bagi teka-teki.

Waaahahahahahahahahaha!

Tu gelak besar tu mesti betul kan?

Waaahahahahahahahahaha!

Nyampahhh!

Satu je sayang, satu je! Pleeeaaassse?

Aritu kan Ida cakap kalau Abang bagi lagi teka-teki, Ida nak lari gi tidur kat hotel.

Eh, itu kalau Ida salah jawab. Kalau betul, Abang ikut Ida gi tidur kat hotel kan?

*memberikan jelingan maut ala Embok kepada Kamawas*

Alaaa come on la sayang. Satu je. Okay?

Abang turunkan beg Ida dulu.

Beg mana? Beg baju?

Ye lah.

Aiikkk! Dah standby nak gi hotel?

Dahhh. Cepatlahhh!

Yay! Okay… canni. Dalam banyak-banyak lagu Awie Wings kan… eeeee garangnya muka sayang malam ni. Macam muka Abang.

*menahan senyum dalam kemenyampahan* Cepatlah!

Okay kay kay. Dalam banyak-banyak lagu Awie, lagu mana yang paling susah sekali nak nyanyi?

*berkerut dahi memikir dengan serius* Susah sebab nada dia tinggi ke apa ni?

Tak kira lah sebab apa.

Tak tau lah. Malasss. Bak sini beg tu.

Sayang niii mudahnya give up. Ida nak gi hotel mana malam ni?

Nak gi Rumah Tumpangan yang dekat dengan Tesco tu je.

Hishhh! Bahaya lah sayang. Okay lah Abang bagi jawapan dia, tapi Ida kena pegi Holiday Inn okay?

*mengetap bibir menahan ketawa* Lagu apa ni?

Jawapannya ialah lagu “Bernafas Dalam Lumpur”.

Hahhh? Why susah pulak?

Ye lahhh dalam lumpur. Nak bernafas pun susah. Apa lagi nak nyanyi.

Waaahahahahahahahahaha! That’s the most ridiculous teka-teki everrr lah bang!

Hehehe tapi Ida ketawa jugak sudahnya kan? Tadi muka punyalah ganas macam nak benam Abang dalam lumpur je.

Well, saper suruh Abang mengader!

Berapa malam kita nak stay kat hotel ni sayang? *sambil unjukkan polo shirt dua helai*

Kita??? *ketawa sambil pekupkan muka Abang dengan polo shirt*

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Posted in Abang, Humor | 5 Comments »

Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita?

March 31, 2011 by Enida

As soon as I got to the counter at Istana Budaya to pick up my LAT The Musical tickets this morning, I was not greeted by the lady behind the counter. She did not even look at me when I said my Selamat Pagi. I waited for her to say her Selamat Pagi back, but I would probably have had to wait until I heard a rooster crowing cock-a-doodle-doo the morning of April the first, or I might have to wait a year there – at the counter. So I decided not to bother.

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I asked her if my reservation was still kept since it was a day overdue. And when I showed her the reference number, she just glanced over it. No expression on her face. She still had not turned her face to look at mine. After about 20 seconds of silence and her tapping on her keyboard, she asked for the reference number again. L2C7WN it was. She could only recall the first three (L2C).

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“El dua si… apa tadi?”

So I gave her the full reference number, “El two see, seven double you enn.”

She repeated after me, “El dua si, tujuh… apa?”

I was just about to frown, but I didn’t. “Seven double you enn.”

She looked like she was ready to glance over my face, “Tujuh dabaliu en?”

“Ha’ah, tujuh double you enn. El dua see, tujuh double you en. Ada?”

“Enida Johnson ke?” Only then did she look at me and the bindi on my forehead and my cobalt blue punjabi suit..

“Ya, saya.”

“Enam ratus sembilan puluh sembilan ringgit. Nak bayar cash ke?”

“Ya, ya. Saya bayar tunai.”

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I said my “Thank You” twice. Once when I handed her the seven hundred ringgits, and once more when she handed over the one ringgit change. But today I just learned that at Istana Budaya there is no such thing as “Sama-Sama” or “You’re Welcome”. And oh, smiling is not allowed there too, if you work there.

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Posted in Culture, Language, Sense, Service | 5 Comments »

Bijak Sana, Sini?

March 31, 2011 by Enida

When I said that there is more information in questions than in answers, I meant it. And I was ready to churn out some good examples to demonstrate what I meant. But in no time at all, I found them on Facebook! I personally and professionally think that Facebook is the social network platform best for social studies. Anyway, here we go:

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Mr. Hansamu : Ooooh I am starving!

Ms. Bakana Ona: Oh have you had lunch yet?

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And it was two o’clock in the afternoon.

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Seriously! How can one ask a question like so in response to a statement like so? What is not obvious? Am I missing something? Is it just me? Now I have a lot of questions!

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There is a saying in  Bahasa Malaysia, “Malu bertanya sesat jalan.” (If you are too shy to ask – for direction – you will lose your way.) But I think we should be more ashamed of asking silly questions than anything. It is as though you were looking at a green apple and asking the seller, “Is this a green apple?” But of course, it is a fair question if you are color blind.

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And there is this belief that those who ask questions are smart. Wellllllllll! (Please take note of the length of my ‘well’ here okay?) Asking questions is one thing. And asking questions when you can find the answer yourself is another. That’s why I rolled my eyes like my eyes were the last eyes to roll when I saw this:

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Mr. Notsohansamu:  Sedap nasi gurih ni.

Ms. Kawansibakana Ona: Nasi gurih tu apa?

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Uh? Search engine, people! Search engine! Yeah, not everyone knows what nasi gurih is. In fact, I don’t expect many Malaysians to know the term. I didn’t know what buah gandaria was until just a few years back. But that’s beside the point. It is simply beyond me when one is just not triggered to put effort in finding information by oneself. Afterall, if one can Facebook, can’t one Google? Haihhhh!

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By the way, I miss Nasi Gudeg on Williams Street, Northbridge that I used to mentedarah after bertandak when bergadang with my rodong. This Enida is so berlagu!

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Posted in Sense | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Like That

March 30, 2011 by Enida

It was still drizzling as we were nearing the school, my Booty and I. Five hundred meters from the school gate, the traffic was a lot more ridiculous than just ridiculous. So Kitreena and I sat in the car holding hands listening to Miley Cyrus, track number seven on repeat, looking out to see nothing much except for a gentleman and his daughter walking in the rain.

 

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When they suddenly stopped in their track, Kitreena and I almost synchronously sat up to see what they were going to do next. The Korean Daddy handed the umbrella to his girl and almost effortlessly swooped her off her feet and carried her across the street with one hand, carrying her school bag with the other. Miss Princess helped holding the umbrella for Mr. Daddy. And when they got to the other side of the street, Mr. Daddy put the girl down and they carried on the last few hundred meters hand in hand smiling.

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Kitreena looked at me and I pretended not to see the tears in her eyes. For a few seconds that felt like one complete circle of four leap years, I took a deep breath and bent down looking for the Kleenex box. If it wasn’t because of the closed windows, I would have thought it was the rain that drizzled on our face this morning. And so I had two pieces of Kleenex in my hand.

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All I could think to say to Kitreena was, “I can love you like that, Monch.”

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 8 Comments »

Diagnostically Speaking

March 30, 2011 by Enida

Dear family, friends, foes and foie gras…
As many are aware, I have not been well. Yes, I have not been well. No, I haven’t. Though I did not feel that I was expected to explain anything here or update my Facebook status every hour or every time I had a little throat-itch attack, there is one thing I have decided to share with you.

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I have been diagnosed. Yes, finally. I have been diagnosed with AIS, or better known as Acute Involuntary Speechlessness. I am undergoing an intense treatment trying to overcome all symptoms and contraindications. All I am asking is for you to bear with me without any attemp to bare anything. Please?

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Posted in Inside Enida, Write On | Leave a Comment »

Ada Nggak Ada

March 29, 2011 by Enida

Ah yang gemes ngingetin rayuan gombal elo walau terkadang bikin gue seru. Kalo dibilangin ginih tepet ke muka elo, gue brani motong kepala rusa, motong mobil bokap, makan jalan dong sih… elo bakal tertawa. Malah gue tau elo pasti gengsi. Elo itu apa bener apa nggak? Gue ga bakalan terima elo atau siapa-siapa lagi kalo ternyata kalian cuman mempermainkan gue. Dikunyahin kaya permen karet, abis manis gue diludahkan. Bener-bener gombal kalo rayuan elo itu sampe gue ketahuan di anter ke multiple recipients di hape elo. Jangan sampe gue gelerin elo brenggg yach! Ya udahhh, minggir!

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Posted in Write On | 2 Comments »

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