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Lest We Forget

December 7, 2010 by Enida

Just when I thought I could not break any more, I received this today…

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Enida,
just to give you some warning so expectations aren’t strange when I arrive in December – Elena has moved in with me, along with her daughter.  I have explained to Mom that you and I will be getting a divorce as soon as I find time to figure it out.
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I am coming down to see Kitreena and Edrick… we need to discuss with them what has happened and work through their feelings.
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As I’ve said, I am getting on with my life… Elena is at least treating me right and is a very good person… cleans the house from top to bottom, cooks (even breakfasts), is a companion and friend, does a course on weekends, etc.  All this you had stopped long ago… you haven’t been my wife for years I realize now… you were sitting in that space, but not really wanting to be part of my life no more.  I think I sensed it… I don’t know who “stopped” first… was it me stopping to be your husband… or was it you stopping to be my wife.
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Regardless… we both stopped… and we simply hadn’t come to terms with it until my infedility came into the equation.
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It is time to move on.
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Mr. You-know-who
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My response was…

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Babe, I don’t like the way you write to me. As though I have no feelings. You have forgotten the first years of our marriage when I cleaned our place top to bottom, made you breakfast on your way out to work and loved you with all my heart. Give yourself and Elena 5 years before you write to me again.

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How dare you compare! What you wrote is just like what you did about Ms X. When a new person comes along, nothing about me is ever good anymore.

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I take you the way you are. Good and bad. Even if this was the end of us together, I would never compare you to the next man in my life. It is very immature and cruel.

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Let’s just focus on Kitreena and Edrick. I have no interests in who treats you right or whom you treat right.

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Ms. You-know-me

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I thought I would break a little more today. But I didn’t. For God has made me from water. With tears in my eyes, I now just flow. Away.

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Oh… lest I forget, please remind me that my future is already with me. Me Monchies. My sun and my moon who make me nothing less than the brightest star.

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I have found my true north. I am home.

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Posted in Hurt | 10 Comments »

Or Not?

December 7, 2010 by Enida

Miss me tak?

Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

Don’t Even

November 27, 2010 by Enida

If I sound like I am trying to tell you something I can’t tell but you are supposed to know, I probably am. If I look like I am trying to show you something I am not supposed to show but you are supposed to see, I probably am. And if I act like I am trying to do whatever it takes to push you away, I probably am. I am not easy to come close to anymore. I am deaf. I am blind. And I am heartless.

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I will hold your hands and touch your face. But do not want me.

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Posted in Hurt | Leave a Comment »

Let Me Fall

November 25, 2010 by Enida

Sometimes I can’t help thinking that the biggest fall I have had in my life is in love. So big, that I am only now getting up from the fall swearing all the way up and out that I will never, ever fall again.

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No, I haven’t fallen again. I am just enjoying the view from the top.

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Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

Writing The Wrong

November 24, 2010 by Enida

Guilt came all over me when I told a friend I am writing a book. Well… while I am, I am not! I haven’t been writing since November 13, and that is… for all-time’s sake, a very long time for a person who claims to be a writer. Maybe I should take a break from calling myself a writer. Or maybe I should just write again?

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And before you stop reading, here’s something I have not written about…

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Posted in Write On | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

La Ni La

November 14, 2010 by Enida

La ni, kalau chek pi La Cucur la kan, muka chek takdak maneh dah la. Dulu, asai lalu saja beghasa nak singgah. Asai lalu saja beghasa nak singgah. Depa-depa hat kerja kat La Cucur tu memang bangsa gumbira, ria, tiada duka nestapa punya jeneih. Taim takmau-takmau makan pun buleh pi borong kue macam oghang nak kenughi punya lah chek suka dia punya khidmat pelanggan.

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Depa memang rajin ucap selamat pagi, selamat petang, selamat datang, tegoq tanya apa habaq, sambil kelui mai mai mai beli kue, beli kue, mai mai minum ayaq te, mai mai mai ghamai-ghamai, mai mai.

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Tapi la ni, toksah kan ucapan selamat pagi ka selamat datang ka… chek nak order ayaq Melo panaih pun kena jeghekah dulu baghu dapat. Kot ya pun depa nak confirm order, cakap la baik-baik. Toksah la naik sogha macam chek dengaq lagu Eminem kat konset punya hingaq. Sudah la muka takdak sapa muka ala-ala Mr. Os yang tak peghenah tak ghenyeh.

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Tiba-tiba selepaih dah dekat duapuloh kali chek dok makan minum begebang dok bawah tangga kat La Cucur kat KLCC ni, teghasa cemuih dah la pulak. Aghi ni dua karipap, satu bengkang ubi kayu campoq satu te panaih saja dah lima ringgit dua kupang. Bukan la sedap tagha mana pun karipap depa.

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Tapi yang buat chek tambah cemuih sebenaqnya yalah layanan depa. Chek ni dok mengajaq oghang lagumana nak layan pelanggan, lagumana nak berkomunikasi, berinteraksi dan bersaikoloji dengan pelanggan kunun terer. Tapi sebagai pelanggan, chek ghasa kechiwa sunggoh la.

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Dalam hati dok berkata-kata, amboih hangpa no… mentang-mentang chek beli kue sekali makan lima ringgit dua kupang, layanan hangpa bagi takat dua kupang saja ka? Chek nak kena pi kedai Poh Kong ka, beli karipap emaih baru dapat layanan ala-ala solid gold?

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Kalau depa ni senyum mesra, maneh mulut pagi-pagi tengok muka kita yang elok lagi berbedak takdak berminyak-minyak, ambik berkat juai makanan hat yang nak terjun masuk perut kita… alangkah baiknya. Pelanggan happy, jualan meningkat, depa senang hati, berkat pun berkat.

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Susah sangat ka?

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Tapi ni nak habaq pi kat hangpa, chek ni susah nak sebut La Cucur tu La Cucur. Peranchis sangat! Taim menulih lagu ni bulih la. Taim sebut misti nak gulung jadi La Cucoq jugak. Lidah mai daghi jauh ni memang lagu tu la.

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Posted in Humor, Makan-Makan | Leave a Comment »

Bukan

November 9, 2010 by Enida

Tak kuat juga saya ini sudahnya. Tak kuat menahan marah pada yang memandang pengorbanan saya seperti memandang sampah. Bukan kecil luka di hati saya. Bukan mudah berdepan dengan kecurangan. Bukan sekali saya dikhianati. Bukan sekejap saya bertahan. Bukan senang memaafkan. Bukan sekelip mata mampu melupakan.

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Saya buat semuanya. Melawan semua yang bukan-bukan. Tapi sudahnya tak kuat juga saya ini. Lalu saya bawa semuanya pergi. Biarlah saya jauh di mata dan tak tinggal di jiwa. Bukan dia tempat saya bersandar hati.

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Bukan lagi.

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Posted in Hurt | 11 Comments »

Kerbau di Kerdau

November 5, 2010 by Enida

Doa seorang peladang kepada Tuhannya:

“Oh Tuhanku yang maha Kasih. Jikalau kau jadikan aku seorang yang bodoh, jadikanlah aku bodoh seperti kerbau. Supaya aku, dan segala kebodohonku itu masih boleh dibawa membajak sawah. Dan janganlah engkau jadikan aku bodoh seperti manusia. Kerana manusia dan segala kebodohan mereka tidak mendatangkan apa-apa pun kesenangan, walaupun untuk seekor kerbau.”

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Kerbau pun menguak dengan penuh kesinisan.

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Riwayat ini ditulis di Kampung Sri Kerdau di mana Enida berada pada 5 November 2010. Semoga menjadi iktibar kepada kerbau-kerbau sekalian. Opocot! Did I say kerbau-kerbau?

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Posted in Humor | Leave a Comment »

Wordlessly Yours

November 4, 2010 by Enida

There are no more words. Not even one. I am sent to nothing – to you – so I will be empty enough to be everything – to me. Tomorrow.

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I am tired of listening.

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Posted in Hurt | 2 Comments »

Just A Little Bit Longer

November 1, 2010 by Enida

Posted in Songs | Leave a Comment »

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