Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Maybe I

December 20, 2010 by Enida

Maybe I didn’t believe that Mom was watching over me from heaven. I have been longing for her touch so much… that I merajuk in a way. Yes, I merajuk a lot these days with so many people. I merajuk with the whole world, if the whole world cares. But for now, I would only admit that I merajuk with Mom for going too soon.

.

Maybe I didn’t believe that Mom was watching over me from heaven. So today God shed some light on me. And I saw it in the eyes of Mr. Traffic Policeman who stopped me for going 25km over the speed limit near the Penchala Link! He was speaking very politely and giving me a very gentle reminder to slow down a notch. He even asked me to “Take care tau!” If he wasn’t wearing those RayBan, I swear he actually winked at me. Oh Enida!

.

Maybe I didn’t believe that Mom was watching over me from heaven. Until He gave me someone who spoke to me so tenderly just as though I was hearing Mom in the gentle voice calling me Sayang all the way. There were times today when I felt like running into the loving arms just to be me, that scared little me. But the strength in Mom was in me.

.

Maybe I didn’t believe that Mom was watching over me from heaven. Until I feel her presence in every empty space in my heart, sitting with my two children… one on her left and one on her right.

.

Happy Birthday Mom. You would have been 62 today. I missed you yesterday just as much as I miss you today, and just the way that I will tomorrow.

.

Dalam semua esok, kita ada semalam.
In all tomorrows, we have yesterdays.

.

Posted in Mom | 6 Comments »

No More

December 18, 2010 by Enida

Long has it been since I had my last bite of jackfruit. Very long. I was probably only Kitreena’s age then. But it was all because of merajuk. I wanted the last piece. That was all that was left anyway. And I hadn’t had any. I was busy doing dishes. Yes, I started doing dishes years before I turned eight.

.

So, I wanted that last piece of jackfruit. But all that was returned to the kitchen was an empty plate. I cried! I cried like it was going to be the last jackfruit ever existed on earth. Ever. Berhabis hati saya merajuk. And I never touched any jackfruit ever since.

.

It must have been almost 30 years. Until tonight. Tonight, December 18th, 2010, a Saturday night, I just had my first bite of jackfruit after all these years.

.

I have changed.

.

And I… merajuk no more.

.

Posted in Inside Enida, Nostalgia | Leave a Comment »

Saya Ini

December 16, 2010 by Enida

Tunggu lah sekejap.
Sampai jiwa saya ini hilang lembutnya.
Sampai hati saya ini datang seriknya.
Sampai senyum saya ini kurang manisnya.
Sampai suara saya ini pudar merdunya.
Dan sampai diri saya ini tiada mahunya.

.

Saya ini irama yang hilang lagunya.

.

*Enida
Mesra Terrace
December 16, 2010

.

.

Posted in Inside Enida, Poetry | 5 Comments »

Saya Ada

December 16, 2010 by Enida

Terasa hendak menulis dengan panjang. Yang singkat adalah masa saya. Terasa  hendak pergi jauh. Yang tersekat adalah langkah saya. Terasa hendak  tinggalkan semua. Tapi yang ada ini lah saja. Dan saya sayang semua yang saya ada. Saya bawa semuanya.

.

Dalam hati.

.

.

.

.

Dan tak perlu FB.

.

Posted in Inside Enida | 2 Comments »

Monchies The Musical

December 16, 2010 by Enida

Edrick had his first guitar lesson today at Yamaha Music School at Solaris Dutamas. I was going to sit in with him for the first ten minutes, just in case. But ten seconds into it I changed my mind.  Ami, the guitar teacher, and Edrick needed to warm up to each other in that little classroom that resembled my fridge temperature-wise.

.

Half an hour of eavesdropping and me trying out the sixteen thousand Ringgit piano in the showroom, I thought I heard Edrick plucking his questions upon questions more than him plucking the guitar. Seriously, I thought of hiring a live-in guitar teacher before Edrick could even begin paying attention to the guitar (and not questioning why guitars are made curvy!)

.

When he came running out from the tiny classroom in the back to the showroom, he actually looked more excited than before he went in.

.

Edrick: Mommy! Mommy! I finished five pages of my beginners book, Mom!

Mommy: Oh wow! Five pages?

Edrick: Yes, five! And it’s only my first day. Mommy are you impressed?

Mommy: Me oh my! I am extremely impressed!

Edrick: Yeah! Me too, I am impressed with myself!

Mommy: Right on! That’s all that matters, Monch.

Edrick: I am coming again, Mom.

Mommy: So am I, sweetheart. So am I.

.

I am signing up for piano while Kitreena is continuing her violin. Anyone up for the drummer position? Huh, beat us!

.

.

 

.

Posted in Monchies | 3 Comments »

Kalaupun

December 15, 2010 by Enida

.

Kata bergadang kuning selancang,
walau selisih sampan di hulu;
Mata terpandang hati bergoncang,
kalaupun kasih simpan dahulu.

.

 

Posted in Poetry | Tagged | 2 Comments »

Of Warm Shoulders

December 11, 2010 by Enida

Nothing hides tears better than laughter.

.

So I have bounced back. Many times higher. Yes, again. And I find it amazing that the very thing that breaks my heart, mends my soul. Thank you for your prayers and faith in me. Thank you for your soothing words and warm shoulders. Thank you for the distractions as well.

.

I am all patched up.

Yes, again.

.

Posted in Hurt | 2 Comments »

Just So You Know

December 8, 2010 by Enida

Words flow into me just like tears flow out of me. I have so much to say. But in times like this, the pain is just so great… all I can let flow is myself. I can see no way out but through the prayers, love and words that come to me in your voice and thoughts. And even in silence. I may not see, but I feel you. For I am not that blind.

Posted in Write On | 3 Comments »

Lest We Forget

December 7, 2010 by Enida

Just when I thought I could not break any more, I received this today…

.

Enida,
just to give you some warning so expectations aren’t strange when I arrive in December – Elena has moved in with me, along with her daughter.  I have explained to Mom that you and I will be getting a divorce as soon as I find time to figure it out.
.
I am coming down to see Kitreena and Edrick… we need to discuss with them what has happened and work through their feelings.
.
As I’ve said, I am getting on with my life… Elena is at least treating me right and is a very good person… cleans the house from top to bottom, cooks (even breakfasts), is a companion and friend, does a course on weekends, etc.  All this you had stopped long ago… you haven’t been my wife for years I realize now… you were sitting in that space, but not really wanting to be part of my life no more.  I think I sensed it… I don’t know who “stopped” first… was it me stopping to be your husband… or was it you stopping to be my wife.
.
Regardless… we both stopped… and we simply hadn’t come to terms with it until my infedility came into the equation.
.
It is time to move on.
.
Mr. You-know-who
.

My response was…

.

Babe, I don’t like the way you write to me. As though I have no feelings. You have forgotten the first years of our marriage when I cleaned our place top to bottom, made you breakfast on your way out to work and loved you with all my heart. Give yourself and Elena 5 years before you write to me again.

.

How dare you compare! What you wrote is just like what you did about Ms X. When a new person comes along, nothing about me is ever good anymore.

.

I take you the way you are. Good and bad. Even if this was the end of us together, I would never compare you to the next man in my life. It is very immature and cruel.

.

Let’s just focus on Kitreena and Edrick. I have no interests in who treats you right or whom you treat right.

.

Ms. You-know-me

.

I thought I would break a little more today. But I didn’t. For God has made me from water. With tears in my eyes, I now just flow. Away.

.

Oh… lest I forget, please remind me that my future is already with me. Me Monchies. My sun and my moon who make me nothing less than the brightest star.

.

.

I have found my true north. I am home.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Posted in Hurt | 10 Comments »

Or Not?

December 7, 2010 by Enida

Miss me tak?

Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »