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Face It

It was a stroll along The Old Arbat Street on an easy Sunday morning looking for some Russian souvenirs to bring home. All I had in mind were those colorful matriyoshka dolls and the list of families, friends, foes, fans and foei gras. And oh, of course Facebookers. I had one particular person on my mind, but he is a long story. Longer than the list I had. So, not today.

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I wasn’t looking around or anything when I saw the face on the street. The one face that caught my eyes instantly. We exchanged what felt shorter than a glimpse, but longer than a gaze. I looked away, naturally, just a micro-second after our eyes met in a strange contact. And as strange as strangers that we were, I looked at him again, looking for another strange connection of some sort. And that, only to find that he did the same.

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I bet you can see it from the way I am now struggling to describe it all… but our eyes, Mr. Stranger’s and mine, met again. And that second glance made it feel like I had known him for… ever.

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He nodded. A nod to which I smiled.  When his whole face just bloomed like an open tulip, he gave me one of the most beautiful springs to remember. Still wearing the smile, I lowered my gaze in the softest nod I had ever strangely given as he kept his eyes on mine. His smile wasn’t so much on his lips. He did it all with his eyes. His glance turned to a gaze and a gaze turned into a wordless conversation from across the street. The Old Arbat Street.

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We kept on walking on paths that I knew for sure were not going to cross with each other – although we were going in the same direction. Neither of us could tell, then, if we had met before, or would ever meet again. But when he stopped a few steps away ahead of me only to turn back to find my eyes again… I knew, that I knew him. It was then that I caught him catching a deep breath almost in a relief to have found me.

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The tulip smile on his lips was now a sunflower on his masculine but sweet face. And I didn’t know what to do with such brightness! So I waved at him with just one open palm, a ‘motionlessly’ quick wave to let him know I acknowledged him. The moment I thought I couldn’t be touched deeper by a gesture, he ‘caught’ my wave like one would catch a flying kiss, and he brought his hand to his chest.

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Two seconds later as I was walking past him in what felt like forever, he gave me one lingering smile. A sunny smile, at each miro-second was growing brighter than the one before. And with one clutched hand on his chest holding my wave, he closed his eyes as though he was trying to freeze the moment. When he opened his eyes, he took another deep breath. His gaze then told mine that we would meet again someday. He nodded as he opened his palm on his chest reassuring me that I would be save there. In the most silent space of his being.

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I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. There and then. On the Old Arbat Street. Maybe it wasn’t just a stroll on an easy Sunday morning after all.

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Postlude:

Would you believe me if I said that this really happened to me?

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Like I Do

I am convinced.

I have lived and loved long enough to know that nobody can love like I do. Nobody. Blessed are those who have been loved by me. Blessed are those who have been loved by me and have appreciated my love. Blessed are those who have not, all the same.

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Blessed be those who have loved me the way I have loved. No matter whom they love in return. For I am convinced, nobody has loved me like I do.

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Not even the one I love.

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Not even.

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Ladki Badi Enida Hai

At 5am yesterday, I found myself sprawling in the hallway with a pen in one hand, forehead in the sketchbook and my lips wet-kissing my own writing. I could not remember falling asleep. Who can, anyway. But I remember being attacked by the overflowing-ness of my ideas around 3am as I was getting to bed.

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Since I simply could not get settled, I got up, grabbed my sketchbook and my Pilot G2-07, and just sat where the light was left switched on – outside the kids bathroom. The door was left open as well so Edrick could find his way there in the middle of the night. To get myself comfortable, I laid down on my tummy. And I simply started writing.

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The next thing I knew, there was a pressing pain on the side of my forehead. Sure enough it was the weight of my sleepy head against the binder ring of my sketchbook/organizer. The first thing that came to my mind was a song from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, that is Ladki Badi Anjani Hai.

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If that wasn’t strange enough, get this… the first person that came to mind was Hans Isaac. How’s that for sleepwriting? I must have climbed Kilimanjaro with Hans and rolled down the mountain. I probably rolled  away waaaayyy too far and landed in the hallway, in this place on Pokrovsky Hills. As for Hans Isaac… uh, could that be him waiting for me in bed?

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I need sleep.

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I need a lot of sleep.

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Sejak

Sejak

Hati ini
sewaktu tak ada cinta
tak ada lagunya.

Sejak ada kasihmu
aku galas semuanya
Beban Kasih Asmara.
Aku cari walau seribu
Penawar Rindu.

Curilah lagi
hatiku ini.

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*Enida
March 26, 2010
Pokrovsky Hills.

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Fresh at the breakfast table this morning.

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Kaka: I’m going to have peanut butter, jam and Nutella sandwich.

Dedek: But why are you going to have peanut butter, jam and Nutella sandwich?

Kaka: Because that’s what I’m gonna have.

Dedek: Yeah, but I’m eating toast, cheese, sausage, cheese and toast sandwich.

Kaka: That’s what you’re eating. I’m gonna have peanut butter, jam and Nutella sandwich.

Dedek: But why?

Kaka: Because that’s what I like. And that’s what Mommy’s making for me.

Dedek: Yeah! But you have to renember, this is not a restaurant!

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Mommy was just behind the kitchen counter, her mouth wide open, her eyes not blinking, listening to her very own words being repeated. Verbatim!

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Back in 2006 when the only conversation they had was
“Peek-a-boo!” and laughter.

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And then they color my world with words.

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Brewtal

Enida is brewing a big story ni. Tang ngo ’em koy!

This Kiss

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It was the best kiss I have ever had in my life.

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I was blessedly kissed by the most beautiful sunset.
Driving to Manjung, in the late afternoon rain.
A wet kiss it was.

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And I will be longing for this kiss again comes May.
Come what may.

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The picture was taken with my RAZR2V9. It is a far cry from the best quality in soft copy. But I have a hard copy with higher resolution printed in my mind.

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Port of Call

Her battle was lost during the last year of her beautiful life. She lost it. Her memory. She used to collect everything she could collect. She used to keep everything she could keep. Just so she could hang on to everything she could hang on to. So she wouldn’t forget. So she would remember it all.

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And then she forgot it all. She lost it all. She even forgot where she was. All she could hang on to was her name and where she met the love of her life. All she remembered was where she was when she was young and when she was in love.

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She was in the Port of Dickson’s. She was in love.

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And that was the last beach I took her to, on which she walked as though she knew it was her last walk on the beach. I think she knew it. What she didn’t know was where the love of her life had been. It was all gone before she could let it go. And then she let go.

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She left.

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Swing, Tiger, Swing!

I read this a little while ago and could not help but to agree with the writer. While I have less vim in love with the supposedly better sex, I do keep my faith in love… for myself. Oh I am so in love with myself I could just kiss my own you know what.

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Swing, Tiger, swing!


I couldn’t care less what other people are doing with their genitalia, but it seems that the only subject people want to discuss these days when they’re out having drinks is Tiger Woods’ infidelity.

Now, when the news of Tiger’s multiple affairs first hit the press, I was shocked. That is to say, I was “shocked” in the Casablancian sense of, “I’m shocked, shocked to find out that gambling is going on in here!”

Of course someone like Tiger Woods would be ****ing around like an over-sexed rabbit.

There are a lot of commonly-held beliefs that I simply can’t subscribe to. Global Warming, for instance (that’s the biggest scam ever perpetrated on the human race). Or that OJ Simpson killed his wife. But most importantly, I don’t believe in monogamy.

When I say I don’t believe in monogamy, I mean: I don’t believe it is natural; I don’t believe it is possible; I don’t believe it exists; and I don’t believe it is a good idea. I believe that the very idea of monogamy is anti-life, anti-pleasure and anti-human. After all, only 3 per cent of the Earth’s 4,000 mammal species are monogamous (and homo sapien isn’t, according to the anthropologists, one of them.)

There is no doubt in my mind that the only people who manage fidelity are those who are too plain, too uninteresting or too fat to have any other option. I reckon it’s pretty easy to be faithful if no one ever wants to give you an opportunity to be otherwise. Just like it’s pretty easy for us not to fly around the skies, since we don’t have wings and hollow bones and the like. But if we did have those handy accoutrements, I believe we’d be flying about all the time.

Women desire him, so, yes of course someone like Tiger Woods would be ****ing around like an over-sexed rabbit.

Because he can. Like yummy Bill Clinton could. And delicious JFK could. And – oh my – all those gorgeous footballers! And Angelina!

And anyone who can and doesn’t, is a damn fool in my opinion. Because it is the plain, uninteresting and fat ones who created the stupid Monogamy Rule in the first place, so the rest of us couldn’t have more fun than they were having. Therefore, it’s clearly an absurd idea to follow their jealousy-motivated rule. I say: let’s have a lot more fun than them – let’s take all the fun life can give us.

Pamela Druckerman, who went on a round-the-world tour of cheating for her book Lust in Translation, found Russians to be some of the world’s worst cheaters. She couldn’t find anyone in Russia who had been faithful. Good on us, I say. And yet another excellent reason to live in Moscow.

Personally, I’ve always been a serial non-monogamist. I’ve “cheated” (the word “cheat” says it all. Listen to the teary sullenness of the accusation through your remembered eight-year-old ears: “You’re cheating!” But you weren’t, were you? You were simply better) countless times on every single boyfriend and husband I’ve had. I’m not a one-man job and Tiger’s obviously not a one-woman job.

But now poor Tiger has been forced to enter a sex rehab clinic.

Apparently he’s doing yoga for about three hours a day in order to learn how to suppress his sexual urges.

But I doubt yoga can turn him into a tiny anglerfish (the only true monogamous creature on this planet). Hence I say: Good luck with all that, Woods.

I used to be like Tiger. I used to feel guilty, hate myself and regret my passionate wet/hard nights stolen on the sly. But, having realised a long ago that regret is a waste of time, the only thing I regret now is regret.

No. That’s a lie. I regret one other thing.

I’m having my publicist send this column to Tiger Woods c/o of the Sex Addicts Clinic where he’s been admitted.

I regret not having Tiger’s big, black … Well, figure it out yourself.

Thus: Mr. Woods is cordially invited to spend some time in Moscow. We can take care of him and show him a good time, can’t we? I mean, we’ve got: Faberge eggs. Cafe Pushkin. Snow. Vodka and Soviet Champagne. Me. And all the beautiful Russian women a man could want. And you know, we’ve got golf too.

*** rehab – and everything else you can. Tiger: come to Moscow.

xxoo

DD
Deidre Dare
Moscow News

Sampai Nanti

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Sampai Nanti

Sampai nanti
langit hilang birunya
samudera hilang gelora
dan antara kita
tak lagi ada puisi,
baru hilang sesalku
tak mengucup tanganmu.

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Enida
June 1, 2004
Karak Highway

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