Posted in Sense, tagged Life on July 4, 2010| 1 Comment »
Do you know the feeling of wanting something so much for so long that when you finally get it, you realize that you don’t want it anymore? The wanting keeps you going, the going keeps you holding on. And it is the getting that ends it all. You let go. Because you know, getting does not always mean having. There are things you can want, you can get, but you can never have.
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All that I want, I have. And I am all right.
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Just stay away.
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Please.
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Posted in Sense, tagged Life on July 3, 2010| 1 Comment »
Before life is over, it will always have something for us to get over with. That much I can be sure of today, coming to think of it this morning.
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I got over with being a child, chubby and all whether I liked it or not, with no big damage. I’m still chubby and still working on getting a little less chubby, but my face is longer.
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Getting over with being a misunderstood girl all my teenage years and a decade or two later was a huge task, but I came out with no major injuries. Thanks to having a good mom, I did pretty good.
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Then before I knew it, I got over a bad relationship, hitting the rock bottom, staying there on my rock bottom for two years for all the wrong reasons. But for all the good lessons that came with it, I did come out a little wiser, I must say. I survived the pain, though they say much of it was self-chosen.
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The last ten years, however, were the years I never thought I had to get ‘over’ with. As the way it was in the beginning, there was no time limit set to it. But like I said so myself, life… before it’s over, will always have something for us to get over with.
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I will get over this and will get over there from over here.
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Soon.
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Posted in Sense, tagged Affair on July 1, 2010| 2 Comments »
Whatever feelings I have, hatred has no place in me. I don’t hate. Especially you. Because you, just like hatred, have no place in my heart. You’re not worth it. Not a thing. For something cheap – cheaper than a shower cap – you are not even worth my hatred.
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My feelings are my choice. You can’t make me feel what I choose to feel. You are not the reason for my feeling the way I am feeling. You are too small and insignificant. You are a joke you make and you are a joke you play upon yourself.
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And now, who’s laughing?
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Posted in Sense, tagged Love on June 30, 2010| 1 Comment »
Love has been a game played upon me and around me. If you think I am not aware of it, you obviously have taken me for a fool. Just like all the fools you’ve taken… for a price, for a ride or for free. You have said love to me and everybody else as though you knew what it meant.
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Your game is over. And so is the party. It is time to put on the red shoes and dance the blues. But I am waltzing it far away from you… where love is the music, not the lyrics. It’s over and I’m out.
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Ketagih
Apa silapku
hingga kau menyalahkan.
Apa hakmu
hingga kau membatilkan.
Kesetiaan ini
bagimu hanya duri.
Kesihatan yang kau ubat dengan sakit
adalah kewarasan yang gila.
Pilihlah yang halal
selamat jalan atau selamat tinggal.
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*Enida
September 24, 1997
Bangi Lama
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Posted in Sense, tagged Life on June 25, 2010| 1 Comment »
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“If I can’t come to happiness, I’ll come up with it.”
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~Enida
June 25, 2010
Pokrovsky Hills Boulevard
Doma Nomer Divyet
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Posted in Humor, Sense, tagged Facebook on June 23, 2010| 2 Comments »
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🙂 When I put my status on Facebook as:
“Enida Supian-Johnson pergi ke kedai basikal hendak membeli seekor ayam. Apakah yang tergantung itu?”
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I did not mean to trick anyone. It wasn’t even a riddle. In fact, it was just me being sarcastic. It was all triggered by a friend of mine, Mr. Hugo Boss, who put his Facebook status as “Hugo Boss is at the barber.” One of the responses he got, “Are you there for a haircut?” sent me rolling on the floor laughing like there was no tomorrow. Or in my case, there was no yesterday.
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And that was why I came up with the pergi-ke-kedai-basikal-hendak-membeli-seekor-ayam status on Facebook.
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From my experience, more often than not, when I enter a kedai kain (fabric store), for example… I am asked, “Ya, nak cari apa kak?” I have been, to tell you the truth, very tempted to give silly answers. Like, “Nak cari kuali leper, ada jual tak kat kedai kain cik ni?” Or, I have once or twice thought of saying, “Akak ni nak cari jodoh sebenarnya. Kalau ada jual kat sini… uh, berapa harga nya agak-agak? Boleh kao tim meh? Kira harga first-time customer. Boleh la, boleh laaaa.”
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Nah, seriously… the principle is very simple, the way I see it. You want a haircut, you go to a barber or to that Schwartzkopf Salon on KLCC’s fourth floor. If you want a chicken, you don’t go to Kedai Basikal Joo Ngan on Jalan Ampang. If I am at a barber, do I need to be asked what I am doing there? Unless of course I am accompanying Mr. Hugo Boss who is there to get a brazilian wax. Ehem, I might as well have an affair with Mr. Barber. I promise I won’t scream, I’ll just moan.
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Cluck, cluck, cluck! Cluck, cluck, cluck!
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.Glossary for Neil and Mr. Hugo Boss:
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Enida pergi ke kedai basikal hendak membeli seekor ayam. Apakah yang tergantung itu?
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Enida goes to a bicycle shop as she wants to get a chook. What is that hanging?
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“Ya, nak cari apa kak?”
= Yes, what are you looking for, ma’am/miss?
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“Nak cari kuali leper, ada jual tak kat kedai kain cik ni?”
= I’m looking for a flat griddle, do you have it here in your fabric store?
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“Akak ni nak cari jodoh sebenarnya. Kalau ada jual kat sini… uh, berapa harga nya agak-agak? Boleh kao tim meh? Kira harga first-time customer. Boleh la, boleh laaaa.”
= I’m actually looking for a husband. If you have one here for sale… uh, what’s the price like, approximately? Can we negotiate on the price? You know, special price for a first-time customer perhaps. Come on, come onnnn.
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Posted in Sense, tagged Love on June 23, 2010| 1 Comment »
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Usah
Jikalau senja membawa cerita
kisah kita yang penuh rahsianya
aku dan engkau akan tertanya
inikah bahgia
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Jikalau malam membisu selalu
sempat kumengenali cintamu
langit terbentang ilham berjuta
kan cukup untuk kita
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Oho usah kau berjanji
dalam tapi tak bertepi
Oho usah kau ragukan
daku bagai dulu
tinggal saja kuberduka
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Jikalau ada melodi cintaku
kunyanyikan untukmu selalu
ribuan puji tersusun kata
abadi dan bermesra
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Posted in Sense, tagged Life on June 16, 2010| 3 Comments »
Thank you for listening to all the stories I was not telling you. Thank you for knowing that there were just too many stories I was not able to tell. You have been there. You have made time, for me and my stories. Your love was those warm embraces you pulled me into, those silent moments holding my hands wanting me to stay. And yet letting me go.
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Thank you for letting me write a whole new story. Thank you for reading me.
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Until Then
Until then
until the sky loses its blue
and the ocean loses its hue
until there is no more poetry
between just you and me…
will I be done with regret
for not loving you like that.
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Enida
June 16, 2010
Mesra Home Jalan Duta
(adapted from Sampai Nanti)
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Kasih yang tak terhingga untuk:
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Posted in Sense, tagged Lesson on May 22, 2010| Leave a Comment »
Sabtu, 22 Mei, 2010: 1332hrs – Palmyra, WA
Cik Nid: Saya yang dulu nakal ni, yang tak reti bahasa setia ni, sebab ingatkan sungguhlah sayang, sungguhlah cinta… dok tunggu, dok tatang, dok setia. Tak pandang orang lain dah. Tak layan orang lain dah. Punyalah! Sudahnya, cinta, setia, sayang… apa ertinya Cik Nan?
Cik Nan: Hmmmm…
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Sabtu, 22 Mei, 2010: 1455hrs – Booragoon, WA
Cik Nid: Yang ini, saya tak nak sayang, tak nak tunggu, tak nak berharap. Tapi dalam pada saya tak nak sayang, dia belai. Dalam pada tak tunggu, dia datang. Dalam tak berharap, dia ada. Apa ertinya ni semua Cik Nan?
Cik Nan: Mestikah mencari erti?
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Enida pun tiba-tiba berhenti mencari erti.
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Posted in Sense, Write On, tagged Weight on May 14, 2010| 5 Comments »
Of late, this is the face I have been wearing…
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One tired face, one cold body, the day after the 2010 Mother’s Day, gallivanting in Stockholm for the second time this year, two days away from what was supposed to be Mom & Dad’s 39th Anniversary.
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Not many have seen this almost topless picture I took of myself on April 27. But if you are wondering where this post is going, other than me trying to exhibit the exhibitionist side of me that has been hidden for so long… just scroll down, will ya?
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The picture below was taken on January 21st, 2009. I remember visiting Mom at the hospital late that afternoon. And I remember telling Mom how I was changing for the better me. For me. And I remember how proud Mom was of me. She knew I was going to bounce back. I didn’t.
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And the next picture was taken on December 3rd 2008, when I went to Singapore just to see the Yasmin Ahmad’s movie that was (then) banned in Malaysia. I had a good walk. I had a great time. And I had one of the best laughters ever.
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Just two months before I went for the Great Gallivant Project in Singapore, I was going through a rough patch in my relationship. Though the next picture is a poor representation of that rough patch, I am getting to my point really soon. Scroll down, people!
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June 2008, when this next picture was taken, on my way home from Bangkok…
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I was pretty round and rounded woman at 73kg.
And that ain’t all that pretty to me.
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Okay! My point is: Yes. It is possible. Losing weight is undeniably challenging. But it really is do-able. I was lucky, all it took for me to lose the first 10 kilograms was just a heartache and a broken heart. Some people went through a series of heart attack before they finally learn that if we take more than what we need, something has got to give. I’m glad all I have to give up are my pounds.
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For me, weight has been a battle since… errr, birth perhaps. I know how REAL it is and I know how damaged and ‘injured’ my self-esteem was for many many years, to be an overweight child.
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I remember how embarassing it was when I could not do the lompat katak (frog leap) fun sports event when I was in grade two. It was supposed to be fun. But my Mom had to ask my class teacher to ‘excuse’ me from the sports day. It was not fun. Not for me anyway, to be excused and excluded. The only fun if I had stayed on and gone leaping was for people to see how a fat frog leaped.
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Losing weight, I know now, is not about appetite. It took me years to believe it. But I can tell you straight to the face now that losing weight is about attitude. I still crave for a thousand million things. Sometimes, all at once! But I no longer ignore it when my stomach tells me it has had enough.
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I honestly have run out of excuses to stay overweight. That said, I am still working on my final 5kg to my ideal weight, though. So bear with my work in progress! At last, halfway between my 30’s and 50’s, I am making sense of everything I have read about health all my life!
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Other than changing my attitude about appetite, food and eating, I have taken up running. Nothing serious. No marathon yet for this leapfrog, no. I try to run 20-25 kilometers per week. 5 kilometers at a time. Maybe 10, with good music and good pictures. You know what I mean? Hehehehe.
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I find that it is not the first 20 minutes of the run that is always the most excruciating. It is the putting on the pair of runners and getting on the treadmill that is murderous! The other day I spent 13 hours and probably 8 kilometers of walking AROUND the house, AWAY from my shoes and the treadmill. I am not always motivated, but by the time I get into my 3rd kilometer, it gets easier. I can go far and long, I swear I can Forrest-Gump it!
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Well, you can call this a show-off entry. Go ahead. It is, by the way. And if you have been battling your weight all your life, like me, and are winning, like me… I am inviting you to count our blessings in every step we take when we run. Run baby… run to me!
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Questa è Enida 
