Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’
Protected: Cerita Panas
Posted in Sense, Write On, tagged Facebook on January 3, 2011|
Backpoking
Posted in Sense, Write On, tagged Facebook on July 15, 2010| 2 Comments »
Within the next few paragraphs, I am going to sound annoyed. And I am going to be very blunt. If you feel poked, great! Maybe the paragraphs are for you. If you feel that you are wrongly accused, go ahead and sulk. See if I entertain moronity.
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Number one, I like questions but I don’t like them being asked because the questioner is too lazy to look up the answers before asking. I may not have quarter of all the answers laying around in the world. But I, Questa è Enida, at the very least, know where to find them. And most of all, I want to find them first!
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I don’t speak or write Chinese. That’s a fact. So when I get curious of Jonah Ong’s Facebook status in Mandarin, I copy, paste and translate using Yahoo! Babel text translator. One example.
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And then if I am not sure if Dubrovnik is the capital of Croatia or Lithuania, I can always Google it with a Giggle. Another example. So now you see why it is very challenging for me to comprehend why you have to ask me where Cha’ah is!
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Number two, I appreciate friendship as it is, at any levels. You can be my best friend, my close friend, my teman-tapi-mesra friend, my kawan-biasa-biasa-sahaja friend, or remain my Facebook friend. If we were back in the 70’s or early 80’s, our closeness might have upgraded you to be my Abang Angkat, Kakak Angkat, Adik Angkat, Pak Menakan Angkat or Maktok Angkat.
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But let’s face it. I don’t have time to go through the adoption process to angkat you anywhere okay. The year now is 2010 in case you haven’t noticed and in case you have missed your make-believe shinkansen. I either keep you on my Friends List, or I remove you. Simply.
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I do understand closeness, intimacy, comfort or whatever you name it between two people in friendship. But you really don’t need to be afraid of my judgement. I don’t give it a dime. You might be the best of friends, holding hands, pecking each other on the neck when you think nobody is looking. But honestly, you don’t need a certificate to prove that you’re not screwing each other.
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So the term Adik Angkat, Abang Angkat, and Girlfriend Angkat are really not necessary in this new millenium. Not that I want to know what is going on between friends behind closed doors either. I am a big girl (trying to look small). I am not that naive lah, por favor.
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Number three, I am very comfortable being Enida under my proverbial Moscavado Sugar skin. At times I may come across as that hot beechy girl from the hottest hell rambling endlessly about grammar, spelling, hurt and pain of parenting children and men. But for all you know I have my own bills to pay too. Who says it is easy being brown on a blonde’s land?
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Just like you, I have stories to tell. Just like you, I hope my books will sell. Now if you could just quit asking me why I deleted you from my Facebook Friends List, I might be able to finish packing. And that is if I could remember what else to pack on my back other than me two Monchies.
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Uh, excuse me. Where am I going again?
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Ayam Special
Posted in Humor, Sense, tagged Facebook on June 23, 2010| 2 Comments »
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🙂 When I put my status on Facebook as:
“Enida Supian-Johnson pergi ke kedai basikal hendak membeli seekor ayam. Apakah yang tergantung itu?”
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I did not mean to trick anyone. It wasn’t even a riddle. In fact, it was just me being sarcastic. It was all triggered by a friend of mine, Mr. Hugo Boss, who put his Facebook status as “Hugo Boss is at the barber.” One of the responses he got, “Are you there for a haircut?” sent me rolling on the floor laughing like there was no tomorrow. Or in my case, there was no yesterday.
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And that was why I came up with the pergi-ke-kedai-basikal-hendak-membeli-seekor-ayam status on Facebook.
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From my experience, more often than not, when I enter a kedai kain (fabric store), for example… I am asked, “Ya, nak cari apa kak?” I have been, to tell you the truth, very tempted to give silly answers. Like, “Nak cari kuali leper, ada jual tak kat kedai kain cik ni?” Or, I have once or twice thought of saying, “Akak ni nak cari jodoh sebenarnya. Kalau ada jual kat sini… uh, berapa harga nya agak-agak? Boleh kao tim meh? Kira harga first-time customer. Boleh la, boleh laaaa.”
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Nah, seriously… the principle is very simple, the way I see it. You want a haircut, you go to a barber or to that Schwartzkopf Salon on KLCC’s fourth floor. If you want a chicken, you don’t go to Kedai Basikal Joo Ngan on Jalan Ampang. If I am at a barber, do I need to be asked what I am doing there? Unless of course I am accompanying Mr. Hugo Boss who is there to get a brazilian wax. Ehem, I might as well have an affair with Mr. Barber. I promise I won’t scream, I’ll just moan.
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Cluck, cluck, cluck! Cluck, cluck, cluck!
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.Glossary for Neil and Mr. Hugo Boss:
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Enida pergi ke kedai basikal hendak membeli seekor ayam. Apakah yang tergantung itu?
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Enida goes to a bicycle shop as she wants to get a chook. What is that hanging?
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“Ya, nak cari apa kak?”
= Yes, what are you looking for, ma’am/miss?
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“Nak cari kuali leper, ada jual tak kat kedai kain cik ni?”
= I’m looking for a flat griddle, do you have it here in your fabric store?
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“Akak ni nak cari jodoh sebenarnya. Kalau ada jual kat sini… uh, berapa harga nya agak-agak? Boleh kao tim meh? Kira harga first-time customer. Boleh la, boleh laaaa.”
= I’m actually looking for a husband. If you have one here for sale… uh, what’s the price like, approximately? Can we negotiate on the price? You know, special price for a first-time customer perhaps. Come on, come onnnn.
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Kenyataan Maaf Secara Terbuka
Posted in Facebook, tagged Facebook, Forgiveness on February 26, 2010| 8 Comments »
Walaupun saya tak bersalah, saya dengan rela hati akan memohon maaf secara terbuka kepada mereka yang telah, sedang dan akan mengaku kawan dengan saya di Facebook. Seperti kata mereka, “Friends say sorry, strangers don’t worry.”
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Sudah-sudahlah dengan pengakuan saudara-saudari tersebut bahawa di antara kita ada sesuatu yang bernama persahabatan.
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Oh Tuhanku, ampunkanlah akan kepuitisan ayatku itu tadi! Ayat yang hampir sama sebenarnya telah digunapakai semasa saya di Tingkatan 3K Sekolah Menengah Kamunting, Taiping. Ianya telah ditulis di atas sekeping pinggan kertas sebagai tanda kenangan hari terakhir bersama-sama rakan sekelas saya. Setiap pinggan tertulis mutiara kata yang berbeza dan kami semua menandatangani pinggan-pinggan tersebut dengan penuh perasaan mengalahkan autograf pelakon tambahan yang sangat perasan.
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Dan beliau yang bertuah mendapat pinggan kertas dengan mutiara kata tersebut, tak lain dan tak bukan, tiada dua, tiada tiga… sahabat saya yang akrab lagi suka makan Chili Crab, Saudara Mohd Zahidi Ishak. Ya, beliau adalah kawan saya di Facebook, Facelift, Face-Off dan Angel Face the Face Compact Powder. Pendek kata beliau telah bersama-sama saya dan KaCher dalam hampir setiap fasa kehidupan kami.
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“Antara kita ada sesuatu yang bernama kenangan.”
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Nah, itu maksudnya kita berkawan. Kita ada kenangan. Tak kiralah kenangan zaman Pop Yeh Yeh ke, zaman Tadika KEMAS Kg. Pinang ke, zaman Body Shop’s perfume ranging from White Musk dan Dewberry ke, atau zaman bertenet 5 Ringgit sejam di Cyber Cafe Kajang bertempat di tingkat atas sederet dengan McDonald’s setentang Kedai Buku Czip Lee ke. ‘Bila’ itu tak menjadi soal. Pokoknya ada yang dapat kita senyum-sengihkan bila terkenang.
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Seperti senyum saya yang tersimpul mati, dan setelah mati ia hidup kembali apabila bertemu dengan seorang sahabat lama yang mencari saya di Facebook. Sambil menulis perenggan ini, saya masih lagi tersenyum mengenangkan kisah ‘Kasih Tak Sampai’ di zaman sebelum saya kuat berlari dulu. (Dulu, kaki tak larat, badan pun berat. Ralat!)
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Antara yang saya ingat ialah, saya lari jauh daripada beliau kerana beliau sangat delicious. Setiap yang saya impikan… ada dalam senyumnya, ada dalam biceps dan tricepsnya, ada dalam professionnya. Yang tak ada cuma saya. Saya berlari jauh mencari diri saya sendiri yang rupanya telah pergi ke Ostrolia meninggalkan saya. Tinggi di awan biru, sedikit tidak menunggu daku! Nasib baik tiket murah waktu itu. Cuma RM900 pergi balik KUL-PER beli di Trimaflights, agen pelancongan yang beribupejabat dekat dengan Yaohan The Mall.
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Kepada Lieutenant Commander Deli anak Cious:
Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu,
carikan saya bunga kemboja;
kot ye pun nak pergi dulu,
tinggalkanlah tiket di atas meja.
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Setelah berkawan dan berkenang-kenangan dengan jejaka-jejaka di Facebook yang saya sebutkan sebagai contoh ini, sudah tentulah saya juga punya kawan baru. Namun (chewah! Namun ok? For some reason the word namun ni membuatkan saya terfikir perkataan-perkataan lain yang berakhir dengan ‘mun’ seperti timun, penyamun, semak-samun, Tutankhamun, dan Moon dan Dee dari rancangan Jangan Ketawa.)
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Namun… namun ku punya hati. Tidaklah sampai ke hati saya untuk menebas semak-samun Facebook Friends List saya yang dilalangi ‘kawan’ yang saya sendiri pun tak tau anak siapakah mereka ini. (“Anak siapa menangis di jalanan, sungguh kasihan aku melihatnya…” – memetik lagu Herman Tino secara tiba-tiba.) Apatah lagi Wajah Siapakah Yang Dikau Cari bak kata Azlina Aziz. Ramai juga rupanya ‘kawan’ saya ini yang tak pernah pun berkawan dengan saya. Walaupun kawan secara tipu-tipu.
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Maka dengan ini, saya dengan tangan, dada, zip, butang, cangkuk, pintu, tingkap, hati dan fikiran yang terbuka memohon maaf kepada kawan-kawan yang dengan secara tiba-tiba tak perasan pun saya tak ada dalam Facebook mereka kelak. Punyalah tak berkawan nya kita. Kerana saya cumalah seraut wajah yang terpampang di buku muka anda sebagai hiasan sahaja. Nasib baik lawa, dapat jugak menjadi hiasan.
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Oh tidak, hentikanlah keangkuhanku ini! Cukup sampai di sini, sayang. Eherrrrrm… sayang ke?
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Last Last
Posted in Grammaticalizationism, Sense, tagged Cooking, Facebook, Lesson, Monchies on January 28, 2010| 5 Comments »
The last hot drink you had:
Earl Grey with Honey
Thanks to Rozie, for reminding me all the way from Klang, “Sebaik-baiknya di solstis musim sejuk (cikgu Geografi la konon) ini banyak-banyaklah makan madu, supaya badan lebih segar, selain mengurangkan kahak dan selsema.” And I honestly did feel like tea with honey tonight. It at least refreshed my campus memories with dear Rozie.
The last ‘I Love You’ you said to:
KaCher, on sms.
If I could make up for the loss of many more I-love-you’s we were supposed to hear from Mom, I would. But I believe that every thought we think and every word we write is an ‘I love you’ tribute to Mom, sis.
Me Monchies, after saying good night.
Kitreena would usually say, “Sleep tight Mom, make sure you go straight to bed.” Yeah right! Who’s going to run the dishwasher? Who’s going to refill all the 3 humidifiers? 🙂 Who’s going to post an entry on Questa è Enida? Who’s going to bermimpi bercanda di pasiran pantei ama Kang Broery? And Edrick would say, “Good night Mommy. Don’t let the bug spread! I love you.” Every night for the past 3 months I have been trying to correct him… bite, not spread. But I think the bug has spread and he won’t recover from his own quote for a long while. Quote unquote.
Your last frustration:
Peeling Onions
The skin was unbelievably thin and dryer than the thirstiest nomad crossing Rub’ Al-Khali on kamikaze cum harakiri mode (luper lalu mbawok bochowng air, awok nte). If onion skin can go soft like Nori (sushi wrap) when cooked, I would have gladly stir-fried a full 2 cups of it with my bean curd tonight.
The last flattering thing you heard:
Good cooking, Mommy. Deeleeeeeecious!
Edrick would only eat rice if it comes with tofu, or bean curd or fish. Rice porridge to him is only edible if it comes with tokyu (soy sauce), chopped spinach or steamed broccoli. So you can imagine how flattering the word ‘deeleeeeeecious’ is… coming from a not-so-big-of-a-fan of rice.
The last smart idea you came up with:
A Krazy Lazy Cooking Method
Well, well, well… what can I say. My krazy lazy mind-set has truly plagued me these days. So horridly krazy-lazily lazy, that the only thing I am not lazy doing is thinking of ways to be even lazier. And another thing you have to know about me is, I dislike cooking anything that would make me smell like what I just cook. A divorcee friend once disclosed to me about his ex-wife, “She always smelled like bawang goreng (sautéed shallots/garlic). I don’t mind that smell in the kitchen or dining room. But not in my bed.” Yeeessshhh, crazy but true. A woman is supposed to be tasteful, not tasty!
So yesterday, out of desperation to guttle my newly bought salted dried old fish, I came up with this idea: instead of pan-frying or deep-frying the stinky-o-smelly fishies, I oven-broiled them! To avoid from having to scrape the baking pan in case the fish would stick to it, I shaped a piece of baking paper into a ‘bowl’, poured half the amount of oil I usually use into the baking-paper bowl and voila! Into the oil the fishies swam and into the oven they broiled for about 25 minutes at 200°C. No stirring, flipping, flapping, spattering, splattering, and spatula-ing involved the whole 25 minutes.
And the tiptop feat of this krazy lazy methodology was not only that I saved the whole house from the smell, I saved myself from smelling like fried salted dried fish! My husband is not home this week anyway. By the way, ladies and some gentle men… did you ever notice that of all that we wear when cooking, the aroma’s favorite part to stick to and stick on is our bra? So ehem, did you sauté any shallots or garlic today? Ahak ahak ahak ahak! *gelak ada makna, tu yang kening sebelah dok teghangkat tu*
Your last Facebook status:
An Original Quote
I know many people who do not share my principle of ‘keeping it right’ grammatically and grammatolatrily. Well, I worship words, alright. While I don’t speak many languages, those I do speak and write in I make sure I speak and write in relatively properly. And that means no saying that’s mean when I mean to say that means. You know what I mean? Whats make it uncorrect and disproper are ones’ attitude towards improofment itself, usualy…………………… Espfcially if 1’s is rspnsiblty to educates de lang. 2 de yang ones, k???!!!
I believe that the beauty of learning (and using) a language is mastering it so one can ‘manipulate’ it while keeping a high respect for the language itself. Of course it applies to learning anything, really. Cooking, for instance – just like a language – is a skill one first has to master before one can create new recipes. Wiz and Lish – language trainers turned bakers friends of mine – I bet can vouch me on this. (Wiz & Lish, ken lee tulibu dibu douchu, ken? Too loon.)
Nobody says it is easy teaching a language, especially a language that should be spoken the way it is written. Nobody. I still keep catching myself making mistakes with the ‘third-person pronouns’ she and he when I speak in English. Not that I have to give this excuse, I know, 🙂 but in my mother tongue (Bahasa Malaysia) third-person singular pronouns are not gender-specific. She is dia, he is dia. So unsuperciliously, I keep correcting myself. Appreciatively, too, I keep being corrected by people who care and who have genuine passion for correctness. Though I don’t believe that I can achieve perfect bilingualism, I do have faith that bilingual correctitude exists.
Thus, Enida says…
“Those who have no desire to learn from mistakes should not fake their passion for correctness.”
Eh enough already! I really should go straight to bed before the bugs spread.
Kalau saya tiba-tiba terasa seperti hendak menukar nama sebab sudah bosan dengan nama Enida ini… apa agaknya pendapat saudara-saudari sekalian? Adakah saudara-saudari akan terkejut? Seperti terkejutnya saya apabila seorang kawan menukar nama beliau dari Latifah kepada Nur Adlina, dan seorang lagi rakan, Raja Faisal kepada Rafael. Atau adakah saudara-saudari akan mencebik bibir kepada saya seraya berkata di dalam hati… “Pesseng dio doh!”
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Sebenarnya, memang sejak azali lagi saya tidak berapa selesa dengan nama pertama saya yang berbunyi agak kejantanan. Pendek kata di zaman persekolahan dulu memang ada seorang rakan yang namanya sipi-sipi dengan nama saya. Saya Roslaimi, dia Roszaimi. Seorang Sarjan di Kor Perkidmatan Taiping yang bertugas dengan bapa saya pula bernama Roslaini. Mujurlah saya ada nama tengah ENIDA itu. Tidak perlu saya menyelak kain menunjukkan saya ini seorang perawan perempuan. (Dulu lah!)
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Ramai juga yang bertanya kenapa saya sudah tidak lagi menggunakan nama komersil “Intan” seperti sewaktu di universiti, nama yang sinonim dengan personaliti La Femme De Jogette saya dulu. Itulah nama yang diberikan oleh bapa saudara saya dari Kelantan yang sebenarnya memanggil saya begitu semasa saya masih bayi kerana warna kulit saya yang agak ke-India-an seperti bapa saya. “Itei-itei si tapok manggeh, biyaa itei Pok Ngoh pande manih. Toksoh dok tiyok. Auung chak!”
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Nama ‘Intan’ itu, selain tidak didaftarkan di dalam sijil kelahiran saya, sudah lama saya khaskan kepada keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat terdekat yang mengenali saya sejak zaman saya berhingus hijau muda dahulu. Dan jika saudara-saudari memanggil saya ‘Intan’, saya tetap menyahut dan tersenyum. Jika Sultan Perak yang memanggil, saya pastilah menjawab, “Ampun tuanku beribu-ribu lemon ampun. Sembah patik harap di ampun. Patik di sini, Tuanku.” Jika Pok Ngoh Soh yang memanggil ‘Itei’, cepat-cepat saya menjawab, “Yo Pok Ngoh, aghi gelaak itei pekaak ni tok napok ko?”
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Walaubagaimanapun, jikalau saya bertukar nama dalam masa terdekat nanti, janganlah saudara-saudari sekalian terperanjat mendapat ‘Friend’s Request’ di Facebook, ya? Walaupun saya belum lagi membuat keputusan nama manakah yang terbaik untuk saya tukarkan kepada, nama pertama yang datang ke fikiran saya di senja nan merah dari kamar ini setelah lama termenung di jendela ialah… tidak lain, tidak bukan: Noorkumalasari.
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Nota kaki:
Petang ni takdi Itei lalu dekak ghumoh Pok Ngoh. Memei gelaak ah dale ghumoh itei pekaak takdo oghei. Itei tingak ngak ko Pok Ngoh. Lamo do’oh doh tok dengaa Pok Ngoh laung ko namo Itei. Winduu ke Pok Ngoh owh.
Retro Speck
Posted in Write On, tagged Facebook on November 2, 2009| 4 Comments »
I don’t usually write about strangers. In fact, this entry isn’t about a stranger. I would like to dedicate this post to Irwan, my newly accepted ‘friend’ on Facebook. No, I don’t know him yet. He did not introduce himself in his Friend’s Request to me. And from this profile picture of himself, I swear I have never had a friend this retro. I pray to God hope this is just his ‘Untuk Hiasan Sahaja‘ kind of photo.
I don’t, let me assure you, usually accept any Friend’s Request from someone who does not have any mutual friend with me. I even wrote a note to a few people, asking if I had met them before, or if we had been introduced to each other before. True to the meaning of a friend, a stranger remains a stranger, ya know.
But in this case, because Irwan is a friend of a very very good friend of mine… I thought, Irwan would not and should not turn out to be DJ Dave or any Hi-One I would not really want to know. I also figured out using my own logic, that for Irwan to put such a hideous mysterious photo on his Facebook profile, he must be one of the two: i. He is extremely good-looking, ii. He is extremely mysterious. And both are good. Hehehehehe. You are free to interpret my “Hehehehehe” in your own way. No mystery here.
Uh, did you know that DJ Dave’s other name is Irwan Shah?
Facing The Book
Posted in Write On, tagged Facebook on October 15, 2009| Leave a Comment »
For the first time after 8 days since Mom’s departure, I am facing the book again. The book I am writing. No, it has nothing to do with Facebook (no matter how much it is causing me grief at the moment, bah!)
Enida is gone grieving.
Facelessbook
Posted in Sense, Write On, tagged Courtesy, Facebook on September 2, 2009| 4 Comments »
Which part of the words friend and face that these people need translation with again? It is a disappointing disparity from flattering and it can be downright scary when a stranger comes to you on the street, shakes your hand and requests that you be his friend. Don’t you think?
Now imagine this stranger comes to you, shakes your hand, asks you to be his friend and when you look at the face, it’s just… uh, not there! I think it is brilliant if you’re looking for an idea for what’s coming end of October. Or if you have a TV show playing pranks on people.
But I mean, really! Why do these people think it is called FACEbook?
If you don’t want to face the reality that people need a face to put the name on, or a name for them to put the face on, why Facebook? And why sending Friend Requests to strangers if you don’t mean to make friends? Yeah, so you’ve got a name. But you don’t even have the courtesy to introduce yourself? Let’s face it, you think everybody wants to be your friend, you think everybody knows you, knows your name and you’re unforgettable. Huh, yeah right!
Of course I remember a lot of names. I remember Aida Mustafa – as I recall her taking me to PKNS Complex Shah Alam to play my very first bowling in 1990. I remember Ahmad Ridzwan Basri – as I recall getting my first writing job because of his contacts and his kindness. (I still owe him a Thank You!) And I cannot forget Baihaqie Razak – my ex-student who, in his desperate attempt to make me remember his name, joked: “My name is Bai (Bye). You will never say bye-bye to me, Ms. Enida. Just say my name once, not twice.”
But if you introduce yourself as Usop Sontorian, Hubba Hubba, Spacecop Gaban, David Copperfield, Vladimir Puting (yes, PUTING!), Cop Coppermanne or Hayata Becomes Ultraman… uh, excuse me? And on top of it you don’t even want to face me. Why bother Facebooking me then? You’re not my friend. I don’t know you.
So, okay… maybe your name is Cop Coppermanne, and you are a male – the only information I can find on your profile. Yeah, okay, great. You have a picture too of, whom I assume, your handsome self, looking so handsome wearing those handsome RayBan sunglasses. Excellent! Well, guess what? I don’t want to be rude, but really… who are you?
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