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Something Else

May 2, 2012 by Enida

Written on October 18, 2011: 1627hrs
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If I were a car, I must have been parked at a wrong spot. And if I were a dog, I must have been barking up a wrong tree. But I am just a human, and I must have been holding on to the right kind of wrong a little too long. So here I am, moving myself away from the lies I am glad I found out about. Otherwise, I would not have found the truth.

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Love is an appreciation. I found one that I thought would match the way I love. The one who would reach out to touch me when I am near. The one who would long to smell my hair after an afternoon shower. The one who would say love, mean it and never take it back.

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My mistake.
It wasn’t love.
It was something else.

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Posted in Inside Enida | 2 Comments »

Yay You Yay Me

May 2, 2012 by Enida

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Kitreena obviously had been thinking. So one morning last week on the way to school, we had a few kilometers of this conversation. It was between the ramp down to Jalan Kuching and the ramp up to Jalan Sultan Ismail near Sime Darby and Maju Junction. She knows now that it wasn’t the stork that flew her down to me from the baby-making clouds in the sky. So…

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Kitreena: Mom, did it hurt your vagina when you gave birth to me?

Mommy: Errr… yes, it did. But it healed. *hesitates between the truth and trying not to scare the young girl*

Kitreena: It healed?

Mommy: Oh yeah! I’m not walking funny, am I?

Kitreena: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No! But why did it hurt?

Mommy: Okay, imagine squeezing a takraw ball through a hole yay big… *motions a hole the size of an IKEA meatball*

Kitreena: Whoaaaaaa! Mommy! Is that even possible?

Mommy: Huh, yeah! You’re here, baby.

Kitreena: No! What I mean is… how could I come out with my head yay big and your vagina yay small? *thanks iCarly for re-introducing the term ‘yay’*

Mommy: It did tear my vagina quite a bit because you came out very quick.

Kitreena: Ouchhh! Mommmm! Tear? *shrieks*

Mommy: But don’t worry. The doctor stitched me back up.

Kitreena: I still don’t understand. It wasn’t just my head. My whole body came out. I can’t imagine it!

Mommy: Wellllll… that’s the magic only mothers have, Monch!

Kitreena: You and your magic, Mom. *she rolls her eyes and knows I would say, “One day when you have children, you’ll understand the magic.”*

Mommy: One day when you have children, you’ll understand the magic.

Kitreena: Yeaah yeaah… *rolls her eyes some more*

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Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 1 Comment »

Pain Thing

May 1, 2012 by Enida

No matter how much pain one can contain, it still spills. And you might think this pain is worse than the one you had last. That is just because we human being do not have a good memory of pain. Nothing is more painful than any pain you have to endure right now. Right this very moment.

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Just think of your pain this afternoon if you had any. That pain is gone. The one you’re having now is worse. Or just think of the hurtful words you heard last July. Even those words are on their way to Tamaulipas, Mexico, with your profound goodbye. You’re done with the last pain. You’re not with this one. This one in hand.

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But perhaps you should just relearn that old lesson. When pain doesn’t go away, it’s your turn to leave.

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Send me a postcard from Vladisvostok, will ya?

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Posted in Hurt | Leave a Comment »

Siri Bercakap Dengan Edrick XXXII

April 25, 2012 by Enida

The knock on the door at 6:00am was expected. It has been a five-morning-a-week routine for the past (oh-my!) almost two years. In came my Little Big Man in his yellow and green uniform.

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Edrick: Good morning, Mommy.

Mommy: Good morning, sunny boy.

Edrick: Mommmmm… *he isn’t his usual chirpy-birdie self*

Mommy: What is it Monch?

Edrick: I miss Daaaady. *puts his head on my tummy and hands rubbing his eyes*

Mommy: I know, sweetheart. I am sure Daddy misses you too.

Edrick: Does Daddy have a new husband?

Mommy: I don’t think so, baby. A new wife, maybe. But not a husband.

Edrick: Owww! Owww! I mean, wife! Hehehe I forgot. *“forget” is his excuse for everything these days, especially for mistakes*

Mommy: I know what you mean, baby. But I don’t know the answer.

Edrick: Daddy has a new wife, and is that why he doesn’t love you anymore?

Mommy: I don’t know sweetheart. I can’t tell you what I don’t know, can I?

Edrick: No, you can’t. But why doesn’t he tell you about it?

Mommy: I have no idea why, Monch.

Edrick: You sure don’t know much, huh?

Mommy: Yup, I sure don’t know much more than much. But I do know for sure that Daddy loves you very much.

Edrick: But he doesn’t tell me much.

Mommy: I think it’s time for breakfast, my boy.

Edrick: But I love you very much, Mommy. *rubs his face on my tummy and dries his tears with my pyjamas*

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Edrick went downstairs for his breakfast. I got up and was somehow glad I didn’t know much.

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Posted in Monchies | 1 Comment »

Because You’re It

April 24, 2012 by Enida

It was an idea I read many many years ago. In fact, it was one of the very first ideas I read in English. I must have been only eleven or twelve then. A long time ago. Too long to remember, and yet not long enough to forget.

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It was a belief that there is one answer to all WHY questions that cannot be reasoned.

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Like…

  • why do people go to the moon?
  • why do men go to prostitutes?
  • why do kids love junk food?
  • why do people climb the mountains?
  • why do women nag?
  • why do children eat their snot?

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The answer is:

Because they can. And because it’s there.

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Why do people go to the moon? Because they can, and because the moon is there. If the moon isn’t there, no one can go to the moon. Why do men go to prostitutes? Because they can. And because the prostitutes are available even when they are not legal. They are there. Ever so ready. Why do kids love junk food? Because they can. Parents are okay with it. And because the junk food is just there, in the pantry!

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I think you know where I am going with the other three questions.

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And if you ask me why I love you, the answer is, because I can.
Because you are there. Not here.

😦

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Posted in Reading, Sense | Leave a Comment »

Chance Mali Chance

April 18, 2012 by Enida

Selamat pagi, Puan Rrr…Ro… ssl…errr… xhxzvwqtkdg… errr… Enai… errr… Enai… errr… Eni… da… di mana  saya Saiful Abdul Malik daripada TM Telekom ya puan, di mana saya buat panggilan untuk memaklumkan pihak puan di mana puan telah terpilih kerana puan adalah pelanggan setia kami di mana dengan itu kami di TM Telekom berbesar hati untuk memberikan puan mata ganjaran di mana setiap ringgit yang puan bayar sebagai bil produk dan perkhidmatan kami, puan akan menerima satu mata ganjaran di mana mata ganjaran ini puan boleh redeem dengan pelbagai barangan yang TM tawarkan di mana dengan itu juga melayakkan puan untuk menerima satu lagi tawaran dari TM di mana puan akan dilindungi di bawah plan perlindungan di mana plan ini…

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Encik Saiful Abdul Malik meneruskan penjelasan beliau selama hampir setengah jam. Tapi dalam hati, saya sibuk menyanyi lagu ini:

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“Di mana dia anak kambing saya,
anak kambing saya makan rumput di padang;
di mana dia cinta hati saya,
cinta hati saya yang kuat temberang”.

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Posted in Language, Sense, Service | 2 Comments »

I’m All That

April 11, 2012 by Enida

It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours of being at my Dad’s place and I had learned quite a bit more about myself. One thing for sure, I noticed that I feel like a little girl again when I am at my parents’ place. Not sure what it is, but being close to my Dad makes me feel like I have a ‘back-up’. I am a parented parent, so to speak.

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And when I ran into the house upon seeing a tetamu (visitor) pulling in to Dad’s front yard, I puzzled myself! Why did I do that? I am usually a very confident, independent and downright outspoken grown-up woman. But I automatically went back to my old habit of hiding from my parents’ visitors. My sisters and I used to do that a lot. Today, just like those good ole days, I did not come out until Dad’s guest left.

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And somehow, that… whatever that was,
made me feel young again.

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I miss my Mom.

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Posted in Inside Enida, Mom | 1 Comment »

Will Never Be

April 7, 2012 by Enida

“At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.”

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Posted in Hurt, Inside Enida | Leave a Comment »

Sangat

April 4, 2012 by Enida

Sayang…

Mmm…

Rindu Abang tak?

Hah? Rindu?

Ye lah. Abang pergi lama, sayang tak rindu Abang?

Yang sms Abang, yang WhatsApp Abang, Viber lah, Tango lah, Voxer lah tu semua, yang tulis email, tulis kat Facebook Inbox, yang asek berstatus rindu aja kat wall tu, yang tulis kad siap dengan pantun rindu, pantun berjauhan, siap tekup kesan lipstick lagi kat kad tu, yang tidur pakai baju Abang, selimut dengan kain pelikat Abang, peluk bantal Abang, perfume pun pakai perfume Abang, yang sampai Ida tak nak masak lauk kegemaran Abang sebab sedih makan sorang Abang tak ada, yang habis baca 7 buku sebab tak ada Abang nak sembang malam-malam, tak ada dahi, kaki, dan jari nak urut, tak ada idung nak gigit tu… tu Abang rasa bukan rindu ke?

Amboi sayang ni… cakap aja lah, “Rindu sangat, bang.”

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* 😦 nangis terus peluk Abang*

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Posted in Abang | Leave a Comment »

Bapak Engkau

March 31, 2012 by Enida

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Cik: Semekkom. Saya dari kedai motor yang tepon smalam. Ni nak tanya sikit lah pasal akak.

Puan: Wa’alaikumsalam. Ya, okay.

Cik: Akak kenal tak orang ni, Ros… errr… xhxzvwqtkdg… Enda… Supian?

Puan: Ya, kenal. Saya lah orang yang Cik tak pandai baca nama dia tu.

Cik: Ehehe he hee. Betul ke akak ni director company Enda…

Puan: ENIDA.

Cik: Errr… ya. Enda kon… kon…sul…ten…sal… ten…

Puan: E-ni-da-Con-sul-tan-cy-and- Ser-vi-ces.

Cik: Aaaa ya, ya. Enda… kon… kon… sal…

Puan: Ya, betul. Ini syarikat saya sendiri.

Cik: Dah berapa lama kerja dengan syarikat ni ek kak?

Puan: Sejak August 2010.

Cik: Ohhh… aaa… so dah… 2010, 2012… so dua tahun laaaa.

Puan: Ya, satu tahun tujuh bulan.

Cik: Berapa gaji akak ek?

Puan: RM XX sebulan lebih kurang.

Cik: Oh… RM XX eh. Okayyy… satu lagi soalan. Errr… yang Supian tu ayah akak eh?

Puan: Ya, Encik Supian tu ayah saya.

Cik: Dia kerja apa eh?

Puan: Ayah saya pesara tentera.

Cik: Oh pesara tenteraaaa. So dia tak ada buat apa-apa lah eh?

Puan: Tak ada buat apa-apa?

Cik: Ye laaa. Dia tak de kerja lah eh?

Puan: Dia sekarang Trainer dengan beberapa projek sama ada dengan syarikat saya atau syarikat dia sendiri dengan adik saya.

Cik: Tainer?

Puan: Trainer.

Cik: Oh trainer eh.

Puan: Ya, jurulatih.

Cik: Ohhh jurulatih. Jurulatih je lah ya.

Puan: Jurulatih je lah? JE LAH?

Cik: He he he. Tak de laaa…

Puan: Apa yang tak de laaa? Apa maksud cik, ‘jurulatih je lah’ tu? Cik ni sebut gitu seolah-olah merendah-rendahkan kerja ayah saya sebagai jurulatih. Cik tau tak ayah saya jurulatih yang macam mana? Je lah cik cakap ya?

Cik: Eh tak de laaaa. Sorry, sorry, kak.

Puan: Ya, memang patut cakap sorry, cik. Untuk pengetahuan cik, ayah saya ni jurulatih yang melatih pegawai-pegawai, menteri-menteri untuk program di bawah Biro Tatanegara, ya. Umur ayah saya ni 63 tahun, tapi tugas ayah saya ialah membawa peserta program mendaki gunung, meredah hutan, merentas sungai. Itu belum masuk tugas dia memberi ceramah etika dan motivasi lagi. Baik pegawai kerajaan sampailah ke peringkat PLKN. Jurulatih je lah cik kata ya.

Cik: Sorry sorry kak. Saya tepon ayah akak ni, tak dapat-dapat.

Puan: Itu mungkin ayah saya tengah bawak group pergi daki Gunung Senyum lah tu. Dalam hutan atas gunung memang tak ada phone coverage, cik.

Cik: Okay lah kak. Tak pe lah. Mekasih eh.

Puan: Sama-sama, dengan siapa saya bercakap ni ya?

Cik: Nama saya Shiiimaaaahhhhhhhh…

Puan: Ohhh Shiiimaaaahhhhhhhh… Bukan Shimah aja? Kena sebut Shiiimaaaahhhhhhhh… gitu ya?

Cik: Ehe hehe hehe. Tak de la. Ehe hehe hehe. Okay kak, semekkommm.

Puan: Wa’alaikumsalam warahmatullah.

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Saya akan menelefon Shimah semula untuk membawa beliau minum teh tarik atau teh ais di Restoran Bapak, Jalan Kuching, minggu depan. Ni anak bapak jurulatih nak bagi kursus bercakap di telefon sikit. Secara percuma.

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Posted in Language, Write On | 7 Comments »

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