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Keep Me In

There are songs that keep me dreaming. That keep me wishing I were not the Enida that I am. That keep me wandering away from the Enida that I should be. The songs that actually keep me believing what I am not.

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And then, there are songs that keep me in. That keep me in me. That keep me down. To earth. Away from the heavens where I thought I have been to. And back. There are songs that keep me real.

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I am sorry that you have to see it all.
To see Enida, her truth and all her lies.

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All.

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The Hill

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If You Want Me

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Patutlah…

Cik Nan,

Saya rasa saya boleh tulis sebuku pantun lah. Pantun for young Malaysians yang teringin nak berkias tapi asek teringat pembayang Pak Ali pergi ke kedai jeh. Saya buat buku panduan berpantun ke… okay tak idea tu?

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But anyway, now you see what has been my mangkin. Hehehe. Even if it is all a game, a game lah. So I play lah kan. Behold! Ada lagi ni, tak abis lagi  semangat nak berpantun. Terlanjur awak dah suka pantun saya, nah… dua rangkap lagi buat melayan hati dan perasaan yang perasan. Eh tiga rangkap.

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Suasa indah menatah kutang,
gah tampan Si Malim Dewa;
Serasa pernah mata bertentang,
Wajah tersimpan di dalam jiwa.

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Ngajat tampi kedak berjamu,
mambang di laut jadi gerhana;
Hajat di hati hendak bertemu,
bimbang terpaut hati merana.

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Dupa belah dupa bertangkup,
dalam lubuknya sedari paya;
Apa salah apa tak cukup,
dalam berpunya mencari saya.

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Cakpong cakpong!
Kopitiam jom Cik Nan.

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Seri Begawan

‘Selamat Kembali’ to my beloved reader from Brunei. Lama suda tiada saya nampak sudara berkunjung. Harap-harap semuanya bagus saja. Senang-senang nanti turun bah ke KK? Saya di situ kalau tidak June, July pasti lah. Di bawa pokok klapa I will wait for you… you, you, you, you!

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Jolok

Buah cempedak di luar pagar,
ambil galah tolong jolokkan;
Sayalah budak baru belajar,
kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.

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Leng Chai’s pantun on his Facebook status yesterday sure reminded me of a girl in my class when I was in Grade 5 at the All Saints’ School in Taiping. I can’t recall her name, but I remember her brother. Her kind-hearted brother whom I never met.

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Our class teacher, Miss Khoo Sin Nya, in the first few days of class that year was asking the whole class one by one of our father’s occupation. For her record, of course. And this girl, a painfully quiet girl, was almost in tears when it was her turn. Miss Khoo, not known for her sweet temper, lost her not so sweet temper when this girl (let’s just name her Bibah, okay), when Bibah would not say a word.

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We, the rest of the class, were waiting confusingly patiently that it was probably the quietest the class had ever been. The suspense was just too much to bear. I had to close my eyes for the fear that Miss Khoo would bang her table with the giant blackboard ruler (with a handle).  Though I knew I wouldn’t jump and start melatah like my Toksu… I was very very nervous on behalf of Bibah.

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For thunder’s sake, just answer the teacher lah Bibah, begged I, in the deafening silence. The question was, ‘What does your father do?’ What was so hard about it? I dared to bet that everyone was dying to know what Bibah’s father’s occupation was. And what was so secret about it. Bibah’s old man could not have been a spy, could he? After all, this was Taiping in the early 80’s. Or was he a… errrr, hmmmm. Eeeeshhhhh! Enida! Don’t! I slapped myself on one cheek.

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Silence.

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Suspense.

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And then…

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Jolok buah.

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More silence.

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I remember the faces looking at Miss Khoo, to find Miss Khoo looking back at Bibah. And she was looking at us all in one swipe.

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Jolok buah? Apa buah? Buah klapa ka, buah nangkak ka, buah dooriyen ka?

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Buah kelapa sawit, teacher,” Bibah was trembling in what sounded like a relief that she was understood. And she wasn’t laughed at.

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Cakap laaa baba you Peladaaaanggg! Aiiiyohhh! Itu pun tatau ka?

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For the first time I saw Bibah’s sweet smile. I think the whole class smiled with her.

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Tapi…

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Bibah’s tapi sent the whole class into another swing of nerve-wrecking silence. Miss Khoo looked up from her record book and looked at Bibah with the biggest eyes possible probably was ready to attack Bibah for not telling the whole truth.

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Tapi saya duduk dengan abang saya, baba saya sudah tua. Abang saya askar, teacher. Dia tolong jaga saya dengan adik-adik saya. Mak saya dah meninggal.

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Bibah didn’t cry.

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But I know someone who did.

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Glossary for Neil and Jimmy:

jolok = poke

buah = fruit

apa = what

klapa/kelapa = coconut

nangka = jackfruit

dooriyen = durian

kelapa sawit = palm

cakap = say/tell

peladang = farmer

tapi = but

Tapi saya duduk dengan abang saya, baba saya sudah tua. Abang saya askar, teacher. Dia tolong jaga saya dengan adik-adik saya. Mak saya dah meninggal.” =

“But I live with my elder brother, my father is old. My brother serves in the army, teacher. He (brother) helps taking care of me and my younger siblings. My mother has passed away.”

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Yang Tersangkut Itu…

Terperanjat saya bila tiba-tiba Vladimir terjun dari bumbung dan menerjah ke muka jendela ruang santai di mana meja computer saya mengadap. Kurus semangat saya! Hmmm kalaulah badan saya pun boleh kurus bila diterjah begitu, alangkah!

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Vladimir hari ini sepagian berada di bumbung rumah saya di Pokrovsky Boulevard, membersihkan salji yang tersangkut di atas sana. Kalau lah rindu yang tersangkut di hati saya ini dapat diturunkan dan dibawa pulang ke tanahair dan mencair dalam pelukan orang tersayang di sana, alangkah!

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KaCher, Chercher… I am browsing for tickets to be back as early as June dengan penuh rakusnya ini oh!

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Ehemmm, paktoh… ‘mkoy nei tang ngo Tanjung Aru loh, ok? So we can go tiu mou-tiu mou later. So long oledy mou tiu mou.

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Asal

Unfortunately, things did not go well after the Andai pantuns, that November 1996. Hence, these were written when it was all a little too late…

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Asal

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Terbang cenderawasih
Hinggap di balik kolek
Abangkah yang masih
Mengharap adik balik.

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Jenuh siakap lalu
Menyelak daun dedar
Memenuh dakap pilu
Mengelak dalam sedar.

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Menggiling udang tangguk
Mengais buah ranum
Menggeleng sedang angguk
Menangis celah senyum.

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Renggam bayan diikat
Badik sudah diubat
Menggenggam yang hakikat
Adik sudah ditambat.

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(Asal kapas jadi benang
Sudah kejap lagi kuat
Asal lepas jangan kenang
Mudah cakap dari buat!)

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Enida
March 11, 1997.
Bangi Indah.

Antara pantun dan puisi Enida dalam ‘Katakanlah

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Andai

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Andai

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Rembangkah sang petang
Meniti tali gadik
Abangkah yang datang
Mengisi hati adik.

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Menghuja dan menyengat
Sulur dalam selasih
Memujakan semangat
Menghulur salam kasih.

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Memacak relung perdu
Memarak daun pinang
Mengocak takung rindu
Mengorak senyum senang.

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Camar di Pulau Padi
Permata sulam Jawa
Melamar kalau sudi
Andai cinta dalam jiwa.

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Enida
November 1996
MINT Bangi.

Antara pantun dan puisi Enida dalam ‘Katakanlah

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Chek Pah: Amboi anak hang Chek Niiiiiddd! Buleh ka tu makan Nasik Ayam tu?

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Chek Nid: Awat tak buleh pulak?

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Chek Pah: Ya laaaa. Anak hangpa anak mat saleh. Anak oghang puteh. Beisa ka makan nasik-nasik nih?

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Chek Nid: Beisa lah Chek Pah oih. Taim mak depa makan nasik, depa makan nasik lah jugak. Chek Pah ingat depa makan apa?

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Chek Pah: Mana lah tau kot dia dok slalu makan kentang sajaa. Tak beisa makan makanan oghang kampong macam anak Chek Pah nih.

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Chek Nid: Beisa haih! Chek Pah bagi lah depa makan nasik apa pon. Nasik Ayam ka, Nasik Kambin ka, Nasik Lemak ka, Nasik Hat Tak Bghapa Nak Lemak ka. Nasik apa chek beisa bagi, semuaaa depa bantai.

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Chek Pah: Ohh gu tu ka?

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Chek Nid: Nasik basi ja depa tak pandai makan. Sebab chek tak peghenah bagi.

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Chek Pah: Amboih hang, Chek Nid. Perli aku naa!

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Ali In Enidaland

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I don’t know what it is that has got into me lately. But to tell you the truth, I don’t really care what it is. All I know is I am so in love… with writing. Hence you see all the pantuns and sajaks coming out of my ears. If men can eat bola, drink bola, sleep bola, shop bola, kick bola, and shag their bola silly during the Cup Season, I can breakfast while writing, sleep writing, drink writing, walk writing, and oh yeah that too, writing it all in my head!

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Yesterday, I flew writing!

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This was one of the pantuns I flew writing between Arlanda and Sheremetyevo.

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I wrote this since I could not sleep during the 125-minute flight. It’s a draft, though. I might change it to:

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Pohon kuini daunnya sejuk,
sedikit tidak dipupuk lagi;
Pantunku ini pantun merajuk,
sedikit tidak terpujuk lagi.

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The second pantun is not mine. It is one that I never forget:

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Apa digarap padi seberang,
entahkan jadi entahkan tidak;
Apa diharap kasihnya orang,
entahkan sudi entahkan tidak.

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You see, I am always drawn to this kind of pantuns as compared to the Pak-Ali-Pergi-Ke-Kedai kind of pantuns. As a matter of stating my liking, I actually despise those Pak-Ali pantuns people come up with out of laziness to find better pembayang. No, no! Don’t get me wrong! I have no problem with any Pak Ali’s in my life. Never. I loved that Pak Ali from Kampung Muhibbah. He was my Achappa.

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Hmmm… suddenly I feel that I just made myself sound terribly familiar – when I mentioned how much I disliked those Pak Ali pantuns – and I decided to check it out. Guess what? I have said the same thing before!

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Regardless, if I have to say it again, I will say it again. I despise any Pak Ali who has nothing better to do but going to the shop. I could not care less what Pak Ali has to buy every time he goes shopping – rokok tiga lima ka, blachan ka, telur ayam kampong ka, ikan bilis ka, cabai kering ka, kapur sireh ka, labu ayer ka, garam kasar ka, gores api keselamatan ka, rempah kari Alagappa’s ka. Aiyoiyo kadavuley, please laa bacha! Enough Pak Ali already.

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But I once had a crush on Ali the boxer and berangan pergi ke kedai with him berpegangan tangan seiring dan sejalan.

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Balik-Balik

Saya, sampai-sampai di bumi Kremlin terus berpantun tak hingat:

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Berdendang gundah sekawan merbuk,
ibarat helang mendesah daun;
Terpandang wajah tuan di Facebook,
ibarat hilang resah setahun.

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Ewah! Idok ler teman tujukan pada sesaper pantun nih benor nye. Sajer nak menunjukkan keperasanan diri kot-kot ada yang rindu ke teman sepanjang ketiadaan teman di arena Facebook.

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Plus, the flow of ideas must have come from the sleep that I managed to have caught up on… the day I was dead in Stockholm. Thanks to the Steamed Cod on Coriander Cottage Cheese Canaloni I had – at one of the fanciest restaurants in the capital city of Sweden – the cause of my death. Wanna see what took the life out of me that day?

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Separuh nyawaku pergi the evening after eating this. At first I was going to put the blame on my crazy cravings for fish. I had had nothing but fish right from the moment I arrived in Stockholm. From Halibut to Salmon, from Salmon to Herrings, from Herrings to this Cod. And from this Cod to another bowl of mix-fish soup minutes before my first emergency landing on the bowl!

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But then, because of the poisoning drama I had in Sweden… I lost 2kg of my fishy fat and am now back to my 50kg++++++++ body. Hah, ada berapa plus signs tu, chober kigher. Nevertheless, oooohhh! I am gone singing…

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Jangan kachawww
jangan ganggooo
aku chari abang akooo
bintang felemmm
nombor sattooo

Brapppa kaleee
aku bilanggg
aku sudah ada mambanggg
rambot krentenggg
misai melintanggg!

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