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Archive for the ‘Inside Enida’ Category

I was sitting at the round dining table, listening to Deja Vu by Shila Amzah when Edrick stopped by on his way upstairs. It was just before bedtime, 1930hrs.

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Edrick: Mom… *he looks at my face looking for words*

Mommy: What is it sweetheart?

Edrick: Mom, is it okay if you don’t listen to sad songs?

Mommy: Ohhh? Oh okay.

Edrick: I think it’s making me feel uncomfortable.

Mommy: Oh I’m sorry about that, sayang. All right, I’ll listen to something else.

Edrick: And Mom, I think sad songs make YOU feel uncomfortable too.

Mommy: Oh don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I’ll be okay.

Edrick: Okay, but I think you should keep sad songs away, Mom.

Mommy: Yes, sir! I sure will.

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He pulled me into his arms, hugged me longer than usual, said his goodnight, his I-love-you, his don’t-let-the-big-bug-bite routine and went to bed.

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I was left feeling so loved, and I knew… it wasn’t the sad song that made me cry.

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My Little Big Man who has the biggest heart.

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Seri Gala

Ada serigala…
yang lapar diperutku,
yang marah dibenakku.

Segala yang terbakar
menjadi abu.

I am watching...

Segala yang tersimpan
menjadi aku.

Aku tahu siapa menipu.

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*Enida
Wangsa Walk
3 September 2013

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Some People

I was telling my sister about some people who simply do not have courtesy. But it was her response that made me realize that those who do not have courtesy towards me, have no respect either. KaCher said…

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Bukan tak ada courtesy. Dia memilih.

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Enough said.

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Being There

It was just a routine washroom visit at the mall before going home. Edrick went to the Gents. Kitreena and I went to the Ladies. But as I was almost done, I heard Edrick screaming in fear, “Mommmmm! Mommmyyy! Mommmyyy! Help meee! Mommmmyyy! Helpppp! Mommmyyy help meee!”

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I did what any Mom would do.

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Storming out of the Ladies and storming into the Gents, I had no care whose flies went flying! I pushed the door open and pulled my son into my arms and could immediately feel his heartbeat against my tummy. Edrick was in tears. Kitreena was there too, almost in tears. In the Gents. Soon after calming Edrick (and myself) down, I asked him what happened and after listening to his explanation, I quickly demonstrated to him what to do next time.

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The water closet doors are different from those at any other malls we know. The doors pull inward to open, but there is no handle to pull it by from the inside unless you are tall enough to reach for the hook. And Edrick is not tall enough to reach it. The door was a bit tight and he panicked when he couldn’t get the door opened. I almost wanted to just stay there for my son, but he calmed right down and told me he was okay. Only then that I remembered that I left my handbag/handbox in the Ladies!

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Driving home tonight, I found myself taken back to IKEA in Moscow when we were still a complete family. The memory was so clear I thought I was in 2009 when I had this strange thought… that my job as a Mom was made a bit easier having a girl as the first child and a boy second. Washroom visit with a young child was going to be Daddy’s duty. “Yay!” I thought then.

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And then it was 2010 and things changed.

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Tonight, a night in 2013, I am writing this, thinking… maybe I should start looking for someone who could be there for me while I am being there for me Monchies. But the thought didn’t stay long. Nor did it sit well. I came home counting my blessings that my children have their Mommy and Daddy. And both are ME!

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Keeping them close....

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Barulah Terasa

Feet undercover...Happiness is…

Spending that extra hour in bed on a Saturday morning with me Monchies talking about their friends’ names, Lily and Daisy who now have a younger sister, Iris, and whose mom’s name is Rose, and laughing to Edrick’s silly jokes about the Chicken Poop flower (the Lantana).

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Bahagia is…

When my hand was pulled to your lips for a kiss and you didn’t even know why.

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On The Line

Add to heart...Now that I am in the online business, I sometimes think that love is like something you didn’t order, can’t return but have to pay for anyway. And some other times, it is like the only item you ordered, paid for many times over, never arrives and can’t cancel.

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Hmmm… hence the pause.

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Tuuhan Oku

Ringkas jak status kawan sia di Facebook pagi tadi. Dia bilang suruh kitaurang ceria di pagi hari Jumaat neh. Yes, that’s all. Tapi sia rasa macam tu status ditujukan khusus untuk sia yang nda bagitu ceria sabab ada lima gantang laundry mok kasi abis sampai paringkat seterika. Mok pupus suda isi perut lemari bajuku.

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Trus tiba-tiba sia teringat kawan sia yang suda lama sakit kencing manis. Trus sia bersyukur, nda brani marungut merengus maratap menangis hidup sia nda ceria. Badan sia sihat teda penyakit, poket sia ada lah sekian ringgit nda kosong, anak-anak sia bagus jak riang gembira. Palagi yang nda manis dalam hidup sia neh? Lagi nda mok ceria kah? Aihhhh!

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Trus sia buat-buat senyum manis-manis sambil bikin kopi nda taruk gula. Ceria suda neh!

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Tuuhan oku. (Bahasa Dusun)
= I’m thirsty / Saya haus.

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Something Else

Written on October 18, 2011: 1627hrs
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If I were a car, I must have been parked at a wrong spot. And if I were a dog, I must have been barking up a wrong tree. But I am just a human, and I must have been holding on to the right kind of wrong a little too long. So here I am, moving myself away from the lies I am glad I found out about. Otherwise, I would not have found the truth.

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Love is an appreciation. I found one that I thought would match the way I love. The one who would reach out to touch me when I am near. The one who would long to smell my hair after an afternoon shower. The one who would say love, mean it and never take it back.

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My mistake.
It wasn’t love.
It was something else.

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I’m All That

It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours of being at my Dad’s place and I had learned quite a bit more about myself. One thing for sure, I noticed that I feel like a little girl again when I am at my parents’ place. Not sure what it is, but being close to my Dad makes me feel like I have a ‘back-up’. I am a parented parent, so to speak.

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And when I ran into the house upon seeing a tetamu (visitor) pulling in to Dad’s front yard, I puzzled myself! Why did I do that? I am usually a very confident, independent and downright outspoken grown-up woman. But I automatically went back to my old habit of hiding from my parents’ visitors. My sisters and I used to do that a lot. Today, just like those good ole days, I did not come out until Dad’s guest left.

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And somehow, that… whatever that was,
made me feel young again.

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I miss my Mom.

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Will Never Be

“At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.”

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