Posted in Facebook, Sense, Write On on February 17, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Perbezaan di antara kucing lapar dengan kucing lapar yang bijak ialah…
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Kucing lapar akan menjilat bibir apabila terpandang sahaja akan makanan. Tetapi kucing lapar yang bijak hanya akan menjilat bibir sesudah makan.
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Sekian melaporkan pemerhatian sifat manusia gelojoh dan tak tau malu mengalahkan kucing kurap di Facebook.
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Ooh sang algojo, ooh nanti dulu…
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Posted in Sense, Write On on February 12, 2012| 10 Comments »
Ai tau ai manusia biasa. And sebab ai tau ai ni manusia biasa lah hari ni ai rili-rili nak membebel. Ai tau sangat kalau ai membebel pada yu, yu tu tak faham sebab orang yang berfikiran negetif macam yu akan cari kekurangan ai jugak sudahnya. Malas ai!
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Fersofall, yu tu kalau jumpa ai, mesti nak komen pasal badan ai. Tapi yang peliknya mata yu tu sentitip benau bila badan ai naik. Mesti nak menshen. Eh, yu nampak berisi lah sekarang. Eh, badan yu naik ke? Eh, yu punya pipi nampak chabi sikit daripada aritu. Eh, sihat nampak!
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Tapi bila badan ai susut, pinggang ai ramping, muka ai lonjong… yu nampak lah pulak jerawat ai kat tepi hidung! Eh, muka yu teruk sekarang kan. Tak macam dulu. Eh, yu banyak makan belacan ke? Eh, apasal muka yu tak berseri ni? Eh, ni mesti tak jaga kulit lah ni, muka tak lawa dah ni.
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And bila ai bergetah, wajah cerah dan ceria, nampak hepi macam tak ada gangguan… yu mesti rasa kaler baju ai tak sesuai dengan ekseseri yang ai pakai. Ataupun stail ai over sikit, sebab skirt ai putih, singkat pulak tu untuk wanita matang macam ai. Ai nampak muda sangat nanti. Muda daripada yu. Tak sesuai.
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Lepas tu semua benda yang ai cakap, yu tak percaya. Tapi yu mintak nasihat ai gitu gini, itu ini. Tapi bila ai nak kongsi ilmu dengan yu, semuanya yu dengar dengan muka tak percaya. Oh ye ke apa yu cakap ni? Oh betul ke laik dat? Tu tak betul, ni tak kena. Yu lagi percaya benda-benda karut zaman jahiliah daripada statistik dan risec ai. Tu menunjukkan betapa kurangnya yu ni membaca. Banyak benda yang anak ai darjah satu pun tau, yu boleh tak tau. Hish, cetek!
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Cara ai berfikir memang lain daripada cara yu. Ai kalau jumpa orang, ai akan perasan benda-benda yang baik aja. Lantak lah badan yu naik 39 kilo sekalipun, ai tak tegur. Wel, mebi sebab yu sendiri akan menshen awal-awal dah, badan yu naik. Wich, ai tak kesah pun. Badan yu. Yu tau apa yu sumbat kat mulut yu.
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Tapi bila ai rasa tudung yu lawa, ai puji aja lah seikhlas jiwa ai. Kalau tudung tak lawa sebab toncet yu tinggi sangat, ai buat lah macam tak nampak. Lantak yu lah, kepala yu. Ai tak ambik berat pasal kepala yu semacam mana yu ambik berat pasal kepala lutut ai yang terjulur bila ai pakai skirt putih Nichii ai tu. Skirt yang yu kata tak branded. Tak macam tudung jenama X stail cekik belakang tengkuk yu tu. Ratus ringgit selai. Memang ai tak brended.
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Tapi apa pun, ai bersyukur sangat yu tak duduk sebelah rumah ai.
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Posted in Culture, Sense on January 29, 2012| 2 Comments »
“Enida, kenapa you list down blog yang ada babi and non-halal food dalam blogroll you?”
“I tak kisah. Bukan I yang makan. Not all entries are about babi pun.”
“You tak geli ke?”
“You rasa kawan-kawan Hindu kita geli tak tengok beef rendang and daging lembu masak kicap kat blog you?”
“Tu lain.”
“Both pork and beef are meat. Dua-dua ada history why they’re forbidden. Apa yang lainnya?”
“Babi is haram for us.”
“Tengok aja pun haram?”
“Ahhh you ni! Ada je jawapnya. Entahkan you makan tak?”
“Excuse me! Syak wasangka you tu pun sama haram dengan hukum makan babi tau.”
“Oh sorry, sorry!”
“You should feel sorry for yourself. At least I tau macam mana rupa babi lepas dimasak. You?”
“Yeah, you got a point there, Enida.”
“You are not what you eat, you know that?”
“Then?”
“You are what you think you eat.”
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Posted in Inside Enida, Monchies, Sense on January 25, 2012| 1 Comment »
It took me over a year to finally realize that I am now on my own. In this little wagon I am driving, there is only one driver seat. Gone are the days when I was just sitting in the passenger seat trying to make myself useful, pretending to know where to go and how to get there. Though I never held a map upside down, my journey came to a U-turn that turned out to be an I-turn when I, Enida the Questa è Enida, took a different path. My path. 😉
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Now, nevertheless, that I am behind the steering wheel on my own, I still don’t know where to go and how to get there. But I am doing it as I go along… with Monchies in the back seat. As long as we are on this journey together, I don’t really have to know where exactly we are going and how exactly to get there. We’re getting there, wherever there is. As a matter of fact, sometimes I don’t mind at all if we are not going anywhere. There is where we are. There is here. We’re together.
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But then, I know… I have to be prepared for my own inability to hold on to the steering wheel for ever. Anything can happen. Anytime. Just like what my insurance agent said (that got me to sign up with a plan), “Planning, if you asked me, should have been done yesterday. If anything happens today, your tomorrow is covered.” And so… I am writing my will and instructions. And in the process, I have been awakened by some gentle reminders that at some point of time I have to let go of everything.
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So when I saw my best friend recently, we had a good conversation to confirm what I would put in my will and instructions in the case of my absence — sudden or eventual. It was a sad but quick chat on where Monchies should go if anything happens to me. I fear not death, for I have embraced the reality that I am dying from the day I was born. I don’t mind death. (Hidup itu jodohnya mati, as I said to Cik Nan.) But I mind dying if I can’t live the remaining time to my full capacity.
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If I were given half a year, it is probably worth all the headaches of getting our Russian visas back so that I can be in the house where Monchies can have their Dad. I take no sympathy from him. No. But I know the kindest thing for me to do is to be kind to the kids, and kinder to their Dad. And I know that’s all that matters to Monchies anyway. If Daddy wouldn’t drop anything in this world for them, I would. At the end of the day, I could say I had dropped anything and everything for them. Drop dead! 🙂
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And six months would be enough for me to write a book on how happy Monchies would be and I know for sure they will miss me.
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I am not trying to be hopeless or morbid now. For heaven’s sake, I want to live as long as I can! I have so many I-told-you-so‘s to say to Kitreena and I have not rolled my eyes enough at Edrick’s jokes. We still have those trips to take: Kitreena wants me to take up snowboarding in the Swiss Alps with her, and Edrick is flying me to Rio, Rio, Rio! So help me God. If I can have 20 years, I will take 20 years. Or 30, max. But of course I can live without the headaches of getting our Russian visas back.
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On that thought, please pray for me… that my repeat blood test results would not number my days with the love of my life — the two good people I am raising in my Mesra house.
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Posted in Facebook, Sense on November 13, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Dear ladies and gentlemen who have requested to be on my Facebook friends list, could you please have the courtesy of introducing your GOOD selves to Enida? Please. Thank you for the honor, but I don’t know everybody. And I don’t think I can know everybody.
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In my years of teaching, coaching, training, speaking and blogging, I might have spoken to, met, seen, touched, laughed at, smiled to, been read and touched by, smooched, slapped and kicked a few Fadzillahs, Soo Lins, Azuras, Letchumis, Khairils, Khairuls, Ridzuans, Ah Bengs, Aruns, and a few Michaels and Michelles here and there. In fact, I did karate a few Al-Balooshis and Al-Harthys back in the Arabian Peninsula between the year 2000 and 2005.
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So, do justice to — no one else but — yourselves. Introduce yourselves, please. You don’t expect me to be able to tell the difference between Iwan the Dangdut composer/singer and Iwan the cute boy from my Prep Course in Kuantan with your profile picture of a cat licking its balls, do you?
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Posted in Sense on November 13, 2011| 2 Comments »
Lu nak cakap pasal susah, lu pandang belakang dulu lah beb. Apa benda dalam hidup lu yang susah? Memang lah mak bapak lu bukan orang kaya, tapi berapa banyak orang kaya yang sediakala kaya? Kebanyakannya pun asalnya susah jugak. Tapi yang membezakan orang susah dengan orang senang ialah usaha dan syukur.
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Bila susah sikit, lu tak mau. Lu kira nak senang aja. Lu lari. Lu pilih jalan senang. Lu ingat selamanya lu boleh senang ke? Lu belajar pandai, sekolah tinggi, lu pikir lah sendiri. Orang lain yang dah senang sekarang, semuanya sebab dulu diorang pun susah jugak. Lu ingat senang ke nak senang? Jalan-jalan terpijak harta karun, jalan-jalan terpijak duit sekepuk.
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Gua tau lu banyak rancangan nak senang. Gua tau susahnya lu nak senang. Lu ingat gua tak pernah susah ke? Lu ingat gua senang hari ni sebab gua dah ditakdirkan hidup senang ke? Lu ingat sekarang gua dah senang, gua sentiasa senang ke? Lu ingat gua tak ada susah ke? Beras gua turun dari langit macam hujan, sayur tumbuh sendiri dalam peti ais, ayam ikan daging semua mintak David Copperfield ke?
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Gua nampak senang sebab gua tak pernah mengeluh gua susah. Kalau gua mengeluh pun, lu ingat ada orang nak tolong ke? Tambah-tambah orang yang menyampah tengok gua senang sebab diorang rasa diorang patut senang macam gua. Gua nangis bila gua susah lu ingat ada orang tau ke? Ada orang nak kesian ke? Orang kutuk lagi ada. Padan muka gua.
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Sebab tu gua menyampah tengok lu mengeluh susah. Sebab tu gua rasa lu tak senang-senang. Sebab masa senang tu datang, lu tak sebut pun. Tapi masa susah, macam lah Tuhan tu langsung tak pernah kasi lu senang. Kalau masa senang pun lu tak reti bersyukur, apatah lagi masa lu susah. Gua jamin lu menyumpah-nyumpah. Lu bengang bila tak ada orang tolong. Terutamanya gua ni yang lu anggap sentiasa senang. Gua kedekut, gua berkira. Apa yang gua dah kasi selama hari ni ada lu kira ke beb?
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Macam ni lah, gua kasi lu tau satu rahsia ok. Kalau lu nak senang, sebenarnya senang aja. Lu tak boleh kedekut. Masa lu ada, lu kena kongsi apa yang lu ada. Lu tak boleh makan sorang. Tuhan, kalau dia nak uji lu… selalunya bukan masa susah. Tapi masa lu senang. Dia nak tengok, lu kongsi tak kesenangan lu tu dengan orang yang pernah kongsi kesenangan dia dengan lu. Terutamanya Mak bapak lu, kawan-kawan lu yang banyak tolong lu.
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Pendek kata, senang cerita… kalau lu ada hutang, bila lu ada duit, lu bayar lah oi. Entahkan orang yang kasi lu pinjam pun ada hutang dia sendiri jugak. Dia pun mau bayar hutang dia. Dia ada duit, lu mintak tolong, dia tolong lu. Masa lu ada duit, lu diam-diam je ke? Masa nak pinjam dulu macam-macam janji lu buat, siap dengan plan skim bayar-balik bulan-bulan ok. Bila lu dah dapat duit, tiba-tiba lu buat macam orang hilang ingatan pulak. Lu apa hal beb?
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Posted in Sense on November 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Posted in Sense, Write On on October 27, 2011| 2 Comments »
The last time I felt like this was when I lost my iPhone 3GS at the CARS car-wash place, Great Eastern Mall, Ampang — just a day before Raya 2010. For some reason and for my own sanity, I quickly detached myself from the thought and all the possibilities of finding the phone. It was perhaps my defense mechanism and my way of avoiding the stress. It was quick, it was dry and it was like a die-cut feeling.
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As fast as I could say, “Gone!”, I found myself looking at every other thing that I could be thankful for. I got my car back, nice and clean. My kids were with me, safe and giggling away in the back seat. And I was alive! Yeah, alive and kicking myself for being so careless. But I was alive. It took me a couple months and a trip to Singapore before I got another iPhone. Losing the iPhone 3GS was an excuse for me to get an iPhone 4 — a blessing in disguise. An upgrade. Kinda.
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I didn’t lose my phone today. In fact, I didn’t lose what was even mine. But the funny thing is, I feel almost exactly as I did back then, when I lost what was totally mine! I kicked myself gently for being careless, yes… again. And I did apply the very same detachment method. But as human as I am, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I feel the loss. You’re right, I am not usually this careless.
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Here I am… back in Room 2212 at Hyatt Regency Teluk Cempedak Kuantan, safe and not making any sound. The kids are on the beach with Bibik while I am here feeling the needs to write about this in the room that smells like Jean Paul Gaultier and the ocean. Life is good, actually. And what’s good goes on.
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For now, I have detached myself from all the possibilities and hopes of finding the two room key-cards that I, the Questa è Enida, carelessly lost while walking on the beach this morning.
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Posted in Sense on October 24, 2011| 1 Comment »
The only kitchen sink you shall leave your dirty dishes unwashed, without feeling guilty, is your own. Until you have your own kitchen sink… wash up.
Or shut up.
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Posted in Sense on October 18, 2011| 3 Comments »
Ada cerita sebenarnya yang nak saya kongsikan bebelkan. Ya bebel. Kalau kongsi, saya terpaksa mengambilkira perasaan anda. Kalau bebel, suka hati saya dan boyfriend saya lah apa nak tulis. Eh, ada boyfriend? Aiii sejak bila ada boyfriend ni? Ye lah, kalau saya nak sebut suka hati ‘mak bapak’ saya, saya dah tak ada mak. Kalau saya sebut suka hati ‘bapak’ saya, bunyi macam so langsi loh. Kenot. Boyfriend tu bunyi macam nakal sikit. Auw! Mengada.
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Ceritanya ialah tentang orang yang berkata-kata tak memikirkan harga diri dan masa depan. Waktu marah, terutamanya. Kita ni manusia memang mudah marah. Kena suruh, marah. Kena tegur, marah. Kena kerja lebih, marah. Kena bayar mahal, marah. Lambat sikit, marah. Susah sikit, marah. Lapar, marah. Tak sedap, marah. Tak sayang, marah. Cemburu, marah. Penat, marah. Lupa, marah. Sedih marah. Marah pun marah.
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Bila kita marah, kita nak semua orang tau kita ni marah. Hello! Tak nampak ke kening bercantum ni? Tak nampak hidung kembang kempis menahan nafsu amarah ni? (Marah pun ada nafsu, kan?) Dan bila kita marah, kata-kata kita selagi boleh hendaknya yang menyakitkan hati semua yang mendengar. Kalau suara kita boleh mencapai kawasan 60 hingga 100 batu radius, lagi bagus. Begitu kuatnya suara. 100 batu, ya. Bukan kilometer. Biar bergelombang macam tsunami. Biar!
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Kalau ada yang prihatin, datang dekat bertanya kenapa kita marah, memujuk kita dengan baik… hah! Siaplah dia! Konon-konon kita nak dibiarkan bersendirian sampai hati sejuk sendiri. The “leave-me-alone” approach, cik main. Tapi kalau sempat sembur, sumpah, sepak dan sigung dulu orang yang prihatin dan memujuk tu, lagi puas sebenarnya kan? Nah kau! Siapa suruh kau pujuk aku? Ada aku kesah?
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Dan bila semuanya reda… harap-harap kita sedar bahawa marah itu adalah satu formula, iaitu Tenaga = Kuasa darab Masa. Memang kuat betul Tenaga kita menghempas barang bila marah sebenarnya. Cuba hempas laptop anda semasa marah dan semasa tidak marah. Ya, rasakanlah perbezaannya. Kuasa pula sememangnya di tangan kita kerana hanya kita yang merasa bagaimana rasanya jadi kita. Orang lain apa tau? Manakala Masa adalah sesuatu yang absurd ketika marah. Apatah lagi jika jam di dinding rumah telah hancur bersepai bersama laptop yang dihempas dengan penuh Tenaga itu tadi.
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Saya pernah tinggal serumah dengan seorang yang pemarah. Apabila beliau marah, saya ini menjadi mangsa kata-kata beliau. Hilang hapus hancur segala jasa bakti dan kebaikan saya di mata beliau itu apabila beliau marah kepada saya. Seolah-olah saya selama ini cuma makan tidur dan duduk di suatu sudut rumah tidak berbuat apa-apa seperti memasak, mengemas, mencuci, mengelap, menggosok, meraba, membela, membelai, melaram, melawa, mendidik, mengajar, melayan, menidurkan, meniduri dan berbagai katakerja berimbuhan ‘me’ lagi. Memang semua me, me, me.
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Apabila saya mengambil keputusan untuk meninggalkan beliau serta kemarahan beliau, saya juga lah yang dituduh me-rosakkan perhubungan. Saya me-rasa marah dengan tuduhan sebegitu. Me-mang me-royan saya mendengarnya. Tapi saya marah tidak lah lama. Untungnya saya ini kuat berlari. Saya tinggalkan beliau dan kemarahan beliau itu lapan ribu satu ratus lima puluh tujuh kilometer jauhnya nun di saaana, bah.
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Sama seperti sewaktu muda dahulu, saya berpacaran dengan seorang yang mudah marah. Belum apa-apa saya sudah ditempik, diherdik dan dibentak serta disuruh ‘pergi mampus’ gara-gara cemburu. Maka saya pun dengan sekuat tenaga amarah saya waktu itu telah meninggalkan beliau di dalam kereta di pinggir Taman Tenaga. Tak menoleh ke belakang lagi. Untungnya saya ini kuat berlari sejak dahulu lagi rupanya.
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Maka, mungkin kerana masa silam saya banyak disulami dengan cerita orang-orang yang mudah marah… saya perlu beringat dan berhati-hati dengan diri saya sendiri. Bahawasanya marah itu perlu. Ia adalah sumber Tenaga yang sangat besar! Tetapi dengan Kuasa yang ada di tangan saya, serta Masa saya yang singkat di dunia ini, saya sedar bahawa amarah dan kata-kata adalah dua elemen kekuatan manusia yang tidak seiring. Sesungguhnya bagi saya, marah itu pasangannya diam.
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Mungkin sebab itu saya sekarang sudah kembali menulis. Selama saya diam, ada yang saya pendam.
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Questa è Enida 