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Archive for the ‘Sense’ Category

Gentle Reminder

Tuhan memang selalu bagi saya peringatan supaya bersyukur. Selalu! Ada masanya saya yang sengaja buat bising supaya nampak seperti hidup saya lah yang paling malang dalam dunia. Contohnya, CRaVy saya kebelakangan ini mintak manja lebih dari biasa. Tayar tertusuk paku. Botak pulak tu. Brake menjerit. Dan satu brake-disc kalau nak di ‘skim’ di Lim Tayar, sula mau satu latus lebehhh hor. Itu hugger satu disc oni, okay!

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Dalam pada saya buat bising gitu, bila pergi ke Honda Service Center di MRR2, brake-disc skimming hanya RM80. Nasib baik juga saya mengadu bising-bising pada Mr. Kalai… saya punya brake depan kanan ada bising laa anney. Sippai anney, sweet anney. Bersyukur saya Mr. Kalai itu teliti orangnya. Dua kali ulang-alik ke Honda, dua pagi, dua bungkus nasi lemak Honda kemudian, CRaVy berlari seiring dan sejalan seindah bunga di taman tiada kebisingan lagi. Biarlah KL sahaja yang menjerit.

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Habis kisah brake terpekik, tayar tertusuk… saya konon-konon terasa seperti CRaVy itu sudah hilang ketampanannya. Semenjak mencium MyVi putih Inche’ Kent Lee yang baik budi bahasa lagi muda remaja Disember lalu, ada parut luka di tepi lampu depan kekasih gelap saya. Luka yang mungkin tak dapat diubati lagi.

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Tiba-tiba saya mendapat peringatan yang sangat lembut (gentle reminder lah tu) dari Tuhan apabila saya terpaksa mengekori sebuah motorsikal berkuasa rendah berpendaftaran WAG 2785. Lampu belakang sebelah kirinya terpaksa diikat dengan dawai supaya ia kelihatan seperti masih ada di situ. Dawainya pula berwarna hijau mengundang perhatian. Saya menghela nafas insaf.

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Saya bersyukur akan limpah kurnia dah hidayat Nya berdiri dan duduknya saya di sini hari ini sebagai seorang yang sentiasa mendapat peringatan. Pelupa rupanya Enida ini. Semoga Tuhan pelihara lah saya dari mulut yang bising tetapi tidak berterima kasih, dan jauhkanlah saya dari hati yang senang tetapi sombong.

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Kalau saya berkereta dan mengeluh, ingatlah orang yang naik motorsikal. Hujan basah. Kalau saya bermotorsikal dan mengeluh, ingatlah orang yang berjalan kaki. Tak dapat jauh perginya. Kalau saya berjalan kaki dan mengeluh, ingatlah orang yang lumpuh dan berkerusi roda. Kalau saya berkerusi roda dan mengeluh, ingatlah orang yang terbaring tak boleh bergerak tanpa bantuan. Kalau saya terbaring dan tak bergerak jika tak dibantu, akhirnya ingatlah saya akan orang-orang yang tak bersyukur.

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Bila saya diuji dengan kesusahan, saya sabar. Itu saya sedar. Tapi bila saya diuji dengan kesenangan, saya tak bersyukur kadang-kadang. Itu saya baru sedar.

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Dah, sekian. Saya nak pergi bersyukur tilam saya empuk, bantal saya ada 6 bijik (walaupun ada masanya berbantal lengan tidurku, Cindai).
Ishhhh! Nak jugak tu!

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Kalau Ada

Kalau kata, kotakan.
Kalau soal, jawapkan.
Kalau janji, tunaikan.
Kalau pinjam, pulangkan.
Kalau beri, ikhlaskan.
Kalau hutang, lunaskan.
Kalau pesan, sampaikan.
Kalau rahsia, simpankan.
Kalau salah, maafkan.
Kalau rajuk, pujukkan.
Kalau sayang, tunjukkan.
Kalau terima, kasihkan.
Hidup bukan paparan Facebook.

Kita ada kita.
Kita ada Dia.

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*Enida
September 29, 2011
Mesra Terrace

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Like A Prayer

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Monchies went to bed at seven and I was left with some porridge for supper. Alone. The house was like the quietest little pocket in the middle of Ngilgi Cave I have once been to and sat in. In this deafening silence though, I got thinking about silence.

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My Mom once or maybe twice told me that love, just like a prayer, has to be said in silence to be granted. Love comes to us only when we are rid off the noises of needing, of wanting, and of giving, hoping for fair returns. I never once believed her.

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Until love came to me in silence.

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And Mom, in all her patience, tried to convince me that pain has to be dealt with in silence as well. I saw her dealing with pain quietly, determined that a loud cry would make it hurt even more and would cease all credibilities of the excruciation of pain. I was busy carrying my cross, then, that I shared not her faith.

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Until pain came to me in silence.

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I don’t want to admit that Mom was right. But if she really has to know, the next time when she peeks at me through the clouds above, she shall see me sitting in silence. Smiling. My prayers have been granted and my pain has been dealt with. I have come back to love Enida.

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A lot has happened in July. A lot more can happen in August.
(Okay, okay… thanks Mom. I believe you now.)

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Looking For Words

At the moment, in my life, I am not looking for anything much anymore. Not that I have everything. I believe no one can really have everything. And not that I must have everything anyway. I am doing not too bad. My needs are fulfilled, my wants are minimal. I am blissfully blessed.

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So, yeah. I am not looking for anything much anymore. All that I want, I have. And all that I have, I want. I just have to learn how to appreciate what I have… more. Spend my time more with those who matter to me. Those who will be there when I come home. Those who will pick up the phone when I call, pick me up when I fall. I am greatly grateful.

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So if I look at you, and you have neither time nor interest in looking back, I will turn away. I am nice that way. I don’t waste your time. Or mine. And I don’t do that love thingamajigs anymore either. It seems to come too easy to too many people lately. I will just concentrate on counting my blessings.

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So, yeah. I am going to make sure that I smell as good as FlowerbyKenzo, and I mean every word I say. Whatever I say.

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The rest is His work.

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Good by July

Contentment is not about having what we want, but about wanting what we have..

I had you. I had wanted every bit of you, enjoyed every minute with you, taking you as you were. The simplicities and complexities all inclusive. Yes, all. I even welcomed the pain, the friction, the envy, the fights, the crisis and the impossibilities of a future with you.

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Until…

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July. Another lie. And another goodbye.

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The Red Indian Wisdom

An elder Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren. He said to them:

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“A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight. It is between two wolves: One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

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The grandchildren thought about it for a minute, then one child asked his grandfather:

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“Which wolf will win?”

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The old Cherokee simply replied… “The one you feed.”

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At List

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.I do other things too.
Not just you. 🙂

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Between Us

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Whenever we speak to each other,
words are like the breeze
between two tall casuarinas
on a shore.

A bare shore.

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And This

For the first twenty minutes my mind just went wordless. All I could feel was just hurt. There was this stabbing pain that I couldn’t tell where it was or where it came from. I just let myself feel it, for some reason. Feel it and not think. If words could be so hurtful, I was just going to let my tears and myself subside in silence.

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And then for the next twenty minutes I just sat there until I realized it was Wednesday. So I got up, lit some candles for Mom and went to bed.

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I have been happy.
And this too shall pass.

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Bitter Chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates…
you never know what you are going to get.

You don’t know what you are going to get? You don’t? I mean, really. You really don’t know? Life is like a box of chocolates, and you do not know what you are going to get? What part of a box of chocolates that you don’t understand?

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If life is like a box of chocolates, and if you know you’re opening a box of chocolates, what other than chocolates do you think you’re going to get? I mean, here it is… a box of chocolates in your hand. And you’re looking at a box of chocolates. Yes, chocolates. Do you seriously think you are going to get some pearl earrings in the chocolate box or something? I mean, honestly! Or do you think it could turn out to be a box of worms instead?

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So okay, you might not know what each chocolate is filled with. Fine. Fair excuse. But for crying out loud, do you really need to know everything? Does it kill you if you don’t know whether you’re going to bite a chocolate filled with almond or hazelnut? Goodness gracious! Help me here, will you? For stating the obvious, if life is like a box of chocolates, and you like sweet creamy chocolates. Would you ever go get a box of bitter chocolates just to surprise yourself or something?

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Likewise, if you know your passion in life is nothing but the seashores, would you go build your house on top of a mountain?

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