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Kata Kita

Kebelakangan ini orang kita sangat rajin menulis. Tapi sayangnya Perbendaharaan Kata kita terbatas hanya kepada beberapa perkataan yang terlalu kerap digunakan. Terlampau kerap  sehingga hilang makna. Antaranya ialah:
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  • poyo
  • law
  • jew
  • kew
  • aq
  • x
  • mnx ckit
  • nkkkk
  • nkkkk itotttt
  • sker
  • huhuhu
  • terbaekkkkk!!!!!!!!!! (Ya, dieja dengan ‘e’ bukan dengan ‘i’ seperti yang saya pelajari, huruf ‘k’ nya tak kurang lima, tanda seruan nya keciritan.)

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Dalam jangkawaktu kurang dari duapuluh tahun, saya khuatir Kamus Bahasa akan jadi setipis majalah Gila-Gila. Dan usah terperanjat juga jika ia timbul kembali dengan nama baru:

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GILER-GILER

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Gila!

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Gila-Gila Puasa

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Mistakes vs Lessons

Being jealous is normal. It keeps us on our toes and it makes us check if we can actually do better than what others can do. Although love is not a competition, there is no excuse for being complacent.

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Kalau Puan dah lama tak pegang kaki suami, urut sana, picit sini… ini lah masanya. Spa dah banyak benar sekarang. Suami Puan ada wang dan bila beliau ada masa, boleh singgah dalam perjalanan balik ke rumah dari tempat kerja. Nak harap rumah urut, memang banyak. Tapi biarlah urut-mengurut itu jadi aktiviti di rumah.

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Encik pulak, kalau dah lama tak belai rambut isteri, cium wangi nya, rasa lembut nya… ini lah juga masanya. Salon sekarang banyak yang dijayakan oleh lelaki – walaupun berpakaian sempurna seperti wanita. Kalau tak Encik belai rambut beliau, rasa-rasanya siapa lagi di dunia ini yang boleh diharap membelai?

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Lagi satu, kalau Puan bercakap dengan suami bentak sana, tempik sini, suara macam guntur… jangan lah anggap wanita bersuara lembut macam saya ni nak menggoda suami Puan. Saya memang bercakap lemah lembut sebab Mak saya juga begitu. Puan cuba kenang kembali minggu pertama Puan bersama suami, tak keluar suara begitu lembutnya berkata-kata. Betul?

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Encik pun, kalau memandang isteri hanya dengan ekor mata kerana tudung ropol-ropol beliau senget sini senget sana, janganlah menyangka tiada yang berminat dengan beliau kalau tiba-tiba beliau buka tudung dan ambil foto untuk tunjuk rambut beliau kepada lelaki lain yang lebih menghargai kecantikan beliau di Facebook.

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Just like what Richard Templar includes as Rule 58 in Rules of Love:

Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend

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I am saying all this (despite my failed marriage – a failure due to not listening to what was not being said – yes, I broke Rule 55), because I know how it feels being with someone for as long as most of us have. I am saying all this because I know what is going on everywhere in marriages. I was no better and there was no one to tell me this bitter truth. But I am telling you now, go ahead and make mistakes, but learn from them. Mistakes and lessons come hand in hand.

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Saat kau kucup rambutku...So, take good care of your partner. When everything is enough at home, especially the belaian, nothing from outside can take him/her away from you.

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While waiting for Kitreena to finish with her Istana Dance at Pak Ngah Studio the weekend before puasa, Edrick wanted an early supper at the nearby Mamak. A Roti Telur supper. Since it wasn’t busy at all, Edrick’s Roti Telur came in no time at all.

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Mommy: How’s your Roti Telur, Monch? Sadap kah?

Edrick: Deliiiiiiiicious! Mom, this roti tow-lorrr sure tastes like roti canai and egg.

Mommy: Huh? Do you know what Roti Telur is?

Edrick: Roti tow-lorrr is a roti canai cooked with an egg.

Mommy: Du’uhhhhh!

Edrick: Oh yeah. Tow-lorrr is egg.

Mommy: Double du’uhhhhh!

Edrick: Hehehehehehe. Sorry Mom. I forgot.

Mommy: You aaaa! So old man bah!

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Malaysianization process of me Monchies’ language is not so delicious these days. 🙂

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Tastes like....

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Barulah Terasa

Feet undercover...Happiness is…

Spending that extra hour in bed on a Saturday morning with me Monchies talking about their friends’ names, Lily and Daisy who now have a younger sister, Iris, and whose mom’s name is Rose, and laughing to Edrick’s silly jokes about the Chicken Poop flower (the Lantana).

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Bahagia is…

When my hand was pulled to your lips for a kiss and you didn’t even know why.

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Anal-ogy

I read a status on Facebook today that made me take really deep breaths after shaking my head in pity. There is just so much negativity floating around, it is worse that the worst haze!

.Life is like...

But more than anything, what the person wrote was nothing but airing his own dirty laundry. And I was immediately thinking of an analogy…

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So if you fart in public, (seriously!) because there is just no way you can hold the gas, do you yell, “EXCUSE ME! YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! I FARTED! I JUST DID! THANK YOU.” Do you? Let say your fart is the silent-killer kind of fart. The kind you can’t tell coming until it chokes you to death. And you are gone in 2.571 seconds. Seriously, do you make an announcement that it was YOU who farted the farting stinky fart?

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You don’t.

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Thoughts -> words.

There are things you don’t make public. There are things you don’t tell. Or shouldn’t. You are just a human, let’s get over it. You fart. When things get worse, you fart liquid. The worst… solid. Regardless of the output, you fart. You fart because you cannot NOT fart. Or you’ll be floating in the air just like the negativity that is floating around worse than the worst haze. And you are worse because you will explode if you don’t fart.

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I digress, yes, but seriously… can we just focus on the solutions? If you live your life without problems – or what I would rather call challenges, you won’t achieve anything. I am trying very hard to not to say, “If you don’t want challenges in life, go die.” I don’t have the heart to say that. Let me just say this:

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If you don’t want to fart, don’t eat.

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It was Wednesday, six o’clock in the morning. Edrick knocked on the door gently and came in for our daily good morning wishes and kisses. I was away for training in Penang for four days and just got home the night before.

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Mommy: Hiiiii sayanggg, good morrrning! How are you doooing? I missed you soooo much! *mwahhh mwahhh mwahhh huggy wooggy boogie*

Edrick: I am great, Mom. How are you doing? Did you have a good sleep?

Mommy: I slept like a log and ohhh, I feel good!

Edrick: Awesome. Errr… Mommm, are my eyebrows too bushy?

Mommy: Hahhh? *but she hears him loud and clear*

Edrick: Do you think my eyebrows too bushy?

Mommy: Your eyebrows? *but she hears her son loud and clear*

Edrick: Yeah, do you think my eyebrows too bushy?

Mommy: *dumbfounded but has to come up with a real quick response at six o’clock in the morning* Uhhh…

Edrick: *touches his eyebrows, bulges his eyes looking for an answer* Are they?

Mommy: No, they’re not. I think they look good just the way they are.

Edrick: So, you don’t think I should pluck ’em or sum-fing?

Mommy: Heavens no! You wouldn’t look like you if you did that!

Edrick: Yeaaah…I think you’re right, Mom. Okayyy, see you downstairs at breakfast. Bye!

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I couldn’t go back to sleep. The question was quite a wake-up call.
Was I gone too long?

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Bright eyes and bushy eyebrows.

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Oh Em Gee!

Jumaat, 7.15pm:
Hello.
Hello.
Hello!
Yaa?
Saya nak tukar baju yang saiz M tu dengan baju lain.
Kejap, kejap. Saya tu siapa ya?
Saya yang pulangkan baju aritu.
Iya lah. Saya yang pulangkan baju hari tu tu siapa namanya?
Saya nak tanya ni, boleh tak tukar?
Boleh, Encik. No problem. Boleh Encik bagitau saya nama Encik?
Saya ada pulangkan 3 baju W baru ni.
Iya lah, kalau saya tau nama Encik, mudah sikit saya nak panggil.
Nama saya Encik Mat.
Okay Encik Mat, Encik nak tukar dengan baju yang mana?
Saya nak tukar baju W ni dengan baju X.
Okay. Boleh tukar, no problem.
So kalau boleh tukar, apa masalahnya?
Eh, tak ada masalah. Cuma, walaupun boleh tukar. Saya kena check stock dulu.
Tadi kata boleh tukar!
Iya, boleh tukar. Tapi saya kena check stock dulu. Encik nak saiz apa?
Saiz apa yang ada?
Bagitau saya saiz yang Encik nak, saya terus boleh check.
Iya lah, size apa yang ada?
(Oh Tuhanku!) Okay. Saya masuk store sekarang, check stock. Saya call Encik balik.
Okay.
Okay, terima kasih.

Jumaat, 7.30pm:
Helloo!
Ya, saya.
So ada saiz tak?
(Oh Tuhanku!) Encik, kan saya kata saya akan call balik. Tunggu lah sekejap. Saya belum sempat habis check lagi ni.
So baju X ada saiz apa?
Okay, baju X saya ada semua saiz KECUALI saiz M.
Saiz apa lagi?
Saiz apa lagi? Semua saiz ada, Encik. Kecuali M.
Iya lah, saiz apa yang ada?
(Oh Tuhanku!) Saiz yang ada ialah saiz S, L, XL, dan XXL. Encik nak saiz apa?
Saiz apa tadi?
Yang ada saiz S, L, XL…
Ha, tak payah lah sebut saiz yang besar-besar tu. Badan saya kecik je.
Encik tanya saya saiz apa yang ada. Saya sebut lah. Mana saya tau badan Encik besar mana. Mungkin Encik beli untuk orang lain.
Saiz M tak ada?
Tak ada. Habis stock suda.
Bila nak repeat order?
Baju X ni kami dah tak buat repeat order, Encik.
Sebab baju W yang 3 helai tu bukan saya punya. Saya tolong pulangkan sebab rosak. Owner dia dah tanya.
Okay, saya dah baiki. Nanti saya hantar balik lah pada Encik. So, nak tukar baju W saiz M dengan baju X saiz S ya.
Ya. Jadi berapa saya kena bayar ni? Sama ke harga dengan baju W.
Tak sama. Kurang lima ringgit.
Tiga puluh lima ringgit?
Ya, betul. Kalau tukar dengan baju W, saya hutang Encik lima ringgit.
Tapi baju yang saya pulangkan aritu awak pulang lah balik semua. Baju X ni saya tambah.
Oh? Bukan nak tukar?
Tak, tak. Pulang balik semua. Yang baju X ni kira lain.
So, baju W saiz M tu bukan ganti dengan baju X size S lah ya?
Ishhh awak ni tak faham lah!
Jangan lah cakap gitu. Saya bertanya ni sebab nak faham lah. Sekejap nak tukar, sekejap nak tambah.
Tak de lah, baju W tu awak pulangkan semua. Saya nak saiz S yang baju X ni.
Okay lah. Kalau gitu Encik tambah tiga puluh saja lah.
Tapi ada enam ringgit awak hutang saya duit Poslaju pulangkan baju.
Oh okay.Encik tolak lah enam ringgit daripada tiga puluh lima, jadi dua puluh sembilan.
Dua puluh sembilan? Tak ada diskaun ke?
(Kah kah kah kah kah kah!)
Takkan tak ada diskaun langsung?
Ada! Berapa ringgit Encik nak diskaun? Saya bagi.
Tolak sembilan ringgit, saya bayar dua puluh je. Boleh?
Boleh!
Saya bank in malam ni.
Ya.
Kalau baju W yang awak pulangkan tu rosak lagi, macam mana?
Saya pulangkan duit Encik.
Baju tu pun saya kena pulang balik ke kalau awak pulangkan duit?
Eh tak payah. Encik simpan aja lah.
Oh, tak payah pulangkan?
Tak payah susah-susah. Ya, tak payah pulangkan. Simpan ke, buang ke. Terpulang lah pada Encik.
Okay. Bila boleh dapat baju ni?
Jadual penghantaran kita yang akan datang Selasa.
So awak hantar Selasa?
Yaaaaaa, Selasa.
Selasa depan?
(Oh Tuhanku!) Ya, Selasa depan.
So saya boleh dapat balik 3 baju W tu dengan baju X Selasa depan ke?
Tak, saya hantar pada hari Selasa.
Berapa lama boleh sampai?
Sehari dua selepas diPoslaju.
Bukan sampai hari Selasa?
Bukan. Saya Poslaju hari Selasa.
Ingatkan sampai hari Selasa.
Tak, saya kataaaaaa… saya POSLAJU hari Selasa. Saya tak janji sampai Selasa juga.
So, hari Selasa ya?
Ya, saya hantar hari Selasa.
Okay lah. Terima kasih.
Terima kasih Encik.

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Dalam hati saya ada sebaris ayat yang dipetik dari filem Ibu Mertuaku.
Ya, babak di pusara.
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Eye of The Beholder

Seafood Chowder that I had for lunch today reminded me of you. Of how comot you were when you had yours many moons ago. And of how excited you were telling me your highs of the day.

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But what I remember the most was the sparkle in your eyes. 
Those not-so-big eyes of yours.

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Chowder for my Chomot...

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Rapuh

Dalam hati saya mengeluh…
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Tiap kali pucukku tumbuh kau bunuh.
Tiap kali pucukku tumbuh kau bunuh.
Hatiku jenuh mau bilang kepala butuh atau pegi mapuh.

Oh!
Tiba-tiba teringat sungguh
perjalanan dari Jenang ke Merapoh.

Dan hati saya rupanya patuh, sabar itu contoh.
Terus tak jadi menabuh.

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Jalan berliku menuju Merapoh.

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*Enida
13 June 2013
Depan Muzium Negara
(Tempat jatuh.)

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I Could Have Told You

Come to think of it, I don’t want to save the world anymore. It’s not because I’ve tried. And it’s not because I’m tired.

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But the world doesn’t want to be saved.

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Those at war for a piece of barren land would still want to go to war for the sake of fighting for a piece of barren land. Fighting gives them something to do. They have something to die for and the war is something to die at.

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Those who no longer love their loved ones stay in their marriage or relationship (or partnership or whatever name they give their ship…) for the sake of their marriage. They are there for the sake of being there. The marriage gives them something to be there for when they have nowhere else to be at.
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When I came home from the land far away, I set myself out to save the world. I believed I had a beautiful soul and the whole world was supposed to be the garden of eden. Three years into this mission, I was woken up by a familiar song…

You suffered for your sanity....

But I could have told you Vincent… this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

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