There are times when I don’t have to try hard at all to come up with the right things to say. But there are times like now.
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I have not been feeling like myself. So if I sound like I am out to get you, that is not me. And whoever she is, I am asking if you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Yes, me. Whoever I am, to you.
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Posted in Inside Enida | Leave a Comment »
Mein shaayer to nahi
Mein shaayer to nahi
Magar aye haseen
Jab se dekha maine tujhko
Mujhko shaayeri aa gayee
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A poet I am not.
But oh beautiful!
Since I have seen you,
I know the art of poetry.
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Mein aashiq to nahi
Magar aye haseen
Jab se dekha maine tujhko
Mujhko aashiquee aa gayee
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A lover I am not.
But oh beautiful!
Since I have seen you,
I know how to love.
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Pyaar ka naam maine suna tha magar
Pyaar kya hai ye mujhko nahi thi khabar
Pyaar ka naam maine suna tha magar
Pyaar kya hai ye mujhko nahi thi khabar
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I had heard about love,
But I didn’t know what love is.
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Mein toh uljha raha uljhanon ki taraa
Doston mein raha dushmanon ki taraa
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I remained confused like an illusion.
I remained like an enemy even among my friends.
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Mein dushman to nahi
Magar aye haseen
Jab se dekha maine tujhko
Mujhko dosti aa gayee
.
An enemy I am not.
But oh beautiful!
Since I have seen you,
I know what friendship is.
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Sochta hoon agar mein dua maangta
Haath apni uthaa kar mein kya maangta
Sochta hoon agar mein dua maangta
Haath apni uthaa kar mein kya maangta
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I wonder that had I prayed,
What would have I prayed for?
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Jab se tujhse mohabbat mein karne lagaa
Tab se jaise ibaadat mein karne lagaa
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Since I have started loving you,
It is as if I have started praying.
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Mein kaafir to nahi
Magar aye haseen
Jab se dekha maine tujhko
Mujhko bandagi aa gayee
.
Faithless I am not.
But oh beautiful!
Since I have seen you,
I know how to pray.
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Posted in Nostalgia, Songs | Leave a Comment »
If the blue veins on the sides of my forehead that are sticking out these last couple weeks were bluetooth ready, I would have had my blog updated with posts every time I turn my head!
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After all, it was I who said that a lot had happened in July and a lot more could happen in August, was it not? I was not ready, however, for more than ‘a lot more’. In all the anticipation of a happening month, I thought I was just exaggerating it. Little did I know I was about to jump into a pool of Bloody Mary mocktail. The rest was history and chemistry.
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I am off fixing the bluetooth cables on my forehead. Selamat Hari Raya, love.
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Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »
We were just taking it easy on a cool summer morning, him working on the anger management of his red birds and me listening to the Country Road Take Me Home post on Facebook. I was lying on my back feeling a little miserable entertaining my imagination when…
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Edrick: Mommy, I can hear my imagination on my left ear.
Mommy: Oh?
Edrick: But not on the right ear.
Mommy: Oh?
Edrick: I really can, it’s pretty clear on the left ear.
Mommy: Your imagination?
Edrick: Yeah, I can hear it on one ear but not the other.
Mommy: Your ears are not talking to each other huh?
Edrick: Apparently not, Mom. And it’s a catastrophe.
Mommy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
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It really is a catastrophe when one ear is not talking to the other, I thought. Just like when I am not talking to you. The balance is just not there.
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Posted in Monchies | Tagged Parenting | 5 Comments »
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Monchies went to bed at seven and I was left with some porridge for supper. Alone. The house was like the quietest little pocket in the middle of Ngilgi Cave I have once been to and sat in. In this deafening silence though, I got thinking about silence.
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My Mom once or maybe twice told me that love, just like a prayer, has to be said in silence to be granted. Love comes to us only when we are rid off the noises of needing, of wanting, and of giving, hoping for fair returns. I never once believed her.
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Until love came to me in silence.
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And Mom, in all her patience, tried to convince me that pain has to be dealt with in silence as well. I saw her dealing with pain quietly, determined that a loud cry would make it hurt even more and would cease all credibilities of the excruciation of pain. I was busy carrying my cross, then, that I shared not her faith.
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Until pain came to me in silence.
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I don’t want to admit that Mom was right. But if she really has to know, the next time when she peeks at me through the clouds above, she shall see me sitting in silence. Smiling. My prayers have been granted and my pain has been dealt with. I have come back to love Enida.
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A lot has happened in July. A lot more can happen in August.
(Okay, okay… thanks Mom. I believe you now.)
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Posted in Mom, Sense | 1 Comment »
At the moment, in my life, I am not looking for anything much anymore. Not that I have everything. I believe no one can really have everything. And not that I must have everything anyway. I am doing not too bad. My needs are fulfilled, my wants are minimal. I am blissfully blessed.
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So, yeah. I am not looking for anything much anymore. All that I want, I have. And all that I have, I want. I just have to learn how to appreciate what I have… more. Spend my time more with those who matter to me. Those who will be there when I come home. Those who will pick up the phone when I call, pick me up when I fall. I am greatly grateful.
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So if I look at you, and you have neither time nor interest in looking back, I will turn away. I am nice that way. I don’t waste your time. Or mine. And I don’t do that love thingamajigs anymore either. It seems to come too easy to too many people lately. I will just concentrate on counting my blessings.
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So, yeah. I am going to make sure that I smell as good as FlowerbyKenzo, and I mean every word I say. Whatever I say.
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The rest is His work.
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Posted in Inside Enida, Sense | Leave a Comment »
Contentment is not about having what we want, but about wanting what we have..
I had you. I had wanted every bit of you, enjoyed every minute with you, taking you as you were. The simplicities and complexities all inclusive. Yes, all. I even welcomed the pain, the friction, the envy, the fights, the crisis and the impossibilities of a future with you.
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Until…
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July. Another lie. And another goodbye.
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Posted in Inside Enida, Sense | Leave a Comment »
An elder Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren. He said to them:
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“A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight. It is between two wolves: One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”
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The grandchildren thought about it for a minute, then one child asked his grandfather:
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“Which wolf will win?”
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The old Cherokee simply replied… “The one you feed.”
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Posted in Sense | 1 Comment »
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