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Ma Baker

November 24, 2009 by Enida

Not me!
Naaa. I am more like a Ma Faker, to be honest.

 

I don’t bake. I can be sweet – thank you – yes, I can. But I am not known for makin’ n bakin’ those sweet and chubby stuff you call muffins. Yeah, or cupcakes. With my oven I can bake, broil, and roast things that move on two, four and eight legs, or things that move with feathers, fins, fans and fangs. Oh I can have a fishy affair with my oven, for all that my lover cares. But I am not your cupcake chef with cherry on top.

 

That’s why when my hubby had to leave for Siberia on Sunday, I felt deserted, dejected, rejected, cheated and very very deeply impacted. He is the baker in the house! For him to be away when I need him the most is just cruel! By the way, I finally said yes to his marriage proposal after nine times asking, after two years, and after watching the movie Deep Impact! (Go figure!)

 

And now there is no impact deeper than this week, when… almost ten years of marriage, two kids later, and when it is Kitreena’s turn to bring snack to her Girl Scout meeting, Daddy is not home to bake it! You can tell me if I am exaggerating it. Tell it straight to me faeces, weel ye?

 

It was, to put it in a very plain term, a stressful night for me last night trying to decide what snack to make for the girls. Kitreena was begging me not to send apples. Apparently there are many health-conscious parents out there who would fain want these Daisies to snack only on fruit. Well, I could have sent pears or bananas. But being Enida, I take snacks very seriously.

 

Deserted, dejected, rejected, cheated, deeply impacted, seriously stress-outed and all… I made these:

 

 

To hide the hideous cracks on the muffin caps, and of course for hygiene purposes, I individually serene-wrapped them. The recipe calls for VERY ripe bananas. But my Bonanza bananas, though looked bruised and brown, were pretty middle-aged. Hence, not enough moisture. Hence, the cracks. Hence, told ya ma no baker way early in me post.

 

I wasn’t trying to scare the girls with the ugliness of the muffins or anything. But I, in fact, almost accidentally poisoned the Girl Scout troop today with my muffins had I not checked that the stickers – which I thought were candies – were not edible! I was going to stick ’em pretty stickers into the muffin caps. Luckily I decided to suck on the first one. The stickers are plastic!

 

 

I don’t blame myself for not speaking or reading Japanese, nor do I feel handicap for having such a cheap idea trying to cosmeticize my not-so-pleasing-to-the-senses-looking muffins. But the label and instructions that came with the stickers sure gave me such a misleading idea that they are made of sugar and meant for decorating cupcakes.

 

Aaahhh well. It all went well in the end anyway. Kitreena came home with Kristy (the Scout Leader) who announced that my Bonanza Banana Muffins were a hit at the meeting. (Of course, Kris, after many meetings snacking on apples, anyone would go bananas!) I was just happy that my cosmeticization effort didn’t end up being a plastic surgery.

 

       

 

 

 

 

Postlude:

The day before Kitreena’s next turn to bring snack to Girl Scout meeting, Mommy will make sure Daddy’s house-arrested!

 

 

Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 2 Comments »

To Shadow A Son

November 24, 2009 by Enida

 

“They’re here, Mom! They’re here!”

 

Posted in Write On | Tagged | 1 Comment »

Simply

November 23, 2009 by Enida

We have been wanting a lot of perfections. We have been avoiding too many distractions. But sometimes all we need is just…

 

Some plain Meehoon Goreng and…

 

 

… a little challenge.

 

Just enough to fill us and feel alive.

 

 

 

Posted in Write On | Leave a Comment »

Malu Besar

November 22, 2009 by Enida

Spending the weekend clinging to me Monchies, listening to them as well as to myself, telling them what I wanted them to hear… I couldn’t help developing the itch to ask you two questions I have been asking myself. The first question is, how much do you remember things that you heard when you were a child? The second question is, how much did you hear?

 

In answering my own itchy questions, I realized I have nothing but not so good news to deliver. The bad news about me is… I heard a lot when I was a child. A lot means, uh… a very very lot! I remember paying attention to details. A lot of details.  The worse news yet is, I think I remember a lot more than what I heard. Well, suffice to say that I can blog about them all!

 

Among the things I remember very well are mainly superstitions. Now that I am recalling them, I still say most of them are silly, illogical, but super-funny. One that tops all the ridiculous, irrational and nonsensical list is the belief why a child should not step over a broom. Budak-budak tak baik langkah penyapu! Have you heard of that one before?

 

Yeah, you’re asking why too, aren’t ya?

 

Nah, it has nothing to do with witches or black magic at all.

 

My Mom used to scold us (KaCher and me) if we were seen stepping or walking over a broom. She said stepping over  a broom would make our malu to become big. And malu was the little girls term for kemaluan. Yeah! Now, can you tell me the connection?

 

And today I just got thinking, maybe if we were boys, Mom would have encouraged us to step over (lots of) brooms instead.

 

Aaahhh the broom power, eh?

 

Posted in Nostalgia | Tagged | 1 Comment »

Laksana Laksa

November 20, 2009 by Enida

Adasaperlaparlaksapokrovskyakakka?

 

Akak berterima kasih dan sangat-sangat menghargai komentar yang telah ditinggalkan oleh kawan akak di blog entry Laksa Mana? yang mana komentar beliau tersebut telah menyedarkan akak bahawa sesungguhnya meletak gambar hiasan adalah sangat mengelirukan lagi menyinggung perasaan banyak pihak – terutamanya pihak akak – sekiranya tidak diberi akreditasi dengan sewajarnya.

 

Rakan akak, Ida Chomelmera, juga telah menyedarkan akak bahawa akak sebenarnya tersinggung dengan kerajaan Rusia yang telah menutup pasar Vietnam di Ishmaelova dan Pushkinskaya yang tak berapa nak kaya itu. Kerana penutupan sedemikian kini telah memustahilkan akak daripada mendapatkan bekalan Bunga Kantan dan Daun Kesum!

 

Menyedari akan hakikat ketiadaan Bunga Kantan dan Daun Kesum di bumi Ra Ra Rasputin ini, akak akui gambar yang akak tampalkan bersama entry Laksa Mana? itu adalah gambar harapan perasaan akak je semasa menulis entry tersebut. Tak percaya cubalah Image Google dan taipkan perkataan Laksa. Berlaksa-laksa gambar laksa yang menggiur lagi meliurkan anda akak ada di sana.

 

Sesungguhnya harapan akak untuk meletakkan gambar sebenar Laksa Pokrovsky akak telah hancur sirna kerana suami akak yang menyenduk dan mencedok dinner malam semalam telah mem-BLOB-kan kuah laksa akak dengan tidak cantik nya.  Akak sampai sekarang tak tau apa perkataan BLOB tu kalau diterjemahkan dalam bahasa Kelumpo. Dah tentu tak ada dalam Longman Dictionary 1989 yang akak dapat masa buat TESL dulu.

 

Akan tetapi akak telah mengadakan siaran ulangan malam ni dengan tayangan second round Laksa Pokrovsky leftover dan telah mengambil beberapa foto dengan kamera Cik Canon Konon akak. Dan seiring dengan entry ini, akak sekali lagi berterima kasih kepada kawan akak, Ida Chomelmera, yang juga rakan seperjuangan akak dulu sama-sama menegakkan bahasa Omputeh sebagai bahasa mak-lidah, mak-tekak dan mak-donal. Walaupun akak masih memperjuangkan English Grammar, akak tetap boleh berbahasa mak engkau ni ha.

 

Cakap pasal mak engkau, Laksa Pokrovsky ini sebetulnya akak buat sempena mengenang mak akak yang sangat-sangat sukakan Laksa. Beliau pulang ke pangkuan Ilahi pada hari Rabu, maka akak pun buatkan lah Laksa pada hari Rabu. Mau tak menangis makan Laksa Pokrovsky akak semalam! Sengaja akak kurangkan garam sebab dah tau garam lain akan meleleh masuk.

 

 

Salah satu cara akak memanas dan meracun diri.

 

 

 

Postlude:
Tahukah anda bahawa Daun Kesum juga dikenali sebagai Daun Senehum atau Daun Senohom di beberapa tempat di Malaysia? Jikalau anda tidak percaya, cubalah dengan tidak Senonoh nya anda menyental Daun Kesum yang baru dipetik dan dicarik-carik ke bahagian bawah hidung anda (di antara hidung and bibir anda yang banyak Songeh itu). Aaaaa cuba lah!

 

 

Posted in Mom | Tagged | 3 Comments »

Judging Enida

November 19, 2009 by Enida

Justifying to my best friend why I chose to bare my life and its personal details in my writing… I said, “So that people who enjoy talking about me will have an easy access to a reference, Cik Nan. If they have any doubt about a ‘story’, they can always refer to my blog and be anchored by my truth, my version. They can create and have their own addition to their edition. But my truth matters to me. I am, afterall, a reliable source for my stories.”

 

I have grown wise enough to not deny the fact that people talk. About me, and behind me. Not many will care enough to talk to me about me. People don’t only talk. They judge too. And that is perfectly human. I am not worried. For all I know, I have done that too, against my preference, principle and consent. As none of us is an island, we keep rubbing against each other for lessons, for comfort, for entertainment and sometimes for a challenge!

 

So if you caught yourself talking about me, do know that I know you’re talking about me. Whichever version, yours or mine, is fine by me. Just make sure the other person you are talking to knows that Enida’s Version is available on Questa e Enida before anybody starts judging a me.

 

 

 

 

Postlude:

I just learned a new word today:
gavel = a judge’s hammer

 

Posted in Sense | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

Laksa Mana?

November 18, 2009 by Enida

Akak tengah menyingsing lengan cardigan akak yang berwarna merah hati ni haa seraya menahan hati tengah marah akibat kesabaran dan keimanan diuji di saat dan ketika ini! Memang pe’el dia betul lah budak-budak ni. Bila tipon berbunyik je, dia pun mula laaahhh ikut berbunyik sama. Padahal tadi tipon tu diam seribu bahasa, satu bunyik pun tak ada dalam rumah akak ni. Toksahkan sebatang jarum, malah sebijik zarah yang jatuh pun akak tak dengar. Haaa sunyi tak sunyi rumah akak! Hah!

 

Gambar sekadar untuk perasan sahaja.

Sebelum ada yang kena rebus jadi kuah Laksa untuk dinner akak malam ni karang, baik akak menyingsing lengan menulis blog ni haa sambil menunggu marah akak reda. Dah lah satu hari ni akak taaaaaaakkk sesudah bertempik! Anak-anak akak ni asal bukak je mata, mulut pun bukak ler jugak buat bising. Segala keturunan bunyik ada: mak bunyik, nenek bunyik, maktok bunyik, tokwan tokki, achama achapa, kong-kong po-po punya bunyik, sampai lah ke cucu-cicit tompang lalu punya bunyik pun ada dibuatnya.

 

Akak memang boleh jamin dengan SIRIM lah, Bukit Pokrovsky ni kalau buat Majlis Anugerah Sempena Emak Paling Kuat Bertempik, akak lah tokoh yang terpaling hebat! Haaa dah lah TER, PALING lagi tuh! Bukan itu sahaja. Akak lah calon, akak lah juri, akak lah urusetia, akak lah usher, akak lah pengacara dan akak jua lah pemenang tiga tahun berturut-turut. Kalau lima tahun akak duduk atas bukit nih, lima tahun lah akak penggondol setia gelaran juara tersebut. Juara bertahan pun jadi tak tahan dengan akak. Apa susah, akak tempikkk je kat muka sesaper yang berani nak mencabar kekuatan tempikan maut akak ni. Haaa ada braniii?

 

Tapi memang lah… akak yakin lagi pasti, kalian semua akan terperanjat kalau berkesempatan mendengar tempikan keramat akak yang ternyata menyiat hati anak-anak akak yang nakal sebenarnya. Akak je yang tak rajin bercerita dan mengomel pasal kenakalan mereka dan keluarga mereka itu. Yang kalian baca semua cerita-cerita yang indah-indah belaka. Kisah menyayat hati yang akak karang bila hati telah retak. Bila hati tengah marah macam petang ni, bukan hati akak sahaja yang retak. Pinggan ayan serta mangkuk hayun akak semuanya retak menunggu belah. Nasib baik akak cepat tangkupkan ke batu. Nescaya jadi lah ia batu belah batu bertangkup.

 

Maka akak pun merayu lah kepada batu yang menjadi sebut-sebutan itu…

 

Batu lah belah batu bertangkup
Telan lah aku luluh lah aku
Aku dah rebus telur untuk hiasan laksa itu tadi

 

Akak terpaksa mengundur diri dulu untuk merebus apa-apa yang dapat akak tangkap dan rebus untuk menjadi kuah Laksa hidangan makan malam akak ni sebentar nanti.

 

Muahahahahahaahaaa… come to Mommyyy!
The water is boiling, the noodles are readyyy!
Muahahahahahaahaaa!

 

 

Posted in Monchies | Tagged | 5 Comments »

Love Comes Easy?

November 18, 2009 by Enida

 

Why can’t love be an easy conversation like the way we talk about how your day was? Why can’t loyalty be like asking if you have taken your vitamin for the day? Why does it have to feel this heavy, this edgy and this teary? Why can’t it be breezy like Sunday morning?

 

If love is in the air, why can’t I breathe, love?

 

 

Posted in Hurt | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

The BS Story

November 18, 2009 by Enida

 

There is a story behind this Beef Stroganoff dinner I made last night.

 

Kitreena has been enjoying lunch from the school cafeteria. It all started when I sent her back, traveling on her own to Moscow from Singapore about a month ago – while I spent the extra two weeks in Malaysia. And since Daddy would not have time to cook or pack lunch for the daughter, Kitreena was finally introduced to the cafeteria food (despite Mommy’s suspicion of where those cafeteria staff’s index fingers have been).

 

Beef Stroganoff, once every two or three weeks, appears among four choices in one of the days’ menu. Kitreena, a big fan of Beef Kurma, naturally was overjoyed when she first saw it. Well, I am sure you can tell what has been her favorite since. She has been giving nothing so far but all the good reviews on the cafeteria food. I must admit though, I can’t dismiss what she said altogether. I have had a couple of meals there myself, and to be fair, the food is good for a school-cafeteria standard. Plus, it is the closest eatery to us on this hill. No, I lied. It is the only eatery on this hill. I shall say no more.

 

And now that I have come home, unfortunately fortunately, Kitreena still wants to continue getting lunch packs from the cafeteria. I believe it is mainly her way of ‘fitting in’ with her mates. And I also believe I am saying this because I am in denial. Nonetheless, I only let her do so  twice a week now. Apparently parents here are making use of the facilities and what privileges they have. This lunch-packing business can be time consuming, if one doesn’t have time and cannot make time to begin with. Worse, if one doesn’t find joy in doing it. I got time!

 

Okay, the Beef Stroganoff story is…
I told Kitreena that I make better BS than what she gets from the school cafeteria. (Yeah, both BS’s, I admit to that too.) “But the real challenge is the Mashed Potato, Mom. You’ve never made Mashed Potato.” she said. ‘Yes I have, too! Hello! I have watched your Grandma Johnson making it sooooo many times! So many that it felt like it was I who was making it every time!’ But of course, that is just my BS thinking. No. You’re right. I confess. By golly hail Mary, I never made Mashed Potato.

 

Lo and behold, yesterday’s Beef Stroganoff was no bs for Kitreena. I shall say, ehem! I passed the challenge. She was so impressed with both my BS and MP that she actually is going to pass on the Beef Stroganoff on Macaroni next week! No bs, but hello! Nobody makes Macaroni like Mommy does.

 

 

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Hoots In Boots

November 17, 2009 by Enida

I started this entry with a title, which is not usual.  I mean, my style is… ramblings first, titles last. And that unusual title was a title of Shania Twain’s song that usually comes to my mind when I see a pair of boots. I changed my mind and changed the title so to avoid questions of unusual nature, as the title I originally started this entry with was Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under.

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See what I mean? But then again, the boots in question have been under my bed. My very own boots and my very own bed. Winter just started, unsupposedly. And I had been in a tropical country where wearing boots is just for pussies in style. So the boots have been under the proverbial bed of roses.

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Anyway, after just being wetted by cold rain this past week, the snow finally came back. And walking Kitreena to school has been made a tad more challenging if I insisted on staying in those suede Scholl shoes of mine. So the boots I got for a pretty good deal in Spring came in handy… or shall I say footy?

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For the love of me footsies, I had to crawl under the bed yesterday to get the boots in question out of the questions. The crawling part, later, proved to be the easiest and the most fun of it all – I didn’t know putting on a pair of boots can be such a workout. I think I lost at least 400 calories putting on each boot yesterday (not to mention, my temper!)

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The first boot was the killer. I could not get my foot all the way in! I tried it with the sock on, of course. And when the foot just would not slide in – even after putting all the 58kg push on it – I noticed that the sock was rubbing tightly against the boot lining. Fine! Sock off, then!

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I was about to lose the rest of the 400 calories, putting another try on the 58kg push, ready to strangle myself, kick my butt, scream on the top of my lungs if not hooting like the unhappiest owl and howling like the hungriest wolf, spit my green phlegm and swear at this Bloodyvostok winter in Moscow, when  I wiggled my toes and… uh?

“What is this ball of crumpled paper still doing in me bootsie?”

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Did I tell you they were a brand-spanking-kicking-butt new pair of boots?

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Posted in Pokrovsky Boulevard | Tagged , | 4 Comments »

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