Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Sense’ Category

Her Story of History

Posted in Sense, tagged on August 26, 2009| 1 Comment »

Just did a very quick reading here where History (as a subject in school) is discussed.

 

Independence vs. IgnoranceTo be honest, I feel like I learned nothing about OUR history in the 11 years of school. My Canadian husband can tell me better about the ‘Emergency’ in 1948, and the Portuguese encounter in 1511. But the not so funny thing is, he has a different version of many historical stories! And I just realized that I was educated with a sided history that was aiming at teaching my generation to take stand – ready to attack, and ready to defend ourselves from the enemies.

 

Little did we know that the only enemy we made was our ignorance.

 

 

Postlude:

I used to have all the important historical events and the years memorized (thanks to Cikgu Ahmad Ihsan’s stenciled notes). And during the school break, about the only text book that I would pick up was History Book. But after a while, not having the exposure and the ability to relate history to current issues or my own life… I lost interest in history and whatever lessons it could possibly teach me.

 

I mean, why take the school kids to a museum if you are going to leave them there to wander and wonder aimlessly while you go do your banking in town, history teachers? And oh, while you’re in the vicinity, getting a haircut at the barber behind the museum wouldn’t be a bad idea either, would it?

 

Seriously, do we take History – as a subject and as it is – seriously?

 

Read Full Post »

Awakening

Posted in Sense, tagged on August 21, 2009| 1 Comment »

Aku yang tertidur dan tengah bermimpi. Langit-langit kamar jadi penuh gambar. Wajahmu yang manis, sejuk, segar...

“Forgetting without forgiving is like waking up without sleeping.”

~ Enida
Pokrovsky Boulevard, Moscow
August 21, 2009

Read Full Post »

Your Call

Posted in Hurt, Sense, tagged , on July 28, 2009| 5 Comments »

There are times when you surrender to the needs to cry, knowing how it can wash your soul off of sorrow… think of this Usman Awang’s (part of a) poem:

 Been crying...

Dia tidak tahu apa itu panas,
kerana dia itu lah apinya.

She knows not what heat is,
for she is the fire.

 

Just like when you struggle trying to find strength and know not how and where to find it, sit yourself down and cry if you must. Only then will you realize, you can call strength by your first name.

.

.

Read Full Post »

Maklum Sajalah

Posted in Sense, Service, tagged , on July 22, 2009| Leave a Comment »

What exactly is our problem with the word ‘complain’ ha? I mean, really! (Here’s another ‘I mean, really!’ post from Enida.) True enough. The denotation and connotation of the word complain doesn’t always give us that positivity we are hoping for from the word feedback. As a matter of complaining right now, complaining is never a nice thing to do – though many adopt it as a hobby. Well, that said, why don’t we use the term feedback when we complain?

.

Like…
“Uh, Encik Nazib. Saya nak bagi maklumbalas sikit lah Encik Nazib. Tayar belakang kereta ni dah agak botak saya rasa. Hujan rebas sikit aje saya dah mengalami hydroplaning yang agak menggerunkan di Lebuhraya Duke semalam. Oleh kerana saya dah sewa kereta ni selama 6 minggu dan kebelakangan ni baru terasa sebab banyak hujan, rasanya baik saya maklumkan Encik Nazib ni.”

.

Encik Nazib yang muda rumaja lagi ramah mesra di HAWK Rental Car KLIA was very appreciative and grateful that I took the time to mention about the worn and bald tyres, though I was practically running over the speed limit to board the flight to Moscow. And I had sisters waiting for me at The Eden for our last sip-a-tea session this season. A feedback wouldn’t make me miss my flight, nor would it make me miss my sisters. I will miss them gals no matter what.

.

But then, just imagine had I said:
“Uh, Encik Nazib. Saya ni nak merungut lah. Tayar belakang kereta ni dah botak chin. Bila nak tukar ah? Encik Nazib tak periksa dulu ke tayar-tayar ni sebelum sewakan kereta-kereta pada penyewa-penyewa sekalian? Lain kali periksa betul-betul dulu boleh? Kalau kemalangan lah saya itu hari disebabkan fenomena hydroplaning, saya saman Encik Nazib dengan Encik  HAWK sekali. Ada fehemmm?”

.

Oh I am so exaggerating it! But really, the word complain or merungut gives me this mood to irritate and annoy everything that moves in front of me. Especially if this everything has two legs and wears a name tag. After all… it is day and night between rungutan dan maklumbalas.  Affirmative?

.

.

Read Full Post »

Tiba-Tiba Tiba

Posted in Sense, Travel, tagged on July 17, 2009| 3 Comments »

Dah tiba di Moscow. Ketibaan di Domodedovo Airport jam 1330 waktu Kuala Lumpur, 0930 waktu tempatan was after two uneventful flights. Absolutely uneventful! Tak ada tangan yang tersepit celah table-stowing compartment, tak ada orange juice tertumpah atas riba, tak ada siapa-siapa muntah belilah right at touch-down, dan tak ada yang menangis sakit telinga, sakit kepala, sakit perut, or sakit hati. So uneventful that it was almost scary!

 

I don’t suppose there is a need to elaborate on how good the kids behaved, how delicious the food was at the Silver Kris Lounge Changi and in-flight, nor how smooth the taking-offs and the touching-downs were, is there? The ‘absolutely uneventful’ term I just used is absolutely absolute. Just as absolute as how absolutely surprised I was when I set foot di bumi Rusia ni, tiba-tiba… just like my phone that switched from Celcom to Beeline, I did! I switched too.

 

Yes, Enida switched! From that calm, collected and connected self… to a weary, scattered and lost soul. Everything started to feel ‘tight’ for one reason or another. Everything I saw, everything I read, every un-smiling face I faced was un-welcoming me back to this Rush-Her land. I have always been a ‘critical reader’ yes, but when I landed, I became a cynical critical reader. I read the Lufthansa’s tagline “There’s no better way to fly.” as “There’s no better way to fly to hell.” Not good, Enida! Not good letting the negative energy consume you!

 

Tiba-tiba bila tiba, I realized… ada yang tertinggal di Jalan Duta.

 

Hati saya.

 

Read Full Post »

Talk To The Hand

Posted in Sense, Write On, tagged , on July 6, 2009| Leave a Comment »

Pretty nostalgic it was the other day listening very clearly to an old Iklim’s song. That engkau bagai air yang jernih di dalam bekas yang berdebu song. I could vividly imagine a badly scratched and dusty glass with Evian stall-temperature water in it, on a hot day at a roadside warung (stall) on the way to Dungung. Of course there are rose syrup, jambu juice, young wangi coconuts, cans of Red Bull, Coke, Sprite and Soy Milk drinks soaked in crushed ice in a polystyrene carton on the side. But all my heart desires would be the un-chilled bottled water. And of course, since it is improper for a lady to drink from a bottle, they pour the water into a glass. That badly scratched dusty glass.

 

What I meant to write actually was about the other side of Enida. The in side. The side that cannot be seen no matter how many times you orbit around me. I am likening myself to the Evian water here. You can have me cold, you can have me boiled. But I am, supposedly, transparent. As clear as water. I don’t blame the scratched dusty glass either. You can have your views and perceptions clouded with what you think you see and what you want to see.  After all, blame is not my game. But before I digress another 350km east on this post, let me start with revealing what has never been revealed before.

 

Since I use this Bernard Pivot Questionnaire in training sessions that I conduct, it’s my time to strip myself quarter naked now.

  1. What is your favorite word?
    Perché?     (Italian: Why?)
  2.  What is your least favorite word?
    Whatever 
  3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
    Orderliness and kindness 
  4. What turns you off?
    Negative thinking 
  5. What is your favorite curse word?
    Gawwwdddddd! 
  6. What sound or noise do you love?
    Edrick humming 
  7. What sound or noise do you hate?
    Noisy chewing 
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
    Hotelier 
  9. What profession would you not like to do?
    Running a daycare 
  10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
    “There you are, luv!”

    11.  

I have to add some here. I just have to. Especially the ‘turning me on’ question, Question #3. If one ever wonders what turns Enida on in a man – before I reveal my answer, I think it is pretty important for me to stress that this ‘turn-on’ has nothing to do with ‘hard-on’. Okay? Please? Well, here goes… I am always attracted to men with a ‘clean’ aura. And that is physically and mentally. Of course the latter takes a little longer to reveal. But one with genuine ‘cleanliness’, would have it radiating all over his language. Verbal and non. His words and his move.

 Talk to his hand if you can see his four fingers...

Physically, however, if you really want to know how clean a man can be… look at his hands. His fingers can do the talking.

 

Read Full Post »

Post-Decisional Justification

Posted in Sense, tagged , on June 28, 2009| 1 Comment »

Post-decisional Justification:
Right after making a choice people tend to value what they chose more, and value what they did not choose less.

 

Over three months ago I met up with a friend whom I had not seen nor spoken to since 1996. Simply because we lost touch with each other. After a roti canai-teh tarik breakfast, a summary of 1996-2006 life all in 3 breaths… I chose to tell her my post-2006 life, including my August 2008-February 2009 life.

 

Just as I turned around walking towards my car parked under the scorching sun, I started wondering why I told her as much as I told her. I never finished that wondering process until recently. All I have, as a matter of stating the painfully obvious, is one life. I have lived it in a way that no clocks can ever put yesterday back into tomorrow.

 

So I told stories the way they happened. I still do. After all, honesty is still the best (and easiest to maintain) policy! When I told her the stories of my pain with a smile, I knew what I had long gained. With every single grey strand of hair I now have on my head, and every wrinkly line on my face… I know I am justified.

 

Read Full Post »

On Me It Dawned

Posted in Sense, tagged , on June 4, 2009| Leave a Comment »

.

Totally did not anticipate that it could hit me this hard, this jetlag. After all, it is only a 4-hour difference between Pokrovsky Boulevard and Jalan Duta. I have been having troubles waking up before noon. And it has taken this nyonya 8 good days to bangun pagi siram pokok bunga! Only today that my air pasang pagi surut pukul 0545 when Edrick came to our room with his bugil bottom. Apparently he had gone to the bafwoom himself and wasn’t successful with the attempt to put the pants back on. Oh tedah!

.

When I went back to bed just a little before 0600, I was actually glad that I was wide awake. My mind, for one reason or the other, immediately went wandering to Jalan Ampang where I had been earlier. It’s very easy for me to blame Dr Ananda for being the agenda of the day, but it wasn’t him. It was his assisstant, Nurul, who had her self-portrait up on the clinic’s reception wall. It all reminded me of my talented dear friend Nikki in Toronto. How’s that?

.

I have been thinking about Nikki. I have been thinking of what not to say to her and what best ways to swallow the condolences like one would the bitterest painkillers. And I have been thinking of how to apologize to her for my not facing her sorrow of losing someone so dear… as dear as a little sister. I still do not know what to say, but I have run out of excuses for not calling Nikki to at least say that nothingness.

.

To say that I am not good with words would be setting my own pants on fire, I know. So, I am not going to say I am not good with words. Not to Nikki, not to the sweet little angel singing in heaven for her early return to The Maker. Words have been good to me. But this time, the profound understanding that I have for the weight of losing a sister has failed me through and through. And this profoundness of my understanding comes with no words.

.

So as the sun is rising at my end and setting at yours, forgive me Nikki as I pray yet again… wordlessly.

.

.

Read Full Post »

Heartfelt

Posted in Sense, tagged on May 31, 2009| 1 Comment »

Since I am back in my element, kena cakap bahasa tempatan lah eh? Well, let’s see if my brain can now deny what bleach Mr. Santa Singh from Ben-tong washed me with back in 1990. (Holy guacomole! That was almost 20 years ago? He convinced me that to be able to speak in a language other than your mother tongue, you have to THINK in that language. He guaranteed me that in merely two weeks I was going to have my dreams and nightmares in English… which, uh, I did! How could I not believe him.)

.

Anyway… let’s just get back to what I have been feeling and having heart (failure) to say.

.

Kalau ikut rasa, tak ada rasa dah buat masa ni. Patah hati. Tak tau lah kalau boleh hati yang patah ni balik merasa besok lusa. Dan kalau ikut hati, memang berbesar hati nak buat press conference sidang akhbar mengumumkan apa yang tak boleh diumumkan di blog dan Facebook. Tangan dah pegang pen dan kertas nak buat speech text teks ucapan dah ni.

.

Yang payahnya untuk orang yang banyak berfikir macam saya ni ialah… selalu tak menang merasa, dan selalu tak sampai di hati. Jauh sudah perginya hati saya. Di Moscow tidak, di sini pun tidak. Di tengah-tengah lah mungkin hati saya tertinggal. Atau mungkin jauh lagi.

.

Dan di tengah-tengah tak merasa begini… mungkin ada baiknya saya naik mandi, siap-siap untuk pergi mengadap Angels & Demons dengan buah hati. Manalah tau kalau-kalau ada yang datang pulangkan hati saya yang tertinggal jauh di Kota Asmara.

.

Read Full Post »

Auntynational

Posted in Sense on May 29, 2009| Leave a Comment »

The other day, just like many days since we arrived in Moscow… Edrick and I were doing the so-called role call of all the immediate women in our life – his aunties. He must have been wondering a lot about these wonder women that this time, the other day, he initiated the role call. Many times before, it was me wondering a lot and wondering aloud about those wonder women that I could not help but asking: “Edrick, where’s Aunty _____?”

Edrick came up with all sorts of answers just for the sake of answering his wonder-full Mommy. Like, Aunty Mas is in the bafwoom upstairs. Or Aunty Pet went to get some food. Aunty Reen went to the hospital with Grandma. Aunty Lisa, Aunty Chin, and even Aunty Yati (the helper of Uncle Jordan, our beloved neighbor in Country Heights) made it to his list of this so-called role call. I am blessed with children who are blessed with good memory. They remember. They make me remember at times when I don’t even forget. They recall. Hence the role-call, I guess.

Well, the other day, doing the role call, unlike the many times we did before… Edrick asked me:

Mommy, where’s Untoo Mas? (That’s how he pronounces the word aunty: ‘untoo‘.)
Ohh she’s in Amsterdam today. Eh, no that was yesterday. Aunty Mas is probably on her way to Venice now from Munchen.
Munchen?
Yeah, Munchen. Munich.
Monique?
Hmmm… no, wait. Was that last week? Ohhh she’s probably in Rome already. I am not sure.
You’re not shorrrrr? Where’s Untoo Pet?
She’s with Aunty Mas.
Wherrrre? In Wome?
I suppose. They could be out gallivanting-ing in Paris. I don’t know. Let me text her later ok?
Ok.

Mommy.
Hmmm.
Mommeee…
Yes.
Where’s Untoo Ween?
Aunty Reen is in Malaysia.
Mewayyzhaa?
Yes.
With Untoo Weesa?
Yes, with Aunty Lisa.

Mommy.
Iyyyerrrr.
Where’s Untoo Nana?
Huh, Aunty Nana is in Singapore Zoo!
No Mom! She’s nawt! She’s just in Singaporrr. Nawt the zooooo.
Who’s in the zoo then?
It’s for animals in twubble Mom. Untoo Nana is not in twubble.
Too much Wonder Pets betul lah ko ni!

Mommy.
Mmmm.
Mommy!
Yesss.
Where’s Untoo Chin?
Aunty Chin is in Hong Kong?
Ongkong?
Haiii hieuong kong.

Mommy.
Mmmm.
Mommy!
Iyyyyyerrrrrr!
Where’s Bibik?
Bibik’s in Indonesia.
Bibik’s not in Mewayyzhaa? In the house mumberr fffirrtee-one?
No, Bibik’s not in Malaysia. Bibik’s in her house in Indramayu.
Demaiiyouu?
Ye. Indramayu. She’s with her family.
Her fammewee is in the house mumberr fffirrtee-one?
No monch. There’s nobody in the house number thirty-one.
No bahddee?
Nope.

Edrick went silent for a few good seconds and I could see how rapid his eye movement was. If it were in complete rotations, his eye movement would be at the speed of all the way to 900 rpm, I could count and guarantee you.

Mommy.
Mmm.
Mommeeee…
Mmm.
Mommeeeeeeee!
Iyyyyerrrr! (Edrick will not say what he wants to say if you don’t say ‘yes’ or ‘iyer’ to his calling your name.’Hmmm’ and ‘Mmmm’ are not acceptable.)
I wanna go home to house mumberr fffirrtee-one. Bibik’s waiting for meee.
No monch, there’s no one in house number thirty-one now. This is our home…number nine. In Russia.
No, my home is mumber fffirrtee-one. Evewee one is waiting for meee in Mewayyzhaa! Not Washa Mommm!

I don’t think the reality has quite sunk in with Edrick yet. After all, this reality – of not having Bibik around after five years of being spoiled rotten – has qualified me a place in the zoo – I am an animal in trouble!

To all the Mewayyzhian Untoo‘s in my son’s life… here’s a toast to your being international! I can take my boy out of Mewayyzhaa, but I can’t take Mewayyzhaa out of my boy. We’ll be back for a few days at house mumberr fffirrtee-one soon.

Aunty Mas
Aunty Pet
Aunty Reen
Aunty Lisa
Aunty Chin
Aunty Lailey
Aunty Nor
Aunty Yanie
Aunty Yatie
(Aunty) Kakak Tri
Aunty Sherina
Aunty Karen
Aunty Sia Peng
Aunty Yuhana
Aunty Lindt
Aunty Gee
Aunty Salbiah
Aunty Jamila
Aunty Petra
Aunty Lirang
Aunty Marilyn
Aunty Dawn
Aunty Carolyn
Aunty Bibik! Hhhuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I am trying not to remember.

(Menulis catatan ini dalam perjalanan pulang ke nombor tiga-puluh-satu, terbang bersama Sutera Diraja Siam melalui Bang Makok. Kitreena tidak dapat menerima hakikat kami tidak meneruskan penerbangan langsung ke Bandung dan menaiki bas ke Indramayu bertemu Bibik. Aunty Mas masih di Kota Asmara. Aunty Reen masuk minggu ke limabelas menanti monchy ketiga. Aunty Lisa… kopitiam time-out akan datang akhir minggu ini. Ke garisan! Aunty Chin akan diculik minggu depan dalam masa beberapa jam di Bangsar Village tanpa ugutan meminta wang pampasan, cuma ole-ole dari Hong Kong jika beliau mau selamat. Akan tetapi antara Amsterdam, Munich, Venice, Rome, Paris, Kajang, Bangi, Bangsar, Hongkong, Singapura, Bandung, Indramayu, Anyir dan Jakarta… mungkinkah kita jatuh cinta di Moscow?)

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »